Okay, I know that last one was kinda short, but I was running out of ideas. I'm hoping today's chapter will be extra long to make up for it.
Disclaimer - You don't need a fruitcake to tell you I own nothing. Zip. Nada. Not even the blood red nail polish on my fingernails. It's my mom's.
Chapter 4: Pizza Waffle Confederation
Jeff: Welcome back to the show! Waiting that whole week to find out who said the last line must have been torture!
Mr. Kittywhale: Fortunately for you, a week is only seven days! And a day is only 24 hours!
Jeff: Thank you, Mr. Textbook-Man. Now, can we get on with it so they can find out who it was? I can't wait to see their faces!
Mr. Kittywhale: Well….(clears throat)… Enjoy the show!
(Scene cuts to Aro, where he is still being plagued with rabid squirrels.)
Aro: No, stop, STOP! No biting! And I thought squirrels were cute!
Jasper: They used to be.
(A/N: Didn't see that one coming, did you?! Except a select few…anyway!)
Aro: You!
Jasper: Yes?
Aro: Hi!
Jasper: Umm…..hi?
Aro: (squirrels still attacking him) So….how's life?
Jasper: Good, I guess. It's a bit hectic around here.
Aro: Oh?
Jasper: Yeah, what with the rabid squirrels, talking cats, Felix joining us and Bella being a newborn and all.
Aro: Blonde guy say what?
Jasper: Oh yeah. Eddie-
Edward: (Far away) DO NOT CALL ME EDDIE!
Jasper: Anyway, he couldn't stand the blood lust anymore and just bit her. Also, the fans were getting really impatient. There were mobs involved.
Aro: Fans?
Jasper: Yeah, we have fans. You didn't know?
Aro: WHY DOES NO ONE TELL ME THESE THINGS?!
Jasper: They figured you'd overreact.
Aro: I WOULD NOT!
Jasper: Technically, you are now. So HA!
Aro: What-eva.
Jasper: Oh no you di-in't!
Aro: Oh yes. I did.
Jasper: You are SO going down!
Aro: Bring it on, Jazzy-Boy!
(They begin vampire combat, which is much more interesting than you would think. Every once in a while, Aro will grab Jasper's hand and shout "Ha! You watch Barney when no one's home!" and Jasper will simply shout "You paint your nails!" and then Aro will but on his best taken aback face and say "I do not!" and then whisper "Who told you?!" and Jasper will reply "The fruitcake." and Aro will shout "That darn pastry!" and they'll continue fighting.)
Esme: You people need to get out of my way. I'm trying to clean the trees here!
(The two men stop fighting to stare at Esme, dumbfounded. After about eighteen minutes of staring, they shrug their shoulders and continue their brawl.)
Edward: So you see Felix, that's what you get when you mess with the Cullens. What!
Felix: So you're telling me you have pictures of Caius in his leotard?!
Emmett: Shhh. It's low profile.
Felix: Right.
Edward: Hey Aro! Sup?
Aro: I just pushed your brother into a well about seven miles away. You know, the usual.
Edward: Yeah…
Aro: So… I heard about your blood lust.
Edward: Yeah. Bella's totally a vampire now. It's pretty sick.
Felix and Emmett at the exact same time: Who says "sick" anymore?
Edward: I do! So BURN!
Felix: He's a lot different than he was when we met in Volterra.
Emmett: Yeah well Bella introduced him to MTV.
Felix: That explains so much!
Aro: If you've finished your discussion, can someone tell me what Bella's power is?
Edward: Oh that's easy. She can make instant waffles, wherever we go!
Aro: …That's it?
Edward: Yep. Pretty sweet, huh?
Aro: That. Is. AWESOME!
Bella: I like toast!
Aro: Bella! Make me waffles!
Bella: Okay! (begins mumbling in Germish and suddenly summons a whole army of Pizza Waffles.)
Aro: I only asked for one!
Bella: Oopsy-daisies!
Pizza Waffle 1: Why have you summoned us, the Confederation of Pizza Waffles?
Aro: You have a Confederation?!
Pizza Waffle 2: Of course silly! Who doesn't?
Rabid Squirrels: We don't…
Pizza Waffle 1: Who cares about your needs? Let's par-tay!
(The Confederation, the Cullens, the rabid squirrels and Aro all have a huge party, lasting 8 weeks, six days and twelve hours.)
Aro: Well, I have a therapy appointment scheduled, so….bye!
(Aro poofs to therapy room and is greeted by an old lady in a pink robe and bunny slippers.)
Aro: Oh. Em. Gee! I love your slippers. Where'd you get them?!
Pink Robe Lady: JC Penny's.
Aro: They really have everything, don't they?
Pink Robe Lady: Yep.
Person With Clipboard: Aro, Mr. Blue will see you now.
Aro: What if I won't see him?
Person With Clipboard: Just shut up and come in.
(Aro enters the room and is greeted by a very jumpy Mr. Blue.)
Mr. Blue: Gah! You! I thought I put out a restraining order?
Aro: Silly Mr. Pink -
Mr. Blue: It's Blue.
Aro: Restraining orders don't work against mythical creatures. Didn't they teach you to read the fine print on things before you sign?
Mr. Blue: Who is "they"?
Aro: Oh, you know.
Mr. Blue: No, I don't.
Aro: Of course you do.
Mr. Blue: PANCAKES!
Aro: Well that was random.
Mr. Blue: You said it.
Aro: So…
Mr. Blue: Do you like popsicles?
Aro: Huh?
Mr. Blue: I blame the walruses!
Aro: Roof shingles!
Mr. Blue: Tortoise! No really! (points out the window at large, brown, wrinkly tortoise sitting on the sidewalk.)
Aro: Yumm! (jumps out the window and eats tortoise.)
Mr. Blue: Hurray for eating tortoises!
(Scene cuts to the room we now know as White Room)
Jeff: See? I told you the look would be priceless. You now owe me a pickle sandwich.
Vampire Ninja Waffle: (appears out of nowhere) Eww! Pickles are yuckalicious!
Jeff: Whatever.
Mr. Kittywhale: Woah, where'd he come from?!
Gustaff: I guess I'll have to do it. Join us next time on The Amazing Adventures of Aro the Arotastic, probably the stupidest show on reality television, to find out who will win capture the flag!
Jeff: Bye now!
So how'd you like it? Longer chapter, like I hoped for. Who do you think will win capture the flag? Or did you think I forgot about that? Well, I almost did. I hope that certain readers -stares at you pointedly- will remember to review. I only have one so far, and that makes me kinda sad. I'm no fun when I'm sad. So MAKE ME HAPPY!
Oh, and by the way, bibliocrazed got the cyber hug. Miranda's supposed to get the real hug (since she guessed it on her first try) but I forgot.