The More I See, The Less I know…

Recap of chap 1: Phoebus "deflowers" Esmeralda and she doesn't enjoy it.

Recap of chap 2: A cloaked figure brings Esmeralda to a strange place and comforts her…and then tells her he loves her and she faints.

Recap of chap 3: Esmeralda finds out a little about the man she is now with.

Summary for chap 4: Esmeralda begins a sort of introspection, thinking about the men that have been in her life. She begins pondering the intentions of this new man and makes a decision about him.

As this is book based all characters and what not belong to Victor Hugo.

Constructive criticism is greatly accepted…flames/rants not so much. Please review whether you like it or not.

By now, night had fallen and Claude was asleep in a chair at his desk. He had restrained himself from sleeping in the bed with Esmeralda, as he did not wish to aggravate her further. Esmeralda was not asleep and she did not want to wake Claude. He seemed so at peace and like a little boy when he slept and she would rather not anger him by waking him. Instead she sat, staring up at the grim ceiling and was in heavy thought. Her thoughts were of men; how they treated her, which ones she liked and which ones she did not like. She thought about why she liked some men and why she did not like others. Her mind wandered to an odd thought, one that had never crossed her mind before and of a man she had taken for granted. Gringoire.

He had several quirks which at the time annoyed her greatly! He never seemed to shut up and he always went on these inane tangents about God only knew what. He ate constantly and spoke in verse. But there was a sweet and endearing side to him, one that she had not seen until now. On their "wedding night" he had not forced her to do anything. He had resigned himself to be her friend and only that. Perhaps he had hoped that she would one day look at him romantically and love him madly, but he was happy to have his health and he was glad for the companionship more than anything else. He had not gone on a jealous tirade after the captain or try to woo her. Though at times he annoyed her greatly, he was there when she needed him. He was not handsome, but he was not ugly either. He was average. Overall, he was a good man.

She closed her eyes, remembering how good the sun had felt on her skin and then quickly reopened them, as any thought of the sun reminded her of Phoebus. Oh God! What would Clopin say? He had watched her grow from a child…he had warned her against men. He would not be happy with this turn of events. She could already feel his hand ripping the small amulet from around her neck and telling her that she did not value her parents. At this she began to cry. Clopin, though often too busy to spend time with her was like a father to her. He protected her, he had slammed the door in the faces of men who had wanted her before. And yet he had never told her about this. He had never told her that at some point some man would take her and that she would judge other men by his actions. Actions…actions were what she ought to have paid attention to. She was too busy dreaming to the sound of Phoebus' voice and to his words that she gave little heed to his actions and she barely realized that at the time he had made her very uncomfortable. Clopin would comfort her and help her through this time. He was a decent man.

Her mind wandered to the man she had helped on the pillory. She had seen him before. He was a disgusting sight, but his voice was so gentle. He had tried to carry her off. Did that mean he too wanted to have his way with her? This idea made her stomach upset and she looked over at Claude who barely moved.

She remembered why she was here to begin with.

"Phoebus!"

It was a whisper filled with sobs. He was so gallant and handsome. He was her "Sun-God" and he was supposed to be all good things in this world. She had loved him and she had wanted to give herself to him. He had told her that she was beautiful and that he would make her happy. He had lied. She did not feel beautiful and she was not happy. He had made her feel like a broken plate…pieces scattered and unable to be mended. He was not a good man and yet she still loved him. She could no longer explain her love for him, as it was a corrosive and painful love.

And then, there was Claude. He seemed to be a good man. For the most part he was sweet and gentle and he cared deeply for her. He had kissed her a few times and each kiss felt better than the last. But, she could sense a fearsome and destructive side to him. He could easily overpower her and take whatever he wanted, whenever he wanted and yet, he was patient and caring. She was growing fond of him and felt something between her legs. It was wet; a new sensation that baffled her. It was his eyes! They were two kaleidoscopes, reflecting each color in a phenomenal pattern. They were so expressive and held a certain fire. He was extreme and he could be either extremely good, or extremely bad. In this moment she no longer cared. Marching over, she grabbed him by the face and cupped his cheeks in her hands. She leaned in swiftly and pressed her lips hard against his.

"I like you."

He had been awakened by the violent grab and his eyes widened under the kiss. He had not expected such a thing to happen, but as he reached out to place his arms around her waist and pull her in for a more pleasing kiss she pulled away and went back over to the bed. She knew what he wanted from her and she in some way wanted the same exact thing, but she was not about to give him everything he wanted just yet. She closed her eyes and smiled, as she realized that she could play any game the men could.

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