Title: Growing Pains

Rating: PG-13

Warnings/Tags: Memories, Reincarnation Angst, Birthday-fic, Supernatural Elements, Sickness, Chakra Hypersensitivity

Pairings/Relationships: Uchiha-Hatake Family,

Summary: Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday. Maybe it's not something big, and I never actually celebrated it, but something about this day will still be painful forever due to it.

Disclaimer: I own myself, and the plot, nothing more.

Notes: Eighteen! I'm now eighteen! Boom! So why not toss a dose of existential angst at everyone again. So this is set before the Nōchi Temple Arc, but after Halcyon Youth: Dresses, Gender and Chakra Analysis. May 7th, so yeah.(Also this was written while I was sick so eh...)

Some days are better and some days are worse.

I mean now that I'm part of a Genin team, that I've graduated from the Academy I'm better. Mostly. But still. Some days are better and some are worse. May seventh is one of those days. I was seventeen when I 'died' in August, near the end of August actually, on the twenty-seventh. So seventeen and three months pretty much.

And then I was reborn on the tenth of February which reset my clock, and gave me another two months before my first May seventh in this life. But it's still my original birthday. The day that I was born and that meant that 'Yes I made it through another year!' So it's a pretty big thing to me. Even when there's no reason to be upset May the seventh is still one of my worst days.

So when I wake up with a tempest in my stomach, a ringing in my ears and a boom box in my head I curl up back into the sheets and bury my head into the pillow to try and pretend that I don't have to wake up yet. To pretend, and I don't even know, because something about this day makes me feel even more like I don't belong and just... I'm not supposed to be Uchiha Obito.

I can handle his birthday, my new one. It's a more quiet day, spent mostly with my family and Kakashi... My original birthdate though.

Everytime it rolls around, it leaves me feeling sick and misplaced and I don't know why. It's not like my family even celebrated it after all. Beyond the typical you're a year older now, and more responsibilities are coming this way. So I don't know. Maybe it's something within me, within my soul that's aching for the familiarity.

I'm aware of footsteps but I don't lift my head or look up. I don't move at all really beyond a small curling of one hand and my toes. I don't enjoy dealing with the world on this day.

"Obito-chan?" It's okaasan's voice. Familiar and soft, gentle. I don't have to open my eyes or anything to know that she's moved to sit down on the end of my bed. "Are you okay?"

No, no I'm not. I feel sick and yucky and I just want the world to stop screaming at me and making it all worse.

I want the day to be over already so that I can go back to being able to put on the facade and live... Honestly I want to be able to accept this.

I'm not Tamara anymore. I'm not Tammy, or Tamario, or Tomorrow anymore. All those nicknames and jokes and the memories I that made me who I was in the old world. I'm not that anymore. And yet, nine years in, and I'm still stifled and having issues in this life. Especially on my original birthdate.

"Iie..."

"Do you need anything?" her voice is still soft and I open my eyes just slightly to squint at her. I can see how she wants to wrap me up in a hug but is holding back. Probably because the last time I didn't react well. It's become routine, May seventh.

I shake my head and then bury it back in my pillow. I don't really need anything, maybe just some quiet. I don't know. I'll figure it out. Probably... I hear a sigh and then footsteps leaving and then I blink my eyes open and roll over to look up at the roof. My hands find their way up into the air above me and I don't quite know what I'm reaching for. Something that's untouchable really. A memory and hope, a dream.

Acceptance maybe.

Pounding echoes a solemn drumbeat in my head and I take a deep breath. For a mere moment I can almost imagine myself in my old room, blinds closed, slightly swaying in an breeze. Books and pencils nearby and the sound of dogs barking and birds and crickets and the other animals.

Tears bite at the edges of my eyes when I blink and the image's gone. Nothing more than a memory. Like my original family, and yet... Okaasan's pregnant still now. So soon I'll be able to have younger siblings again. Maybe not the same, with wide eyes and light hair, freckles and missing teeth, but they shouldn't need to be.

Won't need to be.

I take a breath and feel a faint twist and tightening in my chest as salt water slides down my cheeks.

"+Happy birthday, happy birthday...+" I whisper rolling over once more and then pushing myself up and crossing my legs beneath me. I take a deep breath feeling the way that my chakra curls and twists within me, and the faint tremble of the Natural Energy alongside it. And then I breath out completely feeling only the Natural Energy. Reaching out to it and... I don't really know what I'm doing, what I'm seeking or trying.

It's like falling down though.

Skinning my knees and hands, a sharp burning kind of pain that continues to just sting and kind of pop. Very touchy and I actually do a full body flinch and pull back.

"Happy birthday... to you. Happy birthday... to you!" I struggle to say the words and then stand on trembling legs that feel weighted and I want to just fall back into the bed. Go with my usual routine of attempting to sleep the entire day away and pretend I don't exist. Only eating and drinking what my parents and Sakumo bring in to try and make sure I don't kill myself inadvertently.

