Hey guys! Thank you so much for all the sweet reviews. I am so happy that you guys enjoy the story. This is the first chapter I have written in over a couple months. I'm sorry it's not much longer, but hopefully it's better. I also got a beta for the story, her pen name on here is "yaba" and you guys should check out some of her stuff, it's amazing!
Dani and Laurie; you girls are absolutely amazing! You guys leave the sweetest comments and I really look forward to reading more in the future.
Morgan, Nicole, and Briana; thank you guys for the comments! They were absolutely amazing and I'm really glad you guys like it so far, and Briana, I agree, I love the fact that it's not the characters but actually them. Morgan, woman I know who you are! Don't need to remind me :)
Everyone else, thank you SO much and just know the comments mean a lot and keep me going.
Also, I will not be updating my other fic "A New Life" for a while. I want to focus on this one and I've just lost motivation with it, and I don't want to write something that I'm not happy with, since it's not really fair for me or you guys. But, I have not quit on it so keep checking on it.
Hope you guys enjoy this chapter, and please leave a review!
Xx Nathalie
Remember all the things we wanted Even with our fists held high I didn't want us to burn out
Now all our memories they're haunted
We were always meant to say goodbye
It never would've worked out right
We were never meant for do or die
I didn't come here to hold you, now I can't stop
Sophia hesitated before walking out of her car. She was still not sure why she had agreed to this "date", or whatever the hell it was supposed to be. Truth is, she was still hurt. Sure the wounds were healing, but she knew she wasn't ready for this.
Before she had the chance to ring the doorbell, Chad had already opened the door. She couldn't help but stare at him. The man of her dreams was standing feet from her, and at the same time, that man was her worst nightmare.
Her family didn't think he deserved her. Hell, her mother begged her to quit the show. She couldn't. She couldn't do that to the crew, to the fans, to herself. At least, that was her excuse, because the truth felt selfish. She didn't want to quit because that would mean not seeing him again, and even if it hurt, she would rather see him than not.
"You're a little late." He smiled to her when she walked by him, entering the apartment.
"Did I miss anything?" She asked while placing her purse on a coffee table.
"No." She didn't need to look up to feel him staring at her. It was as if every where his eyes went, they burned deep into her skin.
"Chad." She stopped and tried to think of words.
"I'm glad you came." Sophia could feel her heart beginning to beat wildly into her chest with every step he took. She wanted to walk away, or even better, tell him to fuck off and not do this to her, but for once in her life, Sophia couldn't come up with words.
He sensed her discomfort and instantly felt guilty for making her feel uncomfortable. He looked away from her and rubbed his eyes while he tried to think of something to say.
"Wanna make popcorn?" He couldn't help but laugh when he looked up and saw her giving him an excited smile.
"Sure." He nodded and walked into the kitchen, she followed.
"Are you going to the movies tomorrow?"
"I wasn't planning on it, why?" Chad was tearing the wrapper off of the small bag of popcorn and looking at her organizing cups from the corner of his eyes.
"We're all going, you should come." She wasn't looking up at him, and he could tell she was nervous.
"Yeah, I'll come." He said, placing the bag of popcorn in the microwave and shooting a smile at Sophia, which she returned hesitantly. He loved her smile, he loved the dimples that formed every time she did, but lately her smile wasn't what it used to be.
"Where's Tyler anyways?"
"I don't know, probably some concert."
"That would make sense." Sophia laughed and rolled her eyes at her own stupidity.
He began to walk to the microwave, but turned around when he saw her walking into the living room. He hesitated for a moment, but made his was into the room.
"Soph, I'm sorry."
"Don't be." She replied to him and he noticed that her voice was raspier then usual.
"I know, but I can't help it, I want you to know how sorry I am."
She took in a deep breath and turned around so she was face to face with him. "It's fine Chad, I already told you a million times that it's fine. Maybe now we can just start working on us." Her voice cracked as she finished speaking.
"You mean?"
"I'm not mad Chad."
"I miss you so much." He whispered, taking her small chin between his pointer finger and his thumb. She still took his breath away.
"I miss you too." She returned a faint smile to him, but he could see that her eyes were full of insecurities and worries.
"What's on your mind Soph?" He wanted her to tell him what was wrong, he needed her to let out whatever she was holding in. He knew it would hurt to hear her say whatever it was, but it needed to be done.
She gently shook her head out of his grasp and began to get her jacket and purse together.
"Soph, please."
