Chapter 4

Kate McGregor now knew why most of the parents she knew chose to shop without their children.

"No, Zoe." Kate shook her head for what seemed like the hundredth time as her daughter attempted to lift yet another unnecessary product off the supermarket shelf and into the trolley. Kate placed the box back on the shelf, earning a cry of despair from the young girl.

"Zo, we don't need it. You don't like Coco Pops and Mummy has some of her muesli back-" She almost went to say home, but then realised their tiny hotel room didn't qualify as home at the moment. Her old place in Cairns had been sold along with most of her things when she 'died', and their home in Fremantle sat still and quiet, awaiting its owner's return.

"Mummy, what's wrong? Are you sad?" Zoe moved closer to Kate, clutching on to her leg. ''Is it 'cos I grabbed the Coco Bumps, because I didn't mean to make you sad.''

"I'm fine, baby. It's fine." She shook her head, hoping that she could shake herself out of her thoughts as well.

''Well can I get juice poppers? I drink juice poppers and they're good 'cos you can take them to the park.''

''Apple juice or orange juice?'' Kate smiled, already knowing the answer.

''Orange please Mummy.''

Kate put the poppers in the trolley as her daughter skipped ahead.

"Want to ride in the trolley?" She called after her. Zoe paused, considering. Walking so far made her thirsty and tired, but if she sat in the trolley she couldn't help her mum pick what to buy.

''I'll walk.'' She answered determinately.

"Well, don't run off, okay?"

"I'll stay." Zoe chanted. Kate turned to grab a packet of pasta from the back wall, throwing it in the trolley just as Zoe spoke again.

"Mummy?"

"Yeah?" Kate prompted, looking at the bolognaise sauce. Expecting some story or random observation, her daughter's complete lack of response confused her. She looked behind her to see where Zoe had gotten to find her standing right next to her.

Kate crouched down Zoe's level, unsure as to what was going on. ''Zoe, did you have an accident?''

Zoe moved her mouth next to Kate's ear, her hot sticky breath tickling. ''Mummy, that woman over near the hair sparkles keeps looking at you.''

Perplexed, Kate turned to follow Zoe's gaze, freezing as she saw the woman Zoe had been talking about. Rebecca Brown.

"Bomber?" Kate broke the silence, Zoe taking the time to lift the Coco Pops back off the shelf and place them in the trolley.

"Ma'am." Bomber replied coolly, seeming to gather her thoughts.

"Rebecca, you can call me Kate. I'm not in the Navy anymore." She replied slowly and unsurely, having nothing better to say. She felt like she was opposite a poisonous snake, unsure whether it would strike or slither away.

"I know you're not in the Navy anymore." Rebecca spat back, glaring at Kate. Zoe hovered in the middle, uncertain about what was going on.

"Yeah?" Kate asked, unsure as to where this was going.

"Do you know why?" She started to walk back down the aisle. "Because you're dead."

The words slapped Kate hard in the face, and she gasped, unable to get enough oxygen into her lungs. She could not believe the fire and fury in her eyes. She had hurt her, yes, but seeing her like that made Kate realise just how much.

''Bec-'' Kate began, taking a few steps toward her.

"Stay away from me!" Bomber growled, turning the corner and leaving Kate feeling worse than she had ever felt before.

Mike Flynn was drunk.

But still not drunk enough. He was still thinking. He could still remember. The thoughts and memories were still swirling through his mind, and no matter how much he drank, they would not leave him.

"Now what kind of girl goes to a bar in the city on a Friday night and reads?" Mike smiled as the young blonde turned to raise her eyebrow at him. She stared for a moment, green eyes flicking over his body before she replied.

"The type of girl who avoids men who interrupt her when she's reading a very interesting book." She quipped back, closing the book in her lap.

"But how else would I buy you a drink? You've been reading non-stop for the last hour and a half."

"Have you been watching me?"

"You're the most interesting thing in this bar." He replied with a small smile. She rolled her eyes slightly, gesturing around the room.

