Final Fantasy Bloopers Chapter 4: Final Fantasy III, a Final Fantasy I-VI + Final Fantasy X Crossover fanfic

If you are wondering why it took me so damn long just to get another chapter out, it was because I haven't played Final Fantasy III, and I couldn't find a damn game script ANYWHERE! So I actually had to buckle down and play the damn game. Which was actually a good idea since I have a BOATLOAD of outtakes to present, situated through the entire game. They will be roughly in order with…

Onion Knight: Does that mean I get an appearance?

NO! Well…yes.

Onion Knight: Huh?

Well I looked you up on the wiki and apparently your name is Luneth…so there you go. You get an appearance. Only you get a name. Unlike Mr. Shiny over there.

Warrior of Light: *Cries in a corner*

Onion Knight: So…you looked me up. That's a bit creepy, I don't mind telling you.

SHUT THE HELL UP MIDGET! Er…ahem. Anyway, let's move on to the crazy oocness.

Disclaimer: I don't own any of these Final Fantasy Games or anything related to them. I also do not own any of the popular Internet parodies, movies, animes, or anything else that I frequently make references to. I do however; own Fang, Kamec, and Terraform. They just don't know it yet.

Oh and by the way, there is a lemon warning. There's nothing huge and overly graphic, just lots of implied sex and at one point, a one-sentence lemon. I also don't hate Aerith, I just think writing her this way is hilarious.

Warning: lots of expletives

Terraform was the first to wake. He leapt up from his bed and grinned evilly when he saw that the others were still asleep. He crept over to the front of the room and giggled quietly at his 'evil and ingenious' plan.

"WAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUGH!" Terraform screamed at the top of his lungs so that you could see the muscles in his throat screaming. Kamec and Fang shot up in bed in shock.

"Well, this su…" Kamec began, his half-asleep state causing him to forget the consequences of saying what he just said. Before he could finish speaking, Fang slammed his fist into Kamec's face, sending him flying into the door and out into the hallway.

"What the hell was tha….NOOOOOOOOOO!" Kamec protested before he saw someone he REALLY didn't want to and ran the hell away before she could catch him. Fang and Terraform watched with comical looks on their faces as Jenova floated down the hallway after Kyle.

"You know, I almost feel sorry for him," Fang said casually to Terraform, whose one visible eye was wide in shock.

"I know right? Maybe we should…" Terraform replied before Fang remembered how he had been woken up and drop kicked him across the room.

"Can you keep it down out there? I was trying to sleep," came a female voice from across the hall. The two muses left in the room, looked to see Tifa emerge from her room. Instead of replying, Terraform, launched himself at her, screaming not his catchphrase, but something else.

"BOOBIES!" he squealed in fanboy glee. He didn't even get close to her before Tifa planted her foot into his face without even missing a beat. Terraform cried out in pain and sunk to the floor, nursing his face.

Fang then saw Hope from the thirteenth game go screaming past while holding onto what looked like the Emperor's staff. Close behind him was the Emperor himself, who looked none too happy.

Looking around, the Square Enix hotel slowly came to life. That meant loud yells and screaming as the actors reacted to the presence of each other. As Fang walked with the recuperating Terraform down the hallway, they ran into some hilarious sights. Yuffie ran by chasing a singing Reno who was dressed in teddy bear pajamas and holding a cupcake. Then they saw Cloud and Sephiroth locked in a deadly struggle outside the window while Zack and Aerith watched, eating their popcorn.

All in all, a typical day here at the studio.

"Where did Kamec ever go?" Terraform asked, his nose finally not bleeding anymore.

"Who cares? Let's just go get our scripts already." Fang replied, shrugging. Terraform nodded and they followed the path to the assistant director's office. Terraform peeked inside before opening the door, not wanting a repeat of last night's visit.

"I think they have clothes on. Let's go in." Terraform reported.

"You THINK?!" Fang asked as he opened the door. Inside was another strange sight, but at least there was no sex involved.

Underneath the assistant director's desk was Kamec, who was curled up in the fetal position and whimpering to himself. In the center of the room was Terry, the assistant director. He was looking at two Evannas in the center of the room. Fang and Terraform blinked, wondering why there were two of them. But at least they were wearing clothes.

"I'm the real Evanna. You wouldn't mistake me, would you?" said the first Evanna. Terry appeared to be thinking hard.

"Don't listen to her! That one is Jenova! She's trying to replace me!" said the second.

"That sounds like something Jenova would say!"

"You don't know anything! I know who I am!"

"So do you, Jenova!"

"SHUT IT!" Fang finally yelled, shutting them both up. "Terry, just pick whichever one you want and give us our damn scripts!"

"I can't decide…you both look so sexy! Hm…" Terry mused. Behind him, Terraform was dragging a crying Kamec out from under the desk.

"I know!" Terry finally said. He opened his arms as if to embrace them. "Threesome?"

"Ooh you are so kinky, Terry!" said the first Evanna.

"Sounds like fun!" Said the other, and the two began getting undressed. Fang averted his eyes, though he was slowly losing his temper.

"SCRIPTS!" Fang practically hollered. Terry jumped, and began to shuffle around in his desk. He threw a bundle of papers at the three of them, and then shooed them out of the office.

Kamec, Terraform, and Fang looked over their scripts while making haste away from Terry's office before it got too awkward to stand there.

When they finally entered the studio, the director was looking over at them impatiently.

Director: You're late!

He was ignored, however, while the three finally saw the names of their parts. The reactions varied.

"Damn it to hell…" Fang sighed as he saw his.

"WHY?!" Terraform cried, throwing his script behind him.

"Well this…" Kamec began, but stopped as he saw Minwu glare at him from a dark corner, showing him the dynamite strapped to his chest.

Then a youth with white hair walked up to the three, flashing a friendly smile.

"Hey guys, ready for Final Fantasy III?" the boy asked happily. The three muses gave him a strange look.

"Who the hell are you?" Fang asked bluntly. The youth looked put out.

"I'm Luneth! Don't you recognize me?" the boy clarified, looking up at them with his pleading eyes.

"Luneth? Who the hell is Luneth?" Terraform asked, not recognizing the name at all. The boy puffed angrily.

"THE ONION KNIGHT! I'm the Onion Knight!" he yelled finally. The three of them stared at him with wide eyes.

"He has a NAME!?" Terraform gasped theatrically, causing the other two muses to laugh. Luneth pulled out a tiny little sword and poked it at them.

Director: Get on the damn set already so we can get started!

Luneth's Entrance Take 1:

In the darkness of the underground cave, there was little to disturb the perfect tranquility of the environment. Small scurrying indicated the presence of small animals scraping a living from the rocks and dust of the natural cavern.

A beam of light shined down into the cave, emanating from a hole that led to the surface. This was the only connection this part of the cave had with the surface, and it was unlikely that anyone would find this cave. Of course, being a main character, Luneth was easily able to find it. By falling into the hole like a dumb ass.

"Whoa!" Luneth screamed as he fell.

Director: Now it's time for the landing. Come on come on…

Then Luneth hit the ground and landed on his feet, which buckled underneath him with a sickening crack, and he fell over backwards.

"SON OF A BITCH!" Luneth cursed loudly as his legs broke.

Director: Cut…I knew this part was going to be a pain.

Luneth's Entrance Take 2:

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Luneth yelled helplessly, and then everyone winced and turned away as his head collided with the ground with a crunch.

Director: Aerith…we need you now…Aerith? I swear to Tanner, if you are making out with another cast member again, I'm docking your pay.

Fang, the director, and Kamec looked around, trying to catch a glimpse of Aerith. However, she was nowhere to be seen.

"On second thought, where is Terraform?" Kamec asked. The director sighed and walked over to the corner in the studio where the cast members often went if they wanted to get away with slacking off. His eyes widened in shock as he looked there. Then he turned his head and walked back to his chair.

Director: Well…she wasn't making out with him…

Now curious, Fang and Kamec prowled over to the corner and peered inside. Their eyes widened as well as they saw the scene before them.

Terraform was sitting on a chair, his head thrown back and his face contorted into an expression of pleasure. Aerith was on her knees, her lips wrapped tightly around the muse's cock.

Kamec's reaction was to burst into tears and run back to the set, cursing his luck. Fang just shook his head exasperatedly and walked back to the set.

'Damn it to hell…now I have to find another girl." Fang sighed.

Luneth's Entrance Take 3:

However his side collided with the side of the wall, propelling him to the other side of the wall, and so on. Thus, the boy hit every single wall on the way down.

"You OW have got to be OW KIDDING ME!" Luneth shouted as he broke almost every bone in his body.

Director: I swear, at this rate, we should just cast this guy as the new Laguna for Final Fantasy VIII.

Laguna, who was standing next to him, regarded to pitiful figure of Luneth who was lying flat on his stomach, groaning weakly in pain.

"I agree. Hey Luneth! Want to do the Centra escape scene for me?" Laguna called in a joking tone. However, Luneth froze, taking it literally.

"NO!"

Wellspring Take 1:

Luneth gazed in wonder at the pool of sparkling water before him. He had heard about such pools in stories before, but he had never laid eyes on one. It was magnificent, to say the least. All of the colors of the rainbow shined from the luminous pool, projecting onto the walls.

"So this is a wellspring…such mystifying colors…" Luneth said in awe. Then, he looked around shiftily to make sure that no one was watching. Then he ran forward and did a swan dive into it, not realizing that he was still wearing his armor.

"HELP HELP I'M DROWNING!" Luneth cried before going under, and then his calls for help were nothing more than gurgles.

Director: …I don't even know what to say to that one. Wait, I know! CUT!

Wellspring Take 2

"So this is a wellspring…such mystifying colors…" Luneth said in awe. He remembered that they had mystical powers that could completely restore you with just one sip of its waters. He walked forward shakily, hardly believing that he had just discovered such a natural wonder. However, he was completely unprepared for the tentacle made completely of water that erupted from the surface of the wellspring and swept him off his feet.

"WHAT THE FUUUUUUUUU…" Luneth screamed as he was dragged into the water by the tentacle that belonged to none other than Morpha, from the Zelda series.

Director: CUT! Okay, how the hell did that thing even get on the set?

Wellspring Take 3:

"So this is a wellspring…such mystifying colors…" Luneth said in awe. He remembered what he had planned with the other girls just last night, and he grinned. "LET'S DO THIS!"

The director and the muses watched in bemusement as Luneth ripped off his armor to reveal a bathing suit. The boy jumped into the water and whistled loudly. Then, Aerith, Rikku, Maria, Leila, Hilda, Tifa, Yuffie, and the Cloud of Darkness broke through the backdrop (which caused the Director's mouth to fall open in shock and anger) and jumped into the water. They were all wearing their bathing suits, except for Aerith and Cloud of Darkness. The Cloud was wearing her usual outfit, and Aerith was just plain naked. Luneth then produced margaritas from nowhere and the group began laughing and drinking, completely ignoring the fact that the camera was still rolling.

The three muses, upon seeing the party, decided to screw the scene and charge forward, ripping off their shirts and leaping into the water as well, joining the fun.

"Aerith! Looking as sexy as ever!" Fang complimented the girl, who winked at him.

"No fair! She's my girl now!" Terraform complained, wrapping an arm around the Aerith, who leaned into him.

"But I want a turn!" Kamec complained, reaching forward and squeezing her breast. The three muses glared at each other, sparks flying.

"Maybe you can all have me?" Aerith suggested, trying to be accommodating. The three ceased staring at each other with varying degrees of hate and then looked at her with wide eyes.

"HELL YES!" Fang exclaimed.

"This is gonna rock!" Terraform added.

"Well, this DOESN'T suck!" Kamec yelled out. Then the three high fived.

Director: CUT! I give up. Have your party. I'm taking a lunch break.

With that, Aerith and the three muses ran off stage to have a good time with Aerith, though Kamec was crying in joy that he was actually getting a real girl this time.

"That girl is such a slut," Tifa sighed, resting her face in her hand. Yuffie made a face at her.

"You're just jealous because Cloud and Zack want her and not you!" she quipped, causing Tifa to flush a bright red and plant a fist in the ninja's face. That just pissed her off, causing the two girls to plunge into the deepest part of the wellspring, trying to rip each other apart.

"You know? Sometimes being a minor character is good." Leila commented.

"Agreed," Maria concurred. Luneth, who suddenly wanted a girl as well, looked over at the Cloud of Darkness, and then his eyes widened as he saw her outfit.

"So Cloud, want to…" Luneth began, and then he yelped and ducked under water as one of her tentacles zoomed over at him and almost took his head off.

"No."

First Boss Battle Take 1:

Luneth's eyes widened as he saw the ground turn from rocks and dust from the cave into light blue tiling that seemed to glow with a mystical light. It was a wondrous sight, though he didn't know what was here that could be causing this. As he kept walking, Luneth saw something huge and lurking in the distance. It looked like a monster, so Luneth drew his broadsword. Why the kid had a broadsword, nobody will ever know. Since he was like, who knows, twelve?

As he grew closer to the thing, Luneth saw that it was a huge, lurking Adamantoise that clearly looked starved and feral. Luneth dropped his sword and glanced at the camera, disbelief written on his face.

"Okay, what the hell is with this game? So after eight million times of falling down that freaking hole that is supposedly the beginning of the game and breaking various bones in my body and having to get a Great Gospel cast on me except half the time she wasn't there and was sucking on a muse, now I aimlessly walk through a cave whose purpose is not even explained and the first thing that happens is a goblin inexplicably falls from the freaking ceiling and SOMEHOW manages to remain intact, unlike me who needed to get fixed every time I screwed up! So me and the player are like, what the hell is the point of this stupid dungeon?! You would think that there would be a decent boss at the end, but what do we get? We get a freaking TURTLE! A TURTLE!" Luneth ranted, not even caring that the Director had called "CUT!" the second Luneth had gone off script. The Adamantoise, which was not an actor, but a real monster, roared and attacked, only to get cut down by Luneth in one quick stroke.

"SHUT UP TURTLE! YOU ARE DEAD TO ME!" Luneth screamed as Tifa and Leila came on screen and pulled him off screen.

Director: Can't you guys reign in your feelings about my games until AFTER you finish the scene? I'm pretty sure this game will become very popular later.

First Boss Battle Take 2:

Luneth's eyes widened as he saw the ground turn from rocks and dust from the cave into light blue tiling that seemed to glow with a mystical light. It was a wondrous sight, even though he didn't know what was here that could be causing this. As he kept walking, Luneth saw something huge and lurking in the distance. It looked like a monster, so Luneth drew his broadsword.

As he grew closer to the thing, Luneth saw that it was a huge, lurking Adamantoise that clearly looked starved and feral. Luneth knew he was in for a tough fight.

The Adamantoise roared and lunged at the kid, who yelped and threw himself out of the way. When the turtle hit the ground, Luneth hefted his sword and propelled himself off of the cave wall and back at it, swinging his sword forward. The turtle roared in pain as Luneth inflicted a huge gash in the belly of the creature, where it was not armored.

The Adamantoise attempted to counter attack, but Luneth was too fast for it, easily dodging its bulky tail. Luneth let out a battle cry and charged at it, his sword held upright. The turtle was too slow to avoid it, so Luneth plunged his sword deep into the side of its head, which killed it instantly. Luneth sighed and withdrew his sword, blood dripping from it.

"That was tough," Luneth said, wiping off his sword on the creature's body. Then, all of a sudden, Luneth realized that something was missing. A look of anger crossed his face as he looked around wildly for it.

"WHERE'S MY HEART CONTAINER, DAMMIT!" Luneth screamed.

Director: Cut! Come on…we were so close to finishing that scene…heart container…I mean really?!

Crystal Take 1:

Defeating the turtle had been a hard task, but he had done it. Sheathing his sword, Luneth walked across the wooden bridge that extended over a huge chasm. He looked down, but couldn't see a bottom. Instead, all he saw was an endless void, a sight that he had never laid eyes on before.

After reaching the other side of the chasm, the altar ended in an octagonal room dotted with pillars, and a raised platform in the center of the room with stairs leading up to the top. Luneth's breath caught in his throat as he saw was at the top of the platform.

Suspended in midair, glowing with an ethereal light was a giant crystal, whose luminosity lit up the whole room with its glow. Luneth looked at it with awe.

"You have been chosen." Spoke a singular male voice. Luneth jumped in surprise, and looked a round for the source of the voice.

"What? Who's there?" Luneth demanded frantically. It soon dawned on him that the voice was coming from the crystal itself, which lit up with every word it spoke.

