Chapter Four: Death Don't Want Her, Life Keeps Kicking Her.

Don't wanna lose control, inside of me. So I can't sleep.
I feel the hate rise up. In you I'm free.
I've been dealt. Fuck that spell. Let that Evil keep stabbing me
Help it hurts deep inside. Was fool enough to reach for love.
How bad I want you to feel the way I do.
To make it true. Wish I could get back to real.

At some point in Angel's fucked up little world that she had built for herself as a child; night became day, her drunken haze became a hangover leaving her mind and emotions from the night before just regiments of pain to add to what she had already bottled up. She made herself believe she had never opened up, but one thing she couldn't lie to herself about was how much she cared for the man that still laid in that bed confused beyond belief by the girl. He tired hard not to think about it as he starred at the ceiling but it was the only thing that registered in his mind.

It was dawn when Angel finally came out of the alcohol-induced trance she had been under for the last few hours. Her mind felt clouded and her heart numb. She jumped down from the fence. She starred down her hand seeing at some point that she had tried to get rid of her anger by beating the fence, which did nothing but bust her knuckles. Small gashes blooded over as she clenched her fist trying to will them away. She took a small rag out her back pocket and spilt it in two tying them over the wounds tightly. Sleep deprivation left her numb all over and she liked it. She made her way to the camp slowly as if she had done something wrong. A few glances were casted her way but she shrugged them off. She knew it was going to be a shitty day but she'd greet it with a weaved smile at some point. She took a seat by Jewel who smiled at her greetingly.

Lori came over handing them two plates. Angel was going to decline but Lori had already prepared for this. "Look Angel if you eat something today I have a half bottle of wine tucked away that you can have," she said holding the plate out that held a small pile of scrambled eggs. Any other time she would've laughed at the woman but alcohol was going to be harder to come by in this world now. Angel gave a small nod. She took the plate as Lori starred down at her wrapped hands. "What happened to your hands?"

"I . . . I had a bit of a release last night. At's fine." She smiled quickly trying to reassure the woman it was nothing. It must've worked because she walked away without another word. Angel picked at the food taking small bites, her empty stomach turned a few times but she managed to keep them down. She shared a bottle of water with Jewel as they ate.

"I'm going on a run Rick," Shane said a few feet away. Angel jumped at the opportunity. "I wanna' come," she said excitedly walking up to Shane. Rick gave her a wary look. "Look Rick Oi'm quick an' I liked to see if I can find a tent for me an' Jewel." Rick gave a weak nod knowing if anything went wrong Shane could handle himself. Shane glared at Angel and she gave a weak smile not caring what the man thought. Her weapons were already in place and they left in a car.

They had a similar routine like Sunny and her once had. Sneak around the buildings and go through each store one at a time. Angel grabbed food and water along with a tent, three small thin blankets, and a bottle of rum for herself. She looked at some clothes as she finished up one store. She decided to take a few shirts and two pair of jeans. She tucked them all in her backpack and picked up a small basket she was using to hold the water and food. When she heard a moan she turned quickly to face a walker. Before she had a chance to take her machete out to be-head the thing Shane had shot it. "What tha' feck' Shane!" she whispered angrily glaring at him. "Yer' gonna' attract more like tat'."

"We got time." He headed for the back door with Angel on his heel, machete at hand. As they went through they were met with a disturbing sight. A large group of walkers were starting to surround them. They barely managed slipping past them to just get caught in another group of the things. They had no choice now they were going to have to fight them to reach the car. Angel sleeved her machete after knocking five down. She quickly drew both her pistols. The hand she carried the basket with was a bit more difficult to aim with but she made every single bullet count.

Shane starred at Angel for a moment when he shot a few walkers but two more seemed to take the place of each one he shot. He aimed his gun at Angel. He had a simple way to get out of this alive just like a previous night before when Carl had been shot and him and Otis had to get medical supplies. There was a reason he was alive now and the other man was not. He had shot Otis in the leg and left him to make it out alive. His sight wearied for a moment as he thought of repeating history.

