[4]

Although she was neither dead nor injured, Provenza had had the grace not to occupy Sharon's office during her absence, so everything looked just as she had left it when she'd started her maternity leave. For someone who hated other people daring to as do as much as lean against his own desk, Provenza took up residence on Sharon's with surprising ease. Andy could tell from the look in his best friend's eyes that the other man wasn't especially taken by being asked to accompany him to the empty office to talk in private. Before he could inquire once again what their quick getaway was about, Andy handed him the note he'd received.

Provenza read it once and again, then looked up at Andy with a quizzical stare.

"What the heck is that about? Some sort of sick joke?"

Andy himself wasn't so sure what to believe. At first it had seemed like a real threat, now he didn't know anymore. The very first thing that had entered his mind upon reading the words had been Louise, but maybe it was just his guilty conscience.

"Who should this be about?" Provenza demanded. "Certainly not the Captain since we all know you did always want her."

Andy already felt ridiculous, as if he had been overreacting by pulling Provenza aside as urgently as he had. And yet he was glad that he had as he had no intention of washing his dirty laundry in front of the whole division. He shrugged, burying his hands in his pockets self-consciously.

"I don't know," he murmured. "I thought it might be about Louise."

Provenza groaned, rubbing the bridge of his nose. "How's that?"

A lot of thoughts had been crossing Andy's mind lately, creating a jumble of negative emotions ranging from guilt to fear, covering all the shades of grey that existed in between. He had become unable to tell which of them were justified and which were completely irrational.

"You know, when Sharon first told me that she was pregnant... I practically asked her to have an abortion."

Provenza gave him a stare that was half appraising, half understanding. "You were shocked. That's completely natural. Men say stupid things in situations like that. Very stupid things, in your case," he added darkly.

Andy rubbed his forehead, suddenly feeling too hot, his hand reaching down to loosen his tie. After the months she had been gone for, Sharon's office shouldn't have held her scent anymore, but somehow he was almost sure it still did. Nonetheless, all of her things around him made him feel as if she was in the room, listening to his ugly confessions.

"I really didn't want that baby," he finally admitted and although he felt ashamed of himself now, it felt good to say it out loud for once, to finally get it off his chest. "I was just pretending to be okay with it for Sharon's sake."

Provenza crossed his arms in front of his chest. "So what? You've changed your mind in the meantime, haven't you? You keep a picture of her on your desk, you keep nagging me about going home early to be with that child. You can't honestly ask me to believe for just one second that you'd be capable of keeping up an act like that for so long."

"Of course not. I love her to bits. I-"

Apparently Provenza wasn't finished yet. "And when the Captain went off with Missing Persons and got herself beaten up during the ransom drop-off you were furious. Not so much because of her own safety, but because you were scared that she would lose the baby."

"Yes, I-"

"So what on earth are you lamenting about, Flynn? You didn't even tell me about your doubts back then. How could anyone else have any idea that they existed?"

He raised his hand with the note and held it up for Andy. "Whoever sent this couldn't possibly have known about it. This is someone's idea of some sick joke, I'm sure." His voice and demeanor softened a little when Andy hung his head. "Look, you're going through a rough patch, Flynn. You're worried about your family because that gruesome murder happened so close to your home. Take it from me, you're most definitely reading far too much into this."

Andy took the note back and felt the paper crumble as he closed his fist around it. Maybe his partner was right, maybe he was overreacting, but he couldn't shake off the feeling that something sinister was coming his way.

"What's for dinner?" Rusty dropped his backpack by the kitchen door and shuffled towards Sharon who lifted an eyebrow, looking up at him over her glasses.

"Good evening to you, too. How was your day?" she asked him pointedly. She was in a comfortable dark green cardigan and leggings, having been typing on her laptop. Now she stood up and walked towards the kitchen island.

"Ah, busy," Rusty said, opening the fridge. "What the heck?"

He held out a bowl to her with obvious disgust. "Am I supposed to eat that? What is that? Who made that? Ugh."

Sharon rolled her eyes and took the cellophane-covered bowl from him. "You're not. That is tuna sashimi and avocado. I am very well aware of your suspicions when it comes to raw fish, honey. There are chicken and avocado wraps in the fridge for you."

Rusty felt a little sheepish. "Gee, thanks, Sharon," he murmured, watching her fill a plate for herself. "Is Andy not coming?"

