Don't Wanna Lose You

Amelia's POV

It is late at night and I just can't bring myself to sleep. After tossing and turning, many many times, I finally give up and stare at the ceiling.

I turn my attention to the person sleeping peacefully beside me, the street lights shining through the curtains outlining his muscular features. He had just shaved this evening and he looks more handsome than ever. I just can't believe that I have him in my life, that he is well and alive and breathing beside me. I know it's the universe playing games with me. It always lets me feel like I'm in heaven for a short period of time, before crushing me down beneath its weight again and again. If my history with men is anything to go by, he wouldn't be here by now. My whole life since I was 5, the universe has been cruel enough to snatch all the men I love away from me. It's like the universe is on a mission ' Let's just take all the men Amelia Sheperd loves away from her, and see how much she can handle before she breaks down'. I fear that Owen Hunt will not be an exception, but for now, as long as he is here with me, I'll cherish every moment of the time I have with him.

I snuggle up closer to him under the blankets and feel the warmth of his body and the comforting feeling of his heart beating. And I drift off to sleep.

My eyes suddenly flicker open to the darkness of my bedroom. They quickly dart over to the figure lying still beside me. It is lying too still for my liking. I sit up on my side of the bed and take a closer look at him. I frown and scrunch my face. Why isn't his chest rising and falling like it usually does when he breathes? I press my head onto his chest and my ear to his mouth to check for signs of a heartbeat and breathing but find none.

I move my hand to his neck and try to locate his carotid pulse, but there is no carotid pulse on both sides of his neck.

Immediately, I am transported back to what happened several years ago, when I awoke in the morning to Ryan's lifeless body beside me. I had tried to shake him awake and locate his pulse but to no avail. I remember doing chest compressions on him, and screaming with anguish at the same time as I continued pressing on his lifeless body. It was a futile and helpless attempt to grasp onto something or rather, someone that I didn't want to let go.

And now, this cannot possibly be happening again. Is the universe that cruel towards me?

' No Owen no...' I mutter to myself.

' Wake up Owen, please wake up!' I shake him, praying to the higher power above not to do this to me again.

He isn't moving.

' Damnit Owen' I cry out. Tears are now rolling freely down my cheeks and spilling onto his plaid shirt. ' Please don't do this to me'.

Desperate times call for desperate measures. I begin pressing on his chest hard, hoping against hope that this would save him somehow, unlike how it failed to save Ryan.

Just then, Owen let out a yell, causing me to startle and release my hands from his chest.

' Amelia- what are you doing?' he sounds furious ' Are you trying to break my ribs or something?'

A wave of relief washes over me. I don't care if he is mad at me, I am just glad that he is here to scream at me.

Suddenly without warning, tears start rolling down my cheeks again, and sobs escape from my mouth.

' I ...I thought you were dead' I sob. ' You weren't breathing...there was no pulse and ...I really thought you were dead. Just like Ryan last time. That was how I found him...lying still beside me on our bed...'

' Mia...I am alive aren't I? I am sitting beside you and talking to you' Owen says softly, placing a hand on my shoulder.

' I know...I am so glad that you're here with me, for a moment I thought I was going to lose you too.' I admit . ' Because I've lost every single man I've loved... My dad, Ryan, my baby, Derek...' and I am afraid I would lose you too, because the universe always seems to screw me up.'

' Amelia- I am not going anywhere ok?' Owen says firmly. ' I am staying here with you, we are going to grow old together and die together with our grandchildren by our beside. This I promise you.'

' Ok' I smile at him. ' Screw the universe'.

' Yes, screw the universe' he repeats.

'SCREW THE UNIVERSE!' we both yell at the top of our lungs.

Soon, a knock was heard at the bedroom door.

' Is everything ok Amelia?' I hear Maggie's voice asking.

'Yes, I'm fine' I answer back and look at Owen who was trying to stiffle a laughter.

I lean back into his chest and feel the comfort of his heartbeat. I don't want to lose him, ever.

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