She stopped and turned back to him. When she finally did speak she didn't sound angry or bitter, she just sounded broken. "Why am I like this? Chad, you wont ever, ever realize how much what you have done has hurt me. Chad, do you know what it feels like to think that the love you feel for someone isn't being returned? I love you so much." She stopped and pushed the long curls out of her face. "I miss you so much, but I can't tell if this is all just a game to you. You love me, sure, but do you honestly want this?" She made a hand gesture toward herself.
"Of course I want you." He cut in before she had the chance to continue. "Why wouldn't I? I've never wanted or loved someone this much. I want everything with you." He whispered as he took her hands into his.
"I just, it kills me to not know what to do."
"You don't have to know what to do Sophia. Just know that no one else will have me like you do." He pulled her hand to his chest. "I was overwhelmed before, I was a fucking dumb ass, but you won't ever have to worry about that again." He whispered as he rested his forehead against hers.
"You love me?" She whispered, her eyes locked on his.
"I love you more than you can ever imagine."
"I think I have a small idea." She smiled.
"Not even close." He smiled back and pulled her into a hug. "I'm sorry I hurt you, I wish there was something else to say." He whispered into her hair.
"Promise me that you won't ever do something like this again, and if you ever feel like you might, you'll talk to me." She spoke into his chest and he could feel her shaky breathing against him.
"I promise you, on everything, that you won't ever have to worry." He felt her nod her head against his chest and he was about to pull her into a kiss when he heard the door open and then close.
Sophia looked over and was confused when she saw Kenzie drop her bag in the same spot Sophia had dropped hers, and that was when Kenzie realized what she had just walked into.
"What are you doing here?" At first Sophia had a smile on her face, but that was soon wiped away when she saw the expressions Kenzie and Chad had on their faces. She felt stupid for not realizing this earlier, she felt like a fucking idiot for believing any of the bullshit that Chad had just sold to her seconds ago.
She pulled away from him and she wanted to look at him, but something inside of her wouldn't allow her to. She walked past Kenzie and began to yet again collect her things.
"Sophia, it's not what it seems!" Chad raced after her, pushing Kenzie to the side. He knew Sophia wouldn't listen to anything he was saying, but he was desperate.
"Fucking save it." She hissed, her back still to him as she crammed her cell phone into her purse.
"Sophia, listen to me!"
"No!" She turned around and for a split second he didn't recognize the person looking at him. "I don't ever want to talk to you. If you say you fucking love me so much, then do me a favor and don't talk to me. I don't want to fucking hear any of it!" She spat to him, the tears streaming endlessly down her face.
"Shut the fuck up!" He screamed into her face and he could see Sophia's face contort with a mixture of anger and shock. "You know you wanted something like this to happen, the first fucking chance you got you would use it as an excuse to end things." He said, while pointing a finger directly into her face.
"Excuse me Chad, but I'm not the one screwing that little whore!" Sophia hissed, pointing in the direction of where Kenzie was standing.
"Who do-" Kenzie began speaking, but before she had a chance to continue Chad cut her off.
"You stay out of this!" He said fiercely, acknowledging her presence for the first time since she had arrived. "I'm not sleeping with her!" He turned back to Sophia.
"Then why is she here!?"
"I don't know." He whispered, he knew that it was a shitty answer and he didn't expect her to accept it.
"Did you sleep with her?" Sophia asked, already knowing the answer.
"Yes."
She let out a small laugh and her eyes turned a dark shade of green. "Nothing ever lasts." She said shaking her head. "Including us."
"Soph." He whispered, he was trying to fight back the tears that were now burning his eyes. His lips felt dry and when he tried to lick them, he realized his mouth was just as dry.
"No, listen to me Chad. I am done. I can't take this anymore. My mom was right, you are not the guy for me. I'm not even in love with you, I'm in love with who I thought you were." Every word that escaped her mouth was like a knife being stabbed into him.
"I slept with her, once but not anymore. I'm not lying." He whispered even though he knew he had already lost.
"I don't care Chad. I'm sorry, but I don't." With that she picked up her purse and walked out of the apartment.
want you to know that it doesn't matter Looking at you makes it harder Started with a perfect kiss then we could feel the poison set in
Where we take this road someone's gotta go
And I want you to know you couldn't have loved me better
But I want you to move on so I'm already gone
But I know that you'll find another
That doesn't always make you want to cry
Perfect couldn't keep this love alive
You know that I love you so, I love you enough to let you go
Sophia tried to contain the noises that were escaping her lips every time she tried to breathe. She had been crying for the last three hours and for some reason in those last three hours she had never missed anyone as much as she missed Chad now. All she could think about was him. Her mind was endlessly going over and over everything that had just happened, torturing her without reprieve.