Two shots ran out from his gun and Angel fell with a yell. She looked back seeing Shane pointing his gun at her. He mouthed a simple sorry as the walkers changed their main target of interest, it was her. She dropped the basket and held her abdomen where one bullet had embedded itself into her. Another bullet had shot straight through in between her collarbone and shoulder. She made herself stand and run for one of the buildings. She stumbled through looking for anything that could help her; she caught a glance of a stair case with a lone walker stumbling down them. She used her knife to stab him and ran up the stairs to the roof. She barricaded herself up there and took out all her sniper ammo and perched herself near the edge and started dropping them, there always seemed to be more to take their places though and she started running low on bullets.

Shane had made it back thinking of the story he would tell about Angel had stayed behind to let him make it back. It would work; it had to work. He drove up to the campsite where everyone had been waiting anxiously for their return. Some of the faces grew grim when he neared closer. He got out putting on a sorrowful gaze. Rick greeted him first. "Where's Angel?" he questioned.

"Rick . . . she . . . she stayed behind. She got shot someone was sniping one the roof and she got shot and she told me to leave her." Jewel had been listening behind Rick and she started screaming and crying.

Half way up into the day Rick had decided to have a memorial surface for Angel. He was giving a few words. Everyone had attended. Daryl stood by a cross that was placed to represent her death, his face full of guilt and sadness. He was angry with himself for not saying anything to her when she poured her heart out to him. Jewel hung onto him whimpering and it just made him feel more guilt. A sudden roaring sound came from the road leading to the farm. Everyone turned their heads in curiosity. It was a blue dirt bike with Angel riding it. She wiped out near the campsite she picked herself up as everyone came running. She had cut her arm falling with the bike and it poured blood now. She was covered in blood from her wounds and her eyebrows were knitted. She stumbled to the group with her knife clenched in her fist. Shane had lagged behind not knowing what to do now; they would all know what he had done. Rick tried to grab onto her arm along with Daryl but she shoved them away heading for one thing. "Shane!" she screamed in the purest form of rage and hate. She fell to her knees but made herself stand and kept stumbling towards him. She walked up to him attempting to stab him with the bloody knife but he pushed her to the ground. She yelled out in pain and tried to stand back up. She started throwing her empty guns at him screaming. "Ya' feckin' shot me! I almost feckin' died!" Her screams were eardrum shattering.

Shane said nothing in his defense as he dodged everything she threw. She finally fell back panting trying to ease the pain away. She grabbed her abdomen with silent tears running down her face. Rick, T-dog, Daryl, and Glen went running to help her. "Someone go tell Hershel!" Rick yelled trying to help Angel up. She pushed them all away. "Don't feckin' touch me!" She made herself stand and stumbled to the house. Daryl tried aiding her but she shoved him away nearly falling herself. She turned her head one more time to look at Shane. "I will feckin' kill ya'." At that point she finally collapsed in a pained sob. Rick quickly picked her up ignoring her protest that she could walk herself.

Hershel met them at the door he led the way to the bedroom he had patched up Daryl in the day before. He laid her out on the bed as she cried out. "Maggie! Patricia! I need you now!" Hershel yelled and they ran in waiting for whatever orders he gave. "Put something on her so I can work on the wound around her collarbone." He shooed everyone out. They all waited outside the door as Angel's vocal rage rang throughout the house. "I feckin' got 'at! Give me feckin' knife an'lighter! I don't need help!"

Hours later Rick and Daryl were the only ones left waiting outside the door listening to her protests and yells of pain. Hershel had to dig out the bullet in her abdomen and stitch the bullet wounds and gash up. He emerged from the door. "She lost a lot of blood but she'll be ok. It's a miracle that she's still alive . . . she claims Shane shot her. The bullet I dug out was from a small gun not a sniper. She's a bit delusional but you can see her if it's needed."

They went in quickly. Angel laid out across the bed tossing violently and mumbling profanities and promised threats in Shane's name. Her shirt and bra had been removed and a towel had been wrapped and tied around her to hide her breast. Daryl's breath caught as he stared at her stomach. There were more bullet scars and gashes then he could count and he knew they trailed even farther down but her pants hid them. She held a bottle of rum in her hand; taking swallows left and right breathing heavily begging the pain to subside. Rick sat in a chair beside the bed and Daryl leaned against the wall, his mind void of everything but the scars her skin adored and blood covering the sheets underneath her.

"What happened out there Angel?" Rick asked softly. She started laughing as if it was the funniest thing she had ever heard. Her eyes were a blood red color contrasting against the white awfully.

