Disclaimer: I do not own anything affiliated with Twilight.
A/N: Some people got it, others didn't, but I was able to explain away most of peoples' questions. Just in case, though, here are a few clarifications:
1) Evan is Esme's nephew, making him Edward and Emmett's cousin not brother.
2) Edward and Emmett have not started school with Rosalie and Alice yet; they start once school picks back up again after the winter break in early January.
3) Bella was not wearing a thong or any type of underwear and Evan was able to walk by and see up because of how short the dress was and because of the slit in the front.
4) Rosalie and Jasper are siblings (Hale), Emmett and Edward are siblings (Masen), Alice is an only child (Cullen), and Bella is an only child as well (Swan).
5) Edward did hear the Chippendale speech Bella gave at the end of chapter 2.
6) WARNING: This clarification is sexually explicit. Some people did not understand the "Slut, down. Pat." comment. Basically in the line before that, Bella was sarcastically saying, "And you think I have the role of a slut down pat." Rose, being the way her mind is so focused on sex, took her words and twisted them, saying, "Slut, down. Pat." It's like a man commanding a woman in the actual act, calling her a slut, telling her to get down, and then telling her to pat.
Any more questions, e-mail or PM me, or just put it in with your review!
Last Time:
The woman nodded her head. "Esme Masen. And I see you've already met one of my son's, Edward."
Chapter 4: Follow the Yellow-Flamed Road…To Hell
Crap! Did she seriously just say that?
I spun around to face Edward, who had so daringly wrapped an arm around my waist from behind. I yanked it off and glared at him.
"You knew?" I hissed.
He smiled at me and for a second I was lost, like being over taken by a tide, unable to find my way back up for air.
"Knew what?" he asked, down playing the situation.
"You know what," I glared.
"Well, I do admit to knowing that women have pubic hair, however, I did not know you still had yours."
My face burned, a thousand suns beaming their rays down upon me. "So what if I do?" I breathed, trying to get myself under control and not let him know how much he was really affecting me.
He looked over my shoulder in the direction of his mom and cousin and then leaned in to whisper in my ear. "So if you do…I now know that I would like to see it."
I hit his shoulder. "You're a huge dick!"
He chuckled, enjoying this. "I may be one, but I also have one."
"Okay, disgusting pig, I now have damage control to take care of, no thanks to you, so leave your penis in your pants, and keep your tongue in your mouth, and maybe I'll consider talking to you again."
He smiled that breathtaking smile that caused me to melt. It made me want to slap him, purely for being so beautiful. "I was hoping we wouldn't be doing much talking."
"Like I said, you're a pig. I prefer not to kiss things that roll in mud and snort."
"That's too bad," he smiled, yanking me back to him and slipping his arm around my waist, while walking back toward his mom and cousin.
As we approached, I became even more nervous. Having Edward by my side helped a little, if only for the fact that he was standing by my side—literally and figuratively.
Next came the question of how the hell I was supposed to respond to this woman, who happens to be the aunt of the little boy I so crudely erupted, and the mom of the hunk of man I wanted to swap spit with.
I settled for nodding my head at her to stall for time, but then Rosalie ended up grabbing it and stopping it, saying I looked like a drunken bobble head.
Mrs. Masen was still standing there, waiting for my answer.
"You would be correct in your assumption, Mrs. Masen. I have met Edward," I told her, my voice coming out monotone and my smile looking fake and plastered. Could I be anymore commercial if I tried?
And what the fuck did I just say? Of course I've met Edward! The man was attached to my hip like a leech and I made it sound like I met the guy at a business function. Besides being prone to inappropriate outburst, she is now going to assume that I think people can't see the obvious.
Rose slapped the back of my head and it hurt as if a horse's shoe had gone and plunked me there.
"Damn it, Rose," I screeched, and then looked down to see Mrs. Masen covering up the little boy's ears.
Shit! Toto, welcome to hell, because we certainly aren't in Kansas anymore.
I mean could I embarrass myself anymore if I tried? Like hell I could, because this non-existent God sure knew I wasn't exactly trying to humiliate myself in front of Chippendale's mom.
