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"You know, I realize that you and Haley had it the worst, but we all lost that little boy," Lucas said quietly as he and Nathan turned around and headed back towards the hospital.
Nathan looked down at the ground and nodded his head. "I know that, Lucas. More now than I did then. Then it was just about…what we were going through."
"And then it was made worse when we lost you and Haley," Lucas continued.
"You didn't lose us. I joined the Knicks, and Haley went to Stanford," Nathan said with a shrug. "She followed her dream."
Lucas stopped and his eyes followed Nathan as he continued down the sidewalk. When Nathan realized that his brother wasn't beside him any longer, he stopped and looked up, and then behind him. "What?" he asked in confusion.
"You don't get it, do you?"
"Lucas, what are you talking about?"
"Haley's dream hadn't been Stanford for a long time, Nathan. Haley's dream was you."
"Yeah? Well if that's true, then why didn't she come to New York with me when I asked her to?" Nathan shot back heatedly.
"Because she wanted you to fight for her!" Lucas told him.
Nathan laughed bitterly. "Haley's not like that."
Lucas gave a similar laugh. "She was devastated, Nathan. And she wanted you to fight for her," he said again.
Nathan rolled his eyes.
"How stupid are you?" Lucas asked. "She waited at Brooke's and Mouth's for a month for you to come back for her. And when it was finally clear that you weren't, she left. Much like you did, without a word to anyone else. Only a note." When Nathan didn't respond, Lucas continued. "Haley was always the one to fight for you, Nathan. Look at what happened when she came back from the tour. You made her chase you."
"I didn't make her chase me. And besides, she was the one who left."
"Well, if you're going to use that logic, then you're arguing my point," Lucas informed him. "You're the one who left, so it was up to you to come back after her."
"Are you seriously going to stand here and have this argument with me while Haley's in the hospital unconscious?"
"At least I know you can't run."
Nathan sighed and continued on his way.
"You guys have never been the same," Lucas said.
"Yeah? Well you lose a son and then try to pick up the pieces after he dies!"
"Well, it kind of looked like you did," Lucas said. "With all of the parties and supermodels."
Nathan rolled his eyes. "Yeah, well, maybe you shouldn't believe everything you read in the papers. And maybe you shouldn't judge me."
"Are you just gonna wait until she wakes up and then leave again?" Lucas asked straight out. "Because if you're just gonna break Haley's heart again, then maybe you should go now," he said.
"Some brother you are," Nathan said, picking up his pace. He didn't bother to look to see if Lucas was behind him.
After everyone had visited the cafeteria, they were in Haley's room surrounding her bed catching up with each other.
Nathan was in the chair at her side, his hand clasping hers. He felt like a fly on the wall, not participating in conversation, just listening to what was going on around him. He only took his eyes off of Haley only for brief moments.
Peyton was laughing. "So, what was it like finding out that you were having two more girls, Mouth?" she asked.
Mouth looked at his wife, who was glowing. Peyton couldn't help but notice how Brooke seemed to glow even more when her husband was gazing at her. Mouth grinned. "My first thought was that I hope they look like their mother," he said, squeezing Brooke's hand. "My second thought was that I was going to have to add another bathroom," he said, making everyone laugh.
Listening to Mouth's story, Nathan was overcome with guilt, as he always was, when he thought of how he hadn't been sure if he'd wanted James when Haley had first found out that she was having a boy.
Nathan and Haley had been in the car on the way home from her doctor's appointment and he hadn't said a word since they'd left. Haley was nervously twirling her wedding ring around her finger. "You haven't said a word since we left the doctor's office, Nathan," she said. Still, he said nothing. "Will you talk to me?"
He didn't take his eyes off the road, but Haley saw his knuckles turn white as he gripped the steering wheel tighter. "I didn't want a boy, Haley," he divulged.
"Nathan—" she started, but he interrupted her.
"It's just gonna happen again, Haley. You were there when my grandparents came home for my dad's birthday. You saw how it went. Dad couldn't do anything right for grandpa, and I couldn't do anything right for dad," Nathan reminded her. "It's just a vicious cycle. I like to think I'm not like him, but Hales, what if I am?" he asked, looking away from the road briefly with fear in his eyes.