"Well given that the bar is mostly filled with drunken University kids and all the kids from ADFA, that's not the knee-weakening compliment you thought it to be."

"The city then. I'm Mike. Mike Flynn. Can I get you a drink?"

"Cute, but I buy my own drinks."

"How else will we keep this witty conversation going?"

"You could join me I suppose."

"You suppose?"

"Well I don't promise anything more than I can give, Mr Flynn." She turned to the bar, quickly ordering a glass of red wine for her and a bottle of beer for Mike. As the bartender returned, Mike quickly payed for the drinks before she could. She narrowed her eyes at him for a second but said nothing, returning her wallet to the black bag hanging over her shoulder.

The pair returned to the lounge in the corner, sipping at their drinks.

"So, do I get to know your name at least? You know mine."

"Kate."

"Knew there was a reason I loved that name. Do you have a last name?"

"I do. Whether you learn it or not is a different matter entirely."

"Oh, I'll learn it, Kate."

"Where the hell's my top?" Mike awoke to Kate scrambling around on the floor. She was dressed in dark blue jeans and a black bra.

"Now I could get used to waking up to that." Mike murmured as he rolled over to get a better look at her.

"Give it a rest. I'm running late already. Do you know where my top is?"

"Try the kitchen."

The blonde returned to the room twenty seconds later with a black top on. She hopped on one foot as she struggled with her other boot, before running to the bed.

"Alright, I've got to go. Sorry. But I'll call you tonight."

"Call in sick and stay here today."

"You have to work. It's not just me that's busy."

"So I'll call in sick too. Come on. Live a little. We can stay in bed, have lunch on the beach, go see a movie..." Mike tangled his fingers in her hair, kissing her passionately.

Kate smiled against his lips, kissing him back for a moment before poking him in the ribs. He jerked away as she flashed him a devilish grin. "No, I have to go and you need to get ready. Besides, we've pretty much spent the last two weeks in your bed and now it's back to reality. But I'll see you tonight."

She was out the door before he could protest any more.

As it turned out they saw each other long before nightfall. She had been sitting in the corner, daydreaming about the last two weeks with Mike. He was the first person she had completely trusted in a long time and she was sure that she was quickly falling head over heels in love with him.

Kate Flynn. She smiled at the name like a thirteen-year-old schoolgirl, unable to believe how quickly she had fallen for Mike. The name rolled around in her head and there was nothing she could do to stop it. Her life was changing and she wanted Mike to be in it forever. She was so deeply absorbed in her thoughts that she didn't hear the door open or the class quieten until the door banged shut in the breeze. Her head jerked up to look at the new arrival, and felt her blood run cold as she saw who it was.

''Okay everyone, I'm your new lecturer, Lieutenant Mike Flynn. Welcome to advanced navigation.''

He hadn't noticed her yet, sitting in the corner fighting back tears. She felt a cold twisting pain in her chest like someone was actually twisting the organ. Heartbreak. Because just as she had finally found someone that made her happy, it was all going to be torn apart.

She watched him silently as he marked the roll, counting down the names until he saw her and their relationship would end.

''Kate McGreg-'' He looked up, shock written all over his face. Neither one had mentioned the Navy at all. Mike had said he would be lecturing and Kate had murmured something about classes. Neither one had imagined anything like these could happen.

Until two weeks ago, the Navy had been the most important thing in Mike Flynn's life. Since he was seventeen his life had revolved around tides, watch rotations and boarding parties. He was happy being married to the sea. But in the fortnight with Kate the Navy had become a distant thought, like the memory of a childhood holiday. He had thought someone as smart and creative as Kate would be studying at University, not training to be a Naval Officer. But here she was, blonde hair knotted in a tight bun, eyes burning with fear and sadness. She was still so beautiful, and he longed to hold her.