"Warrior from the land of darkness," the crystal began, but then something strange happened. All of a sudden, there was a snapping sound and the crystal tumbled to the floor and began rolling down the stairs. "Wait…dammit. Hey Wedge! You never exchanged the crap cord for the steel one!"

"Wait, are you talking about the Galbadian, the Gestahl soldier, the Avalanche member, or me, the blitzball player? Because we are all named Wedge." Came a fainter voice. While they argued, Luneth dropped his sword and ran away frantically, but was overtaken and run over by the crazy rolling crystal that was easily twice his weight.

Director: Cut…Biggs! I told you that all of the technical issues needed to be fixed by now!

"Biggs, I think he's talking to you," came a faint voice. There was a scuffle, and then there was another voice.

"Wait, which Biggs?" replied a military sounding voice.

Director: *facepalms* Maybe I should have mixed up the names I used in those games…

Crystal Take 2:

Suspended in midair, glowing with an ethereal light was a giant crystal, whose luminosity lit up the whole room with its glow. Luneth looked at it with awe.

"You have been chosen." Spoke a singular male voice. Luneth jumped in surprise, and looked a round for the source of the voice.

"What? Who's there?" Luneth demanded frantically. It soon dawned on him that the voice was coming from the crystal itself, which lit up with every word it spoke.

"Warrior from the land of darkness," the crystal began, but then it was again interrupted by the sound of a deafening crack. Luneth jumped and stared in shock as the crystal cracked down the middle and fell into two halves on the ground.

"Huh?" Luneth asked, utterly confused. Then he heard yelling from the catwalks above.

"Shit, it cracked, Biggs," came the voice that could be identified as Wedge the blitzball player.

"It did, didn't it? We're about to get chewed out," replied another voice that must have been Biggs.

"I wasn't talking to you. I was talking to Galbadian Biggs over there." Wedge shot back, causing the first Biggs to grumble. The other Biggs let out a sigh of frustration.

"Why do I gotta do all of the repairs!?" The Galbadian complained. Then he stopped, catching himself. "Wow that sounded a lot like one of my first lines in Final Fantasy VIII."

"You have LINES?!" exclaimed another voice. "I just stand around and wait for the player to recruit me in blitzball."

"When you aren't that good," Wedge quipped. There was a sound of metal hitting metal, and then a yelp of pain.

"Shut it!" Biggs roared.

Director: Stop bickering and fix the crystal! We need to get this scene done soon!

Crystal Take 3:

"What are you talking about?" Luneth asked, completely confused as to the meaning of the crystal's words. It kept speaking about a darkness that threatened to take over the world, and that he was going to be the light.

"There are others…that share your destiny. You must seek them out," the crystal continued, seemingly ignoring Luneth. "Once you find them, I will bestow upon you our last hope, our last light. Go now!"

Luneth yelped as he felt himself moving somewhere incredibly fast, but he couldn't see anything due to the blinding light that covered his vision. It hurt to look, so he shut his eyes, but the light bled through and stars began to appear in his vision.

When he finally appeared on the surface, Luneth immediately fell to his knees while pressing his hands to his eyes.

"SON OF A BITCH! MY F***ING EYES! THEY BURN!" he screamed at the top of his lungs.

Director: CUT! Biggs, which setting did you have the crystal light on?

"Wait, which Biggs?" replied a voice from the catwalks.

Director: *sighs in frustration* One of you, I don't care.

There was a shuffling from the catwalks before the voice of the Galbadian Biggs came floating down to him.

"Uh… the dial says, 'UV setting 10'" Biggs replied. The director's mouth fell open.

Director: Setting 10?! QUICK! SOMEBODY GET HIM A DOCTOR!

Luneth was now collapsed on the ground, his hands pressed firmly on his eyes. Blood was trickling out from the cracks between his fingers.

"MOMMY!" Luneth screamed. In a flash of light, Jenova appeared behind him, her tentacles floating in the air behind her as if suspended in water.

"You called?" she whispered in her otherworldly voice. Luneth freaked out and tried crawling away.

"WRONG MOMMY!"

Crystal Take 4:

Luneth yelped as he felt himself moving somewhere incredibly fast, but he couldn't see anything due to the blinding light that covered his vision. Soon, he found himself on the surface again, which shocked him.

"I'm back on the surface…?" Luneth whispered, voicing the first thought that came into his head. Then he thought about what the crystal had said. "What was that? Light? Darkness? Our last hope? What was that all about?"

There was a flash of light as someone walked onscreen. Luneth looked up to see a young man whose form kept switching between that of a dark knight and a paladin. The young man pulled out his sword and attacked.

"This will seal it! The moon leads me!" he cried, lunging forward and slicing Luneth twice in his Paladin form before switching to his darker form and sending burning orbs of dark flame at him. Then, he switched back to his Paladin and charged at Luneth, cutting through him with his lustrous blade. "Light and Darkness cast aloft!"

Luneth fell over, now unconscious. His attacker stood triumphantly over his still form, while the director seethed in his chair.

Director: Cecil! You are on the wrong set! Do something like that again and I'm docking your pay!

"No one can say light and darkness in the same sentence but me!" Cecil complained, still in his light form. Then there was a deep voice from off stage.

"Light and darkness." It said. Cecil stiffened and ran off screen in search of the person who had stolen his catchphrase. There was a pause of a few seconds before Cecil sprinted out from off screen and ran the other way, screaming like a little girl. Everyone watched as Kain Highwind walked out from off-screen, hefting his spear. He laughed evilly, watching Cecil run.

Director: Kain! Wrong set! I command you to…

"Command me to what?" Kain said in a dangerously soft tone, his gaze snapping to the director. The director trembled in fear before throwing himself at Kain's feet.

Director: I'm sorry, so sorry!

"That's what I thought." Kain replied before following Cecil off screen. A few seconds later, there was a scream so high pitched that it made the three muses, who had returned a few outtakes ago after having quite the fun time with Aerith, to laugh. Aerith herself was standing with them, with her arms wrapped around Terraform's arm. The male looked positively pleased with himself, while Aerith looked rather satisfied. She was wearing clothes, much to the muses' disappointment.

Meeting Arc Take 1:

Luneth walked up to the group of children and the older kid, who was so much taller than any of them there. The children seemed to be making fun of the taller kid, whom Luneth recognized as his friend Arc.

"Oh yeah? Ghosts don't exist? Then go there yourself and prove it! Ha! You don't have the guts! You're a coward!" the leader of the group of children accused. Arc turned around, revealing himself to be Fang, the muse. He was dressed in Arc's clothing and wore his hairstyle, as well as significant makeup. He was busy reading his script, and when he realized what his lines had to be, he sighed and threw the script away.

"Damn it to hell, I am NOT being a pussy character!" Fang raged.

Director: Cut! Fang! If you want to be a part of this production, then I suggest you follow your script to the letter!

"Damn it. Just…damn it." Fang complained.

Meeting Arc Take 2:

"Oh yeah? Ghosts don't exist? Then go there yourself and prove it! Ha! You don't have the guts! You're a…" the leader of the group of children began, but was caught completely unprepared as Fang turned around and grabbed him. "Ah! What are you doing?!"

Fang somehow compressed the kid into a ball and was dribbling him like a basketball.

"Rinoa! Give me a target!" Fang called. On cue, Rinoa from Final Fantasy VIII swooped in off screen, using her magical wings to carry herself. In her hands she held what looked like a hoop.

"Here you go!" Rinoa called in her soft, musical voice. Fang grinned and dribbled the kid, who was screaming at the top of his lungs that he couldn't breathe. Then Fang jumped, used a wall as leverage to jump even higher, and then dunked the kid through the hoop, causing the other children, Luneth, Terraform, and Kamec to cheer.

"Slam DUNK! Hell yeah!" Fang yelled triumphantly.

Director: *facepalms* Just…no…just…just cut.

Meeting Arc Take 2:

"Oh yeah? Ghosts don't exist? Then…" the leader of the children began, but Fang just turned around and slammed his fist into the kid's face, sending the poor thing flying into the river, where he started struggling to swim.

"Gah, child abuse!" the kid managed to gasp out before he went below the surface of the water. Then the kid was borne out of the water and into the air by the tentacles of Kraken, the fiend of water from the first Final Fantasy. The kid began screaming as the tentacles wrapped around him.

"HELP CHILD MOLESTATION!" the kid screamed before the Warrior of Light appeared and began quoting his lines from the scene where he fought Kraken. Then Kraken dropped the kid and the two began fighting, destroying the backdrop.

"Haha! Chain reaction for the win!" Fang said triumphantly, high fiving Luneth.

Director: I swear, the sets are mixing. Cut.

Meeting Arc Take 3:

"Oh yeah? Ghosts don't exist? Then…" the leader of the children began, but then Fang turned around and walked up to him. The children began trembling in fear as the muse towered over them. Then he just glared.

"Do you really want to go there?" Fang asked in a dangerously soft voice, and the children lost their nerve and ran the other way, screaming like little girls.

Director: Cut! Fang, are you even TRYING to go by the script?

"I will, eventually. I'm just having too much fun in this scene," Fang replied honestly, grinning.

Director: *sigh* I guess I can let that go since I asked you with such little notice. Just try and be serious?

"Oh, I'll try," Fang replied, an evil smile crossing his face.

Meeting Arc Take 4:

Fang stood at the exit to the village after ignoring Luneth, however much it pained him to do so. Those kids, despite their hurtful words, had given him a reason to keep going. He had to show them what he was really made of. He had something to prove now, and he couldn't depend on Luneth to help him.

"I'm not a coward, but I know I have to be stronger," Fang said, a look of intense determination on his face.

Director: Good, Fang! Keep it up!

"Tall AND strong? NO F***ING WAY!" Terraform screamed from offstage, causing Fang to lose his composure and laugh.

Director: DAMMIT! *smashes fist against wall*

Meeting with Topapa Take 1:

Luneth walked into the building, wondering what the elders could possible want with him. They were the leaders of the village, the ones who made all of the important decisions. They also meted out the punishment to those who broke the laws, so their intimidation factor was fairly large.

"Ah, Luneth, good to see you. Elder Topapa is waiting for you." Said the Elder wizard who guarded the door to the elder chambers. Luneth bowed respectfully to the Elder and walked inside, where the ancient lord Topapa waited for him.

Luneth had never been this close to Topapa before, but he had heard that the old man was a kind and frail one, who could never hurt anyone if he tried.

"So it was you that had been chosen, Luneth. You must understand that your meeting with the crystal was not happenstance. It was the crystal's will. You have been chosen." The kindly old man explained before Luneth could even open his mouth.

Off-screen, the three muses heard what the old man had to say and sighed at his overuse of a certain word.

"Hey guys," Fang whispered. "I've got an idea. How about every time that man says chosen, choice, or anything like that, we take a drink?"

"Sounds like fun," Kamec replied. Terraform produced the drinks, and then passed them out to the three of them. Topapa, who had amazing hearing for his age, heard them, and then he grinned.

"The chosen's choice was to choose the choice chosen, whose choice depended on the choice of the choice chosen, and by their choice would determine the choice chosen's choices." Topapa explained to Luneth, who raised and eyebrow and wondered what the hell this guy was smoking.

Director: Cut! Topapa, what were you doing?

The old man laughed to himself and pointed to the three muses. Everyone looked to see them passed out on the floor, with funny looks on their faces.

"I was messing with these young 'uns," Topapa explained. The director himself couldn't help but laugh.

Meeting with Topapa Take 2:

Luneth had never been this close to Topapa before, but he had heard that the old man was a kind and frail one, who could never hurt anyone if he tried.

"Chosen? For what? I don't understand," Luneth questioned, wrinkling his brow. Topapa smiled understandingly and then prepared to tell the story. As he opened his mouth, the room grew dark.

"Once upon a time, in a galaxy far, far away…" Topapa began. Then, a very familiar theme began playing and bright yellow words began scrolling up towards the horizon behind them all. Luneth gazed at them in fascination.

Director: *facepalms* Cut! Must you guys make every reference known to mankind?

Meeting with Topapa Take 3:

Luneth had never been this close to Topapa before, but he had heard that the old man was a kind and frail one, who could never hurt anyone if he tried. However, what he was seeing now was completely different that what he had expected. The old man was taller than he was, and was wearing a set of black clothing with a white overcoat. His beard and mustache completely obscured his mouth, and his beard fell to his waist. It was so long that it had to be held together by dark purple ribbons. Another strange thing was that his skin seemed to be covered by old scars, which was strange since Topapa had never been in a battle before. The old man carried a large staff, which he leaned on with both hands.

"So it was you that had been chosen, Luneth. The task of saving this world would not be an easy task for you, so I am curious as to why the crystal would pick a whelp like you for the task, when I could easily take care of it." Topapa began. The elders looked at him, surprised.

"Topapa, are you all right? You're acting a little different," a nearby Elder said. Topapa turn his head slowly to look at him.

"Topapa? Who said I was…" the old man began, but then the wall burst open to reveal the Cloud of Darkness, whose form was surrounded in powerful auras from the void itself.

"Hahaha…" the Cloud laughed evilly. "I will stop this foolish destiny before it even begins. Now die, foolish child!"

Luneth screamed in terror and dived under a desk. However, no one expected what happened next. Topapa ripped off his upper shirt, revealing an incredibly muscular physique, which was almost unheard of for someone so old. Then, he gripped his staff, which shimmered and dissolved to reveal a sword, which he grasped. The Cloud of Darkness stared at the old man, wondering what he was going to do.

"What could you possibly do to me, old man?" she taunted, sending her tentacles at him, their vicious mouths open and ready to devour. Topapa blasted them away with a burst of incredibly powerful fiery energy, surprising her and everyone in the room. Then he grabbed his sword and pulled it from its sheath, and it lit up with powerful flames.

Director: Wait a minute…this seems familiar.

"Reduce all of creation to ashes, Ryujin Jakka!" Topapa roared, and the entire building, as well as everyone in it, was blown away by the sheer amount of magical energy that exploded from the sword.

"That's not Topapaaaaaaaaa…" Luneth screamed as he was blasted backwards several meters.

Director: WTF YAMAMOTO!? *Is blasted out of his seat by the power*

"This goes way beyond a spanking," Yamamoto warned the Cloud of Darkness, whose face had a look of pure and utter shock on it.

"Die, mortal!" the Cloud yelled, sending a 0-form particle beam at the old man, who merely stood there as the flames licked around him.

"Mortal?" Yamamoto repeated. "I think not." Then he sliced through the particle beam effortlessly and then swiped his sword around her, the flames burning her to a crisp.

Director: Cut! You…you aren't even from ANY game that I made! What are you even doing here?

"Because one or more of your muses are fanboys and therefore allowed me inside," Yamamoto responded calmly. The director focused a glare on Terraform, who was trying to look innocent.

Director: Luneth, come beat the crap out of Terraform here since I can't hurt him.

The kid ran towards Terraform with his fists at the ready. Terraform's eyes widened, but he was too slow to react. Right before Luneth could touch him, Marilith appeared out of nowhere and rammed the kid, grabbing him with all six arms and slamming him into the wall at the other end. Then he proceeded to scream while the fiend ripped at him with her claws.

Director: *stares in terror at Marilith*

Marilith then turned her eyes on the director, who let out a squeak and ran the other way. When he was gone, Marilith's tail split in half and her three arms merged together so that she looked like a normal human, albeit with red skin and scales on her arms, legs, and back. That and she was totally naked. She began to walk towards the three muses.

Kamec looked at her naked form and couldn't resist. He ran towards her, but Marilith slammed her fist into his face, sending him flying the other way and through the wall. Fang tried as well, but she hit him with a skilled roundhouse kick and sent him through the wall on the opposite side of the room. Then she walked up to Terraform and embraced him, leaving kisses on his neck. Terraform loved this treatment and started hugging her, with his hand snaking down her body.

Director: *sees the scene before him* Quick! Everybody run before it gets rated X in here! Let's have an early lunch break!

Everyone on stage split the other director as Marilith and Terraform started making out, while she was tearing his clothes off of him, shredding the material to bits and then tossing them away. Terraform's hand traveled down her scaly back and was about to squeeze her ass before the author realized what she was doing and cut off the scene there, not wanting to make lemon scenes that serve no purpose.

Kerrigor: If you want a lemon scene just for kicks, let me know which characters and which scene you want them in, and I'll post it as a bonus chapter.

Director: Hey! Get out of the story! I'm trying to direct a play here!

Nina Take 1:

Luneth sighed as Topapa finished speaking. It seemed he had quite the task ahead of him, though he had no idea where to start. It might be worthwhile to look into the ghost matter over at Kazus and see if he could find any trace of these other people that shared his destiny. As he went to walk out, another elder stopped him. It was Elder Homak, a respected member of the elders who had a tendency to act a bit senile at times.