"He called me earlier. Something's up with their case, so he'll be late." She turned her back at him and he instantly became suspicious. Time off work had made his adoptive mother even more interested in his daily life than she had been before. It was very unlike her to be this quiet and withdrawn when they hadn't seen each other since breakfast. He instantly regretted his snippy demeanor, deciding to leave the stressful day behind and find out what was behind all this.

"Hey, are you okay?" He put his hand on her shoulder, no longer shy to touch her. Sharon turned around, her expression troubled.

"I am, honey. It's just been a long day." He sought her eyes for signs of what could be wrong with her, never believing her affirmations for even a second. She stood firm in the belief that she was not to burden her children with her own worries which he found quite ridiculous at times.

"Where's Laura?" he asked cautiously, wondering what they had been talking about after Laura's tense appearance at breakfast that morning. Sharon placed the rest of the dinner back in the fridge and carried her plate towards the table.

"She's staying with a friend tonight." She started picking her food aimlessly, watching him wolf down his own dinner that he had decided to get out of the way before he'd interrogate her further. When he was finished, she hadn't even devoured half of her meal and he was about to admonish her over it when the baby monitor crackled and crying could be heard. Sharon was already halfway out of her seat when he held up a hand.

"It's okay. You look tired. I'll get her for you." He hesitated on the way to the door. "If she needs to be changed, though-" he grimaced. "well, don't count on me." Her ensuing giggle made him feel a little more light-hearted.

A baby sister was one of the many things Rusty had never expected to have in his life and he had wondered throughout many sleepless nights what it would be like to have an infant in the house. He remembered Louise in Sharon's arms when he had first laid eyes on her. Small, pink and delicate she had been and when he had held her for the first time, he had suddenly been filled with an unexpected sense of contentment. He felt the same again when he gently picked the small child up and nestled her against his chest now, rocking her while he walked towards the door. The crying ceased a little and he felt a small fist grab one of the strings belonging to his hoodie. He felt a chubby cheek press against his shoulder, the tiny body still trembling with quiet sobs. The warmth of her against his chest was comforting and he felt almost reluctant to hand her off to her mother back in the kitchen.

For a moment he just watched Sharon kissing her daughter's head and cuddling her. Sometimes, like now, the memories of his own biological mother still hit him unexpectedly. She had probably been holding him like that at some point. Maybe she had been more afraid than Sharon who was experienced and visibly confident with children. After all, Sharon Beck had only been sixteen when he'd been Louise's age. The baby's happy squeal pulled him out of his thoughts.

"She's suddenly in a good mood," he commented dryly.

"Yes, I think sometimes she just cries because she feels lonely. Don't you, sweetheart?"

The baby cooed, leaning against her chest, sucking its thumb. "Now that's a good girl." Sharon kissed her head and smiled at Rusty. "Thank you for getting her for me. I've had a long day."

"About that," Rusty said. "How did it go with Laura?"

Sharon shrugged and for a moment a look of anguish crossed her face, but she seemed more at ease in the presence of her baby. "I am not so sure, actually. We did talk and I thought she was opening up to me, but then-"

She trailed off, absent-mindedly stroking Louise's back but Rusty wasn't about to let it go that easily.

"Sharon, really, there is no need to keep your stuff from me. I know there are problems and I can deal with them. I am not a child."

She looked up at him, her gaze clearing. "No, you're not, Rusty. I'm sorry. I am just so used to wanting to keep all the bad things away from you."

"So what happened?"

Sharon leaned back in her chair, hesitating before she spoke again. "Laura asked me whether Andy was a good father." Rusty let out a puff of air besides himself. He hadn't had a chance to get to know Laura very well before she had cut all ties with Sharon, but he had come to think of her as a bit self-righteous. What a lousy move to inquire after Andy's parenting skills while trying to mend things with her mother! But then again, he had been wondering all along whether she had a completely different agenda none of them knew about. Sharon either hadn't noticed his small outburst or she chose to ignore it.

"I told her that he is wonderful with Louise, but she seemed skeptical. Apparently she doesn't think Andy ever wanted the baby in the first place."

Rusty looked up with a start, appalled with the ridiculousness of that statement. "Is she serious? I mean, Andy is nuts about her! And when you were pregnant-"

"Rusty," Sharon said softly. "She is not completely off the mark."

