"Donna there's something I never told you" he starts, as she frowns even more with curiosity. "Dad left a letter, for us" he continues, flashing the envelope that read "To Donna and Harvey" in front of her, seeing the shock on her face.
"What?" Donna asks in surprise. "Since when do you have this? What does it say?!" she continued, the tone of her voice coming off a bit more aggressive than she wanted. She wasn't angry at Harvey, only surprised as to why he would keep this from her. "Since the funeral. I haven't opened it yet Donna" he explains calmly, trying to discern whether her expression was one of anger or surprise. Her eyes widened even more, her jaw dropping a bit in shock. Harvey wasn't someone who would avoid facing things, and she never thought he would put off a letter from his dad for that long.
"I'm sorry I kept it from you that long I was just scared-" Harvey apologized
"I know" she whispered, her tone softening again. He was scared of the content of the letter and so was she. Hell she was terrified, so she could only imagine what he was going through. "Let's just read it" she encouraged him, tapping the space next to her on the couch, motioning him to sit beside her. He held her gaze for a minute, and she gave him the most reassuring look she could put on. He sat next to her, her body naturally shifting closer to him. Harvey started opening the three pages long letter, his hands shivering a little. Her hand slid to his thighs, trying to calm him down. He started reading out loud;
New York, March 2009
Dear Donna and Harvey,
If you are reading this letter, it must mean that I have left this world, and my guts is telling me this day is fast approaching. This world is a cruel one, but you two along with Marcus, were the only people to mend my broken heart, the sole source of my happiness. It seems only natural that I dedicate my last words in the purpose of helping you find yours.
Harvey read those words, his voice trembling with each word, feeling a weight on his chest. Donna reached for the letter, her fingers brushing his hand, and continued reading the letter.
Harvey, my dearest Harvey, I don't think I've ever had the chance to tell you things I should have said. I know that you're childhood was tough, with your mother walking out on us, and I know how much you blame yourself for not telling me when you knew. Please, don't; you gave my heart more time to be happy, you've only postponed its misery and for that I can never be thankful enough.
Donna looked up at Harvey to find him eyes closed, his right hand clutching into a fist at the mention of that topic. She reached for it, separating his fingers, hers finding the space between them. She continued;
Despite all the difficult conditions we've lived in, you have found a way to rise, working hard to become the best lawyer in New York. You've never compromised your beliefs, loyalty or anything of importance to achieve your goals, and that is even a better status than being the best. What I'm trying to say is that I am extremely proud of the man you've become, and I'm sorry I haven't said this to you face to face, I'm sure Donna is sick of hearing it from me.
"You see? I wasn't making it up" Donna manages to say with a small grin, despite the tears forming in her eyes. She looks at him to see a lonely tear down his cheek, a genuine smile on his face. Her hand leaves his, reaching for his face, trying to wipe the tear away. Her hand caressed the hair on the side of his head, whispering: "You ok?" He nodded; a sign for her to continue. Her hand left his face, and she now held the letter in both hands.
Unfortunately, the effect of your mother's betrayal did reach you, and I know that the reason behind your personal life choices can be traced back to what she did. I just wish you could move on and learn to trust again.
Donna knew that the topic of her relationship with Harvey was fast approaching, and it was now her turn to have trembling hands.
I remember the day you came to tell me about your job at the D.A office. You had that excited sparkle in your eyes, and you started telling me all about it, and all I could hear was the name Donna. You had so much to say about that mysterious woman that I remember asking you if she were your boss. You smiled then, a smile of admiration that I didn't miss and said: "Dad, she could be anybody's boss".
Donna choked at the last words, looked at Harvey to find him smiling at her before saying: "This is the smile. Every single day for 14 years Paulson, every damn day". Her heart was pounding so fast and hard she swore it was going to burst through her chest. It was too overwhelming to hear these things, especially coming from Gordon. She handed the papers to Harvey, hugging her legs against her chest before whispering: "You continue, please". He took the letter from her hand, and continued reading
I knew from that moment that there was something special about her, and my expectations were met and doubled when you introduced us. I don't think I need to tell you how loyal she is, how overprotective of you she is, how much she cares. Harvey if I had this with your mother, I promise you things would have been different. All we had was passion, and passion fades. What you and Donna have is more, it's passion, trust, loyalty and most importantly love. You complete each other Harvey, don't let this go.