She pulled her knees close to her chest and rested the side of her head against them. She couldn't stand this anymore. She was too damn good for him, she respected herself too much to ever let a guy think that he could get away with sleeping with someone else, but then why was it impossible to picture herself without him?
All she wanted was the happy ending she thought she would get with him. She wanted him in her life, she wanted to celebrate their first anniversary, she wanted to have babies with him, she wanted everything with him. He was the man for her, and it hurt her to think that she might not be the woman for him.
She crawled to the corner of her bed, where she had thrown her purse hours ago, and searched for a few seconds before pulling her cell phone out. She didn't bother to look at any of the text messages or any of the missed calls, she knew who they were from.
Sophia hesitated for a moment, then she slowly pressed the number "1", the speed dial for Chad. It seemed like hours passed in between each ring and when she heard him say her name she almost didn't answer.
"I'm sorry." She sobbed into the phone. "I'm sorry for everything, I," Her voice cracked and she took a deep breath and attempted to wipe the tears before continuing. "I want to make this work. I want you to come home, please. We can get through this." She begged into the phone and instantly felt the weight being lifted from her shoulders.
"I," Chad stopped talking and Sophia heard giggling in the background.
"Who are you with?" She could feel her body tense and she felt as though a knife had just been dug into her chest.
"No one, I'm at a club-" She could sense the panic in his voice, she didn't even give him a chance to explain himself before she flipped the phone closed and threw it on the floor.
She pulled her hands to her face and didn't bother to push her bangs aside. She laid down on the bed and continued to cry into the darkness, because there wasn't else she could do. He blew the chance she was going to give him before she even gave it to him.
I want you to know that it doesn't matter I'm already gone, already gone Already gone, already gone, already gone Remember all the things we wanted
Where we take this road someone's gotta go
And I want you to know you couldn't have loved me better
But I want you to move on so I'm already gone
You can't make it feel right when you know that it's wrong
I'm already gone, already gone
There's no moving on so I'm already gone
Already gone, already gone, already gone, yeah
Now all our memories they're haunted
We were always meant to say goodbye
An hour had yet to pass and she looked up when she saw her bedroom door open.
"I don't want you here." She sighed, turning her head back onto the pillow.
"I'll leave you alone, but first I want you to at least hear me out." He said while he walked over to the opposite side of the bed. She didn't reply to him or make any movement indicating for him to continue, but he did anyways. "After you left I told Kenzie to leave, I went over to James' house and I talked to him, then he asked me to go to the bar and I went." He paused and he saw her slightly move under the covers. "The girls you heard where some fans that saw us and came over, if you don't believe me I'm sure they are still there." He stopped again when he saw her turn around. She was looking at him and he could swear that he had never seen so much beauty in someone so broken.
"That's the truth?" She asked, her voice failing her. The word truth came out cracked, and he found it ironic, since that's how it had been for the last few months. "I want you to tell me everything. I want to know everything you did. I don't want there to be any lies, anything that could come back up in the future and jeopardize anything we may have."
He nodded his head and began to tell her everything that he had done wrong in the last year; everything that he had kept inside, everything that he was feeling then, and everything he was feeling now. By the time he was done speaking both of them had tears in their eyes and Sophia motioned for him to come over. He did, and he felt her hands wrap around his neck and back.
He wrapped his arms around her and it felt so good to be in her arms, to be close to her again, to not have a wall of lies separating them emotionally. She ran her fingers through his hair before gently kissing him on his forehead.
"Why did everything get so messed up for us?" She didn't reply to his question because she had been asking herself this for the past few months. They didn't break from the embrace until Sophia rubbed his shoulders and pushed him back, their eyes locked and all she could do was concur up a small smile.
"It's late, and we have work tomorrow." She huskily whispered.
"Will you be okay?"
She ignored his question. "I'll see you tomorrow."
I want you to know that it doesn't matter I'm already gone, already gone
Where we take this road someone's gotta go
And I want you to know you couldn't have loved me better
But I want you to move on so I'm already gone
You can't make it feel right when you know that it's wrong
I'm already gone, already gone
There's no moving on so I'm already gone