Author's notes: Again, thanks to everyone for your feedback; much appreciated!
Acknowledgements: Thanks to hydraling110 for pointing out stupid errors on my part.
Warnings: Just some crackiness.
Disclaimer: Transformers doesn't belong to me in any shape or way.
It had been a stressful day. Prowl was glad to finally get a moment to sit down in the rec room and relax, a cube of energon in his hand. Regular energon, of course, not high-grade, considering the undesirable effect that such frivolous substances had on his logic processor.
He was grateful for the calm and quiet; the twins were still assigned to their double shifts, and so the atmosphere in the room was peaceful.
Just how he liked it.
The only other 'Bot present was Bumblebee, who kept giving him odd glances from across the room. Prowl furrowed his brow slightly but decided to ignore the stares, until the little 'Bot made his way over, rather slowly, to where the tactician was sitting.
"Is everything alright, Bumblebee?" Prowl asked as the yellow mech made himself comfortable in the seat on the other side of the table. He thought the other looked uncharacteristically tense, so there was probably something weighing on his mind.
"Sure, everything's fine," came the quick answer, only serving to cement Prowl's belief that there was something not quite right about the situation. But he decided not to press the issue; Bumblebee would let him know once he felt comfortable doing so.
The little mech threw a sidelong glance at the tactician, twisting a little in his chair, as if he was acutely embarrassed about something. From where Prowl was sitting, his dermal sensors picked up on a minute elevation in the heat in the room, emanating from an increase in the other's internal temperature. The tactician was a bit surprised at this – he could see no logical reason for such a reaction, but made no comment on it. Instead, the two continued to sit in silence, Prowl starting to feel vaguely uneasy.
As if finally coming to a decision after having debated with himself for several orns, Bumblebee spoke up at last.
"You know, back on Cybertron, I-I never actually got to meet any... well, female Autobots. A-and that's why... I'd like... I mean..." his voice trailed off, and he looked down on the floor, not meeting with Prowl's optics.
For a moment, Prowl was confused. Then, it all dawned upon him.
Of course. Bumblebee was, for all his battle experience, still a very young 'Bot. Unlike his older peers, who had been around when femmes were still plentiful on Cybertron, he had no experience whatsoever with the opposite gender, and hence he was curious about the more... intimate parts of such relations. Even if he already knew about the theoretical basics of bonding, it was only natural that he wanted to learn about the practical aspects as well.
Well, that clearly explained the sudden rise in the yellow mech's internal temperature. No doubt, he was rather embarrassed about bringing the subject up, but his curiosity had finally gotten the better of him.
Prowl quenched the heavy groan that threatened to escape his vocalizer. Wasn't it part of Ratchet's job to answer such queries? He was on the verge of telling Bumblebee to go see the medic for a thorough explanation on the subject, but then remembered that Ratchet was currently "enjoying" a week of unwanted, ordered vacation, courtesy of Prime himself.
Of course, Prowl could dismiss Bumblebee's inquiry and hope that he went to ask someone else, but when it all came down to it, the maturity level of certain 'Bots aboard the Ark left much to be desired. His stoic nature aside, the tactician was rather fond of the yellow mech and didn't want anyone to make fun of him for his question or blatant lack of experience. Not to mention the possibility that some might find great amusement in feeding a gullible, innocent mech false information on such a delicate subject. No, it was better to have Bumblebee learn more about these matters from a reliable, honest source.
Well then. Looked like he had no choice but to handle this himself. Not that he thought the little 'Bot was likely to ever need this kind of information, considering the extreme rarity of femmes nowadays, but it was still part of what every mech should know.
"It's alright, Bumblebee," the tactician said, a bit tensely. "I understand if you'd like to know more about how to partake in intimate relations with femmes. It's nothing to be embarrassed about."
Bumblebee looked surprised. Obviously, he hadn't expected the tactician to catch on so quickly.
The Second in Command drew a deep breath, steeling himself.
"Well, the first thing you should know," he said quickly, wanting to get this over and done with as soon as possible, while still managing to sound properly dry and pragmatic, "is that femme interfacing circuitry is slower to respond than that of mechs. Hence, a lot of tactile stimulation is required in order to get your partner ready for a spark bonding."
He made a pause, wondering just how much detail he should put into his explanation.
"Most femmes tend to be sensitive in the areas around the hip joints and the seams running down the sides of their torsos." He indicated the areas with his fingers as he spoke. "This is because there is a larger concentration of cables and wires in those areas. However, this also means that you need to be rather careful when you touch there, as too intense stimulation can make a femme overload before you have bonded your sparks."
The little mech's eyes grew ridiculously large at Prowl's words, and the tactician could feel a sudden, steep increase in the heat emanating from the yellow chassis.
Well, surely it wasn't that embarrassing, as long as it was kept on a professional level. But, then again, to an inexperienced mech like Bumblebee, it probably was.
He continued with a reasonably detailed description of the rest of the parts and spots that made up a femme's chassis, and how one should approach them. It was, when it all came down to it, something every mech was entitled to know, regardless of whether he would ever get a chance to use that knowledge in real life.
Bumblebee only stared. And gaped.
"Also, if your intention is to spark-bond with each other, you need to be very attentive to your partner and her reactions. While most mechs can overload several times in rather quick succession, a femme can normally only overload once, and then her interfacing circuitry needs to reboot, which can take a few joors. Hence, there is a fine line to walk. You need to be slow and draw the process out in order to get the femme's circuitry properly stimulated, but if you wait too long, the femme might overload before you've spark-bonded."
He made a pause. That should pretty much have covered it all.
"Any questions?"
The little mech shook his head frantically but silently, apparently at a loss for words. But judging by the look on his face, Prowl surmised that he wanted to be left alone to ponder the information he had been given – together with the fact that he would most likely never have any use for it.
A sudden pang of sympathy hit the tactician as he stood up to retreat to his quarters. In an uncharacteristic gesture of gentleness, he put an encouraging hand on the yellow 'Bot's shoulder and squeezed lightly. "There's no need to feel discouraged, Bumblebee. One day or the other, you might actually be given the chance to try out what I've talked about today."
The little mech's jaw almost fell to the floor as he stared up at Prowl, who gave a small, comforting smile, though not being entirely sure why the other's mouth components had unhinged like that. As the tactician walked out, he could hear Bumblebee's cooling fans starting to kick in at an almost alarming speed.