"He feckin' shot me." She turned the bottle up spilling some onto the wound by her shoulder and winching against it. "Af' I hadn't found tha' bike I be 'an their feckin' stomachs . . . But tha' feckin' eejit couldn't feckin' catch me." She laughed with a lot of effort. Her words were slurred terribly, she was clearly drunk.

"Shane shot you? Why?" Truth was he didn't trust Angel or Shane and he didn't know what to believe.

"Aye! Wanker feckin' put two 'an me didn't even blink. Oi was jus' tryin' to get out of 'ere with him. He didn't feckin' know a bullet can't kill me." She laughed and got angry when he didn't find it funny. "Yer' a buzz kill. Jus' leave if ya' don't believe me. Yer' pissin' on me sunshine . . . Ya' know what Rick why don't ya jus' tell every feckin' body that Oi'm a monster! That Oi killed people before this. But Shane he had more demons then me, he's 'as worse then me. 'Af he had tha' chance he kill ya' too . . . Watch me words, he's a bad man." That perked Daryl head up in endless questions. He starred at the girl further but she paid him no mind and she eventually turned away from Rick.

Rick finally turned and stood shaking his head in frustration. He left the room and turned giving Daryl a glance. Silently questioning if he was staying. Daryl just looked back to Angel not changing his expression. Rick sighed and shut the door behind him to go look for Shane. After a few moments of dead silence he took the chair Rick had sat in as his own. Angel had ventured of from reality a bit. She let the bottle drop gently to the wood floor. Tears rolled down her cheek but they were from somewhere deeper that no bullet or knife could ever touch.

"Oi thought Oi was gonna' be coming home ta' ya' Lunar." She whimpered a painful sob. "Ya' too Sunny . . . I was so close but somethin' wouldn't let me . . . I jus' wanna' die that's all Oi've wanted for so long . . . Oi found someone who could make me laugh like ya' use ta'. Oi thought he could fix me but . . . Oi opened my heart trying to let him know tat' he could but . . . 'At doesn't matter . . . Why won't ya' ever talk ta' me anymore? I miss ya' so much 'eres not one day tat' goes by where I don't think 'bout ya'. I don't wanna be tis' anymore. Oi'm so sick inside and Oi can't let 'at go no matter how many tears Oi shed."

She let her private babbling go with one last tear and wiped them away grabbing her collarbone. She looked at Daryl well aware he heard every word by the expression on his face. "Oi'm sorry I opened up ta' ya'. Oi'm scared for ya' . . . Oi hope ya' hate me, 'at seems every time I start ta' care for someone else an' they care back . . . they leave me. Sunny always hated me since we met . . . when he started carin' for me he got bit. Even with his last words he tried ta' make me feel better. He was a batter person then me they always have been . . . so why did they die an' I got ta' live? Jus' leave me be with my insanity Oi'm goin' ta' leave all you be." She grabbed his hand. He almost snatched it away from her but her touch made him feel a comfortable numbness. She starred into his blue eyes hers turning a dark violet color. "Oi'm goin' ta' leave when Oi get better . . . Ya' have ta' make me a promise Daryl."

"What is it?"

"Ya' will keep Jewel safe no matter what. She has a beautiful heart . . . innocence a trait tat' everyone deserves ta' have at least once. . . I never got tha' chance ta' really have 'at when I was a child . . . 'Af this hellish world shows mercy to good people ya' an' her would live forever."

"How do you know I'm a good person? I could be a murderer for all you know." He didn't let his stare linger away from her eyes.

"At's in yer' eyes . . . words can fool any man but eyes can't. Ya' jus' have ta' know what ta' look for when ya' look 'an some one's eyes . . . Oi've killed a lot of bad men 'an my life. . . I watched their eyes, as they died . . . begging for forgiveness ta' whatever god they were taught ta' pray ta' . . . even with their last few breaths they still tried ta' fool someone . . . Eyes so empty and holding no guilt or care . . . couldn't even tell tha' difference after they died . . . Jus' promise me Daryl please."

" . . . I will take care of her to my last breath . . . get some sleep you've had too much to drink." The girl that lay before him was a mystery but one thing he knew for sure she had been through hell before the outbreak, you can lie with words but you can't with that many scars. He knew one thing at that moment that he didn't want to acknowledge, he wished he could take that pain away that seemed to have no bottom.