''McGregor.'' He finished, moving his head back to the list. It wasn't fair that after years of loneliness and the occasional blind date he had finally met a woman worth settling down with and she was his student. Two weeks. Only one fortnight with her before they were torn apart by a number and a rule in the Navy Guidelines.

He had no idea how he got through the rest of the lesson. He avoided making eye contact with her, rambling about sand banks and coral reefs while his students took notes unenthusiastically. She kept her head down the entire lesson, silently writing, and Mike didn't dare try encouraging her to do otherwise. Even from the other side of the room, every now and then he would get a whiff of her shampoo and get lost in memories again.

The bell rang suddenly, waking him from his thoughts and although he wasn't expecting it, his students seemed to have packed up earlier for an easy getaway. He had half-hoped, half-dreaded that Kate would hang back so that they could talk, but in a blink she had pushed her way through the door and disappeared from sight.

He looked up, fighting back tears, and signalled to the bartender to bring him another drink.

Nikki Caetano was excited.

For the first time in a very long time, it seemed almost everything in her life was going great. She had her best friend back from the dead, things were going great between her and Josh and they had two weeks shore leave. What could be better?

She had just settled herself on the lounge with a glass of red wine and a trashy magazine when the phone rang, breaking the peaceful silence. Uncurling her legs from underneath her, she ran to answer the offending communication device, muttering under her breath the entire way.

If her shore leave was about to be cancelled...

"Hello, Nikki speaking." She answered brightly enough.

"Nikk," Sniffed the voice at the other end of the phone. "Can you please come over? I just – please?" Nikki had never heard her sound so defeated. But then she supposed a lot had changed these last few weeks and that it wasn't all good for her.

"I'm going to sound ridiculously naïve but I honestly didn't believe that she hated me that much." Kate concluded as she finished recounting her meeting with Bomber. The pair of them sat on a bench as they watched Zoe play on the swings in front of them.

''She took your death pretty hard, Kate. After the shooting, she stepped down from her duties as second medic. She'd have nightmares almost every night. And during her free time she'd read medical journals, notes on trauma, information on treating gunshots, anything she could think of.''

''I didn't know.''

''She doesn't like to talk about it that much. And I know she wants to see you but it'll take her some time.''

"No!" Kate stood up suddenly, pacing anxiously.

"I mean, what am I going to do? I'm living in a freaking hotel room with my three year old daughter. Everyone hates me. Zoe misses her friends back home. I mean really, what am I supposed to do here? It's not like I can just be your XO again. I'm out of the Navy for good. So why am I even here? I shouldn't have even come. I should've left you guys alone." Nikki grabbed Kate's forearm, wrenching her into a sitting position again. Kate's fingers drummed against her leg anxiously as her ivy eyes flicked anywhere but at her friend. In that instant, she wanted to take Zoe and run. She wanted to jump on a plane and go back to being Ashlee Barlow for ever and ever.

Nikki patted her knee as Kate bit her lip, fighting back tears.

"Hey... I know things are tough but... but you can't leave. We need you here. I need you here. Promise you'll stay?" Nikki spoke softly and reassuringly, although Kate was observant enough to hear the fear in her voice. But she really didn't want to have to lie to Nikki again.

"Nikk..." She began, concentrating hard on her shoelaces. She spoke with such a dejectful tone that Nikki could tell exactly what she was going to say.

''No.'' She cut her off, unwilling to accept any disheartened apologies. ''Do you honestly think leaving now will fix anything?''

Kate looked up at Nikki with mournful eyes, begging her friend to understand. For a moment Kate let her mask slip, allowing her friend to see the guarded and fearful woman beneath. Her answer was as plain as day.

Andy Thorpe was exhausted.
He hated duty watch. Hated sitting in a dull grey bridge for hours on end when there was so much more he could be doing. Unfortunately though, tonight he had pulled the short straw, stuck bored and exhausted while a warm bed and a good movie were getting more and more enticing with every passing second.

Eventually after what seemed like an eternity Lieutenant Sampson entered the bridge. Charge wasted no time handing over the watch to the grumpy XO before taking his leave.

