There has been a disturbance.
Not in the force, but in me.
In my mind, in my emotions. I can't stop this feeling of hatred, this hatred I have towards myself. But why? I have accomplished so much. I have so much power, more than anyone could ever ask for. I have a growing empire at my fingertips, a world entirely of my own creation; with the Emperor's help of course.
I have so much, yet I feel so empty. If I feel anything, I feel sorrowful, disgusted with myself.
God, Padme... I should have listened to you. I should have accepted the events to come, I should have accepted the fact I would not be a Jedi Master any time soon.
Fear is what led me here; to the dark side.
I was just so scared of losing you.
It was quiet. Padme was lying beside me in bed, staring up at the ceiling, as though she was searching for something she could not find.
So I searched with her, staring up at the ceiling, our only light source coming from the city beyond this apartment.
Padme was humming a soft tune, her voice so soft you had to strain your ears to hear her; I think she assumed I couldn't hear her. I looked over beside me, to Padme, admiring how her hair was splayed across the pillow like a curtain. I stroked the soft curls, my fingers getting caught in the silky strands. Padme stopped humming, and turned over onto her side to face me. She scooted closer and nuzzled her face into my chest.
I swear my heart stopped at the feeling of her.
"Ani," she barely whispered, her voice muffled by my chest, "I am in love with you, you know that right?"
"And I you, my love," I replied, my voice a husky whisper.
She wrapped her arms around my waist, holding fast to my body as she pulled herself closer to me. I wrapped my arms around her, holding her and holding her until I was sure we were a thousand years old.
I kissed her head, my lips pressing into her hair. She looked up at me, her expression sweet but her eyes tired.
"Ani," Padme whispered, her voice quiet and sweet yet so much worry poured from her lips, "what's the matter?"
I couldn't do it.
I couldn't being myself to tell her about my nightmares.
Not yet...
Padme's fingers stroked my bare back, her touch soothing me. I held her closer to me, my arms tight around her, though I was careful not to crush her.
She nestled her face into my chest, and she continued to hum the sweet tune she had been singing moments before.
She sounded so pained, so worried, so I kept holding her close to me, reassuring her that everything would be okay.
But maybe it wouldn't be.
Maybe these vision will come true.
I couldn't let that happen to my Padme.
But I did.