Rusty stared at her, his mouth hanging open quite literally. All he managed was a feeble "what?". Sharon offered a reassuring smile.

"Don't look so shocked, honey. It was only in the beginning when I first found out I was expecting. He never said so, but I could tell he was overwhelmed by it." She shook her head, rolling her eyes at the ceiling with regret. "Andy tried not to let me notice. He was very supportive of me."

"But he loves her, right? He doesn't just pretend to so you won't be unhappy?"

"Oh no," Sharon's eyes widened, allowing him to see how ludicrous this notion was. "No. The first weeks of my pregnancy were tough in that regard, but he came around pretty quickly then."

Rusty still felt bewildered by the mere idea of Andy not being completely besotted with the baby. He didn't know much about good dads, but he definitely seemed like one.

"Did you two ever talk about that?"

"No, we didn't. I was going to give him some time and then you were kidnapped-" Her brows came together in a frown at the memory of those hard days for a moment before she resumed. "By then I could tell he wasn't just worried about me and you anymore, but about the baby, too."

Even though the events she was talking about were in the past now and the underlying issues had long since been resolved, Rusty felt protective of Sharon, sudden anger flaring up at Andy.

"That must have been hard for you!" Her look softened at the emotion his voice carried and she reached out with her free hand, placing it on his arm.

"It wasn't easy, but I did understand why he was feeling that way. Having a baby at our ages, at this point in our careers during a relationship that was secret and technically illicit due to the fact that I am his superior... anyone would have been apprehensive."

"You weren't, were you, Sharon?"

"I was shocked in the beginning and I was trying to tell myself that I was considering abortion. The first couple of weeks were terrible, but later I realized that they were because I had been lying to myself." She wrapped her arms more tightly around her baby that was currently in the process of drifting off to sleep. "I've always wanted her, no matter the circumstances."

They were silent for a moment, both lost in their own thoughts.

"Did you tell Laura what you just told me? Why is she gone now?"

Sharon looked so sad that Rusty was taken aback for a moment. Her feelings rarely showed that obviously.

"She didn't believe me. For some reason she makes Andy out to be some sort of villain. I tried to make her understand that we're in a good place, that we're very happy, but she didn't want to listen to me. She said that it would probably be better if she stayed with her boyfriend tonight."

Rusty lifted both of his brows. "Boyfriend? What, why here? Isn't she going to college on the east coast?"

Sharon looked truly lost now. "She is, but it turns out that she took a hiatus to stay with Charles."

"In New York?"

He could tell that having missed so much and having been blindsided by the new information was weighing heavily on Sharon.

"No, he has moved back to Los Angeles. He is in a very bad place, Rusty." She bit her lips. "He is drinking again and it's already come down to replacing his breakfast with liquor nowadays."

Rusty knew how it felt to have a person he loved betray him time and again and he also knew how it felt to see someone wasting away because of their addictions. However, while he could relate to Sharon to some extent, he couldn't wrap his mind around how she could still be so invested in her ex-husband's fate after everything he had done to her during their marriage and recently. He knew that there was no point in asking, she would just tell him that he was the father of her children even though he couldn't see why that would be enough to warrant all this concern.

She stood up, balancing the sleeping baby in her arms. "I'll go up and put her to bed." She walked past Rusty, her steps slow and somewhat heavier than usual. One look at her plate told him that she had eaten practically nothing.

Sharon woke as she felt the mattress weigh down when Andy climbed into bed, lifting the covers to climb underneath. She shuddered against the sudden chill it brought and was content when he spooned her from behind, replacing the cold air with his body heat. His hand came to rest on her thigh and she felt the heat spread through her despite the late hour and the bad day she'd had - or maybe even because of the latter. In a spur of the moment decision she turned around and captured her husband's lips with her own. If he was surprised, it didn't take him long to get over it as he returned the kiss just as fiercely.

"Sorry for being home so late," he whispered into her neck, his hands around her hips. "I've missed you."

"Me too." She wrapped one leg around him, urging him to come closer to her, feeling his warm breath on her face, still minty from brushing his teeth earlier. "I want you," she told him, her hands going under the rims of his boxers, her body arching against his. "Right now."