He had just gotten to his car when his phone began to ring and for a moment he just glared at the device that was potentially jeopardising his evening.

Incoming Call
NAVY Mike Flynn
Answer?

He sighed, hitting the green 'accept' button and lifted the phone to his ear.

"If we have been crash sailed I may just fake an illness." He said by way of greeting.

"Hello?" The voice that answered back was definitely not Mike Flynn's; that much he was sure of. Charge frowned, checking the caller ID again, before replacing the phone in its previous position next to his ear.

"Who is this?" He asked.

"Sorry to bother you. My name is Evan Thomas, I work at the Imperial. You know, the pub. We've met before."

Charge remembered the conversation he had with Evan just the other night about their football teams. He was a nice kid, even if his taste in footballers was terrible.

"Yeah, I remember you."

"Good. Well, I have Mike Flynn here. To be honest..." Charge heard some slurred yelling in the background, "...He's a little drunk. Actually, he's completely smashed and he refuses to leave the building quietly. Would you be able to pick him up? I'd call a taxi but he's refusing to tell me his address and-"

The warm comfy bed and good movie vanished as Charge looked at his watch. "I'll be there in five. Thanks Evan."

The first thing he heard when he stepped inside the pub was his boss's loud voice arguing with Evan and another worker.

"Listen... just wanna drink. Okkaaaayyy?" He slurred his words, throwing his wallet at the bar.

"Sir, you're drunk. Okay? We legally can't serve you. I've called someone to take you home, and you can have a nice sleep." Evan reasoned with him, looking up and seeing Charge.

Mike turned and followed his gaze, his eyes narrowing.

"'Arge! Won't lemme chrink."

"Boss, you've had enough. Come on, I'll drive you home."

"No! No no no no no..." He tried to stand, but couldn't.

"Yes. Come on." Charge grabbed Mike's shoulder, attempting to steer him towards the door.

"No! No! No! No! No!" Mike twisted out of Charge's grip, fists flailing.

"Boss, you need to go home. Sleep it off."

"No! Can't. Don't wanna." And with that he slumped against Charge and passed out.

Charge turned to Evan, holding his Boss up.

"I'm sorry. He's not normally like this. He's just... he's under a lot of stress at the moment."

"That's fine, Mate." Evan picked up Mike's wallet off the bar and handed it to Charge. As Charge went to pocket it, a small piece of paper fluttered out of it and onto the bar.

''Girlfriend troubles?''

''Something like-'' Charge stopped as he saw the picture Evan gestured to, lying face-up on the bar for the world to see. It was a simple photograph, a cheap polaroid probably taken by one of the people in the shot, but it was so frayed around the edges that Charge knew it was anything but a forgotten snapshot. He felt like he was intruding on a private moment, and scrambled to retrieve the fallen photograph, stuffing it in his pocket.

''Thanks Evan. I'll drive him home and he can sleep it off.''

It wasn't until they were out at sea that he was able to speak to Mike. He had tried to before, but Mike was so bent on avoiding them all that it was virtually impossible to get hold of him.

And so that's why he had cornered him in his cabin.

''Boss, you need to talk to her.'' He decided straight up and one-hundred-percent honest with him was the way to go.

''Talk to who?'' Mike feigned ignorance and began shuffling through papers.

''Kate McGregor.''

Mike flinched at her name but didn't look up.

''She's out of my life forever, Charge. I thought I made it perfectly clear earlier. I don't want to see her.''

''I'm sorry Sir, but that's crap.''

''Charge, she lied. She died. It's over.''

''If it's over then why do you keep this in your wallet?'' Charge pulled out the photograph he had pocketed the previous night. Mike stared at the photograph for a few moments, thumb twitching like he longed to stroke the picture. ''You were with her before Hammersley, weren't you?''

In the photograph, Kate and Mike smiled at each other, ghostly memories frozen forever in time. Charge handed the photograph to Mike and turned to leave, opening the door.

