"N-Nao" He whispered,turning his gaze away from me.
"W-When did t-this happen?" I asked as he wiped his tears.
"L-Last week..It was..decided that..Nao and I..would get married in about a week or so and-"
"And!?"
"And that...I would..leave Marukawa and..take over the family business..." He mumbled.
"L-Leave Marukawa? D-Don't you like this job-"
"I'm sorry Takano san..But..It has been decided and nothing..can change it.." He answered rather firmly and stood up.
"A-Ah I see...th-this is just some prank..Haha..you got me...Onodera..so now you can stop joking" I found myself holding onto a small thread of hope,desperately clinging onto it,hoping this is really was some childish prank he was pulling..to get back at me for how rude I am to him at work. But when I looked at him,waiting for an answer,he bowed his head and shook it,immediately cutting the thread I was gripping,letting me fall into an endless abyss.
"O-Oh ...um...I see then...S-Sorry to disturb you then,huh? I-I'll get going now" I said as I got up,wobbling. My body felt as heavy as lead,not allowing me to move. My vision got blurry.
"S-See you..at work then..Onodera" I smiled,rather bitterly as I walked out of the room as he followed. I felt tears pent up in my eyes as my whole body shivered.
"Y-Yeah...see you tomorrow..Takano san" He said as I hurried out of his apartment,running to mine. And upon closing the door,my legs gave out as my body fell to the floor,tears bursting out of my eyes. It was getting hard to breathe,my chest was about to burst,my heart thumping recklessly,threatening to rip out of ny chest. I felt claustrophobic. These walls were suffocating me. Everything seemed to fall apart around me. Clutching my shirt,I wanted to rip it off. Is this what a panic attack feels like? Breathless and scary. I couldn't stop my tears from trickling down my face. I could hear cries..my cries..slowly turning into frightful screams. Marriage? He can't be...H-He already rejected the other girl..But now he...with Nao. Him and..Nao. I-It was supposed..to be me..Then why him..I thought..I was winning him over...Changing his heart,making him fall in love with me..but..what I failed..to notice..was that he never really..It never really was me. He is leaving me...again. All alone..I'll be all alone..again. Ritsu..Ritsu...Ritsu...don't...please don't..
He just can't. What I feared the most...has already happened. And...It's excruciating..to even think about it. The pain is spreading through out my body..my screams ringing in my ears. The reality...was consuming me..It was pulling me into his fiery embrace. My hands digging into my scalp,pulling forcefully on the hair strands to get it all out of my brain. Making my brain accept that it was all just a reccuring nightmare...That I would get up the next day,Ritsu sleeping in my arms. But I knew that it was all in vain. Today..the brain had won over the heart. The brain had accepted the truth as the heart wailed in pain;crumbling into nothingness,leaving me hollow.

I had no idea what time it was when I came back home last night or where I had been the previous night. All I remember is drinking till I lost consciousness. I wonder what everyone at work must be thinking about why I didn't show up..wonder what Ritsu..must be thinking. Haha..Why will he be thinking about me..I-I mean nothing to him now,right? But...I don't think I ever meant anything to him. He...It was always me..pestering him continuously..forcing him to do it with me..never has he..consented what I do with him..I..raped him all this while. I-I am..so ..cruel..and selfish. It must've pained him to..
I-I..How could I..to him..someone so delicate..
Anger was starting to build up inside me..My whole body was shaking with wrath..I was angry..on myself..for forcing my..'love' onto him. How am I different from any other ..psychopath..a rapist? My fists banged the bed rest repeatedly as I screamed out of frustration,no different from yesterday,breaking everything in the room. I needed to cool my head..get back to work..but as I saw myself in the mirror..nothing but irritation filled me. Just looking at myself..I felt disgusted. I rammed my fists into the mirror..immediately breaking it as the shards pierced my knuckles,bleeding profusely. But I couldn't get myself to stop no matter how much it hurt. I pushed the mirror down as tears overflowed,the sorrow overwhelming me. I couldn't calm down. I deserved..to be punished..punished..to have loved someone I could never get. Whose love was almost impossible to earn. I couldn't even feel the stinging pain. My body was going numb as I panted deliriously,my knees giving out as I fell to the ground. I looked at my hands that were full of marks. I smirked. So this is love huh...

I smiled as I brought my knees to my face,balling up..accepting my fate..lying in my own mess.
It hurts.