She was surprised when he hesitated. "I haven't checked on the baby yet. Just wanted to see whether you're still awake before I do." She smiled sweetly at his confession, reaching up to touch his face gently.

"She is fine. I checked on her before I went to bed. That was only a few hours ago. I have the baby monitor right here, she hasn't been crying."

Andy ran his hand down her side and between her legs, making her roll her head back in the pillow and moan with the pressure he applied. She just wished he would take off her pajamas already, but when he lifted himself off her, he sat back on his heels, stealing a quick kiss from her.

"I will only be a minute." He climbed off the bed and left her both a little disappointed and endeared by his behavior. She shivered when he opened the door, a cold breeze creeping into her bedroom. She briefly wondered why since the walls were solid and the windows had been replaced not long ago, allowing them to keep the warmth inside easily despite the house's age. Her mind wandered off while she waited impatiently, picturing what she would do with Andy when he came back.

However, his return was very different from what she had expected. The door was flung open and she could hear low but anguished cries, making her sit up with a jolt of panic. She could tell the difference between when her daughter had just started crying and when she had been at it for a while and this was the latter. How hadn't she heard anything through the baby monitor? She reached over and checked it. The batteries were full, the signal lamp blinking reassuringly. Her attention was drawn to Andy who quickly closed the door behind him, holding Louise to her chest. The baby's cries had died down to whimpers now, but she was definitely still upset.

"What happened?" she asked him, shocked by the baby's state and scared by the fact that she hadn't noticed that something was wrong. She didn't want to think about what else might have happened. The look on Andy's face when he switched on the bedside lamp terrified her.

"The window in her room was wide open," Andy's voice was shaking. "The batteries in the baby monitor are empty."

"Oh my god," Sharon inched closed in the bed when he sat down, feeling her baby's forehead, noticing that she was cold despite the fact that she was wrapped in a blanket now. "How is that even possible? The window was closed when I went to check on her earlier and the baby monitor was definitely working when I fell asleep." She felt tears welling up, her throat constricting. Somehow she felt guilty although deep down she knew that she hadn't done anything wrong.

"Do you think she needs a doctor?" Andy asked, handing the baby off to Sharon who nestled her against her for maximum warmth.

"The window can't have been open for long. I went to bed-" She looked at her alarm clock. "Two hours ago." Louise was beginning to calm down, her whimpers fading.

"How could that happen?" Andy asked grimly. Sharon's eyes widened.

"Andy, I didn't-"

He reached out and stroked her arm. "Honey, I never implied that you did anything wrong. You're not insane. I'd never think you'd leave a window open at these temperatures."

The silence that stretched between them for a moment felt ominous.

"Is there any way it could have been the wind?" Sharon asked in a small voice, hoping so much that there was.

"I'll go check now. I was pretty focused on getting her out of there earlier." He squeezed her arm lovingly. "I'll be right back."

Sharon's inner investigator demanded to go along with him, but common sense dictated that she stay here and warm up the shivering child in her arms. Her skin was its usual healthy shade and although Louise's nose was cold, she didn't seem completely frozen. Whispering words of comfort, Sharon cradled her close and rocked her.

"Mom?"

She looked up at the tentative voice and found a sleepy Laura in a pink nightgown and slippers standing in the doorway and blinking against the bright light.

Her own voice sounded unfamiliar and scared to herself when she spoke. "What are you doing here? I thought you were with... with..."

Once again, her disability to remember names would work to her disadvantage, she was sure. How could she not remember her daughter's boyfriend's name when it was so important to give her a sense of belonging?

"Colin," Laura told her softly, padding towards the bed to sit down on its edge. "I was with him, but he convinced me to come back." She gave a rueful smile. "He made me see that I was unfair to you. I shouldn't have been like that with you."

Sharon felt choked-up at her daughter's sincerity, reaching out to pull her into a hug. "It's okay, darling. I know none of this is easy." For a moment she allowed herself to revel in the feeling of having both of her daughters safe and protected in her arms, one smelling of milk and baby powder, the other of red wine. Then she pulled back, anguish filling her with what she was about to say. "The window in her room was wide open," she told Laura whose eyes widened.

"At these temperatures? Oh my god, is she okay?"

"I hope so," Sharon replied. "She was born too early, so she is technically always at risk."

"Do you want me to drive you to the hospital?" Laura asked. "Where's Andy?"

