Author's notes: I've decided to remove the honorifics, they're troublesome. My apologies to HolyRiot11 and other readers for being so slow.
Chapter Four: Love and Hate
Shizuma stood outside the door of the master bedroom, seeking the permission to enter the room. As she waited, she fell into a daze. This is it. My parents are going to divorce and I know I will not be able to stop it. If that's so, why am I still standing out here like a fool? I should go back to my bedroom and pretend nothing had happened. She turned around to walk away but her body would not listen to her command, stopping her from walking away. She clenched her fist and held it close to her heart. No. I shouldn't walk away. I have to know; why did Mother do what she did? The most disturbing thing is that I don't find it wrong. I'm only sad because Mother cheated on Father, but I don't feel angry when she slept with our maids, why? Why do I feel so confused? Shizuma sat on the carpet flooring, hugging her legs together and lowering her head onto her knees. After what it seems like an eternity, a voice echoed down the hallway.
"Shizuma." Shizuma lifted her head and sees her mother, her face betraying none of her emotions. "Mother…" Shizuma's voice trailed off. How I wish I did not wait for Mother here, showing Mother my weak side, the side your daughter never shown. Saeko walked towards the master bedroom and opens the door, the room emitting a faint scent of lavender. "Come with me, Shizuma." Saeko asked, which Shizuma did.
The master bedroom's design is somewhat similar to Shizuma's, except Saeko had spent more time on furnishing the room than Shizuma, who preferred to keep her bedroom simple and tidy, free of the clutter which her mother calls 'creative works of art'. Honestly, Shizuma couldn't tell how different they were from trash and her mother only laughed, "You'll see it one day, Shizuma!"
Saeko walked towards the king-sized bed in the bedroom and sat down, lifting one of her legs over the other and crossing them. Her arms supported her body from behind, pressing against the comfortable bed and smiled. Shizuma just simply stood in front of her mother, a hint of determination from her golden eyes evident to Saeko. "So, why are you huddling outside your father's bedroom? Awww, you want someone to cuddle you? You don't have to wait there you know." Saeko teased and Shizuma's eyebrows furrowed. "No, of course not!" Shizuma blushed lightly and turned her head away from her mother, crossing her arms and shifting her weight to one of her legs. "I was waiting outside because…" Say it Shizuma, say it! Shizuma swallowed dryly before she continues, "I heard that… Mother quarreled with Father and has decided to file for a divorce."
Saeko's expression never change and she replied, "Ah yes… we did quarrel and decided to file for a divorce. Don't worry Shizuma; we won't split you in half like how we are going to split our assets." Shizuma's mother gave a hearty laugh, which sounded slightly depressing to Shizuma. Saeko's expression changed, giving her daughter a dead serious face and spoke, "Most likely you're going to be with your Father, since you have the Hanazono blood flowing in you. The Hanazono clan will do whatever it takes to make you stay if I were to take you away." Well, I'll just visit her when I'm free then. Shizuma thought sadly to herself.
"Then… ummm…" Shizuma shifted uneasily, earning a smirk from her mother. "You wish to ask about why I would bed our maids?" Shizuma stopped fidgeting and looked at her mother, nodding slowly. "Well… to be honest, I've always attracted to girls when I was a kid." Saeko paused to let the words sink in, anticipating her daughter's reaction. Shizuma's jaw dropped and she quickly closed her mouth and blinked. "You WHAT?" Saeko went gasping for air from laughing at her daughter and replied, "Yes, I'm attracted to girls. Mine and your Father's marriage is more of a political marriage, though Hirako admitted he was slightly attracted to me when we met around your age. Well, it was obvious. He was blushing and putting on a goofy smile. We were told we are engaged. He was quite happy, grinning like there's no tomorrow. I simply regarded him as a good friend and pretended the engagement never happened." Saeko switched the positions of her slender legs and continued.
"We went on dates several times. When we were fourteen, we were accompanied by his butler and my maid. Our parents wanted to make sure we won't do anything intimate, not like I would allow that to happen. Instead, I often made my way to the toilet when he started to become absorbed in staring at me. It's the only way I can finally release my stress. My maid was always dragged into the toilet with me and I'll observe her. I always enjoy seeing her squirm and blush when I comment about her appearance. One day when I was seventeen I couldn't take it anymore. Hirako was looking at me like the way I stare at the maids and I left for the toilet, my maid following me in. She asked me whether I was feeling alright. I looked at her and simply dragged her into one of the cubicles. That was the first time I touched another girl. It was about an hour later when we cleaned ourselves up and left the toilet. Hirako was getting impatient. He asked me why I took so long in the toilet and I just told him there was a cat which kept getting into my cubicle and I almost smirked when I see my maid blushing heavily. Instead I gave a smile to Hirako and apologized. What's with that look on your face?" Saeko cocked an eyebrow at Shizuma.
"I don't know… I can't help it. I can't stop smiling…" Shizuma furrowed her eyebrows and sat on her mother's bed in confusion. "Don't tell me… You preferred girls too?" Saeko laughed at Shizuma's blush. Shizuma's head turned away in annoyance. "My, my. I had a hunch but I didn't expect it to be true." Her face went serious again, "Listen." Shizuma faced her mother. "The clan has found a fiancé for you. Tell me, do you wish to dedicate your life to a man whom you do not love?" Shizuma frowned and turned her head. A fiancé… I don't know. Getting impatient, Saeko held Shizuma's chin and turned her head back. "If you don't wish to get married, I have a plan for you. I've enrolled you into St. Miator Institute and you'll continue your studies there next week. It's an all-girls school and you'll study there till you're eighteen. You'll be staying in a dorm, possibly with another girl. While you're studying there, think about your engagement. Do you really want to marry the man? Or do you wish to stay true to yourself, think about it. Text me your decision when you're eighteen and have made up your mind. I make some arrangements for you."
"I don't have much time left. Hirako will talk to you about Miator's, so… don't get too surprised. I've prepared a mobile phone for you for this kind of situations and I've added my phone number in. Hirako doesn't know about this so don't tell him." Saeko walked towards her dressing table and pulled one of the drawers. She took out a small box and gave it to Shizuma. "We'll continue to keep in touch this way." Shizuma took the box slowly and looked at her mother, who was smiling again. Mother… You are spoiling me again… You've spoiled me too much. When there's something I don't like you will always get it replaced immediately. When there's a particular lesson I disliked you got the teacher replaced. Mother… You're too much. Tears came to Shizuma's eyes and she tried her best to hold them back. Saeko noticed her daughter's tears. Smiling tenderly, she pulled Shizuma's face closer by her chin and she placed a light kiss on her daughter's lips. Shizuma's eyes widened, causing her tears to fall. Mother? This... Too cruel… Before Shizuma knew it, Saeko pulled back the kiss and smiled. She stood up and walked towards the door with her packed luggage.
"Oh yes, you'll be meeting your fiancé tomorrow, I'll text you about it tonight. Goodbye, Shizuma." She smiled and left the room, leaving Shizuma in the room in shock, her fingers reaching up to touch her trembling lips. Mother…
On the other side of the door, Saeko bursts into tears. Shizuma…