''She was in the past.'' Mike spoke softly, still staring at the photograph. Charge gave him a sad smile as he stepped out into the hallway.

''There's no reason she can't be in your future, too.''

Pete Tomaszewski had missed being at sea.
Hammersley had been in port all week, still and silent while its crew were anything but. While it was nice to have time to relax, Pete had missed the feeling under his feet as the Hammersley soared over the waves like a magnificent eagle.

Of course not everyone had been as relieved to hit the waves. Lieutenant Sampson had done nothing but complain about their leave being cut short, moaning and groaning until Nikki had snapped and told him in not so many words to shut his mouth or get out of the bridge. He had left not long afterwards, embarrassed and angry, and Nikki had taken the ship.

Buffer had stayed by the radar, happily talking to Nikki and Spider about childhood pets, first homes and cubby houses amongst many other things.

Nikki's first pet had been a mouse when she was five. Her brothers had put in her bed in an attempt to scare her, but she had fallen in love with it. She had named him Yogurt and had looked after him for almost a three months before her mother found out and made her set him free.

Spider's first pet had been a lollopy Labrador named Bungy, who had been around long before he was. When he had started school, Bungy would walk him to the gate then trot back home, and would be there with his tail wagging when the final bell rang.

Buffer had owned only one pet in his entire life, a duck that had been around for more than twenty years. Her name had been forgotten many years ago but was affectionately dubbed 'Mrs Quackers' by the schoolchildren who had passed it on the way to school. The duck had fast become a family legend and on several occasions he had asked his mother if the duck had died and she'd simply bought another one. She'd denied profusely, and the duck eventually died at the astonishing age of twenty-five.

It was nice to sit and talk about memories not bogged down in tragedy and despair. Light-hearted chatter. No sadness this patrol. Especially seeing as it was his last.

Chris Blake missed his family.
As much as he loved being at sea, he loved his family more. The time he spent in port with Sally and Chloe seemed to fly by, no matter how long they were docked for. He knew that this is what he had signed up for, but that didn't make it any easier. While he was at sea Chloe had learned to walk, learned to talk and had her first day of school. He had missed it all.

At least he had the opportunity to talk to her when he was away, even if it was only through email. No matter how little it compared to holding his family in his arms, it helped prevent the months from dragging on and on. And so after dinner he ran to his cabin to check his emails. He couldn't contain his grin as he recognised Sally's address. Eagerly opening it, he began to read.

"Chris,

Took Chloe to the park yesterday with Cooper, one of her friends from school. They were playing Navy Boats on the playground. Chloe insisted on being the Coxswain just like her Daddy. Attached a picture for you to bore your crew with."

Swain laughed out loud as he opened the photo, his beautiful daughter laughing on the play equipment not far from their house. Still smiling, he turned back to Sal's message.

"I ran into Kate and Zoe at the beach today and ended up talking to her for a while. Chloe was really happy to see her. Even happier when she discovered that Zoe and Chloe rhyme.

I'm really worried about Kate though. She was outwardly happy but I could just tell she was putting on a brave face. She's really down on life, Chris. I don't really know what to do. I offered to take her out to look at somewhere to rent, but she said she probably wouldn't stay here long so I offered to babysit Zoe for a bit so she could clear her head but she didn't want that either. Chris, she must feel so alone. I really don't know what to do to help her."

There it was. Confirmation of what he already knew. Kate didn't want to stay; she wanted to run.

Of course he couldn't say he was surprised. After all that she had been through, it would be difficult to confide in people and trust again. She had been forced to pack up her whole life with no time to prepare. Everything that she had been in Cairns had been stripped away, leaving her with a fake name and a fake life. And then, just when she had settled into the life of Ashlee Barlow, she had been told that she was free, just like that.

"She's got the option of going back to Perth and staying as Ashlee Barlow, and I think she's going to take it. Honestly, the way life has been, can you blame her?"