The deal was to suck-face, not kiss-ass, but it looks like that's what I'll be doing.
I quickly looked back up into the face of Mrs. Masen. "Well, let's hope the kid doesn't have a photographic memory, right?" I smiled, trying to relieve some of the tension.
I could feel Edward shaking next to me in laughter, while Rosalie stepped on my toe again with her heel. Shit! That hurt like hell.
"If you'll excuse me for one second…" I trailed off, grabbing Rosalie roughly by the arm and dragging her to the opposite side of the mall from where the Masens stood.
"What the fuck am I doing wrong, Rose?" I asked, shaking my head from side to side, burring my face in my hands.
After Rose stopped clearing those damn tear drops from her eyes, she looked me straight in the face. "You're doing nothing wrong, Bella."
"Which translates into I'm doing everything right. I wouldn't buy that load of crap if you paid me." I shook my head at Rose. She was not helping any.
"Bella, if you want me to be honest, I will."
"Rose, great to have the real you back. Can we stop reminiscing on times of old, and discuss the present? I need help. I've never kissed much ass so I don't really know how."
"Honestly, Bella," Rose rolled her eyes. "Everyone knows that. You haven't kissed much of anything."
"Do you remember last year, Rose?" I practically screamed. "You two little conniving devils got me drunk and I made out with a girl! I was a fucking lesbian for a day. So for your information, I have obviously kissed some."
"Bella, your level of high-pitched screaming continues to amaze me. But back to the topic at hand. Your problem is your voice."
I looked over Rose's shoulder and found an open-mouthed Mrs. Masen, a hysterical little boy, and Emmett and Edward cracking up, leaning on each other for support.
"Alice and you are a bad influence," I huffed.
Rose shrugged. "Would you rather us be your influence or alcohol?"
"Neither. Both have the same side effects. I wake up the next morning wondering why the hell I have a god damn headache and why I'm not clothed. If I didn't think you were joking half the time, I'd seriously think you would want me to be your lesbian lover."
Rose rolled her eyes. "I swing both ways, Bella. I'm young, you're young. I'm just glad you don't remember it. It would have scarred you for life."
I stared at her, murderous. "Joking, Bella. I prefer to have the real deal filling me up cream-styled, instead of having to mess around with a plastic dildo."
"Too much information, Rose! Get your mind of sex for one minute, and let's focus on how I can redeem myself."
Rose laughed and it almost sounded blood-curdling. "You are past the point of redemption my friend. But if it helps, repeat this mantra over and over again in your head: I do what I want. When I want. Where I want. And to whomever the hell I want. It will teach the old hog to fuck off."
"What if I want her to like me? What if I don't want her to fuck off?" I didn't know why I cared so much, but this whirlwind day at the mall and Edward's proximity to me, and easy bantering with him, totally had me hooked. I liked the kid, damn it!
"Of course the virgin wouldn't want her to fuck off. It'd be quite the show, though."
"Rose! I still have ten seconds of you and your agreement to not think about sex, so give them to me!"
By the smile on her face I could tell she had come up with some sexual retort, but when it came down to it, she was a good friend, and she gave me my ten seconds. "I know how to handle this, Bella. You go back over there, talk minimally, and I'll be back in a few minutes. Don't worry."
"Should I really be trusting you?"
"Do you really have a choice?"
My shoulders lumped forward and I muttered unintelligible words, walking back toward the personification of my death.
I wondered briefly how I got myself into this mess and then decided it was time to play the blame game.
I started with God again. If he had never decided to create this world, then there would have been no naked Adam, to bang a clothe less Eve. But, alas, God did create the world, and with them came hormones, so Adam ended up shagging Eve shameless. Too many years to count later, Charlie and Renee came to be. And then they had me and we just had to live in Forks, and I just had to become friends with the two worst people to ever exist. And then, as the cherry on top of the sluty sundae—and yes, we do know sundaes are sluty; they have a fucking penis look-a-like, whipped cream and chocolate syrup—I willingly decided to come back every year, subjecting myself to even more torture.