Or you know... Something like that.

I don't care. I can't, I could care less about that. I mean hey I've survived this long with all the odds against me. Even myself. So I don't think it's something to really worry about, I'm here, I'm a genin, with a team and I'm stubborn. Not like the original Obito, but I'm still stubborn in a different way. Each and every step is pain, each breath I take, and choice that I make. And yet I'm still here, and I'm still trying.

So this is the greatest hurdle.

My team is different. Rin-chan is still an issue, but for reasons that are different from what I expected.

I take another breath and then short steps.

Short steps, deep breaths. Everything is alright.

More steps and this time a proverb floats through my mind.

Proverbs 24:16 For the righteous one may fall seven times, and he will get up again, But the wicked will be made to stumble by calamity.

Does that apply to this situation? I don't know. But it seems to be fitting in some way and it makes me take another few breaths as I finally reach the door and push it open. I feel a lurch in my stomach and sway a bit before feeling someone catch me and hold me steady. When I look though there's no one there and it bothers me. But I don't focus on it taking another breath instead and unsteadily walking down the hall with one hand on the wall to keep my balance.

The drums in my head make me want to give up and turn back around and give up.

But if I give up now...

It would be like handing over a victory. It would be like stopping and never improving. It would be quitting and failing and allowing them to win. All over again. Jeers and mocking, people saying that I'll never be anything. Never be anyone, and nobody will ever care. And, and... Even if those people aren't here.

They can't see me.

They can't touch me.

I'll prove them wrong.

I belong. I'm a shinobi. I'm good. I'm not holding Kakashi back! Watch me, watch me. I'll show you I'm not useless!

"Happy +Birthday+" I whisper finally reaching the door at the end of the hall that opens into the living hall. I can't quite open it though, not until Kakashi just steps out of the shadows and opens it for me. His eyes soft and filled with worry and I kind of blink at him trying to think through the rush of heat, static and drums in my head. I probably should just rest.

Never let it be said that I'm sane though.

I'm stubborn.

It's like that sports day all over again, I will swim, I will run. I'll participate because it's not that bad.

"You should be sleeping Obito." Kakashi's voice is drawn out, purposefully drawling to make a point. "You look horrible and you're all flushed!"

Thanks for pointing out the obvious Kakashi. Considering I already feel like shit, I don't need you pointing out the fact that I look like it as well. And yet I offer him a strained grin and struggle to keep my breathing even as my stomach lurches and pain kind of shoots through me with no origin to pin point.

I kind of feel like vomiting honestly.

And yet I don't, I just catch my breath and step out into the room when my Otousan looks disapproving. And worried, actually it's mostly worried.

"'m fine! ~worse looks~" I try to insist switching from vocal to sign about half-way through due to a rising burn in the back of my throat and a bit of a shaky sense of balance. This is actually reminding me of getting mad and then cleaning my room in my anger actually... which is strange. "~No worry. Just going... mission.~"

"Nope." Kakashi's all too happy to inform me. "We have the day off remember?" I blink at him a touch owlishly before it clicks in my head. Right, today's a Sunday. I had honestly forgotten that. At least for a little bit.

"Hai..." my word is mumbled and I find myself just moving to rest by my Otousan who automatically wraps an arm around me and pulls me closer frowning at the heat that's likely to be radiating from me. I just snuggle a bit and then peer over at Okaasan, she still doesn't exactly look pregnant, but then again it's only week seventeen... Actually wait, how early are you supposed to start showing signs again?

Isn't it supposed to be some point between twelve and sixteen weeks.

I blink and actually stretch a hand out to gently touch her still flat tummy confused. A honestly a bit worried. I mean I can still feel the new chakra signals growing strong but, shouldn't Okaasan be showing at least a little bit by now. I mean, she's gained some weight sure, but she doesn't look pregnant. In fact she just looks more, I don't know, kind of like my cousin though.

Healthy but with a bit of pudge to her cheeks and body.

Sill lean and not pregnant though. It gives me this weird feeling that if we weren't already aware, it would possibly lead to someone right out of I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant! Ahh reality TV. Okaasan smiles at me and gently reaches over to ruffle my hair.

"{Happy birthday Tammy!}" I blink and look around bleerily trying to see who called to me, no one else seems to have reacted and yet. A smile spreads over my face and I rest my head back down with my eyes dropping and turning my smile drowsy.

I still feel sick, and yucky, but it's not as bad now.

Mind over matter, and another step forwards.

Heh, if this were still my reality, it would be seventeen plus nine years minus ten months, so more like twenty-five years and four(maybe five) months old... heh. Strange, I don't feel that old. In fact, I barely feel like I'm seventeen anymore... Probably, probably because, I'm...

"Nine Now..."

"Shh, Obito-chan. Just get some rest." Rest sounds good. Rest sounds... My eyes slip shut and I curl up relaxed into Otousan's side.