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Hearts Astray

Chapter 4

10 MONTHS LATER

On the balcony of her apartment, sitting on a pine sofa, Kathryn gazed out vacantly at the garden. Her hair was short now and on her left hand there was a gold wedding ring. Kathryn played with the ring as she looked out at the garden and there was a haunting sadness in her eyes. Behind her, the glass door leading onto the balcony opened and her mother appeared. Gretchen Janeway was a small woman with gray hair and blue eyes, and the resemblance between mother and daughter was striking. In her hands, Gretchen was carrying two glasses of lemonade and she handed one to Kathryn.

"Ice cold lemonade," she said, "just as you asked for."

Kathryn came out of her trance now and took the drink gratefully. "Thanks, Mom."

Gretchen looked at her daughter in concern and then sat beside her. "What's wrong, Katie?"

"Nothing," Kathryn replied. "I'm fine."

"You may be able to fool hostile aliens and admirals," Gretchen answered, "but you're not fooling me. I know you're unhappy. Tell me why. Is it Brett?"

Tears filled Kathryn's eyes and she looked away.

"It is, isn't it?" Gretchen said.

"I thought I loved him," Kathryn replied quietly. "I really thought I did. But now...Oh Mom, I've made such a terrible mistake."

"In marrying him?"

Kathryn nodded.

Gretchen reached for Kathryn's hand and took it in hers. "All couples have their bad patches, Katie. Your father and I had plenty."

"It's more than that," Kathryn answered. "I don't love him. I don't even like him anymore. He's not the man I married."

"How do you mean?"

"The man I married was kind and gentle and loving but the man I'm with now is none of those things."

"Is he violent?"

"Not exactly. He's just very controlling and likes to have his own way. He treats me like I'm a subordinate on his ship, not his wife, and doesn't like me to have my own life. I find myself not even wanting to be around him anymore. I work late so I don't have to come home and I work weekends so I don't have to spend time with him."

"How long has this been going on?" Gretchen asked.

"Since we married. Once he had the ring on my finger he became a different man. It's like marriage made me his possession so he didn't have to impress me anymore." She paused. "The truth is I should never have married a man I'd only known two months. I just...he totally and utterly swept me off my feet."

"If he's making you so unhappy," Gretchen said, "you have to leave him."

"I know," Kathryn replied. "And if there was just me then I probably would. But...I'm pregnant."

At this news, Gretchen flung her arms around Kathryn. "Oh Katie, that's fantastic! Fantastic!"

"It is," Kathryn said. "But I don't know if Brett will think so."

Gretchen drew away. "He'll be delighted, surely."

"I don't think so. He's never wanted children and thinks I can't have any. Because that's what I've led him to believe. I thought I'd hit menopause, I truly did, but evidently not quite." A tear ran down her cheek. "I've known for a while but I haven't told Brett yet because I'm afraid he'll be angry."

"Angry at the news or angry at you?"

"Both," Kathryn replied.

"Then sounds to me like you're afraid of him. That's not good, Katie. None of this is good. You have to leave him. You can stay with me for as long as it takes to get him out of this apartment, and when the baby comes I'll help look after it. We'll be ok."

"Thanks, Mom," Kathryn said, "but if he does want the baby, and miracles do sometimes happen, then I have to try and make things work for the baby's sake."

"Some fathers children are better off without."

"I know. But I have to give him a chance. Maybe the fault isn't all his. Maybe it's me who's changed. Maybe I've just realized that I don't love him."

"Just promise me one thing," Gretchen said. "That if he so much as harms a hair on your head you'll leave him."

Kathryn squeezed her mother's hand. "I promise."

Alone in her bedroom that night, Kathryn looked at a photo-scan of her precious baby and tenderly touched his tiny form. He was a miracle, of that she was sure, and already she loved him dearly. Suddenly, there was a bang in the lounge and she heard Brett call her.

"Kathryn?"

At the sound of his voice, Kathryn froze. Then she quickly hid the scan in her drawer and went into the bathroom.

"Kathryn?"

When he got no answer, Brett came into the bedroom and Kathryn came out of the bathroom.

"Hi, honey," she said. "I was just going to take a quick shower."

"Then its a good thing you're not in it as I want one."

Kathryn didn't argue, she just stepped aside and let him enter the bathroom.

"I've got a late meeting tonight," he said, "in Seattle, so I don't know what time I'll be home. Don't wait up."

Kathryn was relieved at that news, but tried not to let it show in her voice. "Ok. I guess duty calls. Do you want something to eat before you go? I haven't had dinner yet."

"No," he replied, "I've already eaten."

"Then I'll leave you to your shower."

At this, Brett popped his head around the door. "Aren't you joining me?"

"I thought you wanted it alone."

Brett came out of the bathroom now, his jacket gone and shirt open, and took Kathryn in his arms. "Why would I want to shower alone when I'm married to the most beautiful woman in the Federation?"

For a moment, just a moment, Kathryn saw the man she had married, then he was gone.

"Damn it, Kathryn!" he cried. "What's the matter with you? Why don't you want me anymore?"

"I do," Kathryn said. "Of course..."

"You don't! I can see it in your face!" He grabbed her chin, gripping it hard. "Do you want someone else? Is that it?"

"No," she protested.

"You do! Who is he? Who?"

"There's no one."

"Then why are you so frigid? You never used to be! Once you couldn't get enough of me! What's changed? Tell me!"

"It's just...I'm pregnant..."

This wasn't how she wanted to tell him, she wanted to tell him when he was in as good a mood as possible, but with Brett there would never have been the perfect time and this moment was as good as any.