"Luneth…you must treat your mother, Nina, the very best you can. You must know by know that she is not your birth mother, but she has taken care of you as if she truly were." The elder advised him. Luneth stared at him with an eyebrow raised. Then an anime anger mark appeared on his forehead.

"Ok, I know you're as old as shit and whatever, but do you REALLY think I'd forget the name of my mother? I mean seriously? I love how you feel the need to remind me of every little detail of my life, when I'm pretty sure I've lived it!" Luneth shot back, causing the elder to shrink back.

Director: Cut! Luneth…

"I THINK I WOULD KNOW THE NAME OF MY MOTHER!" Luneth roared at the director.

Director: This is just a subtle way to tell the players a little about you…now start the scene over from the beginning.

Nina Take 2:

However, before the elder could even open his mouth, there was an explosion from the outside. All eyes turned to the wall as Kamec blew a hole in it, holding a woman whom Luneth recognized as his foster mother. He held a gun to the woman's head, who was staring at him strangely.

"Luneth! I have your…wait what's your name?" Kamec began, but then had to ask his captive.

"Um…Nina…" she said, wondering if the muse had gone crazy.

"Ah yes! I have your Nina! Now will you…" Kamec paused here to take an obnoxious breath through his nose. "SAAAAAAAVE THE WORRRRRRRRRLD?!"

Luneth stared at the muse, metaphorically sweat dropping. He deadpanned, wondering what exactly he was expected to do. Then, Firion broke into the scene through the backdrop and threw a wild rose at Kamec, hitting him in the temple and knocking him out.

"IDIOT!" Firion screamed at the hapless muse, and then was dropkicked back off-screen by an irate Luneth.

"GET THE HELL OUT OF MY SCENE!" he shouted.

Director: I swear, some of you are just screwing around now…

The Inn Take 1:

Luneth walked into the inn, intending to get a room for the night. When he walked in, however, there seemed to be a party going on. The room was crowded with people who were drinking, playing cards, or in other words, having a good time. At the dance floor, there were lots of people there slowly swaying to the music.

Luneth looked around for the source of music, and noticed someone sitting on a makeshift stage playing an elegant harp. He recognized the figure and realized that he should not be here. It was Edward, the prince of Damcyan from the fourth game.

Director: Wait a minute…

Before the director could notice something wrong, Luneth dashed up to Edward and whispered something in his ear.

"You know we're filming the inn scene now, right?" he whispered. Edward turned pale and hightailed it out of the scene. "Pfft, pussy."

Now that the music was gone, the people in the inn started yelling for more music. It seemed like it was going to get violent, so Luneth ran up to the piano and tried to play a song. However, he missed note after note, and no one could even tell what he was trying to play.

People started booing him, and Luneth turned a dark shade of red. Angry, Luneth turned around and pulled out a flamethrower from freaking nowhere and began torching the people nearest to him.

"YOU KNOW WHAT? F***ING DIE ASSHOLES!" Luneth roared.

Director: Cut…Luneth, what were you even doing?

The Inn take 2:

Worried, Luneth glanced up to the stage, but to his relief Edward was not there, so the scene could go on. However, he had only gone a few steps further when he noticed something strange. He recognized each of the three muses dressed in the costume of a villager, mingling in with the group. Fang was climbing up on stage with a guitar, while Terraform was arguing with a Kamec about whether or not he could have a piano in this day and age. They didn't seem to be doing anything bad, so Luneth kept walking. That's when that changed though.

Fang opened his guitar case and pulled out a wireless electric guitar and turned it on, somehow connecting with the speakers off screen. Then Through the Fire and Flames started playing on the speakers, albeit without a guitar part. Fang started playing like an expert to fill in that hole, and the onlookers cheered. Luneth groaned and planted his face in his hands, waiting for the director to say cut.

Director: *listens intently to music*

Terraform sauntered up to a pretty blue haired dancer who was dancing alone and somehow wormed his way into her dance, so that before she knew it she was dancing with him.

"Where did you come from?" she said, genuinely startled, though not altogether displeased.

"From heaven to fulfill your fondest wishes," Terraform replied smoothly, causing her to blush. Kamec, who had overheard the exchange, sighed.

"Mr. Palm, I'd like you to meet Mr. Face," Kamec joked, and then had the two embrace.

The party went on until the song ended and the crowd dispersed, with varying degrees of happiness. Luneth walked off stage, disgruntled that the muses had again ruined the scene. Terraform was leading the dancer he had been with up the stairs to a private room, planting kisses on her neck. Kamec was looking for Aerith, but let out a cry when he couldn't find her.

Director: I guess I have to say cut. By the way, how did Fang hook his guitar up to the external speakers?

The two Galbadians who were standing next to the director, named Biggs and Wedge, looked at each other innocently.

"I have no idea, sir!" Biggs responded smartly, stashing the 100$ check into his pocket.

"It was most definitely not me!" Wedge added, stuffing the check down his breastplate.

Reuniting with Arc:

Luneth entered the town of Kazus, instantly feeling the evil atmosphere envelop him. He shuddered, not liking how quiet it was. He walked forward through the empty buildings, looking around for signs of life. The first he came across was to his surprise, his friend Arc.

In order to get Arc's attention, Luneth walked up behind him and poked him in the back. Fang instantly whirled around and planted his fist firmly into Luneth's face, sending him all the way across the scene and through the backdrop, leaving a gaping hole behind.

"I am SO sorry, Luneth! I swear those were my reflexes!" Fang said quickly, though his hysterically laughter made his apology seem rather insincere.

Director: Cut…I think we are going to go over budget with the amount of medical bills we pay…

Cid Take 1:

Luneth and Fang walked into the empty inn, looking around for signs of life. They were everywhere. There were still steaming cups of tea, warm food right out of the oven waiting to be eaten on the table.

"This is really strange, Arc," Luneth commented, sniffing the food to make sure it really wasn't rotten.

"I agree. It seems like everyone just up and left in the middle of dinner," Fang replied, going behind the counter. All of a sudden, a voice spoke from beside Luneth's ear, making him jump.

"Howdy there! Cid's the name!" said the voice jovially. Fang walked over to Luneth, who was looking around for the source of the voice.

"I'm from Canaan, but I've…sir, are you quite all right?" the voice continued, but then stopped when he saw the incredulous look on Luneth's face.

"ANOTHER freaking Cid?! REALLY DIRECTOR?!" Luneth screamed.

Director: Cut! Luneth! Don't criticize my choice of names!

"But it's always the same!" Luneth shot back.

Cid Take 2: (WARNING, CONTAINS EXPLITIVES IN QUANTITY)

"This is really strange, Arc," Luneth commented, sniffing the food to make sure it really wasn't rotten.

"I agree. It seems like everyone just up and left in the middle of dinner," Fang replied, going behind the counter. All of a sudden, a voice spoke from beside Luneth's ear, making him jump.

"Yo dipshits! Cid's the name!" said the voice commandingly. Fang walked over to Luneth, who was looking around for the source of the voice.

"Over here, dumbass! I'm from Rocket Town, but I've been stuck here in this fucking town ever since a stupid freaking rock came outta nowhere and blocked my way back. Now I'm a fucking ghost because some asshole cast a fucking spell on the whole place! It sucks!" Cid continued.

Director: Something's wrong…

"Luneth, we have to do something to help these people!" Fang said to Luneth, who nodded.

"Say, if I lent ya my Tiny Bronco, then…" Cid began, but was cut off.

Director: Cut! That's what's wrong! I asked for Cid Haze, not Cid Highwind!

"Fucking hell…thought I'd get away with it too." Cid Highwind muttered, leaving the scene.

"Still think you don't need to change names every once in a while?" Luneth asked smugly.

Director: Luneth, one more complaint and I'm docking your pay.

Cid Take 3:

Luneth and Fang gazed at where the voice of Cid was coming from, finally realizing what had happened to the town. The curse must have made them all invisible and intangible, so they pretty much didn't exist. However, their voices still remained, so there was still hope of saving them.

"From what I hear, this curse can be dispelled through the power of a mithril…" Cid began.

"Mythril," came a voice from off screen.

"ring. Unfortunately, we seem to be all out of mithril…"

"Mythril!"

"rings here. Even if we could get the mithril…"

"MYTHRIL GODAMMIT!" the voice screamed, and a very angry Firion stormed onstage with a warhammer in one hand, and a lump of the metal that they were all discussing. Cid glared at Firion, promising swift death.

"You see this? This is MYTHRIL! M-Y-T-H-R-I-L! SAY IT RIGHT, OR I'LL SHOW YOU JUST WHAT HAPPENS TO THOSE WHO DON'T!" Firion ranted, a vein pulsing in his brow.

"Mithril!" Cid sapped impudently, smiling cheekily at the rebel warrior. Firion gained an anger mark on his forehead. Then another. Then five more. Then he cast an Ultima level 16 Spell on Cid, burning him severely and destroying the entire backdrop. Then, Firion leapt on his body and began bashing it repeatedly with his warhammer, punctuating each hit he made with a letter.

"M!"

Whack.

"Y!"

Whack.

"T!"

Whack.

"H!"

Whack.

"R!"

Whack.

"I!"

Whack.

"L!"

Whackawhacka SMASH!

Director: Cut…Firion, you need to keep your temper in check…or it's coming out of your next paycheck.

Meeting Refia Take 1:

Cid had given them permission to use his airship in order to end the curse, which was a huge benefit to Luneth and Fang. They rejoiced in the fact that they would no longer have to walk from now on.

They stood before the airship, which had been hidden in a canyon in the desert.

"Impressive, isn't it?" Luneth commented. Fang could only nod as they walked up to its entrance. Stepping inside, they realized that they were at the bottom of the airship, and would have to climb to the top, where the steering mechanism was sure to be. However, the two stopped at the sight of a girl standing with her back to them. She turned around to reveal a very badly dressed Terraform, who had obviously been chosen to play a girl's part.

"Erk! Who are…" Terraform began, but then a pair of fake breasts fell down from his shirt. "Dammit! Hey, cut the scene! My freaking boobs fell off again!"

Luneth and Fang, as well as Kamec who was off-screen, immediately found themselves rolling on the floor with laughter at the incredibly gay looking Terraform.

"It's not my damn fault Mr. snazzy director over there decided to have me play a girl!" Terraform yelled at them.

Director: *chuckles* Cut. Put them back on and let's try again.

Meeting Refia Take 2: (WARNING: CONTAINS EXPLETIVES)

Cid had given them permission to use his airship in order to end the curse, which was a huge benefit to Luneth and Fang. They rejoiced in the fact that they would no longer have to walk from on.

They stood before the airship, which had been hidden in a canyon in the desert.

"Erk! Who are…" Terraform began, but then a pair of fake breasts fell down from his shirt. "MOTHER FUCKER! Director, I don't think this is going to work."

As half the cast began laughing again, the Director pondered what he was going to do to make this work. Then, the door that led outside of the studio opened to reveal a very imposing figure. Eyes turned to the new arrival, who had a calm smile on his face. He seemed benevolent, but everything about him screamed danger.

The man walked into the light, revealing his features. He was wearing a white shihakusho with black trims, as well as a white overcoat that split into two coattails at the bottom. His eyes were a deep brown, as well as his hair. His hair was short and slicked back, except for one strand that dangled down in front of his face. The three muses easily recognized who it was, and their blood froze. It was Aizen Sousuke.

"You!" screamed an angry Firion, who had his lance out and ready. The hero of Fynn charged forward, bringing down his lance on the main villain of the Bleach series, who never let his smile drop for an instant. Firion was glad to see his lance sink deep into Aizen's skin, drawing blood. However, Aizen continued to smile. Firion growled and impaled the former captain through the middle. Then, two things happened simultaneously.

The image of Aizen that Firion had been attacking shattered into millions of pieces like it had never been. At the same time, a Firion's eyes widened as he felt something slash him across the chest, leaving a deep bloody gash. He fell to the ground, unable to move. Standing behind him was Aizen, his sword outstretched and bloody. Nobody had even seen it happen.

"Ah, Firion. The Hero of Fynn I presume?" Aizen said calmly, sheathing his sword. Firion let out a weak cry from where he lay. "Always the one to strike first, with a blade that wishes to end the conflict."

"Wait a minute!" Terraform said, pointing at Aizen in confusion. The three muses, instead of seeing Firion seemingly kill Aizen and then get cut, had seen Firion slash at midair and Aizen casually cut him across the chest. "How could Firion have been fooled by your illusions?! I thought he had to have seen you release your sword first!"

"We…we did see it…" Luneth spoke up…his small body shaking in fear. The three muses looked at him and waited for him to explain. "There was a break in at the broadcast center this morning."

"But that means…" Kamec said, before cutting off as he realized what had happened.

"Correct. I had access to every one of these television sets of yours," Aizen clarified. "The entire world saw my release."

The three muses simultaneously turned a pale white. Then, Terraform realized something, and he grinned.

"We haven't seen your sword! Your illusions can't fool us!" the muse taunted, though if Aizen had been surprised or shocked, he didn't show it. "STOP SMILING, DAMN YOU!"

"Kudakero, Kyōka Suigetsu," Aizen stated before any of the muses could look away. Then there was a sound like glass shattering, and then Aizen was in front of Terraform. Terraform looked up at Aizen in fear. The former captain was smiling as usual, and it made him that much scarier.

"If you are scared, I can understand," Aizen said in what should have been an understanding tone, but to all that knew him, it was spoken with a menacing connotation. Terraform then grew angry and threw a punch at Aizen. However, it went straight through him, and Aizen reappeared in the center of the room.

"SHIT! We're vulnerable!" Fang cursed, punching the ground angrily.

Director: What do you want, Aizen? Do you want the rights to my games? What the HELL do you want?!

"I want your game to succeed," Aizen replied calmly. The director looked shocked. "The failure of any of your games would cause an indisputable effect on future generations, as well as the creation of a certain individual."

Director: What are you even talking about?

"By helping you, I can help myself." Aizen restated, simplifying his previous statement. "There seems to be a problem here that only I can fix."

Aizen then stared at Terraform, who began to sweat. Then he began to smell something nice. It smelled faintly of some sort of fruit, sort of like make-up that some girls wore. Fang then looked at Terraform and after a second of looking dumbfounded, he laughed. Kamec looked at him and laughed as well.

Director: Oh my Tanner, you were right!

"What? What does everybody…holy shit," Terraform began, and then stopped when he heard his own voice. It sounded much higher pitched, and much more musical sounding than he expected. He looked down at himself, but couldn't see his stomach over the large breasts that were suddenly present on his chest.

"GIVE ME A MIRROR!" Terraform hollered, running into the dressing room. Upon seeing his reflection, his jaw dropped. He was no longer male.

Long, golden brown locks fell from his hair like a waterfall of silk, reaching down to the middle of his back. His face was now clear and unmarked, and was much more perfect. He looked at himself, noting his large breasts and continued down to his hairless, slender legs. Then he started, and reached a hand into his pants to discover that a certain part of him was missing.

"WHAT IN THE NAME OF ALL THAT'S FUCK HAPPENED TO ME?!" Terraform hollered, running out into the middle of the room again. Fang and Kamec were on the floor, laughing their asses off.

"You turned him into a fucking girl! That's priceless!" Fang choked in between laughs.

"Exactly HOW much have I changed? SOMEBODY EXPLAIN!" Terraform demanded, pointing at Aizen.

"As you know, the ability of my Zanpaktou is complete hypnosis. Therefore, for all intents and purposes, you will now think and act like a girl, while still retaining your previous memories," Aizen explained. "Now, I am finished here."

Director: Wait, THAT'S what you came to do?

Terraform had turned completely pale, understanding exactly what she was going to feel like from now on.

"My…my…MY SEX LIFE!" she screamed, falling to her knees. This just made Fang and Kamec, who were struggling to breath, laugh even harder.

"I...I can't breathe!" Kamec choked out. Fang's face was completely red, his eyes screwed shut as he laughed.

Marilith walked out of the dressing room, in her naked human form, and walked up to Terraform, who was crying her eyes out. She knelt down and lifted Terraform's chin with her finger. Then she planted a kiss on her lips, causing all of the guys in the room to stare at them with little hearts in their eyes.

"I'll still have sex with you," Marilith whispered to Terraform after breaking off from the kiss.

"Thank you, Marilith! I am loving you right now," she said to the fiend. Then a vein pulsed in her forehead and she glared at all of the other people in the room. "ALL OF YOU HORNY GUYS STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME OR I'LL RIP YOUR BALLS OFF!"