I sat in the cafe...enjoying my day off..rather pretending to..Everyone at work thinks I'm sick..I'm sure Ritsu knows the truth..But I was just not ready to face him yet..to..say it to his face that I had moved on and wished for his happiness..That won't be possible anytime soon considering how I'm feeling right now. A decent meal is what I think I needed...there's nothing at home...and I am in no mood to cook for myself..so I forced myself out,hoping I would not run into anyone from work. But God was never helpful was he?
"Saga-san" A voice called me and I turned to it,immediately recognizing the owner.
"Kiyomiya-kun" I looked ahead as he took a seat beside me.
"Long time no see,eh?" He said,taking his seat beside me. But I decided to ignore him.
"I see..You've heard then.." He asked and I knee very well what he was talking about,what he was trying to do;taunting me.
"Heard what exactly?"
"About my victory..." He grinned and the grip on my cup tightened.
"I mean...I finally have Ritsu all to myself..and next week is the marriage..the pace of the things really thrills me" He said.
"N-Next week? S-So soon" My voice cracked.
"Soon? I'd say its a little late. Ritsu's mother was rather in a hurry to get us married as soon as possible." He giggled
"Y-Yeah. W-Well I gotta get going" I said as I picked up my coat,in a hurry to leave.
"Okay then..but Saga-san..please do come to the wedding..I'm sure it would mean a lot to Ritsu ..and me too of course." He patted my shoulder. This bastard. How dare he-
"Takano san?" The soft voice called me and I immediately knew whose it was.
Ritsu stood there,holding two cups in his hands as our gaze locked.
"Ah Ritsu..thanks for fetching me the Coffee..I had a good chat with Saga-san here" Nao said as he took the coffee cups and put them onto the table,wrapping an arm around my beloved.
"W-What are you doing here? Everyone at the company is worried" Ritsu spoke up as I looked away.
"I just wanted some coffee..that's why I'm here..Why are you here ..slacking off from work?" I asked,avoiding his gaze.
"I-"
"We are looking around for a good place to buy some..suits you see..." He said as he inched closer to Ritsu.
"S-Suits?"
"Well yes..I mean..I really wanted him in a gown..but being a man..he needs a suit,right? Although Ritsu would look really cute in a gown..like he always does" Nao leaned closer to him and-
My eyes widened as I saw his lips kiss Ritsu's. It was as if someone had shot an arrow right through my heart. Kiss? They really- Ritsu he...He pulled back shyly and looked away as Nao grinned. "Aw..so cute" He kissed his cheek and pulled him to him. It hurts. Real bad. I feel like throwing up. It was coming wasn't it? Another attack? I felt my heart race as my hands went numb. It was all so..weird..and not meant to be.
"Now Saga san...see you later" Nao said as I realised I was leaving. Ritsu turned to me as I saw rings on their finger shining brightly. I smiled.
"Yeah..See you later" I said and walked out of the cafe and did not even dare to look back as I knew that If I did..I wouldn't be able to let go of this feeling called love.

It was becoming a habit..coming home drunk. Drinking away my sorrows. But it was something I couldn't help. I had become a maniac at this point. I was losing it..and I really had to talk to Ritsu about ..everything that is happening,and I didnt care which state I asked him in,drunk or not,I needed some answers.I wobbled to my door and creaked it open but paused when I saw Nao exit Ritsu's place. I hid behind the door as Nao kissed my love on the cheek and left,stabbing me again. I mean..I could bare this. What else could happen,right? I rang the doorbell and Ritsu immediately opened the door..my eyes widening.
"Takano san-" I pushed him to the ground as I closed the door behind me. This shirt...It's too big for him...I-It's not even his it's...it can't be..
My hands had pinned him down as he didn't even try to resist. He just looked at me with his hazel eyes. He looked pale. Had he been eating? Was he too busy with..the wedding? A-And did he and Nao really..really..
I tugged at his shirt as tears came to my eyes. I wanted to rip it off of him. I was already clutching the shirt,ready to tear it open but as I saw the fear in Ritsu's eyes...I pulled back..sitting against the door,covering my face as tears rolled out. He was supposed to be..mine..and yet he..It was too painful for me. Too painful to digest the fact that they had already become one...I could stop crying. I felt Ritsu's warm hands take my cold ones.
"Takano-san.." I wrapped my fingers around his,putting my forehead to our intertwined fingers. Tears gushing out,such an embarrasment. But..to think that love would affect me so much scared me. Just how much control does emotion have on a person? How much..can just one emotion..break a human?
My heart beat was echoing in my ears,my body felt numb. My throat ran dry but the only thing I managed to get out was..
"Why?"