"Maybe . . ." she said letting her gentle grip on his hand go. "Oi think Oi've had just enough ta' slip into a comfortable numb sleep where Oi won't relive tragedy." She offered a smile that he returned before getting up and walking away slowly. He looked at her once more before shutting the door. She actually looked peaceful for once as she starred into a corner thinking only God knows what.

He ventured around the camp looking for Rick. He caught a few last words between Rick and Shane. "I didn't want Jewel to think the person she looked up to was a killer . . . she tried to kill me I shot her once but it didn't even phase her so I had to do it again," Shane said angrily.

"Well why didn't you just say that in the first place?"

"Because . . . Like I said I didn't want Jewel to know." With that Shane stormed passed Daryl catching a glare. He didn't believe Shane's poor excuse and he didn't think Rick did either. A pain caught in his side from his injuries that he had ignored once he saw Angel's condition and the way she handled it. "Rick can we talk?"

He turned his head slowly to look at Daryl. "About what?"

"Angel."

"What about her?"

"This big secret you know about her that no one else does."

"Why would you wanna bother with it . . . I honestly think it's best if she leaves."

"Oh you believe that piss poor story Shane gave . . ." He was getting a bit angry now. "I think whatever happened out there that he was trying to kill her. The way she came into the camp today after him . . . that was revenge. Besides you're gonna tell me he shot her twice and she didn't put a scratch on him. That's not what I came to talk about though. What do you know about her?"

"Alright. You can't tell anyone else though until we know what to do . . . She was a hired gun before the outbreak. She went around getting paid to kill people . . . as far as I know it was only people who were slinging drugs and killing . . . but she is mentally unstable I'm sure of that. If she snapped she could hurt a lot of people . . ."

"I don't think she would . . . I'll agree with you that she ain't quite all there but I don't think she'd hurt any of us . . . well maybe Shane. She could've done killed him if she wanted."

"Do you trust her?" Daryl paused at that question thinking hard.

"More then I trust Shane . . ."

"She seems to trust you quite a bit . . . will you watch her?"

"Yea." With that final word he turned and left Rick to whatever thoughts he had going through his head. He wanted to go find Sophia tomorrow he had found her doll when he got hurt and lost the horse. He didn't want to leave Angel anywhere around Shane though. He went to his tent and went to sleep.

Angel had caught an hour of restless sleep when she awoke with her heart pounding and her mind racing. She pushed herself out of the bed refusing to let the pain get the better of her she pulled on her boots and her tank top winching against the fabric scratching against her wounds. She noticed now her weapons were nowhere to be found that worried her beyond belief. She had no idea what she was going to do but she had to get out of the house before a panic attack made her loose what sanity she had left. She stumbled through the house making it outside with a lot of effort. She had to lean against the rails of the porch to catch a breath before she collapsed. She found herself sitting a top the RV once again it had become somewhat of a little haven for her when she grew restless. She felt safe up there, her mind would clear some.

For a moment she had convinced herself that she's leave this place right then and there but leaving Jewel made her feel a lot of guilt that she knew she couldn't cope with. She didn't have her weapons either. She wanted a drink suddenly then realized she had drunk it all. That made her frown and she just sighed. 'Shane almost killed you . . . almost left Jewel all alone . . . how can you let him live?' The voice chimed in shattering the silence that she was enjoying.

"Cause at's not my place ta' play god anymore."

'He's scum . . . just like your parents were, like all the men you've killed.'

"Please jus' leave me alone . . . I don't want ta' kill anymore . . . I don't wanna' feel anger anymore. Karma will come an' get him."

'Just like it came and killed your parents for you . . . no you and me did it. If it weren't for me we'd still be in that cage rotting away."

"Af at weren't for ya' we be dead where we belong."

'Death if for good and bad men . . . we are the balance. These people will need you one day. Killing Shane will show them you can protect them not only from the walkers but bad men as well.'

"Shut up wit' yer' lies. One day ya will be gone . . . I don't need ya' anymore I haven't for years so leave me be. . . Tis' world will embrace me some day this was tha' world I was meant ta' be born 'an." She finally willed it away and started practicing regular speech. She wanted to talk normal now really bad, maybe it was Daryl she didn't know. She just had to.