"Great…" Luneth muttered as he stood next to Firion, who was being healed by Aerith. "Terraform's been replaced by a woman in puberty. How ever shall we survive?"

Director: Let's…let's just try to redo the scene over again, shall we?

Meeting Refia take 3:

Cid had given them permission to use his airship in order to end the curse, which was a huge benefit to Luneth and Fang. They rejoiced in the fact that they would no longer have to walk from on.

They stood before the airship, which had been hidden in a canyon in the desert.

"Erk! Who are you?! What are you doing here?" Terraform exclaimed in the perfect surprised female voice. As Luneth prepared to reply, a man dressed in red robes and with dark purple hair appeared in front of Terraform.

"You ask me who I am, yet you just said my name. Are you lacking in intelligence?" Erk, a mage from Fire Emblem, answered Terraform, who had the best wtf face ever.

"Maybe I am. Can you help me with that?" Terraform replied in a suggestive tone, leaning in to Erk's body and gazing up at him. Erk stammered something incoherently, a light blush on his face.

"Uh…Terraform…" Fang spoke hesitantly. Then Terraform realized what she was doing and freaked out.

"WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING! DAMN YOU AIIZEEEEENN!" she screamed, pulling at her hair.

"I'm so confused…" Erk commented, turning the other way.

Director: Aren't we all. I think I called cut the second you arrived. Go back to Lycia.

Meeting Ingus Take 1:

The newly formed trio followed the official looking knight into the castle, where he would be leading them straight to the throne room. A few guards would shoot amorous glances at Terraform, but she would always give them a glare so intense that they would begin to sweat and would pull down their visors.

Luneth walked side by side with Fang, whose incredible height was causing the guards around him to gaze at him warily. The knight in front of them all never made a sound apart from the usual clanking of chainmail and armor. When they finally entered the throne room, they found it empty, just like Kazus.

"Where is everyone?" Luneth whispered. Suddenly, an authoritative voice boomed out from the polished throne at the head of the room.

"The Djinni's curse has befallen us all, and I am no exception." It said, and Luneth recognized the voice of their king, Sasune. As well as the knight that had led them here, Luneth knelt down. Realizing that he would look foolish if he remained standing, Fang followed suit. Terraform grumbled and did the same.

"Sire," the knight spoke up, and Fang and Terraform recognized the voice as Kamec's. "These younglings have come seeking…"

"WAIT A MINUTE!" Terraform shrieked, her brow wrinkled in a cute expression of anger. Kamec turned around, his visor still shut.

"Is there something you need, Refia?" Kamec said smoothly, not missing a beat. Luneth was impressed. He had some good improvisation skills.

"First off, you're the same age as us! Do you really expect to get away with calling us younglings onscreen? I mean seriously!" Terraform criticized. "Secondly, my name is NOT Refia! Terraform! Terraform! SAY AFTER ME!"

Director: Cut! Ref…I mean Terraform, you will answer to the name assigned to you in the script! And please stop pointing out every plot hole you come across…

Terraform pouted, causing Fang to laugh at him. Kamec just sighed, seeing as he was the only one who was actually trying to do his part well.

"I have one last question," Terraform piped up.

Director: Do I even want to know?

"How come the guards and stuff are visible and stuff, while everyone else is invisible?" Terraform asked.

Director: Look at it this way. In the script, the only thing that can defeat the Djinn is a ring made out of a certain metal. You see, the guards are all wearing mith…

"Excuse me?" came a voice. The director turned to see Firion standing in the corner, the cut on his chests swathed in bandages. However, the look on his face was murderous.

Director. Like I was saying, the guards are all wearing mythril armor…

"Thank you!"

Director: So it makes sense for them not to be affected. Understand.

"Because that makes sense in the final fantasy world. Okay." Terraform shot back. Fang finally had enough of her bitching and knocked her over the head with his fist. Terraform yelped and held her hands to the point where she had been hit.

"Ow! Why would you hit a girl, you meanie! Wait…" Terraform cried, but then cut off as she realized what she had just said. "AUGGGH!"

Fang and Kamec just started laughing again at their friend's expense.

Meeting Ingus Take 2:

The situation was grave. The only way to dispel the curse would be to use the mythril ring to seal him up, and the only ring around was in the hands of the princess, who had gone missing in search of the djinn herself. The King was beside himself with worry, and yet he couldn't leave his castle undefended to go search for her.

"Don't worry, we'll get her back!" Luneth swore to the invisible king. The knight, who had been called Ingus by the King, then spoke.

"Sire, I would like to ask you for your leave to accompany these brave souls to the sealed cave, and rescue Princess Sara," Ingus requested formally.

"You have my leave, Ingus. Unless there are any objections?" Sasune replied. Terraform looked up and scoffed.

"Of course not! His sword is worth twice as much as these two," she snapped, referring to Luneth and Fang. The latter suppressed a smile as he heard Terraform's lines.

"Trust you to be thinking about his sword," Fang remarked. Terraform looked confused at first.

"What do you…OH FUCK YOU FANG!" she screamed at him harshly while Kamec and Fang laughed.

Director: Cut…*laughs as well*

The WightSlayer Take 1:

Luneth, Terraform, Kamec, and Fang walked up to the western tower in Castle Sasune, gazing up at it in anticipation.

"So, what, some epic sword or another is in here?" Fang prompted. Luneth shrugged, looking at the map in his hand.

"What kind of sword!? Oh, I want to use it!" Terraform jumped up and down in girly glee. Fang stifled a laugh and whispered to Kamec so that the director couldn't hear.

"Are you sure Aizen only hypnotized him? I could swear he IS a girl now." Kamec nodded in agreement, a grin crossing his face.

"Of course not. I'm the one dealing all the damage, so I get the sword!" Luneth snapped. Terraform gave him a glare and ran up to the door of the tower.

"Not if I get it first!" she cried, and threw open the door. Fang and Kamec glanced at one another.

"Oh, I don't THINK so!" Fang roared, charging in after Terraform, closely followed by Kamec. Luneth yelped and ran after them as well, not wanting to be left behind. The door shut behind them.

It was only a minute before the door slammed open again, the four heroes charging out screaming like little girls.

"AH THERES A ZOMBIE KEEP AWAY KEEP AWAYYYY!" Terraform shrieked, throwing her arms up in the air and running around.

"DOES THE KING NOT EVEN FUCKING CARE THERE'S UNDEAD IN HIS CASTLE?!" Kamec screamed, throwing himself to the ground.

"DAMN IT TO HELL!" Fang roared, and slammed his foot into a pursuing zombie, throwing it back inside. "SUCK ON THAT, BITCH!"

Luneth tried running out as well, only for a skeletal hand to grab his collar and drag him back inside, the door shutting behind him.

"OH GOD WHY MOMMY SAVE ME!" were just a few of the hysterical cries the three remaining heroes heard from their friend.

"Pussy. At least I looked badass," Fang quipped.

Over near the director, The Biggs and Wedge from Galbadia were standing next to the director, chuckling quietly. Biggs turned to the director.

"Sir, I think this is way off script," he informed him.

Director: Actually…there's no script for this part, since this isn't actually a cutscene…but this is hilarious. Cut! Try the scene again, but make sure you keep this recording.

"Understood sir!" Wedge chimed in.

The WightSlayer Take 2:

The four heroes again stood at the foot of the tower, each of them possessing stern looks on their faces. Luneth snapped his fingers, and fire erupted around his hand.

"All right, everyone! We are going to get this sword. You all have your fire magic ready?" he called.

"Oh I am so on fire," Fang grinned, and his hands lit on fire as well. Kamec fumbled a bit for a second, and then he realized how to use magic.

"I got it!" he said. Terraform squeaked and there was a small explosion. The three looked over at her to see that her fire magic had blown up in her face, singeing her hair and face and covering her with soot.

"AGH! MY BEAUTIFUL HAIR!" she shrieked, earning laughs from the others. Luneth opened the door to the tower, and immediately blasted the zombie behind it with his fire magic, burning it to a crisp.

"All right! Let's go!" Luneth commanded. Fang, Kamec, and Terraform followed him into the tower.

Zombies immediately assaulted them. This time, they were prepared. Fang drew his sword and cut the legs out from under a charging zombie, and then sidestepped it and moved to assault the next zombie. Kamec sent a blazing fireball at a pack of three zombies heading at him, burning them all to a crisp.

"Triple Kill!" he said in the Halo announcer's voice. Luneth managed to kill a few more. That's when they all heard something odd.

"Um, is it just me, or do I hear someone crying?" he asked tentatively. Terraform slashed through a zombie and then stopped to listen. It was true. Heart wrenching sobs could be heard echoing through the tower halls.

"It's a damsel in distress! We must help her!" Kamec declared heroically, and then charged ahead.

"Wait! It might be a…" Luneth began, but Kamec was already out of sight. "…trap…"

"Two bucks says Kamec doesn't come back in one piece," Fang said to Terraform, who smiled and shook Fang's outstretched hand.

The sobs, which were clearly feminine in nature, suddenly changed into angry screeches, sounding like a wild animal. Then Kamec's bloodcurdling screams began filtering back to them.

"WIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITCH!" Kamec screamed, just as he flew out of the passageway and into sight of the three remaining heroes. He hit the wall, and the others saw that his clothes were torn to rags, and several gashes and cuts were inflicted on his body. He didn't move.

"That'll be two bucks, ma'am," Fang reminded Terraform, who sighed and paid up. That's when the group noticed that the sobs were growing louder.

"Wait a minute. Did Ingus just say 'witch?'" Luneth spoke slowly. Fang and Terraform froze.

The camera panned to show the outside of the tower as the sobs turned into screeches and the screams of the heroes could be heard.

Director: Cut! Who the hell put a witch in the tower?

Biggs and Wedge began laughing their asses off, and then they high fived one another.

Director: I swear, you two…

Rescuing the Princess Take 1:

The group slowly progressed through the sealed cave, killing any monster in their way. The princess had to be in here somewhere. Luneth knew that it was unlikely that she would be alive, considering the power of the monsters here, but either way they needed the mithril ring that she…

That's when the authoress abruptly had to vacate her chair as Firion came flying out of her computer screen and began chasing her around with a warhammer.

"MYTHRIL DAMMIT!"

Rescuing the Princess Take 2:

They hadn't gone much farther before they began to see the bodies of dead monsters, burnt to a crisp by what seemed to be thunder magic.

"This is the princess's magic," Kamec observed in a serious voice, falling back into the Ingus persona. "She must be nearby."

"Good. Let's get this ring and nail that Djinn," Luneth replied.

As the group moved on, they started hearing the sounds of lightning magic in the caves. Soon, the princess herself was in sight, surrounded by a large group of monsters. The four heroes had to stop and stare with their jaws open at what they saw.

"Hyah!" she cried, drawing her sword and slashing it through the body of a humanoid lizard. It screeched and fell to the ground, where she blasted it with a bolt of intense lightning.

"Are those…thundaga spells?" Luneth asked weakly. Princess Sara was like a white and blue whirlwind, slicing and cutting through the monsters around her, without gaining a single injury in the process.

"Is that all you've got?" she demanded of a large drake, which hissed and snapped at her. Even as its head was moving forward to snap, she slammed her armored fist into its nose, breaking it and forcing the monster to recoil backwards in pain. Then, she shot her hand out and unleashed a potent thundaga spell, frying the monster where it stood.

When the last monster had fallen, Sara walked over to them, sheathing her blade. A warm smile crossed her face as she saw Kamec. She walked forward and embraced him, earning a blush from the hero.

"Ingus! Thank goodness you're all right!" she cried. Terraform couldn't keep quiet any longer.

"Can I just say how freaking backwards this is?" she finally snapped. Sara released Kamec and stared at Terraform in confusion.

"What is?" she asked. Terraform gestured wildly at her and the dead monsters around us.

"In all these old games, it's always the princess who gets kidnapped and rescued and is a complete pussy the entire time! Hence, Zelda. Hence, princess fucking PEACH!" Terraform ranted. "Yet here you are, kicking ass, and then you walk up to us and say 'thank god you're all right?'"

"Um…" Sara deadpanned, but the Director came to her rescue.

Director: Cut! Terraform! Don't break the scene just because I chose not to be like the stereotype!

Rescuing the Princess Take 3:

"Ingus! Thank goodness you're alright!" Princess Sara cried, walking up to the knight of Sasune. Kamec stepped up to her, a serious look on his face.

"Milady, you must hurry back to the castle. We will take care of the rest here," he beseeched her, but she did not look convinced at all.

"But before you go, we'd like to borrow your mythril ring," Terraform informed her greedily, a grin lighting up her face as she gazed at the ring in question.

"Oh, you just want the ring!" Fang accused, breaking script and causing the Director to gain an anime anger mark on his forehead.

"But it's…so…SHINY!" Terraform bawled, lunging at Sara, only to be shocked to near death with a thundaga spell.

Director: God almighty! Cut!

Rescuing the Princess Take 4:

They hadn't gone much farther when the rocky interior of the cave gave way to tiled floor. The heroes looked around in bewilderment at their new surroundings.

A lush red carpet extended from their feet, up a ramp, and to a throne, where the princess was tied.

"This place looks vaguely familiar," Fang mused, but Kamec was already rushing up to the princess.

"Milady Sara! Are you alright?" he cried, kneeling at her feet and attempting to undo her bonds. Sara looked at them in complete confusion.

"Who are you?" she asked in genuine surprise. Kamec looked shocked.

"Milady Sara! It is I, Ingus, your humble servant!" he reminded her, showing her his face. She still did not seem to recognize him.

"No matter, just get me out of here before he comes back!" Sara begged. Kamec nodded and began to work faster.

"Who, the Djinn?" Luneth asked. Sara shook her head. Then she looked over Kamec's shoulder and her eyes went wide.

"No, him!" she screamed. The heroes turned to see a very familiar armored knight wielding a large, unique sword.

"So, you have finally come, Warriors of Light. I, Garland, will knock you all…wait a minute, you're not the warriors of light," Garland did a double take. "The fuck are you doing here?"

"We're here to rescue Princess Sara!" Kamec cried at him. The Sara on the throne groaned.

"Garland! You will let her free at once!" the actual Warrior of Light came in with Maximilian, Ninja, and Samurai. Garland looked between the two groups of heroes, perplexed.

"Director!" Garland roared. "I think you need to change the plots of one of our games!"

"Yeah, Warriors of Light saving Princess Saras is getting really old!" Fang shouted.

Director: Cut….try to stay on your own set, Luneth.

"Why am I being blamed?!" Luneth yelled.

Level up:

Terraform twirled her dual daggers expertly, executing quick stabs and cuts on the lamia in front of her, while at the same time managing to steal a potion from it. The build up of small wounds soon became too much for the lamia to bear, and it crashed to the ground and began to bleed out.

"Oh yeah!" Terraform yelled in triumph. That's when the gold colored words "level up!" appeared in the air above her head. "Level up? Hmm…what am I supposed to do…"

Terraform pulled out her script and read over what she was supposed to do when she leveled up. When she discovered the answer, her face turned red with anger.

"No no no no NO!" she screeched at the top of her lungs, causing Fang, Kamec, and Luneth to cover their ears.

Director: Cut! Refia, what is it now?

"I simply REFUSE to do a little fucking twirl! I REFUSE! AND MY NAME IS TERRAFORM!" she whirled on the director, pointing at the script. Fang and Kamec suddenly pictured Terraform doing a twirl and began to chuckle.

Director: Do it or you're not getting paid for this.

"I swear…by the end of this game…I am going to murder you…" Terraform grumbled as she grudgingly twirled around. Fang and Kamec…were rolling on the ground. Laughing their asses off.

Confrontation with the Djinn Take 1:

The heroes, with their weapons drawn and ready, charged into the final room of the Sealed Cave to see the Djinn sitting on his rug, meditating.

The Djinn was in the shape of a portly, middle-aged man who was far too fit for his chosen age. He was mostly bald, with his only hair consisting of a braid stretching down over his shoulder. He opened an eye to look at them.

"I've been waiting for you," The Djinn uttered in a deep voice, and he slowly rose to his feet, fire billowing out from his form. "It's time for…for…what's so funny?"

Fang was trying to hide his laughter behind Luneth, but was failing. He pointed at the Djinn and kept laughing.

"It's nothing. It's just that I expected a really badass djinn made of like, shadow and flame or something, not some fat ass!" the tall muse explained between his laughter. The Djinn gazed at him in shock, and then a vein twitched in his forehead.

"I am not fat! I'm just a big man!" the Djinn roared, and then engulfed Fang in a burst of fire.