Josh Holiday was so incredibly nervous.
He knocked on the door to the CO's cabin before he could back out, anxiously hopping from foot to foot. This was it. He was finally going to do it.

The door opened quickly, and ET's stomach dropped when he saw the angry expression on the Boss's face. However the harsh eyes softened when he saw who it was, and Mike forced a smile.

"ET. What can I help you with?"

"Uh, Sir, I was wondering if I might be able to have a word with you in private." Evidently the wrong thing to say. Mike's eyes flashed dangerously as ET hastened to clarify his words. "It's not about Kate. I mean, we can talk about her if you want. But I guess you don't." Oh geez. Stop babbling. Just say what you want. What I mean Sir, is that I'd like to talk to you about the possibility of a shore posting for me."

Mike looked up, surprised. "A shore posting?"

"Yes Sir. If you don't mind can we discuss it in your cabin?" ET gestured to the door, speaking quietly so that he wasn't overheard by the sailors walking past. Mike nodded and gestured for him to enter, offering ET the seat at his desk while he perched on the bed.

"If you don't mind me asking, is this something you've been thinking about for long?" Mike began, unsure whether it had been his behaviour of late that had caused this abrupt wanting for a transfer.

"It's been on my mind for a few years now Sir, but I've only recently decided that now is the time."

"I see. And would there be a reason for this transfer?"

ET didn't reply at once, but Mike knew the reason before he'd even asked the question and waved away ET's attempt at an explanation before he'd given it.

"Right, well I suppose you would prefer a Cairns posting?"

"Yes Sir."

"I'll send the necessary paperwork in to Navcom. But it will be up to them to approve it. You may not get the posting you want."

"Well Sir, my contract is up this year and if I can't get a shore posting in Cairns I'm considering leaving altogether." It was a shock even for him to hear the words coming out of his mouth, but as soon as he did it all made sense.

"Well, I hope for the Navy's sake you get a shore posting, but if you don't… well, Nikki is one lucky lady and I wish you two the very best."

"Oh, Sir, nothing happ-"

"I trust you both when you say nothing happened on the ship. Just keep it under the radar 'til you're off the ship, okay."

"Yes Sir. Thank you Sir!"

Robert Dixon was no psychiatrist.

He made it a rule not to meddle in people's affairs, whether they asked him or not. He was the socially-backward sailor, and was happy to keep it that way. No one ever came to him for advice, and he never asked for anything in return. He was happy being RO-bot the reclusive sailor.

But he felt their pain. He felt just as upset as anyone, even if he had no idea how to express it. It was difficult sometimes to stand by and watch but no one had ever wanted his help before, so he never offered.

Until now.

He had heard her nightmares, her screams and sleepless nights. He had seen the bags under her eyelids and the tear stains on her face. But he had never said anything.

But now she was sitting slumped in the galley, looking so defeated and un-Bomber-ish. His breath caught in his throat as he realised that she was asleep, her body no doubt having given in to the many sleepless nights. He stood silently in the doorway, watching her eyelids flicker and her soft whimpers and moans turn to desperate terror-filled shouts. In an instant he ran to her side, shaking her shoulder hard.

Her eyes flew open, hand grasping behind him, grabbing for something that was not there. Then as suddenly as she had woken up, her body went limp again as she collapsed into his arms. He rubbed her back awkwardly as she sobbed into his shoulder, not entirely sure what he was supposed to be doing.

He wanted to say something, anything to stop her from feeling like this again. But he could think of nothing, so he just held her tight as she cried.

He didn't know how long it was until she finally broke away from his grip, nor did he care.

''Another nightmare?'' He asked softly, handing her a tissue from his pocket.

''They... they stopped for a while. Now that she's back they've started again. And the kid... Zoe... she's in them too. Bleeding and crying for Kate. And I'm frozen to the spot and I can't help.''

Her voice cracked, exhausted from all the sobbing. She looked exhausted too.

