I'd sent Jenny off to get the provisions at the end of the theory lesson.
She's asked me a question that I feared would come: "Why is that Alice living here with us? I thought you didn't want anything to do with her."
I didn't know how to answer. It felt right to let Alice stay so I could keep an eye on her and she was carrying a baby after all. Then again, something boiled inside me every time I came back to the realisation that the child's father was Lukrasta, the man that took Alice from me in the first place. Deep down, I knew that the baby would, really, need a father and that I should've sent Alice back to him.
But why didn't I?
It was like there was one buried unmentioned reason that I couldn't find, let alone explain. Besides, it wasn't that I didn't want anything to do with Alice. Even though she hurt me badly, she was once the very best friend I'd ever had and sending her back would give me that painful memory of when my world was first torn apart.
I couldn't bear to live through it all again so I didn't send Alice back.
It wasn't only that I didn't know how to say what I felt to my apprentice, it was also the conflict in my thoughts and the hate for Lukrasta. Just when his name was mentioned in a sentence, I would seethe in anger.
Lukrasta was the main reason I didn't answer Jenny. He was the cause to all this trouble, the reason why Alice and I never got the chance to be together. I found it hard to believe Pan was involved in this, I thought that Lukrasta was behind all of this and Alice was just covering up for him.
Why would she do that if she said she didn't have feelings for him?

Lost in my thoughts, I never saw Alice come towards me, frightened and so pale.
When I did see her just ten paces away, she came even more quickly towards me as she burst into tears. She rushed into my arms and I was surprised at how much I liked that, how I liked holding her in my arms.
But then I remembered the promise to myself, so I held her at arms length.
""Alice, you'll crush the baby doing that," I joked.
She gave me a warning and panicking look.
"Alice, what's wrong?" I asked her, now worried. "You look tired and pale."
"...Lukrasta...saw him in the village...Tom...Tom...he stole more of my strength...he wants to kill you...oh, Tom...he's after the baby!" she sobbed all at once, completely breathless.
"Are you sure you weren't imagin -"
"Tom, he kissed me fiercely on the lips...he spoke to me...admitted to it all!" she panicked, raising her voice a little as it shook.

I tucked her comfortingly under my arm and took her over to the bench.

We sat on the bench, facing each other, and I waited patiently for her to calm down.
"It's not good for you or the baby to worry like this."
"Lukrasta won't give up," she answered.
"Look, Lukrasta can't get anywhere near you here and I will deal with him soon enough. So just...don't worry yourself about this," I told her, a small note of warning in my voice. I knew it made my words less reassuring but when Alice worried, it took a lot and it made me concerned so I got impatient quickly for no reason whatsoever. I knew she was hoping for better reassurance but it was hard.
"Can't help it...Tom...you're all I have left...I can't lose you..." she said into sobs.
"You won't lose me, Alice." I didn't know why I said this, it just felt right and when she said, I can't lose you, it was like she was trying to say she could be staying here for a while, and I surprisingly liked that idea.

"Tom, do you like Jenny?" Alice asked me quietly after a while, barely looking me in the eyes.
"We work together, Alice, of course I do," I replied, wondering what she was trying to say.
"Not what I mean, Tom, mean as more than friends."
I looked at her sharply in surprise as she finally met my gaze.
"What makes you ask that, Alice? We work together but we could never be in love. She's two years younger than me, don't forget," I replied.
I don't know why but hated Alice to think that. In time, I knew that if I wanted to be with anyone, it would be her.
"That's what Lukrasta told me and after everything else that's come true, it's hard to tell with him. The only thing that ain't true is that I've turned to the dark. After how he's treated me, how he beat me with his belt sometimes and hit me...I better go inside," she said quickly, already climbing to her feet.

She left for the house in a hurry and I jumped to my feet in shock and anger at what she'd just told me.
"Alice, come back! You never told me that...Alice...Alice, please!"
But she was now already near the door before she disappeared through it. I stood there in bewilderment. If that was true, I would be making sure I would get revenge on Lukrasta. But why wouldn't Alice leave him when it happened? I'd always known her to be strong-willed and the kind of person not afraid to speak her mind.
Maybe those thoughts I had in mind about Alice lying was unnecessary.
Still, I needed to talk to her about this. I wanted to know exactly what Lukrasta did to her, even though it would only fill me with more hatred for him.
So, after a few moments, I shook my head and started to walk towards the house when I met Jenny by the door.
I could see she'd got the provisions.
"What's wrong?" she asked me.
"I'll tell you in a minute," I replied.
Jenny nodded and when I opened the door, we walked inside.