I am more nervous than I am willing to admit, even to Youko. I have tried for over an hour to calm down and meditate but it is extremely difficult. I feel like my ki is charging around me, ready to combust at any moment. It is unnerving. Yukina's tea helped little. I breathe deeply, trying to calm down. I suddenly feel a rush of vertigo and shut my eyes. Suddenly all sensation and noise stops. I open my eyes to find that I see nothing but blackness. It is unnerving. I can't feel or find Youko. I try to concentrate on him but it feels painful when I try to find him. I close my eyes and try to concentrate on coming back to my physical body. I feel an unpleasant burn across my entire being. It feels like I am being transformed against my will. I call out to Youko, trying to find out what is going on,
"Youko,areyouthere?What'sgoingon?" It is silent. I can't even feel him! I feel empty. I open my eyes to see the light of the candles in front of me. I feel a strange soreness across my body. Unexpectedly, I hear Hiei say,
"You were splitting fox. You don't have the energy reserves yet to complete the split. I had to stop it before you killed yourself." His voice is uncharacteristically quiet. He sounds saddened.
I reply, "Thank you for your help Hiei." I do not say any more. I search for Youko. I feel panicky. Where the hell is he?
Hiei says, "Youko is there but he has no spare energy. His energy is being taken from him faster than he can produce it. He is barely conscious right now. He cannot comfort you and cannot say a word but he is there and still alive. Baka kitsune, don't try that again today." Why is Hiei helping me out so much? I appreciate his help, and I must admit that I genuinely feel honored to have him care for me enough to assist me. However, what does he want in return? Is he hoping to show his concern or does he feel it is his duty to his partner?
I ask Hiei, trying to use a neutral tone, "Why do you help us so? I am not ungrateful. I am very appreciative of your help. However, it seems…odd for you to help us in such a way." He grunts his usual, 'hn' and leaves. I sigh. I hear Kuwabara ranting,
"If Kurama is ill, I'm gonna beat yah up shorty!" I am acutely aware of how loud he is. I feel his voice echo in my sensitive ears. I groan and place my hands over my ears a second, hoping the pressure will relieve the throbbing from the shrill sound of Kuwabara's yelling. I feel a warmth inside now, where Youko is. He's letting me feel him again, which means he regained some strength. Hiei tries to establish a mental link. I allow it.
Hiei says into my mind, "I'lltransferenergytoyoulatertonight.Stayatthetemple." I feel Hiei cut the link. I nod, knowing he probably can see it. I feel exhausted and need something for this headache that's forming. I feel the throbbing in my head increase when I hear Kuwabara speak again. I try desperately to calm the throbbing with pressure, since I know I can't concentrate enough to grow something for it with all of this noise. I fight back a whimper. The throbbing is increasing into my neck and shoulders. I close my eyes. Little black and red dots circle around my closed eyes. Vertigo and nausea take over. I let out a whimper, hoping not to pass out. I hear someone yell at Kuwabara,
"Shut up you stupid oaf." Kuwabara continues to rant. The door slides open and Kuwabara comes in. I wince at the light. It sets my already sensitive nerves into more painful spasming. Kuwabara asks loudly,
"Are you alright? Did shrimp do something to you?" I hiss in pain,
"Get out!" I hear him stumble out and yell,
"Yukina! Kurama's ill or something!" I growl low in my throat. I need silence and darkness; I don't need more noise or fuss! He doesn't close the door. Yusuke comes in and asks quietly,
"Hey Kurama, you alright?" I growl, not able to form words because of the painful throbbing that is taking over my throat, making me feel like I'm about to choke. I manage to rasp,
"Leave and shut him up!" Yusuke doesn't say anything else and leaves, shutting the door. I hear him tell Kuwabara in a normal tone,
"He probably has a headache. He wants quiet and your loud obnoxious voice ain't helping." Kuwabara squeals a retort and I want to scream. It feels like stabbing in my ears to hear such loud noise. His voice carries too well! I hear the sound of dragging. Kuwabara's voice is becoming quieter. I sigh in relief, but still cradle my head in my hands because of the painful throbbing. It is slowly going away but it still is agonizing. I feel all of my energy drain from me as I lie on the floor, almost in fetal position. The pulsing in my head is diminishing; oddly enough, I feel my ability to stay conscious diminish as well. I force my eyes open to look for Hiei. If anything happens while I'm unconscious, Hiei will assist me. I see Hiei sitting at a windowsill. He looks at me and says quietly,
"Sleep fox." In other words, he'll be here for me if I need him. I let myself fall into that alluring darkness, hoping nothing awry happens.