Director: Cut…Fang, don't insult the actors…

Confrontation with the Djinn Take 2:

The heroes, with their weapons drawn and ready, charged into the final room of the Sealed Cave to see the Djinn sitting on his rug, meditating.

"I've been waiting for you," The Djinn uttered in a deep voice, and he slowly rose to his feet, fire billowing out from his form.

"Good! I hope you are ready to be sealed up again!" Princess Sara challenged, pulling out the mythril ring from her pocket. "Face the power of the mythril ring!"

Princess Sara put on the ring…and abruptly vanished form view. The Djinni raised an eyebrow, and his eyes began to dart around the room quickly, searching for her.

Then, his arm shot out and grasped air, but the resounding gasp told the heroes that he had found the princess.

"I can make myself unseen if I wish it, but to disappear entirely? That is a rare gift," The Djinn complimented her.

Director: Cut…did you seriously just…

"I love that movie!" Biggs called out to the Djinn, who turned and gave the Galbadian a very uncharacteristic smile.

Confrontation with the Djinn Take 3:

The Djinni bellowed out his anger and swooped down on the party, fireballs forming in each of his hand. The heroes scattered to the four corners of the room. It was good that they did, because The Djinn's fireballs slammed into the ground just where they used to be standing.

"Watch out!" Sara shouted. Her hands shot out, releasing a powerful thundaga bolt that collided with one of the Djinn's fireballs. The resulting explosion knocked the heroes back, but not for long. The air chilled to near zero around Luneth's body, as ice crystals began to form in his hands.

"Blizzard!" he declared, and the ice crystals went streaming at the Djinn. The Djinn wasn't phased. He simply blew fire onto them, melting them to nothing. "Oh that's not even fair!"

"My turn!" Kamec announced. He propelled himself off the cave wall and drew two swords. The Djinn saw him coming, but Kamec was already there. He slashed forward, leaving gashes on the Djinn's body. Instead of blood, reddish white rays of light shot out of the wounds, but they soon healed themselves over.

"That…hurt…" the Djinn growled. A huge fireball formed in his left hand even as he backhanded Kamec against the wall. "HOW DARE YOU!"

Kamec looked up in fear as the huge fireball came hurtling towards him. He shut his eyes, knowing that he would be burnt to a crisp by this attack.

However, all he felt was a rush of warm air. He opened his eyes once more to see an impossibly tall figure standing in front of him. It was dressed in a dark red and blue cape decorated with the pattern of dancing flames. Two reddish horns protruded out of his dark red hair. Kamec gulped as he recognized who was in front of him.

"Who are you?!" the Djinn demanded, gazing at the newcomer. Rubicante grinned wolfishly, flames hotter than anything in this universe forming around him. Even the Djinn himself, who was accustomed to the heat of fire, recoiled from the sheer amount of heat coming off of the Autarch of Flame.

"You call that a fireball?" Rubicante criticized, stepped forward. Then, a massive aura of flames erupted from the ground around Rubicante, causing his cape to flutter around him as if through wind. Nearby, Luneth yelped as his armor began to melt.

"I'll show you how to really use fire…NO ONE IS HOTTER THAN ME!" Rubicante roared, and the Fiend dashed forward and collided with the Djinni, all of the flame surrounding him turning a searing blue and burning the Djinni to a crisp.

Director: Cut…Rubicante…this is the wrong set…

"Aerith…I need a great gospel…" the pile of ashes that was the Djinn muttered.

Director: Yeah, where is that girl anyway?

Aerith was sitting on a bench behind the director, making out with Sephiroth while Cloud and Zack rolled around on the floor bawling.

Director: …

The Wind Crystal:

Luneth, Kamec, Terraform, and Fang displayed mixed reactions at the sudden change in surroundings. One second, they had been enjoying their victory over the Djinn, and the next they were in a chamber constructed out of materials the like of which no one had ever seen.

Luneth displayed immediate recognition upon gazing up at the floating crystal. Light filtered from the core of the crystal and lit the room with its radiance.

"I know this place! This is where I was chosen to be the first warrior of light!" Luneth exclaimed. Fang stood up, curiously running a hand along the cold tiling that made up the walls.

"Where is this? Is that the crystal?" Kamec questioned. He walked up to the crystal, and that's when a voice echoed through the room.

"It is I who summoned you," The crystal spoke. "You four have been chosen to be the warriors of light, the bringers of love. You must take with you the last of my light…and the last of the world's hope. Unless you act, the light will be lost, and the equilibrium will be forever lost. Once you take in the light, you will be able to extract the power from the other crystals. Do you all…oh you have got to be kidding me."

The four heroes were lying on the ground, clearly asleep.

Director: Oh come on! It's not that boring.

Cleansing of the Ring:

Thanks to Sara's ring, the Djinn was now sealed away forever. However, to prevent the possibility of someone releasing him again, Princess Sara was on her way to cleanse the ring into the holy waters of the Sasune Spring. This would eradicate the evil Djinn forever.

The four heroes ran into the room housing the spring to see Princess Sara gazing at the ring with a blank expression on her face as she held it over the water.

"Throw it! Throw it into the water!" Luneth screamed. Sara made no reply. Luneth took a step forward, panic evident on his face. "What are you waiting for?!"

Sara turned her head slowly, fixing Luneth with a sinister glint in her eye. She began to clutch the ring closer to her chest, as if to protect it.

Director: Wait a minute….

"Just let it go!" Luneth begged. Sara turned completely away form the water, her expression now mirroring the glint in her eyes.

"The ring is mine," she snapped, and then put it on her finger and disappeared.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Luneth shouted, falling to his knees.

Director: CUT! Seriously? That was word for word even! Did you two plan that?

"We might have," Sara admitted. Luneth turned to see the muses sitting back in armchairs that they had pulled from nowhere, drinking wine from elegant glasses. They were wearing monocles and top hats.

"Excellent performance, chaps! Wouldn't you say so, my dear Fang?" Kamec praised.

"Quite. Good show, Luneth my lad," Fang agreed, lifting his wineglass to honor the two.

"Jolly good!" Terraform chimed in.

Director: *facepalms*

Refia's Return:

Terraform let her gaze drop to the floor, a shy expression crossing her face as she thought of something to say to her three traveling companions.

"It's just that… we all promised the crystal we'd go on our journey, and I don't want to be a smith just yet. I'm thankful to father for taking care of an orphan like me for all these years, but this is something I have to do." She jerked her gaze back up to look into Luneth's eyes.

"Wait, you're an orphan too?" Luneth could hardly believe his ears. What were the chances of the two of them being orphans?

"Too? You mean…" Terraform gasped.

"I'm one," Fang interjected. Luneth and Terraform stared at him in shock. Then Kamec joined the conversation.

"I, too, have no parents," he expressed. Luneth sighed and looked down at his hands. He seemed to be counting up to something.

"We're all orphans…and so were the original warriors of light…and so was Firion and Maria, and Cecil too, oh wait! Bartz too! Why does this keep happening?!" Luneth began screaming hysterically. "IT FEELS LIKE AN ENDLESS CYCLE!"

Director: Cut… *turns around in his chair and glares at the nearby figure*

Garland, who was doing his best to look as innocent as possible, raised his hands in protest.

"What? I had nothing to do with it." He asserted.

Jobs Part 1:

Luneth and the muses walked off stage after they finally got the scene with the Wind Crystal done right.

"Yes! We did it!" Luneth exclaimed jubilantly. Fang just grunted and strode ahead.

"Finally," Terraform snapped. "That took way too much time."

"So what happens now? We have to take a look at the Job system, right?" Kamec inquired. Luneth nodded, catching up to Fang.

"This way, Fang. We have to go to the director's office to learn about the jobs we are being given," the boy reminded. Fang grunted again, in a bad mood since he had to act like a "pussy" as he called it, for several hours.

The group walked past the assistant director's office, ignoring the loud moaning sounds from within. Luneth sighed irritably.

"Don't they do anything other than have sex?!" Luneth muttered. The response from the muses was unanimous.

"Nope."

"Nah,"

"Nuh-uh."

Soon, the group made their way into the director's office, where the man himself was sitting at his computer.

Director: Good, you're here. As you know, this game uses a complex system known as the job system, to give the players a bit of freedom in choosing their strategies and weapons.

"Sounds fascinating," Kamec whispered. He waited for the man to continue speaking.

"Sounds boring," Fang countered, only to get a death glare from the director.

Director: So, the jobs you all have to choose from are Warrior, Thief, Monk, Black Mage, White Mage, and Red Mag…

"Red Mage!" the muses immediately said unanimously, and then they started glaring at one another.

"Onion Knight!" Luneth squealed, hopping up and down. He was then thrown out of the room by the three muses.

"Shut up kid," Fang ordered. "Now, since I'm the tallest, I get to be the Red Mage."

"That is not fair! I'm the oldest, so I get to be the Red Mage!" Terraform interjected.

"And I'm the…swag…iest?" Kamec started, but then realized how stupid what he was saying was going to be and stopped.

Director: And here I was thinking that you guys had unique preferences. You know what? None of you get to be the red mage.

There was the sound of the muses groaning in disappointment.

Director: In fact, I'll be choosing your jobs. Refia, you are going to be the white mage of this party.

"Son of a bitch! I would get the pussy white mage. Great. And my name is Terraform!" Terraform complained. The director fixed her with a glare.

Director: Wrong. As long as you are in my production, then you will be going by the name of your assigned character. Understood, Refia?

"…Yes…sir…."

Director: Good. Now, Arc, you will be the party's black mage. Your role will be casting offensive spells.

"You know, I'm surprisingly okay with that. So I'm the guy tossing out Firagas 'n shit?" Fang questioned, a grin on his face.

Director: Yes. Luneth, you are going to be the…

"Onion Knight?!" the boy ran into the room with an intense look of enthusiasm on his face.

Director: …warrior.

Luneth burst into tears and ran out of the room saying something about Onion Knights but no one cared.

Director: Ingus, you are going to be the Monk. So you won't be using a weapon. Understand?

"Well this sucks," Kamec complained…and then he realized what he just said. He was now receiving death glares from everyone in the room. "I sense incoming pain."

The director of all people stood up from his desk and ran to Kamec. Before the muse could do anything, the director lifted him up off the ground with one hand, slammed him on the ground, and then planted his boot into the muse's chest and ground it there. The sound of cracking ribs could be heard.

The remaining muses looked at the director with a new respect.

Director: Now, am I understood?

He received nods in response.

Director: Good. Then go and outfit yourself from the armory. Oh, and Refia. If I catch you on set wearing anything other than the White Mage dress, then you're not getting paid for that scene.

Terraform gulped and nodded. With that, the muses left the room.

The Airship Take 1:

The heroes stood on the opposite side of the mountain pass, finally having broken through the giant boulder that had been blocking their passage to Canaan.

"That took too long. We must hurry," Kamec urged. He ushered Luneth, Fang, and Terraform along, with Cid Haze not far behind.

After a few days of travel, Canaan stood before them. A few soldiers guarded the entrance to the meager town, but they all seemed to recognize Cid, and so their posture was not a hostile one.

"Mr. Haze! Good to see you back," the first soldier called. Cid strode ahead with his mouth curving into a smile, happy to see someone he recognized.

"Oh believe me, it's been a hell of a time getting here!" Cid assured them, giving a brotherly embrace to the guard. Luneth stepped up behind him, with the others not far away.

"Actually, that I want to know. How did you get past the boulder? Even the digging team was expected to take months to remove that thing," the soldier asked. Then he seemed to consider something, for he started. "Oh Cid, you didn't come over the mountains, did you?"

Cid was about to answer when Luneth stepped in front of him, a serious look on his youthful face.

"We added a ram to the airship! That one broke apart. So we built another. That one cracked, burned down, and then broke apart. BUT THE THIRD ONE BROKE THROUGH!" Luneth declared, earning giggles and facepalms from the listeners.

Director: There will be NO singing while I'm aro…I mean cut.

Getting the Airship Engine:

Cid gazed mournfully at the wreckage of his prized airship. It had been a necessary loss, but one that he regretted all the same.

"I'm sorry, Cid. I understand you worked years on her," Luneth apologized frantically. Cid was a big man, and despite his usual jolly demeanor, the way he wielded his war hammer in battle would give any sane man cause to think before pissing him off.

"Don't worry about it kid. You couldn't have known the airship would shatter from the impact. That rock was harder than I expected," Cid admitted, patting the scared kid on the shoulder. Luneth visibly relaxed.

"Looks like we're on foot for now," Kamec pointed out helpfully. Terraform sighed and gazed towards Canaan in the distance.

"That brings me to my next point. I'd assume y'all would want to get your hands on another airship. But you'll have to meet King Argus first. He's the one who knows how to make the engines. I just handle the hull," Cid explained. Luneth was about to inquire further when there was the sound of engines.

"What the…" Fang began as a giant, rocket propelled airship flew into view just above them, the landing ramp open. Standing on the ramp were several easily recognizable characters.

"Yo dipshits! Here's an alternative! How 'bout you hop on board my Shera, and we'll get ya there in no time!" Cid Highwind called from above. Goggles drawn back in his golden blonde hair and spear in hand, the engineer looked happier than ever.

Standing near him was Tifa, who was petting Red XIII softly on the head. Cait Sith was jumping around uttering random Scottish mannerisms while Yuffie chased him around firing bolt3 spells at him for some random reason.

Cloud himself was standing with his back to the wall, but was soon shoved to the ground by his best friend Zack, who promptly told him to stop being so emo.

"I don't know, either option sounds viable…" Kamec trailed off, bringing his epic improvisation skills into play. Cid met his gaze and let a mischievous grin cross his face.

"Just fyi, Aerith's aboard," was all Cid had to say. Without even taking a second to think, Fang, Terraform, and Kamec were scrambling aboard the Shera.

Cid Haze and Luneth watched the Shera blast away, metaphorically sweatdropping.

"What, no love for Haze?" Cid bemoaned. Luneth shrugged and turned the other way.

"Looks like I'm heading to Argus by myself."

Director: That's it. Cid Highwind is getting his pay cut. *yelps as a spear blade is pressed to his throat*

"I'd reconsider that if I were you," Kain Highwind advised coolly. The director gulped and nodded. "I look after my own."

Dragon's peak Take 1:

"What are we even doing here again?" Terraform moaned as she climbed over the lip of the cliff and joined the others.

"Good question. Luneth, you're in charge, so tell us what's up?" Fang complemented. Luneth was gazing up towards the summit of the mountain, probably thinking about how much they had left to go.

"Well, that scumbag who abandoned his girlfriend apparently has the mini spell, which we need to get to Tozus." That was enough for Fang. He sighed and started up the path after Luneth. Terraform was brooding, and it annoyed him.

"Damn it to hell…what's wrong with you now, Terraform?" Fang grunted in annoyance. "There's always SOMETHING wrong with you. Can't you ever be happy?"

"Want to let me get a word in edgewise?" Terraform snapped. "I just can't believe this guy. How dare he leave his girlfriend? The heart of a girl is a delicate thing, like a flower…"

"On second thought, forget I asked," Fang interrupted with a very disturbed look on his face.

A faint roar that increased in volume was the only warning they got. Bahamut swooped down upon them and attacked in an instant…or it would have had the warriors still been there.

"RUN AWAY RUN AWAY!"

"MOTHER OF GOD WHY?!"

"BAHA-FUCKING-MUT THIS EARLY?!"

"WELL THIS SUUU…" before Kamec could finish his scream he was abruptly engulfed by a potent Megaflare.

Director: Cut…how did they even know Bahamut was coming?

"Sir, they might have actually read ahead in the script," Wedge suggested. The Director looked like he might have a heart attack.

Director: You mean…they might actually have been semi-prepared? I think I might die a happy man now.

"Indeed. I'll get the confetti," Biggs added wryly.

Dragon's peak take 2:

Bahamut swooped down upon the heroes, claws outstretched and dripping with the blood of its previous kill. It fixed its devilish eyes upon them and roared, the very sound forcing the heroes to cover their ears.

"This will be a tough fight everyone," Luneth asserted, drawing his swords. He stepped forward, protecting Terraform and Fang, the weaker members of the team. "Ingus, do you have a plan?"

"I do. Luneth and I will be the damage dealers. Luneth, you and I will switch off attacking and guarding, to limit damage while still dealing some," Kamec began, speaking quickly while the dragon was still eyeing them for weak points. "Arc, hit that dragon with every bit of offensive magic you have. Hold nothing back."

"You got it," Fang grinned wolfishly, and held his hands out. Orbs of fire and lightning appeared in his hands.

