She couldn't bear to let him see just how upset she was, but that didn't mean that she was going to let him out of her sight. Not yet. She refused to give him up one second earlier than she had to. So she walked back to a distant part of the dock, where she was sure that he would have to work hard to find her among the pillars of wood sunk into the bay. She'd managed to get a hold of her tears when they'd said their good-bye's, but only just barely. And now she stood, letting the tears freely fall from her eyes, roll down her cheeks and splatter against the wood beneath her feet as she watched.
Things aboard were calm for a moment, the diverse members of the ships new crew standing around something she couldn't quite make out. Then, suddenly they broke up, the earth seemed to ripple with something, magic maybe, there was a loud rushing noise, and a gust of wind...but even among the chaos she never lost sight of him. She watched with bated breath as everyone braced themselves as the ship began her voyage. There was something in the water, it seemed like it was sucking them in, and she could see him using all of his strength to hold onto a rope among the churning and raging sea. The current seemed to swirl and she suddenly realized what was happening. A whirlpool had formed out of nowhere. The portal. That must have been what it was. They'd created a portal with the other bean, it was the only logical explanation, and now they were heading straight for it. The ship was in it. Before her eyes the ship seemed to give a small leap against the lip of it, before disappearing down into the sea like water down a drain. Then, with a silent pulse, the water calmed instantly and unnaturally.
It had all happened so fast she couldn't quite believe it. She stared out at the ocean searching for some sign of them, for some sense that something had gone wrong or right or anything! But there was nothing. The ship was gone. And so was he.
It took a moment to sink in, the fact that he was gone. But when it did it hit hard. Her chest heaved; it felt like her insides were melting. There was a pain in her chest, and it was so extreme it felt worse than leaving him, worse than every wrong thing he'd ever said, even worse than getting shot. The tears in her eyes clouded her vision as she fought the urge to scream, to stay on her own two feet and not collapse where she was. She didn't feel whole, not anymore. She felt shattered, broken, torn in half. Half of her was here and the other half he had taken with him…wherever they'd gone.
It was the most intense feeling she'd ever felt in her life. She could feel her chest working up the beginning of her heart-broken sobs, she could fight to hold them in but what was the point really? Why bother? It wasn't as if anyone would see her this way.
But she'd barely had the thought when she felt the wood below her feet vibrate and heard the stampeding of what sounded like dozens of footsteps behind her. What was happening now? Why was it happening now? No matter what problem the town was facing, it was too late! The heroes they were looking for had gone and she didn't feel like she had the strength to help anyone. Not now. Not now that she'd just lost him, again. Not now that she couldn't be certain if he was ever coming back to her. Maybe she could leave before they found her, sink down somewhere and just be alone to gather her thoughts.
"They did it!" she heard someone shouted as she turned to go. There was no time. They were coming for her, life was continuing, whether she wanted it to or not. She'd have to face it eventually, maybe so long as she did, she could hold off this terrible hole in her heart. "They saved us!" The voice belonged to Dreamy. Grumpy? Leroy. His Storybrooke name jumped out of her head without a conscious choice to summon it. Leroy…the town drunk. She knew it, but the voice that informed her of this, the tone of it, wasn't hers. It was Lacey's. It appeared there would be consequences from her short time as her cursed personality. But other than names and small pieces of common knowledge, or town gossip, she didn't know what else to expect.
She'd barely turned when she saw a small crowd of people gathered around her. Leroy and Tom Clark she knew, the other men she knew only as the dwarves. Archie Hopper, the town psychiatrist. She'd only ever known him as Jiminy, the cricket she'd saved from Hooks ship. Mother Superior, the Blue Fairy. It was the same group she'd been with at the funeral and her eyes automatically sought out the comforting face of Ruby, but she wasn't with them. Her heart fell, if she wanted to see anyone right now, besides Rumpelstiltskin, it was Ruby.
"They did save us, didn't they?" Leroy clarified, watching her, expecting an answer. She opened her mouth but no words came out. Her throat was tight from the tears she'd shed and the ones that were still threatening to pour out of her eyes. What was she supposed to say anyway? She was still trying to put everything that had happened in the last hour together, despite not wanting to look back on what had happened as Lacey. "Tears of joy?" Leroy asked, obviously confused by her silence. She wished they were tears of joy. They should have been tears of joy and they might have been, if only she'd been on that boat with him.
"Belle, what is it?" Archie ask a little more gently. "Are you okay?"
Whether he'd read her face or her silence she wasn't sure, but he, and Mother Superior for that matter, both seemed to recognize that something was wrong. But their minds were thinking the worst. They were thinking they were still in danger in some way, that someone was dead, or worse that they hadn't really stopped the destruction of town and they'd all be dead.
"What happened?" Mother Superior asked in a voice that was more desperate than caring. But she couldn't really blame the woman. She had to get a grip, whether she liked it or not. She was the only one left in town to tell them what had happened, what was going on, and whether they were safe or not, her silence wasn't going to help anybody. "Where is everyone?" Superior asked.
