Pumpkin

4 of 13

Warnings: Mech/mech innuendo

The Ark had been transformed in to a giant pumpkin. (Sunstreaker, of all bots, came up with the solution to the awkward problem of converting an ovoid starship in to a bulbous organic plant – he ordered orange rope to be gathered up to the top from the ground at regular intervals, mimicking the sections of an organic pumpkin. At the top, the ropes met and tied around the 'stem' – the outcropping antenna at the top – which had been painted brown. Sideswipe had called it stupid, but his brother just clocked him over the head. Their human friends had been loud in their appreciation, which seemed to have somewhat appeased Sunstreaker's vanity, so all was well.)

That wasn't the surprising thing.

All the minibots had acquired brown mouse ears. This wasn't really the surprising thing either – all though it was somewhat surprising that certain victims hadn't managed to get them removed. (Huffer had been heard grumbling that the twins shouldn't be allowed anywhere near bonding agents created by the humans. Ratchet had managed to confiscate Sideswipe's Crazy Glue after the fact; however, he had the feeling the hellion still had some remaining stashed elsewhere.)

Not even the fact that Prowl had acquired a faint sheen of sparkles to his doorwings, and was conspicuously carrying around a white stick topped with a golden star with ribbons trailing was even quite as surprising. (Everyone knew Jazz had somehow talked him in to it, but no one knew quite how. Prowl wasn't talking, and neither was Jazz. The expression on Jazz's face when asked about it, however, would make anyone wary. He could outdo Megatron when it came to crazed evil grins.)

No, the surprising thing had been Jazz entering battle with the Decepticons wearing a sheer ball gown and plastic heels. (He had wanted glass, but they hadn't been able to get them strong enough in time. All of Wheeljack's prototypes had crushed under Jazz's pedes. Jazz had been understandably upset, but the plastic looked almost as good.) In the stunned silence the followed his arrival, Jazz launched himself at Megatron, grabbing his hands and twirling him in to a rocky outcropping with a gleeful "Mah Prince!" The silence was broken by the distinct sound of laughter, as Starscream nearly fell out of the sky, cackling loudly.

"Starscream! Stop that infernal racket and get that Autobot!" Megatron was wedged firmly in to the rocks, and either his fusion cannon had been knocked offline or he'd simply forgotten about it, since he made no effort to fire it. The rest of the army watched in stunned horror as Starscream just laughed louder. Jazz affected mock outrage, and he whipped off one of his heels and chucked it at the flailing warlord.

"Fragger! You promised me f'rever!"

"I promised you nothing, you imbecilic Autobot! When I get my hands on you –"

From some distance away, the remaining officers of the Ark that had been on the battlefield watched the ensuing pandemonium. Prowl covered his optics with one hand, cycling quietly through his vents.

"That's it. I'm banning Disney movies from the Ark." He said firmly.

"That's…probably a good idea." Optimus agreed mildly.

"Aw, c'mon Prowl. Halloween's jus' once a year. An' ya can't deny this ain't workin'. Ol' Megs is too busy yellin' an' makin' a fuss to cause any real damage. An' the cons are too busy laughin' or starin' in horror."

Prowl reluctantly conceded Ironhide's point, before ordering the rest of the army to attack while the enemy was distracted. Then he opened a private link to Jazz's comm. ::Jazz, retreat.::

::Aw, but Prowl…::

::Now, Jazz. Or I'm reneging on our agreement.::

::Harsh, Prowler. Alright, I'm movin'. Tonight better be worth it.:: His tone was more affectionate than anything, laced with anticipation. Prowl nearly chuckled aloud, but restrained himself. He had an image to maintain, after all.

::Oh, I think you'll find it satisfactory.:: Prowl replied confidently, a less than innocent edge to his words. ::Don't forget the handcuffs.::

Jazz had to work hard to keep his engine from revving as he retreated from a still shouting Megatron. Wouldn't do to give anyone the wrong idea.

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A/N: Apparently I have a thing for sticking Jazz in women's clothing. Uh. Well, it wouldn't happen if he didn't go so willingly…yeah, this is complete crack, and not to be taken seriously at all.