Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach. Tite Kubo did an awesome job on it already. Pardon the Gintama references.

OMAKE.....

The next morning, Kagamine walked into the soutaicho's office, carrying a neat stack of paperwork that towered to about two-thirds her total height. Muttering about lack of coffee in the morning, she glanced at Hitsugaya, who was looking through his own paperwork while drinking tea. With a small heave, Kagamine set her paperwork on a nearby table and asked, "How long have you been drinking tea, Toshi?"

Hitsugaya gagged at the nickname and almost sprayed the tea in his mouth all over the paperwork on his desk. Attempting to regain his composure, he asked, "Why give me such a nickname and why the question?"

Kagamine seemed to think for a moment before answering. "It may help me understand why you're so short, and despite the fact that you're in your growth spurt, you've only gained enough height to barely match Rukia's height. She hasn't grown much either, you know."

"I would like to ask you the same, and why aren't you back in your squad yet?" Hitsugaya can feel his left eye begin to twitch.

"I drink coffee, a beverage from the human world that Renji brought back, and it's loaded with height inhibitors known as "caffeine". Besides, I'm done with the work for both Rukia and myself that will hold for about a month," the new record holder for shortest captain grabbed a chair and sat down.

Hitsugaya stared at the little girl, willing her in his head to go back to her squad. She, however, continued talking. "I'm also obliged to help Rukia-chan elevate her work stress in my free time. Since there is no one to train with, I've chosen to talk to you in place of Rukia's psychiatric sessions with you. The reason why I want to call you Toshi is because Toshiro Hitsugaya and Toshiro Hijikata act the same and sound similar."

"Who are you comparing me to?"

"You don't watch anime, Toshi? Then I'll have to change it to "Oogushi-kun. Do you have a pet goldfish?"

"Stop speaking in riddles," Hitsugaya said in a tone tinted with annoyance. Kagamine decided to switch to a different topic that will hopefully stop the annoying "Twitching Eyebrow" feat.

"Do you like Rukia-chan?" she met the head captain's eyes squarely, taking note that his face was slowly turning red.

"What?" Hitsugaya chose to avert his eyes and focus on his paperwork. Kagamine inched to his desk and flashed a wicked grin.

"Oh, ho ho, bulls-eye, wasn't it? You're slightly miffed by my suggestion that Rukia should talk to Ulquiorra, aren't you?" At this point, one may suspect whether or not Matsumoto and Kagamine were related.

Hitsugaya cleared his throat and said, "Don't you have squad members to take care of?"

"Yes, and seeing that we've been talking from 9:00 AM to 9:30 AM, we should continue this talk session tomorrow." Kagamine headed to the door and waved a good bye as she shunpoed back to the thirteenth division's headquarters. Hitsugaya rubbed his temples and sighed. He has as feeling that he should wake up at 10:00 AM tomorrow instead of his usual 8:00.

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Chapter 4

Silence edged on in the semicircular jail cell. Two figures sat in solitude, one somewhat comfortable in the silence, while the shorter one clenched her clipboard before finally breaking the ice. "Ulquiorra Schiffer, I'm here to conduct an investigation on the behalf of Seireitei. I would also request that you answer my question without much resistance and as thoroughly as possible." Ulquiorra nodded, still keeping his silence. "Question one: How did you obtain a gigai?"

"After I had come to the human world, I wandered around for a while to find a way to survive. After a month or two, I encountered Urahara. He initially seemed surprised and started to attack me. Then, he realized that I can barely fight, probably because of my low reiatsu. Telling his three assistants to capture me, he took me to his shop and gave me the choice to either live in a gigai or die at the spot. I chose the first option," Ulquiorra said in monotone, but he felt like he was actually eager to pour out all of his memories of the past months. Rukia quickly noted down his words and looked at him expectantly, waiting for him to continue.

"Urahara then handed me a chain, instructing me to wrap it around my left arm. It burned at soon at it met my skin, and soon afterwards, I blacked out. The next thing I knew, I was in a permanent gigai and I couldn't escape from the gigai. The chain left a tattoo-like mark. Urahara gave me some clothes and told me I'm free to leave. So I wandered around Karakura Town until you and Kurosaki found me," Ulquiorra continued. "I've been trying to regain some reiatsu ever since, but it would probably take me 400 years to be released from this form, if I don't force myself." He looked at Rukia with expressionless eyes. "The shinigami will kill me before then, would they not?'

"I can't evaluate whether or not you should be executed, but judging by your current reiatsu and your testimony, I am confident that you are indeed unable to release your true form for a long period of time," Rukia deadpanned while staring at her clipboard. "Do you require anything?"

"Yes," Ulquiorra said as he shifted his chair to face the window again. "Please refrain from drawing unidentifiable creatures on any notes that may be sent to this cell from now on. They distract me from the original message as I spend too much time wondering what they are."

A vein in Rukia's forehead popped. "Was that supposed to be offensive?"

Ulquiorra contemplated on his answer and decided that telling the truth would not do any harm.

"Yes."

Rukia threw a fruit bowl at him before leaving the prison angrily.

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A/N: I decided to continue this story anyway in an attempt to get rid of my stupid defeatist attitude. This chapter isn't the best because half of it is an omake and the other half is Ulquiorra's monotone. That is why any attempt to get rid of me is welcome, for my existence has wasted your time. Flames and constructive criticism welcome for those who bother to respond.