"Refia, healing duty. Do not let up. Any restorative effects we can get could possibly win us the fight," Kamec finished. Terraform pouted, but readied her cure spells.

"On my mark…we attack!" Kamec ordered. He raised his hand, and then saw that the dragon was doing something.

It was charging a Megaflare.

"Shit." was all Kamec could saw before the entire group was annihilated.

Director: *laughs really hard* aaand THAT'S why I invented Megaflare. To be ridiculously powerful and a strategy wrecker when fighting Bahamut, and to be ridiculously weak when using it against bosses. Mwahaha I'm so evil.

Dragon's peak take 3:

Bahamut deposited them in a nest made of whole tree trunks and scrap metal, before taking off again. The nest was filled with half broken eggshells with baby dragons inside of them. Their cries of hunger made it all too clear what Bahamut intended to do with them.

"This is a disaster," Kamec groaned, nursing the wounds left by Bahamut's claws.

"No kidding," Fang agreed. He began to look for a way down, but ended up colliding with another human inhabitant of the nest.

"Whoa there!" the man said in surprise, stepping back. He was a tall man, dressed in a navy blue trenchcoat tied about his middle with a similarly colored belt. His hair was a dark brown color, slicked back and tied into a small ponytail that was groomed and left to dangle down his back. "Ha! I see you guys let yourself be caught by that dragon."

"You're one to talk," Luneth remarked. The man laughed nervously and scratched the back of his head.

"Yeah you got me. The name is Desch, by the way," he introduced, extending his hand. Terraform waltzed past Luneth and stood next to Desch, obviously checking him out, much to Fang's amusement.

"Nice to meet you, Douche," Luneth answered. Desch turned an angry red.

"I said DESCH!" he roared and then roundhouse kicked Luneth off of the edge of the nest.

Tozus:

Getting into Tozus was harder than they thought. Desch indeed had the mini spell, but once they had shrunk themselves to the proper size to get inside, everything got harder from there. Their physical attacks became about as effective as spitballs, leaving everything up to Fang for offensive attacks. He was reveling in this role, toasting every enemy he found with Fira spells.

Upon reaching Tozus, the town upon which they had been trying so hard to reach…they discovered that it was nothing like they had expected.

The first living creature they saw was a tiny gnome looking thing that hopped up and down upon seeing them.

"Welcome to Tozus, friends! We're teeny and you're weeny! You're the itsy, to our bitsy!" It cried happily.

The crickets chirped as Luneth and the group stared at it with varying looks of confusion.

"What. The. Actual. Fuck." Fang started, only to be cut off by Luneth, whose face was growing redder.

"DIRECTOR, WHAT THE FUCK?! SERIOUSLY?! WHAT WAS GOING THROUGH YOUR MIND WHEN YOU CAME UP WITH THIS?!" Luneth screamed at the hapless director.

Director: I forget. I think I was high at the time.

Random Encounter Take 1:

Luneth panted heavily, wiping the sweat off of his brow. He sheathed his sword, happy to see that the enemy was finally dead.

"Now that it's out of the way, let's press on," Kamec suggested. Luneth nodded, took a few steps, and then promptly found himself in another random encounter.

"CAN I TAKE MORE THAN TWO STEPS PLEASE?!" Luneth roared, tossing his sword up in the air.

Random Encounter Take 2:

This monster was tougher than the last. Terraform was running here and there, healing everyone she could lest they be taken down by a powerful blow from the parademon attacking them.

She had just healed Fang when the black mage took another hit, and he fell to his knees with the pain.

"GODDAMMIT! Refia! Get your ass back here and heal me better this time!" he called. Terraform gazed back at him with a cool look on her face.

"I'm sorry, did you find a problem with my healing?" she asked calmly. Fang glared at her.

"If you hadn't done such a shoddy job, then I wouldn't be kneeling here now would I?" he shot back. Terraform didn't move, a smile playing at her lips.

"You know what? I don't think I'm going to heal you," she decided, turning her back. Fang looked shocked and angry, and he began to prepare a blizzard spell.

"I swear to God, you are going to get a taste of this blizz…" he began.

"No I won't. You see, you hurt me…and you're not getting back up again," Terraform explained. "That's right. I'm your white mage. And Nobody. Fucks. With the white mage."

Director: Cut! Goddammit Refia…just heal him…

Random encounter take 3:

The next battle, Luneth was shocked to see that he was facing three enemies. They were al fairly strong, and would take some doing to defeat. He sheathed his sword. There was no use complaining about a situation he couldn't change. He charged at them…

…only to see Desch step out from behind them and fry them all to bits with a thundara spell. He grinned proudly as the monsters fell to the ground dead. Desch glanced at Luneth, only to see the child glaring at him angrily.

"What?" he asked, confused.

"DON'T YOU STEAL MY EXP, BITCH!" Luneth yelled. Desch held up his hands in surrender.

"All right then. I'll never interrupt your battles again," the man promised.

Random encounter take 4:

Luneth and the others found themselves in battle against another random enemy. Only this time, the monster didn't seem so random.

The monster was humanoid and possessed a wicked looking sword. It sat on a demonic looking horse that snorted upon sighting the four heroes. It had nothing but horns for hair, and two fangs protruding over its lower lip.

"He…doesn't look like a random monster," Terraform pointed out. The monster grinned wolfishly.

"I am not, mortal. I am Odin…now taste my blade!" it declared, and then it leapt into battle. "Zantetsuken!"

"OH GOD SOMEBODY HELP!"

"HE'S SLICING ME TO BITS HELP!"

"NOT MY HAIR AAAGH!"

"DESCH!"

Desch glanced over at the battle nonchalantly from his position on a nearby log. He considered helping them, but then thought better of it. He returned to the task he was currently occupied with: whittling a figurine out of wood.

"I'm sorry, I can't help you. It's your exp after all," he reminded the dying Luneth. His response was an incredulous scream.

Viking's Cove:

The Vikings were sitting around uncharacteristically, feasting and drinking in some cave rather than sailing and pillaging like one would expect typical Vikings to do. Looking for a ship to get them across the water, Luneth had led the group inside to try and bargain with their leader.

"Look, kid, I'd love to help you, but all but one of our ships were destroyed by a sea dragon. And we ain't about ta give you our last one," the Viking leader explained.

"And if we killed that dragon for you?" Kamec suggested. The Viking looked shocked.

"Huh…well I guess you look like capable adventurers…tell you what. If you manage to defeat the dragon, then our best ship, the Enterprise, is yours." He compromised. Smiles crossed the faces of the heroes. Though Terraform's grin was much wider. She stepped forward and took on a heroic pose.

"YES! We will boldly go where no man has gone before!" she announced, gaining the attention of every Viking in the room.

Director: Cut! Goddammit Refia!

"Did you really expect to get away with naming your ship the Enterprise? You should have expected SOMEONE to make a reference," Terraform reasoned.

Nepto's Temple Take 1:

The group walked into the massive temple entrance, wondering just what was in store for them. The Sea Dragon, known as the Nepto Dragon, had just been too strong for them to face, so Kamec had come up with the idea of visiting the temple that was constructed in its honor in the hopes of coming up with a way to defeat it.

When they walked inter the entrance room, it struck them as oddly familiar. There was a singular path that headed forward, surrounded by water on either side. At the end of the path was a menacing looking statue with an open mouth.

"For some reason, this seems familiar…" Fang muttered. Terraform suddenly lit up.

"I know! We're in the Chamber of Secrets! Let's go find the Basilisk everyone!" she declared, earning facepalms from everyone in the group. That's when the Nepto Dragon appeared and roared at them.

"AGH! THE BASILISK! RUN!" Terraform screamed and ran the other way. The Nepto dragon stopped roaring and looked indignant.

"DO I LOOK LIKE A SNAKE TO YOU?! I AM DRAGON! REPEAT AFTER…OH WHERE DID THEY GO…" the Nepto dragon protested, but saw that its quarry had long since run away by the time it had finished defending itself.

Nepto's Temple Take 2:

The only way to descend further into the temple was to go in through the statue's mouth, which had forced Terraform to shrink them all with her Mini spell.

After a while of traveling through the small cave, they finally chanced upon a larger chamber, where the bones of small animals lay about. Standing in the center of the room was a rat, giant sized since the heroes were all smaller than usual. It saw them and attempted to hide the giant orange orb that it was guarding.

"SQUEEK! Who you be?!" It demanded. The heroes froze. Fang's right eye twitched spasmodically as he stared at the offending rodent.

"It…TALKS?!" Fang exclaimed.

Director: Cut…yes, the rat talks, Arc. Get over it. Oh and rat? You're supposed to actually squeak, not say it.

Nepto's Temple Take 3:

The heroes extricated themselves with difficulty out of the mouth of the dragon statue. Heaving a sigh of relief, Terraform finally unshrunk everyone.

"Thank god that's over. I was tired of not being able to do anything," Luneth expressed. He stretched and cracked his joints, causing Terraform to wince at the sound. "You casting types have it easy."

"You're just jealous that I got all the experience," Fang boasted. Luneth shot him a glare.

"Would you please cease your foolishness? I assume this orb we found fits back in the statue. Perhaps it will have some effect on the dragon," Kamec butted in. Luneth muttered under his breath, but did as suggested. Once he placed the eye back in the slot, the room flashed suddenly.

There was a pause, and then the Nepto dragon itself faded into view above them. Terraform abruptly wet herself from shock, while Fang and Kamec drew their weapons and prepared for battle.

"Thank you, warriors of the light. Your timely repair of my statue has returned me to my senses," the dragon spoke, its guttural voice reverberating throughout the room.

"Wait, so if I take out this eye, you go insane?" Luneth inquired, a mischievous glint entering his eyes. The dragon nodded solemnly. So the child instantly took the eye back out.

The Nepto dragon roared in anger and was about to attack, but then Luneth put the eye back in.

"Thank you. Now please refrain from…" the dragon began, but Luneth took the eye back out again. The dragon roared loudly once more.

"Oh my God that's hilarious!" Luneth exclaimed, and then he began rapidly removing and replacing the eye from its slot, causing the dragon to roar spasmodically, all while Luneth laughed his ass off. Fang and Kamec were trying not to laugh.

"I need to change my panties!" Terraform wailed. That did it. Fang and Kamec were now on the floor laughing.

The Enterprise Take 1:

Luneth walked up the gangplank of the fine ship with a grin on his face. Terraform was running around on the deck with girlish glee, taking in every detail.

"Heave!" Kamec shouted, pulling hard on the ropes with several other Vikings that had offered to help them pilot the ship. Fang, surprisingly enough, was working hard on repairing the damage to the rudder of the ship so it could cast off. Desch was there too, gazing over the side of the ship into the sea.

All in all, the ship was bustling with activity. The Viking leader hopped down from the rigging and approached Luneth as he boarded.

"Everything's about ready to cast off, captain!" the Viking declared. Luneth was surprised at being called the captain, but he decided he rather liked the idea.

"Good. Our next destination is the Tower of Owen! Cast off!" Luneth declared. The Vikings let out a cheer because they were happy to be setting sail again after so long of being cooped up in a cave. The gangplank was hoisted and the sails were set. Terraform hopped up to the helm.

"Accelerate to warp speed 5!" she commanded. There was the sound of a record screeching to a halt.

Director: CUT! Refia…I swear on all that is holy…make ONE more Star Trek reference…

Tokkul:

Luneth led the group into the town known as Tokkul. He had never heard of the town before, but they were running low on supplies, so anything was better than nothing.

"A quaint little town. Very serene," Kamec observed. As a knight of Sasune accustomed to a fancy lifestyle, he found the change refreshing.

"Looks boring! Do you think they have any clothes for sale?" Terraform asked, sounding like she'd rather be anywhere else. Fang hit her on the shoulder to shut her up. She did not take very well to this. She slapped him back.

"Hey! You just can't hit a girl like that!" she protested. Fang raised an eyebrow.

"You do remember that you used to be a guy, right?" he reminded her. Terraform looked horrified.

"I like to believe that I have transcended such a lowly plane of existence!" she protested vehemently. Fang gazed at her speechless for a second, and then had to turn the other way to hide his laughter.

Back on track, the group moved into the heart of the town to see a livestock pen holding not cows or chickens, but something else entirely.

A familiar theme began playing in the background as the group gazed at a strange yellow creature with an orange beak and feathers. It was like a bird, only bigger.

"So its like…a chicken…and a horse?" Luneth mused, since he had obviously never seen one before.

"Then it could be called a chorse! Or a hicken," Terraform joked, and then yelped and ran the other way as the chocobo broke free of the pen and began chasing her with an evil look in its eyes. A wet spot appeared on her shorts as she promptly wet herself in terror. Again.

Director: Cut…somebody get her a change of clothes.

The Tower of Owen Take 1:

The core of the tower, which consisted of a burning pillar of flame that powered each respective sector of the tower that held up the entire continent, lay in front of them. The source of the disturbance was in fact a hooded figure who was standing in front of the core, releasing foul magic from its fingers.

"That's enough!" Desch roared, drawing his sword and facing the figure. "This is my tower, and I won't have you defiling it!"

Behind Desch stood the warriors of light: Luneth, Arc, Refia, and Ingus. This was it. The battle for the safety of the floating continent.

The figure slowly turned around. The hissing of snakes could be heard, and the group could see red-scaled snakes poking out from the figure's hood.

"That can't be good," Kamec observed grimly. The figure slowly removed its hood to reveal a monstrous visage consisting of red scales and fangs, with red snakes for hair.

"I, Medusa, will demolish this tower in the name of our lord Xande!" the figure roared. The group readied itself for battle.

"Shit! I didn't bring any mirrors," Terraform cut in.

Director: CUT! Petrify isn't something you get by looking at her eyes…

The Tower of Owen Take 2:

"That's enough!" Desch roared, drawing his sword and facing the figure. "This is my tower, and I won't have you defiling it!"

Behind Desch stood the warriors of light: Luneth, Arc, Refia, and Ingus. This was it. The battle for the safety of the floating continent.

The figure slowly turned around. The hissing of snakes could be heard, and the group could see red-scaled snakes poking out from the figure's hood.

"That can't be good," Kamec observed grimly. The figure slowly removed its hood to reveal a monstrous visage consisting of red scales and fangs, with red snakes for hair.

"I, Medusa, will demolish this tower in the name of our lord Xande!" the figure roared. The group readied itself for battle.

"Oh, that's not even fair!" Fang complained, and then he accidentally looked into her eyes and was instantly stoned.

"EVERYBODY RUN!" Luneth screamed, but was stoned as he accidentally saw Medusa's eyes out of the corner of his own. The entire party was eventually stoned as the group tried to run away.

Director: Cut! Medusa…how? You said petrify could only be inflicted when you attacked them!

"I lied," Medusa gloated.

The Tower of Owen Take 3:

"That's enough!" Desch roared, drawing his sword and facing the figure. "This is my tower, and I won't have you defiling it!"

Behind Desch stood the warriors of light: Luneth, Arc, Refia, and Ingus. This was it. The battle for the safety of the floating continent.

The figure slowly turned around. The hissing of snakes could be heard, and the group could see red-scaled snakes poking out from the figure's hood.

"That can't be good," Kamec observed grimly. The figure slowly removed its hood to reveal a monstrous visage consisting of red scales and fangs, with red snakes for hair.

"I, Medusa, will demolish this tower in the name of our lord Xande!" the figure roared. The group readied itself for battle.

"You know, there was this one novel I read," Terraform began nonchalantly, stepping in front of the group and closer to Medusa. "In it, the gorgon was really a beautiful woman who chose to make herself ugly since it would save more lives in the long run. Her stone gaze was a curse, and she was really misunderstood and was in fact a…"

Terraform was stoned before she could say another word.

Director: Cut…though I do love that book. Long live Pier Xanthony! Hehe

The Tower of Owen Take 4:

"That's enough!" Desch roared, drawing his sword and facing the figure. "This is the tower responsible for holding up this continent, and I won't have you defiling it!"

Behind Desch stood the warriors of light: Luneth, Arc, Refia, and Ingus. This was it. The battle for the safety of the floating continent.

The figure slowly turned around. The hissing of snakes could be heard, and the group could see red-scaled snakes poking out from the figure's hood.

"That can't be good," Kamec observed grimly. The figure slowly removed its hood to reveal a monstrous visage consisting of red scales and fangs, with red snakes for hair.

"I, Medusa, will demolish this tower in the name of our lord Xana…I mean Xande!"