Haley took his hand and squeezed it. "I didn't realize that you were scared."
"Neither did I," he admitted.
Haley shifted in the passenger seat so that her back was against the window and she was facing him, which was no small feat with her seatbelt and slightly swollen belly. "First of all—you are nothing like Dan," Haley said forcefully. "Second of all, I know you love your mom, Nathan, and so do I, but I'm not like her. You grew up with Dan in large part because your mother wouldn't leave. I wouldn't have stayed, Nathan. I wouldn't let our child be treated the way that you were treated. And I wouldn't choose to have children with someone who could be like Dan. That's why I chose you," she finished softly.
Nathan absently caressed her knuckles with his fingers. "Do you really think I can be a good father?" he asked.
"I know you can," she assured him.
"Thanks, Haley. For being my wife. And for believing in me," he said, his voice full of emotion.
As it turned out, Nathan thought, Haley's faith in him had been unwarranted. He'd been unable to protect their son. Thankfully, raucous laughter pulled him from his thoughts.
"So, I walk in," Brooke was saying, "And there's Mouth, Gracie on his hip-wailing at the top of her lungs, Janie in a heap on the floor, crying just as loud, and Cassidy trying to tell him how to make a bottle," Brooke said. "It was the first time I'd ever left him alone with all three of them. Needless to say, it was also the last. The next day we found I was pregnant with the twins and started interviewing nannies," she finished.
Lucas laughed. "Dude, I can't even imagine living with that many females. I have a whole new respect for you, Mouth."
"Thanks," Mouth returned.
Just then, the nurse walked in. "Hey, guys. It's time for us to switch shifts, so visitors are limited for the next hour or so. If you could say your goodbyes, and give Haley a little break, that would be great. Except for you, Nathan. You're welcome to stay," the nurse said with a sad smile.
Nathan nodded his thanks to the nurse.
Brooke yawned and stretched. "Tired, Princess?" Mouth asked.
She nodded. "And wanting to see the girls."
"Yeah, we do need to get back to the kids," he agreed. "We'll see you tomorrow." He went over and gave Nathan a quick hug while Brooke gave Haley a kiss on the cheek. As the two walked out of the room, Nathan got up and followed them.
"Brooke," he said softly.
She stopped and turned around. "Yeah?"
"I'm not sure what Haley told you all those years ago when I left—"he started.
"She told me not to be angry with you," she whispered.
"What?" he said, taken aback. He'd thought Haley had been furious with him at that time. In fact, he'd been sure of it. He'd seen it the night he left, reflected in her cold eyes when she'd promised him that she wouldn't be at the airport to go to New York with him. He certainly hadn't expected her to defend him.
Brooke tilted her head to the side. "She told me that I had no right to judge you for the decisions you were making...because I had no idea what it was like to lose a child," she said gently. "And she was right. I had no idea then. And even thought I still don't know now, as a mother, I understand just a little more. And my heart breaks for you, Nathan. I can't even imagine what you went through. I'm proud of you for just living through it," she told him with tears in her eyes.
Nathan pulled Brooke into a hug and she squeezed him so tight that he knew she was trying to convey all of her compassion for him and Haley in the gesture. He squeezed her back to let her know that he understood. They pulled apart and she kissed him on the cheek. "Don't let her go this time, Nathan," she begged softly.
Nathan grinned. "I won't," he promised.
Brooke and Mouth left, and Nathan walked back into the hospital room. Peyton was zipping up her hoodie and Lucas was pulling his sweatshirt over his head. "Listen, about what I said before—" Lucas began.
Nathan shook his head. "I didn't like it," he said bluntly, then shrugged. "Mostly because it's true. And that's the shitty part, Luke. I can't be mad at you for telling me the truth."
As Lucas and Peyton left the hospital, Lucas was reflecting on the conversation with his brother. He knew he'd been hard on Nathan, and he also knew that he'd been close to pushing him to his limit, but he had to make sure that Nathan was going to stay and fight for Haley this time.