''Bec, maybe you should take some leave for a while. Get it sorted out.''

''Robert, this job is the only thing keeping me sane. At home it's...''

''Yeah, I understand.'' And he did. It was a lot easier to deal with grief if you have a distraction, even if it wasn't the healthiest.

''I think you need to talk to her, Bomber. I really think that's the only way-''

''I don't want to talk to her. She can stay in Cairns and you can enjoy your little get-togethers but-''

''She's going back to Perth though.''

Bomber looked up, confusion covering her face. ''What? No she's not.''

''I thought you'd have heard. She's going back to Perth on the 22nd.'' Bomber looked at the date on her watch. The 12th.

''That bitch.'' She got to her feet and began pacing up and down the galley, eyes flashing with anger.

''I thought... you'd have been happy.'' RO spoke quietly and unsurely. He had thought the news of Kate leaving would stem the flow of nightmares, but all it did was make her angry.

''Happy?'' She spat the word out as though it was poison. ''Happy? She turns up out of the blue, turns everything upside-down and now she's going to leave again! In what universe did you think I'd be okay with that?''

Robert flushed a deep red and turned to the door. ''I suppose I thought you'd be relieved she was out of your hair, but I guess one again RO-bot gets it wrong. I'll leave you be now. We're half an hour out from port so you'll have at least 48 hours away from me to recover.''

Before Bomber could protest, he was halfway down the corridor.

Rebecca Brown was pissed off.
All this arguing, the tears of frustration and exhaustion, their new XO, it was all traced back to one problem. Kate.

Nikki was sticking up for her, saying that it wasn't her fault that she disappeared. Charge was relieved to have her back. Spider was falling over himself trying to prove he wasn't just the screw-up kid she left behind. Everyone was falling over themselves to make her happy.

After all the grief she had put them through, Kate couldn't just come back after four years of leading everyone to believe that she was dead. It just didn't work that way.

And she was going to do something about it.

It was dark when she arrived, the winter sun having set a long time ago. It didn't matter though. She knew what number Kate was staying at. 14b. She took the steps two at a time, blood pumping in her ears. She felt a stinging in her hands and saw that her fingernails had broken the skin of her palm.

She reached the ugly green door and knocked hard on the wood, ignoring the scraping pain in her knuckles. It was no worse than the pain she already felt. That she had felt for four years.

The face flashed before her eyes, just like it did at night. Green eyes focused on something no one else could see, blood blossoming from her chest and smeared underneath her. And her dead cold skin.

And then the door was pulled open, and Bomber had to fight the urge to feel how cold her skin was. For a moment, no one spoke. And then Kate started to speak and the rage came back to her.

''You bitch.'' Bomber cut across her greeting. ''You're taking off?''

The tears fell, betraying her. Making her feel weak and angry. She took a step closer to the blonde and was pleased to see a flicker of fear cross her face.

"I mean, do you have any idea what you put us through?" She wiping the tears from her eyes. "You just came here. You just came back after four years and expected everything to be fine! And now you want to leave again?"

"What, did Sally broadcast it on the news?" She muttered, more to herself. Then she turned to the room. ''Zoe, go brush your teeth, please.'' She watched for a moment as Zoe skipped off and then took a step outside the door, closing it behind her.

She spoke quietly, but Bomber could still pick up the emotions in the words. Anger, sadness and... No. Regret?

"I thought it might make things easier. On you and Mike. I didn't want to cause any more drama then I already had."

''How considerate.'' Bomber muttered sarcastically, but Kate ignored her.

"When I was a kid... I didn't have the easiest life. In fact it was one of the worst. And when I was a kid I always dreamed of running somewhere new. I could change my name, start over, you know? But when I was Ashlee Barlow... I've never felt so alone in my life. I had Zoe, and I love her, but you know how difficult it is to make friends when your whole life is a lie? So when I had the opportunity to come back I did. But, it's making everything so difficult on you all and it's not fair on any of you. That's why I was going to leave. If I don't even know who I am and what I want, then how can I expect you guys to?"

