"Hi dad! How are you?"

"Hello, Lau. I'm well, and you?"

"I'm wonderful. Why are you calling me? Not that I don't want you to call me, but, is there a specific reason?"

"Yes, there is. So, your aunt and her husband are getting married in a few months, yeah?"

"Yeah, end of March."

"And, well, I happen to be Heracles' cousin, so he invited me and my brother for the wedding."

"So what's the problem? It'll be great seeing you and—oh. I see."

"Yeah. I'd much like to keep all my limbs intact."

"Mom's going to have a fit."

"You betcha." The man on the other end said, sighing. "Look, Lau, you know that my biggest regret is leaving your mom, right? It was just a little fling, and once I found out she was pregnant, I called and called—"

"Dad. I know. I don't resent you for that."

And Lau didn't. Otherwise, he would have never maintained such a close relationship with him. Not only that, but he kept it a secret from his mother. He never lied to his mother. Well, except for this. He even chose a college closed to where his father lived so that they could meet often. But he was home for the long weekend, Martin Luther King Junior Day or something.

But his parents being in an enclosed area with eachother?

Not good. At all.

…

"Arthur! Arthur it's so tight! It's not gonna fit!"

"Bloody hells, stay still, will you? It'll hurt less if you stop trying to resist!"

"But…aah! It hurts!"

"Just loosen up, love. I promise it'll feel better."

"O-okay, babe, just…hahh….take it out, take it out!"

"Shh, it's inside now Alfred…"

"Thank God, I thought I was never going to get that damn shoe on."

"Well if you bought a size bigger like I told you to, it would have been a whole lot easier. Leather is really hard to work with."

"Mmm, what about when I used that whip during—"

"Another word and you're on the couch for a month."

"Psh, whatever. Why are we buying stuff to wear to 'Kura's wedding now? It's only, what, the middle of January? She's getting hitched at the end of March!"

"True, but knowing you, if you don't go shopping now, you'll forget about it completely, and show up at the wedding in your silly cowboy-esque getup."

"Hey! Cowboys are sexy!"

"Whatever."

"That's not what you say when I'm riding you, Artie!"

'Artie' blushed crimson.

…

Flashback

About 20 years ago

"What's the matter, Heracles? You know, you can tell me anything."

"What do you mean?"

"Do not play games with me. You haven't brought a girl home in over a month. Something's up."

"I…am in love with this girl…"

"You? In love? Blasphemy!"

"Shut it, Gupta. Just because we all know you like older women…"

"Miss Adnan is only twenty one!"

"Still, four and one half years your senior."

"Okay, stop changing the subject. Who is this great goddess of a girl that has the grand master of one night stands, Mister Heracles Karpusi, falling head over heels?"

"Goddess?"

"Well, she has to be. You've had a month long dry spell."

"It's…Sakura Honda…"

"The virgin? Heracles, if you even dare…"

"I don't want her just for sex, though. I love her. She's the first and only girl I love, have ever loved, and will ever love. I've been spending so much time with her, and she's…perfect."

Unbeknownst to the boys, a shy, black-haired girl stood behind the bushes, possibly the happiest person on Earth.

When Gupta left, the girl poked her head out slightly. "H-Heracles?"

"Sakura! Ah, how long have you been standing there…?"

"Long enough to know…that I love you too."

End of Flashback

"I still can't believe it took us twenty years to get engaged."

"I just wanted to live in the moment."

"I'll say. It took you almost a year to fuck me."

The Greek did a spit-take. "Excuse me?"

"Yeah, I mean, for the school's whore, you were pretty conservative about sticking your dick in me."

"Sakura…you've changed."

"No, love. You changed me!" She giggled.

That night, Heracles recorded the conversation in his daily journal (not a diary).

And that was when I realized that my fiancée and girlfriend of nearly two decades was not only insane, but completely psychotic.

But I still love her.

AN: Okay, this is an Omake of sorts. Also I have a really long author's note that I am going to post right now.