Director: *hums the Code Lyoko theme song*

The Tower of Owen Take 5:

Desch stepped closer to the core of the tower, which was clearly out of balance and volatile, if its raging appearance was anything to go by. Desch had a solemn look on his face, the most serious anyone had ever seen him. Terraform stepped closer to him, a worried look on her face.

"Douche! Don't get so close! The fire, I think it's going to blow up!" she cried. Desch's face turned red and he began to slowly draw his sword. Fang saw the warning signs and dashed to him along with Kamec.

"Hold him back HOLD HIM BACK!" Fang screamed, grabbing one of Desch's arms as the man attempted to murder the young woman. Kamec grabbed his other arm.

"IT'S DESCH GODDAMMIT!"

Director: Refia…why are you so stupid?!

The Tower of Owen Take 6:

"Desch! Don't get so close! The fire, I think it's going to blow up!" she cried. Desch looked down into the pit where the fire pillar descended as far as he could see.

"I just now remembered. I'm the guardian of this tower. My duty is to protect this continent with my life," Desch revealed, causing everyone emitted gasps of shock, except for Fang.

"Oh, and I just suddenly remembered, I'm the king of fucking Spira!" Fang snapped sarcastically.

Director: JUST GO WITH IT ARC! *vein pulses on forehead*

The Tower of Owen Take 7:

Desch put one leg over the side of the pit, grasping on the ladder that led into the very bowels of the tower. His intent was to go inside the tower and fix it from the inside, at the cost of his own life. Luneth stepped forward, shock written on his face.

"Desch, no! You'll die if you go in there! The tower is going to blow, there's nothing we can do about it!" he yelled after his friend. Desch smiled weakly at the boy he had grown to respect over the long trip.

"Don't worry, Luneth. It has always been my destiny…to throw myself into a burning pillar of fire." Desch joked. There was the sound of the Director hitting his head against a wall.

The Enterprise Redux:

The heroes awoke on board their ship, surrounded by their Viking crew. They all were gazing at them with varying degrees of worry. Luneth groaned and rose to his feet, looking around him in surprise.

"The enterprise? Did Desch send us here?" Fang asked, standing up as well. The Viking leader shook his head.

"Not exactly. It was the darndest thing. I was just sitting here, and then some guy in a red shirt shows up here talking in a Scottish accent and next thing you know, you guys showed up," the man explained. Terraform gained this bright look on her face. She thrust her fist into the air in victory.

"Yes! We were beamed up by Scotty!" she squealed in glee.

Director: I…I…Kain. Kain Highwind.

The dragoon in question showed up with his spear over his shoulder.

"What? Make it quick, I'm a little busy today," he demanded. Terraform turned pale and quickly dashed off the stage. The director pointed lazily at her. Kain grinned and jumped into the air and disappeared. The faint scream that was heard a second later was all the other muses needed to hear to start chuckling.

Gutsco the Rogue:

They had heard much about this man that had stolen the dwarves' treasure, but nothing that they were told could have prepared them for the real thing. Gutsco himself was unlike nothing they had ever seen. It wouldn't even be accurate for the heroes to call him human.

"This treasure is MINE! Mine I tell you!" Gutsco protested, standing in front of his treasure pile protectively. Luneth ignored his treasure and instead stared at Gutsco.

"Question!" Luneth suddenly yelled out. Gutsco blinked, and waited for Luneth to continue. "What the fuck are you? White skin, pointed ears, and wings?! Seriously? Introducing the High Elves everyone! A very subtle way of telling you that the elves are on drugs!"

A vein pulsed on Gutsco's brow, and he began shooting a barrage of arrows at the hapless warrior.

Director: Sigh, try to dehumanize a villain to make him easier for the weak hearted to kill…and what do I get for it? Criticism.

Battle with Salamander Take 1:

Sweat poured off of Luneth's brow, and every step became harder and harder to take. Lava seeped onto the path from cracks in the walls, or formed streams across it as it traveled to a lower elevation. The Cave of Fire lived up to its name as the most hellish dungeon the heroes had ever been to.

"We're…almost…there…." Kamec gritted out, forcing himself to move despite how overheated he was. He took out his canteen and took a long drink from it.

"I can hear the crystal!" Luneth cried. Sure enough, the rocky ground of the cave soon gave way to the tiling that they all recognized. The Fire Crystal was just ahead, floating above a pedestal. However, Gutsco the Rogue was already there. Flames wreathed around his form.

"Hahah! The power of flame is mine! I have the ultimate power!" he gloated, turning around to face the heroes. "But it's not enough. I won't be satisfied until the warriors of light are defeated. Then I'll seize the power of light from you and become a god!"

"We won't let you!" Terraform declared, and then she cast a quick haste spell on the party.

"Give us some blizzara spells, Fang!" Luneth asked as he readied his sword. Gutsco began to roar, his voice gradually turning into a feral roar of a dragon, and as the heroes watched, his body began to morph. His skin reddened and stretched, eventually forming crimson scales. His face stretched and elongated, forming a long snout and wicked teeth. His torso thickened and produced a tail, while the feathers on his wings fused together to form more reptilian wings.

Standing in front of them was a salamander. However, its eyes…were…a little wide….

"What the fuck?" Terraform asked, rather loudly. "Did all that fire power get you high or something?"

The salamander's response was to open its mouth and emit a stream of flame that nearly burnt Terraform to a crisp. The burnt girl promptly wet herself as she gasped from the pain.

"I…think I deserved that…" she whimpered. Luneth walked over to her and sighed.

"Is wetting yourself going to be like your new catchphrase? God knows I haven't heard you say kamikaze since you transformed," he muttered.

Director: Somebody give her a phoenix down and get on with the battle!

Battle with Salamander Take 1:

"We're…almost…there…." Kamec gritted out, forcing himself to move despite how overheated he was. He took out his canteen and took a long drink from it.

That's when the wall to the right of Gutsco shattered and let in an ethereal flame that was so hot it melted the very rock around where it entered. To everyone's surprise, a familiar pink haired individual zoomed in through the fire, with his fist outstretched and covered in intense flame.

"Karyu no….TEKKEN!" the man roared, and slammed his fist into Gutsco's cheek, knocking the rogue clear off his feet and through the wall on the opposite side of the room, knocking him out cold.

"Aw, I thought he'd be stronger than that," the man lamented. However, he didn't get time to mull over it before Terraform lunged across the room and glomped the man to the ground.

"NATSU!" she squealed like a rapid fangirl. Natsu yelped and hit the ground, trying to extricate himself from Terraform.

"Nice punch, but why the hell are you even here?" Fang questioned. Natsu stood up and shook Terraform off, and then dusted himself off.

"Well I heard someone out here was looking for the Salamander, so I sort of...just showed up," he explained.

"I'M the Salamander, you idiot!" Gutsco groaned as he tried to get back up. Natsu kicked him into the lava pit nearby.

"It's not nice to lie, you know," he admonished. Luneth turned around, looking for the director.

"Why has no one screamed cut yet?" he questioned. His question was answered when he spotted the director trying to give himself a concussion on the nearby wall.

Jobs Part 2:

The four heroes walked off the set, heading back towards the director's office. After finding the Fire Crystal, they were allowed access to a whole new set of jobs, and they were excited.

"Oh, I just know I'll get the Onion Knight this time!" Luneth squealed. Terraform was busy taking off the White Mage dress, revealing the one-piece swimsuit she had been wearing underneath.

"Uh, why are you wearing a swimsuit?" Kamec asked hesitantly. Terraform looked indignant.

"What, a girl can't think ahead? I wanted to go swimming after the fire scene, so I put it on just beforehand," she explained. "Wait, are you trying to say I don't have the figure for it?!"

"No comment," Kamec wisely replied, but this didn't exactly work. Terraform abruptly cast a Mini spell on Kamec, shrinking him to a fraction of his former size. Terraform picked him up and held onto him while he struggled.

Fang was busy enjoying what was left of his magic power. However, he was the first one into the director's room. The Director was holding ice against his forehead, probably from the near concussion he had inflicted upon himself.

Director: So, you all have new jobs to choose from. I'd like to hear preferences from you all.

"Red Mage!" everyone but Luneth said. The look on the Director's face was so thunderous, that everyone reconsidered.

"Right…um…what are the new jobs exactly?" Fang put in.

Director: Knight, Ranger, Scholar, and Geomancer.

"Well, I'll take the Knight or Geomancer, I guess," Fang finally said. The director nodded and showed Fang pictures of the two classes. The knight looked like he had expected, with silver armor and swords. The Geomancer, however, looked unbelievably stupid. Bright blue clothing with a stupid hat with a white pompom on it. "I change my mind. I want the Knight."

"Well, I'll take anything I guess, accept for Geomancer or Scholar," Terraform expressed. The director nodded, a smile playing at his lips.

"I want something that doesn't suck," said Kamec in a voice that sounded like a chipmunk's. The Director suppressed a laugh and nodded.

"ONION KNIGHT!" Luneth yelled and thrust his fist into the air. The Director glared at him, and then cleared his throat.

Director: In the end, it will be me that decides your jobs, as usual. Luneth, I will be giving you the Onion…

"YES!" Luneth shouted in glee, and ran around the room.

Director: …less Knight.

Luneth, once again, burst into tears and left the room.

Director: Arc, I'll be giving you the ranger. You'll find a decent bow in the armory. I look forward to seeing you in action.

"Huh. It's not what I wanted, but we'll see how it goes," Fang muttered and left the room.

Director: Refia, you get the Scholar.

"FUCK!" Terraform screamed.

Director: Kamec, you will be getting the Geomancer.

Kamec just stared in silence at the stupid hat in the picture.

The Injured Man:

The group, clad in new armor and weapons, moved towards the exit to the dwarves' hollows, ready to set sail once again in their trusty ship, the Enterprise. However, they just got to the entrance when someone stumbled in.

The group recognized him as a resident of Tokkul by his clothing, although it was stained red with his own blood.

"To…Tokkul…needs you…warriors…of light," the man managed to get out before he fell to the ground. Luneth ran over to him, but instead of giving him an elixir, he asked him something.

"How did you even get here? Tokkul is halfway across the continent from here, not to mention across an ocean. So how the fuck did you get here in that condition?" Luneth demanded.

"A…wizard did it," the man grunted before he died.

Director: Huh. Guess I didn't really think that one through.

Hein Take 1:

Luneth walked into the room, followed by his trusted companions. The long days of captivity would finally be made worth it, by killing the leader and usurper of the Argus throne: Hein.

However, Hein himself was no longer human. There was nothing left of Hein's body except a skeleton, which was wreathed in flickering darkness. He sat in his throne in a relaxed pose, reading a book. He wore a feathered cap over his skull, and wore a multicolored outfit that in Luneth's opinion, made him look ridiculous.

"Ah, the power of darkness. It is a thing of beauty…" Hein began, only for Terraform to cut him off.

"No! If you hadn't noticed, it tore off your skin. And believe me, no girl would ever associate with a man that had no skin. Also, lose the multicolored outfit, get maybe a pair of jeans, oh! Have some holes in it (but not in the knees because that makes you look like a slob) so you look all gung-ho, then wear a black shirt…has to be long or short sleeved, sleeveless would just look stupid on a skeleton. Then you wear a strap like Link from Zelda so you can hide some daggers and hold your sword there, and AGH!" before Terraform could finish, Hein had engulfed her in a burst of dark power.

"Thank you! She was starting to scare me," Fang said gratefully to Hein.

Director: Cut…he's not supposed to be beautiful, he's a fucking tyrant!

Hein Take 2:

Luneth walked into the room, followed by his trusted companions. The long days of captivity would finally be made worth it, by killing the leader and usurper of the Argus throne: Hein.

"Ah, the power of darkness. It is a thing of beauty, a tapestry of black chaos…" Hein began, but then Garland walked into the room holding something in his arms. As Hein watched with perplexed eyes, Garland unfolded an actual black tapestry with a picture of the god of Chaos on it.

"Here you go, just as you ordered!" Garland declared. Hein slowly let his skull face rest in his hands.

Director: Hein, you ordered something like that?! Oh and cut!

Hein Take 3

Fang let loose arrow after arrow at Hein, but the skeleton was faster than he looked. He was easily able to dodge every arrow sent at him. Hein zoomed over to Fang and slammed a bony fist into the ranger's face, knocking him out cold. Luneth roared in range and ran to Hein with his sword and shield, slicing and bashing.

Hein growled in irritation and cast a potent blizzard spell at Luneth, only for the child to roll to the side to avoid it.

"Ice Storm!" Kamec roared, and a huge cloud of freezing air descended on Hein, causing the skeleton to roar in pain. "I'm not done! Magma! Earthquake!"

Kamec's powerful spells slowly forced Hein backwards, burning him and knocking him off his feet, respectively. Despite the stupid hat, the Geomancer was probably the most powerful out of everyone here.

"Refia! Use a Phoenix Down on Arc! We need his fire support!" Luneth roared. Terraform nodded and used the Scholar's augmented item ability to revive Fang. However, Fang was still a bit disoriented, and the first thing he saw was Luneth using a bomb fragment on Hein, lighting him on fire.

"Why is a midget lighting a flamboyant fuck on fire!?" Fang demanded. There was the sound of a record screeching to a halt as everyone began laughing.

Director: Cut! *chuckles* from now on Hein, don't hit Fang in the face. He apparently doesn't take to it well.

"Just because you're taller than Atlas himself doesn't mean I'm a midget!"Luneth snapped.

"Yes it does." Kamec corrected.

"Totally," Terraform agreed.

The Elder Tree Take 1:

Hein fell to the ground, finally defeated. Luneth wiped the blood out of his eyes, falling to his knees in fatigue.

"That…that was tough," Terraform moaned. Fang had to agree as he tried to find the other pieces of his shattered bow. Kamec looked no worse for wear, despite how utterly ridiculous he looked in the Geomancer hat.

"I…" sounded a voice that seemed to echo from every angle of the room. This quickly gained the attention of the four heroes. "am the Elder Tree of the Living Woods,"

"The walls, they speak!" Kamec cried in shock.

"Hein put a curse on me, so that I would do his bidding," the voice continued. Terraform grinned suddenly.

"Hey guys! We're in the Deku tree!" she announced. Luneth looked clueless, but Kamec and Fang snorted our their laughter.

Elder Tree Take 2:

The Elder Tree was happy to be free of its imprisonment, since it was now free to return to the Living Woods. In fact, disregarding the fact that it had people inside of it, the tree and everyone in it abruptly faded away and reappeared in the Living Woods.

Luneth and the others stood just in front of the tree itself, while the citizens of Argus expressed their shock just nearby.

Three fairies floated in the air in front of the tree, obviously being the inhabitants of this forest. However, Terraform was still not past the fact that they had been inside a tree.

"NAVI!" Terraform yelled in glee, causing the fairies to facepalm.

Elder Tree Take 3:

Luneth and the others stood just in front of the tree itself, while the citizens of Argus expressed their shock just nearby.

Three fairies floated in the air in front of the tree, obviously being the inhabitants of this forest.

"Take this, brave warriors. I have no doubt it will serve you well on your journey," the first fairy said, handing Luneth a fang imbued with the power of the wind.

"Why thank you, Tinkerbell!" Luneth joked, grinning. The fairy's right eye twitched angrily, and then she swooped up and bitchslapped Luneth so hard that he flew all the way to the other side of the clearing.

The Water Temple:

"It should be just up here," Aria, the priestess of the water, told Luneth. She led the group through the narrow path through the mountains.

"What is this temple all about anyway?" Terraform questioned, following close behind Aria.

"It is where we priestesses have worshipped the Water Crystal since the beginning of time. In hopes that one day warriors like you would come, we sealed the Crystal's power here," Aria explained.

"Ah, a place of worship," Kamec clarified for Terraform. Aria went silent then, leading the group into the temple.

The first thing everyone saw was a large chamber filled with water, with a central pillar housing several rooms. For Fang, Kamec, and Terraform…it was all too familiar.

"Oh no…no no no no NO!" Terraform screamed and ran out. Kamec immediately started crying in sheer despair.

"Damn it to hell I wasted weeks of my life in this goddamn dungeon!" Fang cursed loudly and slammed his fist into the wall.

For laid out in front of them was the Water Temple from the Legend of Zelda in all of its impossible glory.

The Cave of Tides take 1:

Now that Aria had grabbed the shard of the crystal, where all of its light was stored, the group was now on its way to the Cave of Tides, where the actual Crystal was sealed.

When the cave came into sight, the entire group was shocked to see a massive blitzball stadium, with a game already in progress. It was Tidus and his team versus an unnamed team that looked like they weren't doing so well.