''Do you want to leave?'' Bec murmured, unsure whether or not she wanted the answer.

''I have absolutely no idea. Yes, I think it's what's best for Zoe. And the sooner I'm gone the sooner everything goes... well... easier I suppose.''

''Who's deciding it would be easier?''

''You can't deny that me turning up has changed things.''

''So you're going to run away?''

''Good, we understand each other.'' Kate crossed her arms as she used her famous McGregor glare.

''I will never understand you.''

''Even better.''

''Look, Nikki needs you here. And you've got to sort out whatever is going on with you and the boss, not run away like a coward.''

''And what about you, Bomber? What do you think I should do?'' Kate challenged. Her companion didn't reply at first. The question had caught her by surprise, and she had no idea what she wanted. Five minutes ago she would have said that she wanted her to stay away, but now things were different.

"Well, maybe I don't want you to leave either."

Billy Webb was excited.

The crew – minus the Boss who had refused to come and the new Executive Officer they had forgotten to invite – had agreed to a get-together BBQ at Buffer's place today, and Kate and Zoe were both coming as well.

It had been strange to see them all together again, with Kate so un-X-like. She filled them all in with stories of her life over the years, and they in turn filled her in about Hammersley's adventures.

Despite their CO's refusal, they had decided to have a good time none-the-less, and the BBQ was sizzling by the time Swain and Sally finally arrived.

Zoe spent a lot of the time playing with Chloe in the tyre swing outside while her mother chatted with Nikki and Sally. Bomber drifted between the three women and the boys, still feeling awkward and angry despite their apparent truce.

It was nice to have just a day to relax and talk without responsibilities. But the real surprises came after lunch.

"Can I get a bit of silence here?" Buffer yelled out, everyone instantly turning to him. "Thank you. Now I just have something to say. I… I've applied for a transfer. I've decided that Hammersley has become a home to me and while that's great, I feel like I need a new challenge. I believe I'm getting a frigate posting in a month or so. Last patrol was my final one."

The chatter broke out at once. For Swain and RO it was no surprise at all. For others like Bomber and Spider, the news was completely out of the blue. But the general consensus was negative.

''Hey! Hey! Hey!'' They all fell silent as they turned to the woman who had yelled. ''Everyone just settle down. Buffer is choosing to further his career and you could all be a little more supportive!''

''Yes Ma'am.'' Chorused Bomber, Spider and ET. Kate raised an eyebrow.

''Ma'am? I'm off the ship. No longer your XO.''

''Sorry. But you used your XO voice!'' Spider protested.

''My XO voice?''

''Yeah! You know, the you-are-so-cleaning-toilets-until-the-end-of-time voice.''

''I don't have an XO voice!'' Kate protested.

''What about when Lucy broke your shoes?'' Zoe giggled.

''They were my favourites! And don't you gang up on me!'' Kate tried to defend herself but failed, laughing along with the rest of the crew.

''Everyone, I'd like to say something please.'' ET called out to the group. No one reacted.

''Oi, you lot! Shu-'' Spider caught sight of Zoe and Chloe. ''Uh... shoosh! ET's going to make a corny speech.''

They all fell silent and turned to ET, who appeared suddenly bashful.

''Okay, well there's something I want to say. Buff, I'm sorry to be stealing your thunder but I... I applied for a shore posting and it finally came through today. I'm officially off the Hammersley too.''

''What?'' Nikki squealed along with the rest of the crew. ''Why?''

''Isn't it obvious?'' Kate cried out, unable to contain it any longer.

"No." Charge, Spider and Swain answered at the same time. Everyone turned to face ET again, still waiting for the answer, although the girls all had knowing smiles plastered on their faces.

"Because I want to be with the woman I love." He answered, turning to Nikki.

A/N: Just a quick note that the story about the duck is somewhat true. Except ours lived to be about 35. No joke. She was pretty awesome.