"They stopped the self-destruct device," she explained. She was trying to be reassuring, but as she said the words she couldn't help but think of his own when he'd told her the news. Her memories were not helping the tears she was fighting off at the moment. "Those people who came, Greg and Tamara..." she went on quickly, straining her memory for names and events, putting them together with the brief conversation she'd been present for before he disappeared so that it made sense in a way, "they kidnapped Henry and they took him through a portal." Henry. Neal's son. Rumple's Grandson. Thinking of the boy that way was going to take some getting used to.
Jaws dropped around her as the small group looked around trying to understand just as she was what had happened. "A portal to where?" Superior asked in a serious authoritative voice, as if she could help if only she knew where they had gone. She couldn't, even if she did know, Rumple had more or less told them all it just wasn't possible.
"I-I don't know," she explained in a frustrated voice, "everyone else followed them on Hook's ship." She could hear the tears in her voice. She wished she knew where he'd gone, where they'd all gone. She wished the Blue Fairy could help. She wished that she could help. But she knew deep down, there was no hope of any of that. The only one that was capable of tracking Henry was Rumpelstiltskin, and he was gone. Without her.
"Why'd you stay behind?" Leroy asked.
She had to fight another wave of sorrow as he said the words. "Because I had to," she insisted, hoping they didn't think she would ever stay behind willingly. She wanted nothing more than to be on that ship. The small reminder that she wasn't hurt. It made that small hole in her heart, the one she was trying to ignore, burn.
She reached into her pocket and retrieved the small scroll of paper that he'd left in her possession. She'd forgotten the hard object that she'd felt within it before and with a small squeeze and shake of the paper it slid free. A small vile, containing a liquid tinged with purple fell into her fingers and she showed it to the crowd, knowing what it was. A potion, one she'd no doubt need to cast the spell. When she glanced down at the paper she only had to read a line or so of the language to know that it was exactly what he'd told her it was.
This was it. This tiny bottle was why he'd left her behind. There was the smallest flicker of anger beneath her sadness. It was here. All set and ready to go. She suspected he'd grabbed the scroll before they'd left for the docks, before he even knew what was happening. Why couldn't they have just dropped it off with someone else? If it had been this easy they could have handed it to anyone before they'd arrived?
She sniffled again, trying still to hold back tears. There really was no reason for her to have this. She'd never cast a spell before, magic was his craft not hers, and there were other people who could do this better than she could. Like the Blue Fairy for instance, who stepped forward the moment she tilted the paper in her direction.
"It's a cloaking spell," she announced to the group, correctly identifying the magic. It was only more proof. She belonged on that ship, not here. "Why?" Superior asked her desperately trying to understand. But it was silly to ask her. She was still trying to understand herself.
"Because Rumple said..." even saying the name hurt, but she had to get through this. It was the last piece of the puzzle for them, if she could say what she needed to then it only took her one step closer to a private place where she could breakdown away from their eyes. She had to get the words out. "He said 'others were coming,'" she confirmed after a deep breath. There was a unanimous gasp that seemed to roll over the group. She wasn't sure what "others" they were talking about. She wasn't sure who Greg and Tamara were either. Her last few days were a haze of dreadful, confusing, self-centered memories that left her with nothing. She hoped they at least knew who the "others" were. But then again, judging by their responses, they had some idea of what was going on, and it wasn't good.
There was silence for a moment, when she wished that Superior would just take the potion and that group would move on to cast the spell, let her grieve in peace, but then Superior stepped forward again and put a hand against her shoulder. "Belle, did he say when they were coming?"
She shook her head, recalling the urgency of his words. "All he said was that the town was no longer safe and to cast the spell as soon as they'd gone." And if she could manage that it would make the town impossible to find, then there was no assurance that he'd ever be able to find the town again, even if the 'undoing' he'd spoken of didn't refer to his life and he lived.
"Well?" Leroy insisted strongly. "What are we waitin' for?!"
Superior looked over the paper and nodded. "The mines," she said turning to the group, "we need to get to the mines. Belle, bring that," she motioned to the bottle in her hand and wrapped a hand around her waist pushing her forward. She wanted to say no. She wanted to give the bottle to the fairy and let them do what they did best. But her legs obeyed the silent command. She didn't have the strength to fight. Without him, she wasn't sure she had the strength for anything.
This chapter exists for two reasons. The first is to begin to get Belle to start using everyone's Storybrooke names instead of their Enchanted Forest names. She now knows Grumpy's real name is Leroy and thinks of him that way, she knows to call Blue Mother Superior, and did anyone notice that she has even finally stopped thinking of Regina as the Evil Queen? That's all because of Lacey's memories. It's a side effect of the curse and we'll see another one in the next chapter. Also, this chapter exists to introduce a new theme into the story. Belle and her strength. Because despite what A&E keep sayign that we are going to see how strong she is, I think they do a very poor job of showing it. So, showing how strong Belle is, in more than one way is a task that I have chosen to take on in this series. Now, she doesn't seem too strong now, but that's okay. I think part of strength is sometimes questioning if you have it, being brave and coming out on the other end to find that you were strong and had bravery all along. It'll be an adventure and I hope that I'll do a better job than A&E did!
Thank you Grace5231973, Sara K M, and LaurieAHancock for your reviews on the last chapter! Happy to have your seal of approval lovely ladies! Peace and Happy Reading!