I think that I should maybe write one more chapter before I go back to school for good tomorrow. I wish my fevers lasted longer XD but I hate eating medicine… and I heard from my friends that our form teacher this year is a real ass. X( that sucks T.T anyway… before I sink deeper into depression… chapter 4!

Bocchan,

The weather today is perfect for a picnic, do you not agree? Remember the time you took Lady Elizabeth out in a boat to search for the rumored white stag? We had a picnic lunch by the banks while Lau-san and Ranmao-san were betting on your success and failure.

Bocchan, even though you put on that tough act of yours, you were very content and at ease, were you not? Unlike the present, you have become more withdrawn and somehow lonely. I will always be by your side, as your faithful butler.

I am after all, one hell of a butler. If the butler of the Phantomhive household fails to be at his master's side during turbulent times, where will we be?

Your faithful butler,

Sebastian Michaelis

x.o.x.o.

Ciel stared out of the window at the azure blue sky, dotted with fluffy cotton wool clouds of magnolia white. He reached out and pushed the window open all the way, feeling the late morning breeze steal into his study and ruffle his bangs, exposing the black eye patch that covered his contract seal.

A faint distance memory of being in a boat with someone drifted to the surface of his mind, but he could not remember anything more than that, so he forced it back down the depths of his heart.

He felt as if there were gentle chains of melancholy binding him to a cliff hanging over a whirlpool of solitude, threatening to loosen anytime, letting him fall and fall and keep falling until he hit rock bottom.

The breeze brought with it comfort and peace, and Ciel had longed for these feelings from the bottom of his heart. He shut his eye and leaned over the windowsill, letting go of all his confusion and pain and suffering, desperately grasping at what little comfort nature had to offer him—his last resort. And he felt himself tumbling downwards towards the concrete path of the mansion grounds.

Panic seized him as he shouted the first word that came to his mind.

'…Sebastian!'

x.o.x.o.

A soft thud.

Warm embrace.

Gentle yet cold voice. 'Bocchan.'

Ciel's eye fluttered open and he pulled instinctively away from Sebastian's arms, instantly regretting it. 'Sebastian, you're late.'

'My deepest apologies, Bocchan. I was preparing your lunch of—'

'Don't bother!' Ciel snapped. 'If you don't care, then don't act as if you do just to please me. I don't want that!'

'Bocchan…'

'Your work is done now. You may go. Just leave me alone.' Ciel turned away from Sebastian as he slowly stood up.

'Bocchan…?'

'What is it? I told you to leave me alone!'

'Please be more careful in the future. It would be disastrous if the head of the Phantomhive Household were to get injured or hurt. Then, if you would, excuse me.'

Ciel waited until the last of Sebastian's footsteps faded before turning back to face the Phantomhive Mansion. It felt as if some warmth had returned to his broken, isolated heart. It might have even begun to heal a little.

x.o.x.o.

Sebastian,

The weather today is really good. The breeze was soothing. It brought me comfort and peace. I felt as if all my worries had gone together it. It has been a long times since I have ever felt so carefree and unbound by pain.

How about you, Sebastian? I feel as if you are more warmed up to me now, although that might just be me jumping to conclusions, I will just hold on to this small ray of hope. And I will never let go. Just like the spider's thread I told you about. I will never give up. I will grab hold of the spider's thread and continue to climb upwards until I reach my goal. I will continue to hold on to this ray of hope until you revert back completely.

It hurts my pride to admit, but, Sebastian, I miss you. I cannot learn to let go of you. It would be too painful. Another selfish wanting, all for my own sake, and hurting you in the process.

However, it was your words from this morning that completed my day. For that I thank you.

Ciel Phantomhive

A/N: okay here's chapter 4! XD I really made effort into making this chapter as long as possible. Anyway I got to sleep now coz there's school tomorrow. Boooo. I shall find time to write more tomorrow since I have no softball. I can't say the same for Thursday and Friday though. PLEASE REVIEWW! XD