How we prayed for you to come on home my soldier, my dead prince. . .

Ribbons and Leaves - Graham Coxon

It's his memorial service today, and I can't bring myself to go. I don't want to believe it. I can't believe it. At least before there was still hope. Before there was still that possibility he would return to us, return to me. If I go to this service that's it. It's a firm slap in the face that he is gone for good, an acceptance of his death.

I let him down. I let everyone down. The vomit burns my throat on the way up. I haven't taken anything today. I refuse to numb myself today, not on his day. While brushing my teeth, I fight the ugly side effects of withdrawal. I slip on my suit, and a knock at the door grabs my attention.

"Just a minute."

Making my way to the door, I swallow hard, trying to keep myself from getting sick. A mixture of anxiety and withdrawal.

My sister stands on the other side of the door in a black dress.

"How you holding up, Chris?"

She walks in and looks me over.

"Terrible."

She hugs me tightly. I want to cry, but I don't. I don't even hug her back. She lets go with tears in her eyes.

"Why are you tearing up?"

"I can't stand to see you like this. It pains me so much."

The service was filled. Chatters through the crowd of how he was

a hero. I can't take it. Rushing to the bathroom, I shut myself in a stall. Stomach acid is all that's being regurgitated, I can't even remember the last time I ate anything. I hear the door open.

"They're making such a big deal over this guy. I don't get it. Tons of men and women sacrifice themselves for our country and sure they get praise, but they are just going above and beyond for this kid."

I hear one snarky voice.

"It's only because he was Captain Redfield's butt-buddy. I heard the little faggot died a monster anyway."

The second voice laughs.

I damn near break the door off the hinges. My mind goes blank. When I come to, I am being held back by three members of Alpha, the two men on the floor badly beaten.

"Captain, please! Get a hold of yourself," one of my men plead.

I relax myself and they let go.

"What the hell, Cap?"

"They were talking shit about Piers. I kind of blacked out."

I run my fingers through my hair, knuckles covered in blood.

Two of my men help the others to their feet and lead them out.

"Cap, you need to be careful of your actions. They are looking for anything to hint you're unstable, and quiet frankly you are."

I make a fist. He steps back, putting his hands up.

"You need time off."

Pushing him out of the way, I storm out the bathroom. Everyone stares,

Claire rushes to me.

"Let's just go."

She grabs my arm and pulls me to the car, I don't even fight her. As soon as I walk in the apartment, I fall to my knees and break down. It's the first time I've cried since Piers passed. Claire throws her arms around my shoulders.

She helps me to bed and I pretend to sleep. When she leaves my room, I raid my entire stash. Swallowing every single pill dry. My body tries to reject it, but I don't let it. I can feel it now, my eyelids grow heavy. Then nothing.

"Hey, Sleepy-Head. Get up."

That voice. That sweet voice.

My eyes flutter open to meet hazel eyes staring back. The sunshine behind him make him look like an angel. Illuminating the darkness.

"There you are."

He smiles.

"P-piers?"

I rub my eyes.

"Come on, Captain. You didn't hit your head that hard did you?"

He stands up and extends his hand.

My brains felt scrambled. What the hell is going on? Taking his hand, he pulls me up. I look around, we're in the training facility.

"What happened," I ask, rubbing the back of my head.

"I'm not too sure. I had my back turned. It sounded like you just fell. I was afraid you were going to seize, but you just laid there."

Nothing is making sense.

"Is this real," I question myself, but my tone is louder than it should be.

"Maybe you did hit your head hard. Here I will escort you to the medical building."

Piers wraps his arm around my neck, and I wrap mine around his slender waist.

"Piers. What happened in China?"

He stops walking.

"Sir, you're well aware of what happened."

"Not at the moment."

"Just let it be, Chris. This is what you wanted."

"No."

He lets go and faces me, lips press into mine.

"No. This isn't...this isn't real."

My eyes open. I'm in the hospital again, Claire by my side.

Why couldn't I just let it be?

"Hey."

She smiles.

"I'm so sorry, Claire."

"Is he awake?"

My eyes move to the door. Why am I being tormented?

"Piers?"

My heart feels like it has stopped. He wore a black eyepatch over his right eye, and his entire right arm was wrapped.

He smiles weakly. I can feel my tears streaming down my face.

"Why can't I just let you go?"

His smile fades and he looks to Claire.

"Chris. You don't remember anything from the rescue mission do you?"

She places a hand on my shoulder.

"Piers was completely mutated and they killed him."

"Chris, that thing wasn't Piers. He was the one who got that thing off of you."

Was I actually getting a second chance? Was all that other shit a coma induced dream? I look at the younger man. Scars or not he was beautiful.

"Piers."

"Captain."

"Please let this be reality."

The sniper walks up to me and pokes my broken collarbone. A sharp sting

of pain shoots through my body.

"Real enough for you, sir?"

I let out a pained laugh. Thank you.

As I take this piece of you with me, I'll carry to my grave,

and knowing that for someone you're an angel sent to save.

Keep Breathing my angel, if you go down I go with you.

May I say I loved you more?

Keep breathing, just keep breathing.

One Man Drinking Games - Mayday Parade

A/N: Thank you to this who stuck around to read this fic! I can't thank you all enough for the support!