If you ever chose to mend your heart (and mine with it), I think Donna is the one for that. We both know Scottie was always trouble, and Donna has always been the woman in your life. It's okay to open up Harvey, to be vulnerable in front of someone, especially someone who wants the best for you, so much that she even sacrificed her chances of happiness to satisfy your ambitions and needs.
By the time he finished that sentence, Donna was now pacing back and forth in front of him, her hands hugging her chest, trying to absorb what Gordon was saying. "Donna" Harvey whispered, trying to calm her down. "Just...I can't sit. Just continue" she said, throwing her hand in the air, still walking around the living room. He nodded, flipping the paper, reading again:
Donna, my favorite red head ever, I'm not even sure where to start. I always wondered what was the thing about you that made Harvey swoon that much. To me, at first, you were just that comforting voice that answered my phone calls when Harvey was too busy, but I soon understood with our increasing conversations what Harvey meant that first time he ever mentioned you. You are a strong, intelligent, witty and loyal woman, and the phone calls with you soon turned into my favorite part of the day. I knew the day I met you in person and saw that your looks match your amazing personality that Harvey was going to fall hard, and believe me he did.
Donna was crying silently, and Harvey wanted to run and comfort her, but he knew she needed him to continue. He had so much to grasp, with his father writing half of the things he thought he'd never say.
I want to thank you for so many things, for taking care of my Harvey even at the price of your needs, for making sure he never strayed from what he believes in during hard times, for being the best daughter I never had. I've seen in your eyes and Harvey's so much love that it breaks my heart to see you both miss out on what could be the best thing you can have. I know you're scared Donna, I know you've witnessed Harvey's series of flings, but he is scared too, and it's something I don't see him admitting. I remember asking him once if you two ever discussed the possibility of being together. I don't think he ever looked that helpless when he explained to me about some rule you have. I think you've maintained that rule as a shield, as a guarantee that you wouldn't get hurt, because Harvey will never get the chance to. But I've seen you hurt Donna, behind your flawless smile, that morning when I passed by the office and you informed me he and Scottie weren't in yet.
Harvey's stomach was flipping all around, he wanted to ask her if it were true, he wanted to apologize for not seeing that she was hurting, but instead just stopped reading. A silence fell in the room, and she turned her back to him, now looking over Manhattan through the glass, her arms still hugging her. She breathed heavily, before whispering: "I'm listening"
I don't want to make this too long, so I'm going to get straight to the point. Harvey, it's time you learn to fully trust again, open up, to tell the woman who's been sitting in front of you for years how you truly feel. It's time you fought for her, take that leap of faith. She's all you ever needed and the only one able to put up with you. Donna, give Harvey the chance to prove to you he can be the man you know he is. Let him love you, take care of you, fulfill your needs; you've done this for him for so long. We had a conversation one day, I remember clearly, you were feeling sad, and I think you had broken up with your boyfriend. I remember you asking me: "Gordon, do you ever wonder what your life would be like if you had made a different choice?" and I told you I often did. You asked me then: "Doesn't it scare you? To know what could've been?" I didn't have the chance to explain to you then, something had come up and you had to go, so I'll explain to you now; the thing is Donna, what could've been can still happen for you. It is scary for you because you've seen Harvey's one night stands too many times, but believe me when I say that this fear does not compare with the thought of never having the chance again. Wave your rule Donna, you deserve love.
Maybe this letter is useless, and I have lived to see my grandchildren, and in that case kiss those ginger angels for me (yes, I do hope they get your hair Donna).
But if it is applicable in any case, I hope you take the time to read it thoroughly.
Harvey, don't forget the recipe.
Love,
Gordon
Thank you for reading this chapter, it is a bit longer than usual. I hope the letter didn't disappoint, and I would love for you to tell me what you think. Let me know if I should continue, I have some nice ideas for the necklace.
Please review,
-G