When her words registered, Brett roughly let her go. "You're what?"

"I'm pregnant," Kathryn said. "9 weeks."

Brett's hands went to his head and he ran his fingers stressfully through his hair. "But how? How? You said you're sterile!"

"I thought I was but I haven't quite hit menopause yet and..."

Brett seized her. "How could you let this happen? How? You know I don't want a kid! I don't ever want a kid! You'll have to get rid of it!"

"Never!" Kathryn cried.

Brett pushed her against a wall. "You will, understand? Understand?"

"I won't," Kathryn retorted. "I'm having this baby. Do you understand?"

"I won't be disobeyed! You're getting rid of it and that's that!"

"Like hell I would for you!"

Brett raised up his hand and whipped it across her face. "Don't you dare speak to me like that! Don't you dare! I'm your husband and you'll obey me! Got it! You're getting rid of the kid and you're getting rid of it tonight!"

Kathryn could hardly breathe as his heavy body pushed against hers but she would not buckle. "It's you I'm getting rid of," she cried. "I want a divorce!"

"Never!" he screamed. "Never! I'll kill you before I let you leave me! Do you hear me? I'll kill you!"

"Your threats won't work on me. We're over. We have been a long time. Now, let me go before I make you!"

Brett gripped her tighter. "And how are you going to do that? Eh? You might be smarter than me but you're sure as hell not stronger! And don't forget, I'm as trained in self-defense as you are. I know your moves. I won't let you leave me, Kathryn. I'll never let you leave me. We're soulmates, made for each other, you said so yourself. You've just forgotten it, that's all. You've had your head spun by some bastard who has no doubt fathered this kid. But we'll get through this, Kathryn. You'll get rid of the kid and we'll go back to how things were."

Kathryn tried to knee him in the groin but he intercepted her move.

"That was a bad move, Kathryn. A very bad move. You hurt me and I'll hurt you." He punched her in the face and then pinned her against the wall again. "Did you know it was legal in the old days for men to beat their wives into line? Did you? Well, in my book it still should be! And that's what you need, a damn good beating to teach you who's boss! Because you're mine, Kathryn. You're mine to do with what I want!"

"I'm not," Kathryn cried, struggling against him. "And I'll...."

He punched her again and then threw her to the floor. Kathryn tried to get up but he knocked her down, kicked her viciously, and then straddled her. "Or maybe I'll just force myself on you! What do you think of that? Would that teach you who's master here?"

Suddenly, the door chime played.

At the sound of it, Brett gripped Kathryn's throat. "Whoever's there can go to hell. We're not done! We're far from done!"

"Ok!" Kathryn cried, pretending to yield so he'd ease up. "We'll do it your way. I'll do what you want and we'll go back to how things were."

"You mean it?"

"Yes. Just don't hurt me. Don't ruin things between us. Because if I can't trust you, I can't love you."

At this, Brett softened his grip. "You can," he said. "You can trust me. Of course you can. I love you, Kathryn. That's why I don't want to lose you."

The door chime played again.

"Damn!" Brett cried. "Why won't they go away?"

"It's probably my sister," Kathryn said. "She knows I'm in."

"Then I'll get rid of her. You stay here."

With that, he got up and went into the lounge. Bruised and bleeding, Kathryn got to her feet and limped over to the bedroom door so she could hear what was going on. Through it, she heard the main door open and then, to her surprise and joy, she heard a dearly familiar voice, a voice she had not heard for two years. It was Chakotay's voice.

"Hi," he said. "Is Kathryn there? I'm Chakotay, her former First Officer. You must be her husband, Brett Laurence. I've just been told that she's married."

Brett was now his charming self. "I am," he said. "And I'm delighted to finally meet you. I've heard a lot about you."

"The delight is all mine," Chakotay smiled. "Is Kathryn around? She's not expecting me, as I only got back a few hours ago, but I thought I'd call by on the off chance that she's in."

"I'm afraid she's in the bath," Brett answered. "We've got plans for tonight and..."

But before he could continue, Kathryn stepped out of the bedroom and stood in the doorway. "I'm here."

Chakotay turned towards her and immediately noticed that her face was swollen and her lip was bleeding.

"Kathryn," he said in concern. "What's happened?"

Kathryn wiped away the blood that was spilling from her lip. "My darling husband beat me up."

At those words, pain and anger filled Chakotay's eyes and he turned furiously to Brett. "What?"

Brett swallowed and nervously walked towards Kathryn. "She's just joking, aren't you, honey?"

But before he could reach her, Chakotay grabbed him and got him by his throat against the wall. "You go near her and I'll knock you into the middle of next year, understand?"

Brett choked under Chakotay's strong grip. "She's just joking," he stuttered. "Tell him, Kathryn."

"What's the matter?" Chakotay asked. "Scared of someone your own size?" He span Brett towards the wall and pulled his arms roughly behind his back. "If I wasn't a gentle man from a gentle people, I'd do you serious damage right now. But as I am, I'll only throw you out."

With that, he dragged Brett towards the door.

"But this is my home!" Brett protested.

"Not any more!"

Chakotay opened the door and threw Brett into the corridor. Then he closed the door and reset all access codes so he couldn't get back in. When this was done, he took deep breaths to calm his inner anger and turned slowly towards Kathryn. She was still standing in the doorway, thin and frail, and there were tears in her eyes. Slowly, Chakotay closed the gap between them and opened his arms to her. Kathryn stepped into them and, in the safety of his embrace, wept softly.

END OF CHAPTER 4