To Sharon's surprise, her daughter's tone didn't even carry a hint of disapproval at Andy's absence.

"He's next door, checking the window. I should probably call the doctor, maybe give her a warm bath," Sharon realized that she was rambling, the implications of the open window catching up with her only now. There was no way the wind could have wrenched it open as it had been properly secured when she'd put Louise to bed. The walls were thick and swallowed sound, but if something had hit the window, she would have heard. The only logical conclusion was that someone had opened the window. But what for? And who? And icy shudder went through her as she cradled the baby impossibly closer.

Andy appeared in the room again, his eyes narrowing at the sight of Laura for the shortest of moments.

"There is nothing wrong with the window." It was the dreaded sentence Sharon hadn't wanted to hear. "How is the little one?"

"I think she's okay. She's regained some warmth but I want to call the doctor anyway."

Andy nodded, running a nervous hand through his hair, his eyes landing on Laura who looked back with a neutral stare that looked decidedly forced.

"When did you get home, Laura?" Sharon knew this tone and she didn't approve of its usage with her daughter. This was Lieutenant Flynn's voice when he talked to suspects, not witnesses. "Sharon told me you were staying with someone else tonight."

"I came back about an hour ago," Laura said with deliberate ease whose sincerity was betrayed by a dark look that was beginning to form in her eyes. "I went to the bathroom, took off my make-up and went to bed. I've been listening to my ipod so I didn't hear anything until two minutes ago when you started banging doors."

Her tone had become hostile towards the end of her statement and her eyes had narrowed. There was a short moment of silence between them before she spoke again.

"If there is anything you want to say to me, just say it."

Sharon halfway expected Andy to pacify her and tell her that he did not, in fact, suspect her of opening the window in her half-sister's bedroom, but he remained quiet at first, then turned to her, his features grim.

"That is quite a coincidence, isn't it?"

Laura's face fell, the composed mask slipping at once. "You think I did that? Is that what you're saying?" Her voice had risen, her cheeks were beginning to get flushed. Or had they been flushed all along? "Why would I do that? I might not be too happy with what has been going down here in my absence, but I would never intentionally hurt a baby!"

The situation was beginning to feel surreal, as if Sharon was caught in a nightmare that she very much hoped to wake up from very soon. Andy couldn't seriously believe that Laura would have anything to do with it.

"Maybe not intentionally," he shot back, his posture rigid and his voice carrying a dangerous tone. "But Laura, anyone can see you've had quite a bit to drink tonight. Maybe you were careless? Maybe you weren't sure what you were doing anymore?"

"Andy-" Sharon began, but she was cut-off by Laura.

"Now I am the one with the drinking problem?" She threw her hands in the air. "Wonderful! Is that what you're doing? Trying to make Mom think that I am the one who is unreliable and does stupid things while drunk?" Her tone was bordering on the hysterical now, her voice shrill and loud. Sharon tried to interject but stood no chance against her daughter's loud voice, soon joined by Louise's cries. She had no choice but try to calm one daughter down while the other was far from finished.

"I did have nothing to do with that stupid window and I might have had too much to drink, but that is really not a crime every once in a while!" She had gotten to her feet and was walking towards the door.

"Andy, I'm sure Laura didn't-" Sharon began again, but was silenced by her daughter's furious stare as she whirled around.

"Don't even pretend to be defending me, Mom! I should have known you'd believe anything he says!"

And with that she was out, the door slamming it shut behind her with a resonating bang. Sharon squeezed her eyes shut against the tears of horror that were beginning to spill, taking two deep, calming breaths before she opened them again. Andy's anger had dissolved, his expression now rueful and almost scared.

"Sharon, I-"

She held up a hand to silence him. "I don't want to hear it. I need to call the doctor."

Andy nodded, looking numb, as he rose from the bed. "I'll check for signs of forced entry around the house," he said quietly. Sharon avoided his eyes as she reached for her phone, still trying to calm down her now seemingly inconsolable baby. She was still trying to scroll down her contact list with her only free hand trembling, when the door opened again. On edge, her head snapped up and she was relieved to find Rusty there, a stricken look in his eyes. He closed the door behind himself and came around the bed, taking Louise from Sharon. She took a deep shuddering breath before she tended to her phone again, feeling Rusty's hand squeeze hers tightly in silent support.