The blame game was all I had at this point, and it was a stretch of the imagination by far. If only I had Dorothy's magic shoes and could transport myself to wherever the hell I wanted. It'd be fun to have Toto come along for the ride, too. At least, he'd be a good friend.
"Bella, dear, did you clear things up with that little friend of yours?" Mrs. Masen asked me sweetly, snapping me out of my trance.
"Um…I think so?"
She smiled at me, looking at me oddly, before bending down to pick up the little boy, who I now knew as Evan. "Evan, I would like you to meet Bella. Bella didn't mean anything by her remarks, did you?"
Mrs. Masen gave me a meaningful glance and I quickly smiled. As I was about to open my mouth, I was attacked from behind.
Someone was shaking me and sobbing into my back. I froze while they grabbed my sides and started forcefully shaking me back and forth.
They turned me around and I could see Alice's tear-stained face.
"Alice!" I quickly gasped. I couldn't stand her looking so sad. I wondered what was wrong, but all I wanted to do was make her feel better. "Alice!" I yelled again.
She looked up at me and started sniffling. She looked around me and smiled brightly. "I must apologize to all of you, especially you Mrs. Masen, and you, too, cutie," she said, pinching Evan's cheeks.
Mrs. Masen looked at her oddly, as did I. "It's all my fault," she continued. "I wasn't supposed to be gone for that long. Oh, Bella, will you forgive me?"
She lunged into my arms, and I hesitantly hugged her back, wondering what was going on. I looked up at Rose and she winked at me.
"Just go along with whatever I say," Alice hissed. "I'm here to help you fix this problem."
I immediately became worried. Alice and Rosalie trying to help me equaled no good.
"Of course I forgive you, Alice," I chocked, patting her back. "What exactly is there to forgive?"
"Don't pretend like you don't know, Bella!" she laughed, releasing me. "We're all practically family now," she smiled, waving her hand around to include the Masens in this conversation.
"Uh huh," I said, fidgeting with my hands.
"They can know, they won't make fun of you," she assured me.
"Know what?" I hissed, not liking at all where this was going.
"Your medicine," she said sadly, looking to the floor.
"Here are your pills, Bella," Rosalie stepped forward, handing me 13 pills. "I'll go with you to get something to drink, if you'd like."
I tried to swallow, but my throat all of a sudden closed up. "Pills?" I barked.
Alice stepped forward, wanting to explain. "You see, Mrs. Masen, the reason I lunged at Bella, is because she goes crazy when she doesn't take her pills. I had forgotten that I had them, and Rose and her were trying to find them when all of a sudden sweet, little Evan comes along. Bella just snapped. It happens if she doesn't take her 13 pills every six hours."
I stared open-mouthed at Alice. "Mrs. Masen, I can assure you that I do not take pills. Wherever Alice came up with this absurd idea is beyond me."
Rosalie walked up to me and threw an apologetic smile to Mrs. Masen. "If you don't mind, Mrs. Masen, it was really nice meeting you and your family, but Bella really needs to get these pills down, so if you'll excuse us?"
"Oh, yes, of course!" Mrs. Masen exclaimed. "And Bella, dear, I do forgive you. I hope you can overcome your depression and thoughts of suicide."
I whipped my head back around to face her. "I thought I was just crazy?! I didn't know I was suicidal, too?!"
"Oh, I'm sorry, Bella," Mrs. Masen came up, laying a hand on my shoulder. "I can understand how that topic would be too hard to talk about." She smiled at me reassuringly before walking away.
I gaped, shocked at what had just happened. I didn't mean what I said in the way she had taken it. I meant that I hadn't known that Alice had gone and told her I was a lunatic.
I was so going to kill these girls…right after I got that kiss of mine.
A/N: Your love from last time blew me away. Seriously, I felt like Dorothy from The Wizard of Oz. Hehe, themed chapter. Anyways, I would love for you to do it again, so review away!! Also, yes, I beta, but no, I don't beta for my own stories. So sorry about the mistakes!
And, drum roll please, the kiss is in the next chapter!! About time, huh?