I awake to find myself on a sleeping pallet, still in the room I was in before I fell unconscious. A gentle voice says,
"We were wondering when you'd wake up. I'm soo glad you're alright!" It's Yukina. I try to sit up. She says quickly, trying to prevent me from getting up,
"Please lay back down Kurama-kun. Hiei said to keep you lying down until he returned. He said he had to gather some sort of herbs for you." What herbs would he be trying to acquire? Why must I lay down until he returns? I still feel quite weak, so I do not plan to argue. I sigh. I ask her,
"Did Hiei say anything else concerning me?" I want to know if he told the others.
Yukina says quietly, her voice full of concern, "He said that your soul is splitting but he only told Genkai and me. He didn't tell Yusuke or Kuwabara, saying that he did not have your permission." I sigh in relief.
She looks at me oddly and asks, "Why do you wish not to tell them?"
I ask her, "Has Kuwabara ever been comfortable with the fact that you are a demon?" I know the answer to this. I am hoping she'll figure out why I wish not to tell Kuwabara at least.
Her eyes widen and she says startled, in a very quiet tone, "He would try to harm Youko right after separation." Her eyes seem very sad. Kuwabara has been exposed to demons and yet he still refuses to trust us. She then asks curiously,
"But Yusuke-kun would not do something like that. Why do you not tell him?" I try to explain,
"Yusuke does brash things. This process requires no brashness. He also can distract Kuwabara without the possibility of hinting as to what is taking place, since he does not know." She seems to accept this answer. My brain presses against the back of my skull uncomfortably. It throbs at the base of my neck. I rub the back of my neck with one hand, trying to sooth the pain away.
Yukina asks sweetly, "Is you neck well? Is there anything I can do for it?" I feel uncomfortable lying down like this in front of someone else. I also don't wish for Yukina to needlessly use her youki.
"I expect it will calm down in a short while. Why don't you see if Kuwabara and Yusuke are well? I heard them scuffling earlier and I'm sure one of them could use your abilities." Yukina says in a worried voice,
"I hope Yusuke-kun didn't harm Kazuma-kun too badly." She leaves. I sigh quietly and try to rest, feeling exhausted. A voice from the window at the far end of the room says,
"Rest fox." Hiei sits on the windowsill looking straight at me. His jagan glows faintly underneath the clothe covering it. I nod once. I look into his eyes and reply sincerely,
"Thank you." I allow my eyelids to close because they felt too heavy to try to keep open.
I find myself in a dark abyss— no sounds, shapes, colors, nothing seems to be able to penetrate this abyss. This is disconcerting at best. I try to find Youko, but everything feels hazy, including my mind. I attempt not to let this alarm me. I finally focus enough to sense Youko far away. I now also sense Hiei. Hiei seems closer than Youko at the moment. I feel this abyss start to fade. I sense myself returning to consciousness. Words and indistinct sounds enter my ears. I am able to distinguish Genkai's voice,
"His soul is separating. Kurama's human body recognizes that there is two separate entities residing in it and is trying to expel one of them. Since Youko was the one who originally invaded, Youko is the one who is being expelled.(1)"
I suddenly feel foreign youki enter me. It scorches my veins like liquid lava. I try to scream out. Instantly, it disappears, and is followed with a slight chill. I feel as if I have been cut off from everything once more. The abyss has come to swallow me up once again. However, this abyss is filled with the chill of emptiness, not the comfort of silence. Empty; void; hollow; alone. All I can feel is this vast emptiness that crushes any thought or emotion. Wave upon wave of empty darkness swallows me in a sea of nothingness. I try desperately to call out to Youko but find my thoughts blurring and being devoured by the all-consuming void. I struggle helplessly against this abyss but find myself too weak. I am consumed by this darkness, hoping with all of my might Youko is not gone.
(1). This explanation, as well as other elements of this story, were inspired by Sahna. This explanation is a variation of her explanation of Kurama and Youko separating in her story "Split Down the Seams". I highly recommend this fanfiction, but warn that there is a lot of yaoi content. My story does not contain blatant yaoi yet. But there will be some later. There is a small hint in the next chapter, but it's brief.
A/N: I apologize for taking forever to finish writing this chapter. I had to figure out a way to do this that did not go into too much detail that it would confuse, but too little that it was worthless. I think I ended up not doing too well, and may rewrite it later. I will probably rewrite this entire story, or edit it at least, at a different date. Thanks to Sahna for allowing me to use some of her ideas from her story "Split Down the Seams". Anyway, review please! I need to know what people think and which areas I can improve, because I know I can definitely improve.
Also, doesn't Yukina use suffixes like kun or san or chan, or am I imagining things?