As the astonished group watched, Tidus executed a skilled maneuver that not only took out the two members of the opposing team that were blocking him, but it also shot the blitzball across the field and into the goal.

"Aw yeah! I can do the Jecht Shot too! Suck it, old man!" Tidus yelled in triumph.

Director: Goddammit I said Cave of Tides, not Cave of Tidus!

"Your fault for naming me after a force of nature," Tidus said nonchalantly, shrugging and going back to the game.

The Cave of Tides take 2:

Aria was kneeling down at the foot of the darkened Water Crystal, praying with all of her might. As the heroes watched, the shard of crystal that she had brought began to float, before welding itself back into the crystal. The light began to return to the crystal.

"It's working!" Terraform exclaimed.

"Good work, miss Aria," Kamec complimented her, but she made no answer. She appeared to be concentrating hard.

"It's done. You can extract the light from the crystal now," Aria began. Luneth began to walk towards the crystal to do that, but then Aria saw something nearby. She shoved Luneth away.

"Watch out!" she screamed. A tentacle came out of the water, just as Biggs screamed in the background.

"RELEASE THE KRAKEN!" The Kraken came out of the water as it had been told in the script.

Director: Biggs! This was going well until you opened your mouth.

"Sorry, I just couldn't help it. You can't add a Kraken to a game and NOT expect someone to make that reference," Biggs defended himself, though he didn't sound very sorry at all.

The Cave of Tides take 3:

Luneth ducked under a tentacle, and then leapt above another. There were so many tentacles coming at the heroes, that it was nearly impossible to get an attack in.

"Ice Pillar!" Kamec roared, summoning several razor sharp pillars of ice and slamming them into the Kraken, causing it to screech in pain. "Magma! Whirlpool!"

Fang felt like Legolas at the moment, using his mad ranger skills to fire two or three arrows at a time until they impacted with the Kraken's body. Terraform stood behind him, using her augmented item power to heal the party whenever she could.

Then, in the middle of the battle, a massive projectile collided with the Kraken's body, and a colossal explosion ensued. The light emitted by the explosion was so bright, that the heroes were forced to shield their eyes.

A mushroom cloud formed just above the point of impact, similar to that of a nuclear explosion.

When the smoke cleared, there was nothing left of the Kraken except for a blackened outline where it used to be. With wide eyes, the group turned to see Aria twirling a M-920 Cain around her arm.

"It looks like someone forgot the Golden Rule of Final Fantasy," Aria stated in a confident voice. "Don't. Fuck. With Aria."

Director: *groans*

The Cenchos:

The group of heroes were walking through the sewers of the kingdom of Saronia, looking for anything that might serve them as useful. Ever since the retrieval of the Water Crystal, the group had gained much power. Fang had become a powerful Dark Knight, wielding dual Ashura blades and using his own blood to power them. Terraform had chosen to go the route of the Bard, using her beautiful singing voice coupled with a magical harp to bestow buffs on her allies and debuffs on her enemies. Luneth and Kamec had stayed the same. Luneth preferred to be a defensive wall, while Kamec was too in love with the insane power of the Geomancer.

They were shocked when blue tentacles erupted from the water and assaulted them. A monster very similar to one they had already seen emerged.

"Um, excuse me. Why does that thing look like the Kraken, only blue?" Luneth pointed out.

"Yeah, good point. Oi! Blue thing! What are you?" Fang shouted at it. The monster stopped for a moment.

"Oh yeah, I AM the Kraken. Only I dyed myself a new color? How do you like it?" the Kraken revealed, and then it attacked them anew. "I'm blue daba dee daba die…"

"I love that song!" Terraform cried, and then was nailed by a tentacle. "OOMPH!"

The Nautilus:

After saving the Kingdom of Saronia from the evil fiend Garuda, their most skilled engineers had taken the parts from the Enterprise and used them to construct a brand new, faster airship, called the Nautilus. With its speed, it was now fast enough to penetrate the winds protecting the Dalg continent.

Once there, the group had learned of the legend of Noah, the man who had bestowed the powers of Magic, Dreams, and Mortality to his students Doga, Unei, and Xande, respectively.

The group met Doga there, who had blessed their airship and gave it the ability to travel underwater.

"All right everyone! Inside the ship, we're about to go under!" Luneth called. Kamec nodded and rushed back inside the ship as they lost altitude. Terraform was standing at the window, wanting the see the second they submerged.

The airship hit the water gracefully, and the surface rose to envelop them in its watery embrace. As they went deeper, Kamec gained a mischievous look on his face.

"It looks like we just went…" he began, and then he pulled out a set of sunglasses from nowhere and put them on. "20,000 leagues under the sea."

Director: YYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAHHHHHH! I mean cut.

Battle with Hecatoncheir:

The group pressed deeper into the temple, looking for the legendary Noah's Lute. With it, they would be able to awaken Unei, the master of dreams.

As they entered the Lute's chamber, they drew their weapons.

"Stay alert. I have no doubt that the Lute will be guarded," Kamec warned. They walked closer to the Lute, and then it happened.

A massive machine broke through the opposite wall and blocked their path. It was an odd looking machine, but everyone could tell that it possessed two massive Gatling guns, as well as many other armaments covering it. This would be a hard fight.

"Hiya everyone!" That's when a small girl poked her head over the top of the machine. She had reddish hair with long pigtails, and wore pink clothes with many different beads and ornaments covering them. She giggled softly and brushed a strand of hair away from her eye. "I heard you were looking for Hecaton?"

Director: Vanille…uh…uggh…

"You all right, director?" Vanille questioned, worried.

Director: Yes…just an aneurism. Nothing to worry about.

That's when the authoress herself inserted herself into the scene for the sole purpose of glomping the ever-loving crap out of Vanille. Kerrigor latched her arms around the cute girl and bore her to the ground, where she began to pet Vanille's hair like a cat.

Kerrigor: My Vanille. *hisses*

Leviathan Take 1:

The heroes walked into the large underground chamber. Leviathan could be clearly seen swimming through the subterranean lake, awaiting for the one who would dare to challenge it.

"This will be hard fight everyone," Luneth warned. He drew his sword. However, he was shocked to see that Fang wasn't moving. "Arc, draw your dark swords. We need them here."

"No you don't. Check this out!" Fang pulled out a toaster oven from nowhere, plugged it in to a wall outlet that was conveniently placed there for the purpose of this blooper, and turned on the toaster. Then he threw it into the lake.

"5…4…3…2…1…," Fang counted down. When he finished counting, Leviathan floated to the surface of the lake, twitching spasmodically from the current of electricity that was passing through it. "Aaand victory is mine."

"There's no way that just happened," Luneth muttered.

Leviathan Take 2:

Leviathan hissed and lunged forward, its jaws gaping open and ready to seize around Fang's middle. However, Terraform, who was now a Sage thanks to the power of the Earth Crystal, blasted the serpent with a thundaga, giving Fang enough time to cut his hand and hold his dark blade, unleashing a powerful soul eater attack. Leviathan roared in pain, and then sent a powerful wave of water cascading over the battlefield.

Kamec, who was now a Black Belt, leapt above the water and rained kicks and punches upon Leviathan's head. Leviathan snapped at him, managing to hook his boot. Kamec cried out as he was sent across the cavern. Luneth managed to catch him, setting him aside before he used his new power as a Summoner to bring Ramuh, the Sage of Lightning, to the field.

Ramuh was there long enough to sent a colossal bolt of lightning on Leviathan, which served to anger the serpent more.

Fang hefted both of his dark swords, which were both covered in enough of his blood to deal significant damage, and then he leapt from the opposite side of the lake. Time seemed to slow down as Fang brought his swords up and traveled through the air over the surface of the lake. Leviathan turned to face him slowly, but wouldn't have enough time to react. That's when something erupted out of the water underneath Fang.

"DROWN!" Cagnazzo, the Archfiend of Water, grabbed Fang by the legs and dragged him below the water.

Luneth, Kamec, Terraform, and Leviathan stared at the now calm water with perfect "What the fuck" faces on.

Director: …what?

Cloud of Darkness Take 1:

Out of the black portal that led to the World of Darkness came three shining orbs. They didn't look like much, but Luneth could sense unbelievable power coming from them.

"What…are those?" Kamec asked in an awed tone. The orbs drew closer, floating over the dead body of Xande, the misguided wizard that had nearly caused the death of the entire world.

"We are the Cloud of Darkness," sounded an otherworldly voice that sounded like a small girl, a young woman, and a wise woman speaking simultaneously. "we have come to return the world to the Void,"

"HOLY SHIT WE'RE UNDER ATTACK BY SHINY BALLS OF LIGHT!" Luneth screamed, and began running around screaming like a little girl.

Cloud of Darkness Take 2:

Out of the black portal that led to the World of Darkness came three shining orbs. They didn't look like much, but Luneth could sense unbelievable power coming from them.

"What…are those?" Kamec asked in an awed tone. The orbs drew closer, floating over the dead body of Xande, the misguided wizard that had nearly caused the death of the entire world.

"The…the Cloud! It's already here? We're too late!" Kamec shouted in horror. The orbs slowly merged together and a dark hole began to form in the center of the larger orb. As they watched, a massive, emerald green woman emerged from the newly formed portal. Accompanying her were several tentacles that had mouths and eyes as well. There was so much power emanating from her, that Luneth fell to his knees, while Terraform wet her pants in horror.

"We shall engulf everything in our shadow," The Cloud spoke, raising its arms into the air and forming two orbs of shimmering blue and black light in its palms. "Both Light and Darkness shall return to the Void…"

All of a sudden, Cecil, in paladin form, ran out and immediately began assaulting the Cloud.

"That's MY thing! DON'T YOU STEAL IT!" Cecil screamed insanely, slashing at the Cloud of Darkness with seemingly no care for his own life. A tentacle zoomed forward and wrapped around Cecil's torso, binding his arms to his side. The Cloud lifted Cecil to eye level, gazing into the paladin's frightened eyes.

"Even your catchphrase shall return to the Void. Exdeath agrees with me, right Exdeath?" the Cloud responded. Exdeath hopped out of the dark portal along with her.

"All shall return to the Void!" Was all Exdeath said. The Cloud gave him an askance look.

"…Exdeath says yes."

The Final Battle:

Luneth and the warriors of light stood before the Cloud of Darkness. The Warriors of the Dark had weakened her, so this was their only chance to defeat her before she regained her impossible strength. This was it. The final battle. The one final clash that would decide the fate of the world.

Luneth began to glow, and in a flash of light, he reappeared in the guise of the Onion Knight. He drew Excalibur, the strongest sword in the game, and held it before him.

"Cloud of Darkness! This is the end for you! This is the day that the world will remember that eternal peace began! We will bring it with our own hands, here and now!" Luneth uttered heroically. The Cloud viewed him with amusement.

"Even if you manage to win, children, you will merely be delaying the inevitable. We cannot be destroyed. We shall return, whenever there is an unbalance between the light and the darkness," the Cloud responded, unfazed by the onion knight's threats.

"That doesn't matter! As long as hope exists, we will defeat you time and time again!" Luneth roared. Then, with one massive battle cry, the warriors of light attacked. Luneth leapt from his perch and zoomed towards the Cloud of Darkness…only to be knocked aside by a tentacle like he was nothing. The onion collided with the wall and was downed.

"Have a taste of my particle beam!" The Cloud declared, and she pointed a finger at the group. A large orb of blue and black light formed at the tip of her finger, and then it erupted forth in a super powerful beam of destructive light.

"Yeah? How do you like my reflect spell?!" Terraform declared, casting it on herself as the beam reached her. The particle beam collided with the barrier and was reflected back towards the Cloud of Darkness…who promptly redirected it back by hitting it with a tentacle.

"What kind of Legend of Zelda bullshit is this?!" Terraform protested before the particle beam hit her. The resulting explosion downed her in an instant.

This whole time, Kamec had been using the Black Belt's ability to boost his own physical power by focusing his body's energy. It was now at its peak, and his entire body glowed with orange light.

"It is I, Ingus! And I am here to," Kamec paused to take in an obnoxiously loud breath through the nose. "SAAAAAAAAAVE THE WOOOOOORLD!"

Kamec zoomed forward with his focused power and thrust his fist forward. All of his energy focused around that one fist. However, when he reached the Cloud of Darkness, his fist collided with a solid circle of purple light, which he instantly recognized.

"Wrath Particle Beam? But…this…is…FUUUUUUUU…" Kamec realized his own folly as he was fried by the Cloud's counterattack. Downed, Kamec hit the ground. And then a wild rose flew in from off-screen and hit him in the head.

"IDIOT!" Firion roared from off-screen. Fang, now the only one standing, began charging up a soul eater, but then he realized that the Cloud was pointing a finger at him. A massive orb of black and purple light was growing there.

"Uh…can someone tell me what's she's doing?" Fang asked timidly. Terraform raised her head slowly, barely alive.

"It's…the 0-form…particle beam…" she managed to get out before passing out. Fang gulped and looked at the Cloud.

"Weeell fu…" Fang managed to say before the 0-form particle beam completely annihilated him.

Director: Cut…I think you guys needed to have grinded some more.

The muses left the screening lobby, all three of them completely wiped out from the day's events.

"I'm so glad it's over!" Terraform moaned. "It was torture!

"I agree," Fang grunted. Kamec seemed to be in a happy mood, which was surprising, considering how badly they had screwed up in the screening room.

"Why are you so happy?" Terraform questioned.

"No matter what happens, nothing can be worse than…than…" Kamec began whimpering and shivering up a storm.

"Jenova?" Fang provided helpfully, causing Kamec to shriek aloud and start crying.

"Yo!" called a voice from around the corner. The muses looked to see Terry Leon approaching them. The muses stopped and looked around for the Evanna's and were shocked beyond words when they didn't see them with her.

"Assistant Director? Is there something you want?" Fang demanded. Finding Terry out of his room and not having sex surely had to be a miracle. Terry nodded.

"Just wanted to let you know about the huge race and blitzball match tomorrow," Terry replied. "It's a relatively new development, as we only got the invitation yesterday. It'll take some time to get the set for Final Fantasy IV ready, so the Director thought we all could take some time off."

"Wait, so we're going somewhere?" Terraform interrupted, looking shocked. "I thought we came here to stay for a while?"

"You did. Trust me. But we're heading to Luca for a little fun, that's all. We can tell you more about it tomorrow, when we're getting ready to leave. Suffice to say, pack up your stuff tonight." Terry clarified. The muses nodded. Terry went to leave, but Kamec stopped him.

"Did…Jenova…do anything to you?" Kamec whispered, turning pale just by mentioning her name. Terry looked confused.

"What are you talking about? Jenova is amazing! She can fulfill my every fetish! She can turn into anthropomorphic cats…she…" Terry began, but Kamec cut him off.

"Umm…I get the picture," Kamec muttered before following after his friends, who were already leaving. "Oh so I'm special, Jenova is nice to everyone, but decides to tentacle rape me…ooh I feel so good about my self right now…fuck my life."

"Good news is, we'll be able to sit back and let OTHER people do the fucking up from now on," Fang said to Terraform. "Oh, there you are, Kamec. What took you so long?"

"Had a question for Terry. I'm good now," Kamec replied tersely.

Once the group was back in their room, they immediately began packing everything back in their suitcases to get ready for the trip that they knew nothing about that was happening tomorrow.

Terraform was done first, and she hopped into her own separate bed and stripped down to her underwear…while under the blankets. When Kamec and Fang were done, they got in their own beds and turned off the lights, engulfing everyone in darkness.

"Hey, Terraform?" Kamec spoke up hesitantly. There was the sound of Terraform shifting in her bed.

"Mhm?" She murmured in a sexy tired voice.

"Is…it gay if I said…" Kamec began but Terraform didn't let him finish.

"Try it and I will shove a brick so far up your ass you will be spitting out clay for a year." She snapped. Kamec shuddered and went silent.

"Good night," Kamec said instead.

"Nighty-night!" Terraform replied sweetly.

"Man, I think I liked the male Terraform better. He was much less of a little bitch," Fang grumbled. There was a thud, and then Fang could be heard expressing his pain.

"SHUT IT AND GO TO SLEEP!" Terraform screeched.

OH MY FUCKING GOD. Nearly 30000 words in this single chapter. I didn't think it would be so long! This is probably the longest I've ever written in my life. Sorry it took so long to get here, but you can understand why, can't you? This is 75 pages in Microsoft word.

Anyhow, hope you liked this. Next chapter will be a transition chapter between III and IV, where the Final Fantasy characters travel on the FFIII airships to Luca and play blitzball against each other. It will be so much fun! Review if you please!

Ciao,
Kerrigor