in the end, beth had found a vintage tea-length red dress with a giant bow that sat at the base of an open back that made her blush from head to toe when she tried it on. despite the conservative front to it, the back was more revealing than anything she's ever worn in public, and had ruby not practically squealed at the sight - insisting that it was the one - beth probably wouldn't have bought it. it cost more than she'd wanted to spend, but a lot less than if she'd gotten a dress at one of the modern boutiques that most girls visited for prom. this one had been tucked away in the corner of her favorite second-hand shop, and if ruby's encouragement hadn't been enough, the way the store owner beamed at her confirmed the decision to splurge.
she'd called dean after getting home from the shop, and - as expected - he'd had a hundred questions about that guy who'd been standing with her outside of the school, and how he'd been so close, and the way he touched her, and all of the suspicious things that brewed jealousy within her boyfriend. beth had insisted she didn't even know the guy ( which was technically true ) and that it had been nothing ( which was less true ), but things had been tense between her and dean all week, and for a while there, she'd wondered if prom would even happen.
now, a little over a week later, she runs her fingers over the satin bow of the dress as she walks by the closet door where it's been hanging. if she doesn't go to prom, it will probably never see the light of day, and the store had a final sale policy on all formalwear. her hand lingers at the hem, and she sighs before heading for the door.
annie is already sitting at the kitchen table, waiting almost patiently, when beth enters the room. they have plans to go to the park, and even though she'd gotten home fairly early the night before, she's feeling sluggish today. considering - and then thinking better of - a cup of coffee, beth lingers for a moment, ignoring the way annie is practically vibrating out of her seat with excitement. but if she'd thought her kid sister would go easy on her on this particular saturday morning, beth had been mistaken.
"you said we could go at nine," she accuses - quietly, as though she's aware beth isn't quite awake, and maybe a softer tone might work better than her usual whiny demands. "i know," she replies, still not looking at her sister. "well…" the way it hangs in the air makes her glance over at annie - who is pointing to the clock that sits on the wall over the stove, and beth sighs. it reads 8:57am, and the park is a ten minute walk. "you didn't say we would leave at nine, beth. c'mon." and there it is, that reminder that annie is still a little kid, and little kids convey what they want in petulant tones and piercing wails.
she's not prepared for this conversation to take a turn in that direction, so she moves to the door to retrieve the shoes she'd kicked off the evening before. they're half on - her heels pressing into the backs because she's not feeling quite like untying them and doing the whole thing - when annie hops down from the stool and reaches for something on the other side of the couch. it's beth's backpack, and she shoots her sister a questioning glance.
"what? you're gonna wanna do homework, right? i grabbed it for you so we don't waste any more time." and it's the matter-of-fact tone of a kid that thinks she knows everything about the world, even though she's still in grade school. beth rolls her eyes - though it's playful - before grabbing the pack by one strap and slinging it over her shoulder. "okay, let's go."
about thirty minutes after arriving at the park, she's sitting on the picnic table again, working on algebra problems, and her thoughts are plagued with worries about this sort of fight with dean, what it might mean for prom, and that little part of her that knows she would be kind of relieved if things ended between them. they get along fine - most of the time - but dating dean means the entire football team comes with him as a packaged deal, and with them, all of their cheerleader girlfriends ( who mostly rotate around in a way that's completely confusing to beth ). she hadn't realized what she was signing up for when they'd started dating - it's a lot of pressure, especially considering it's her first relationship, and beth sometimes thinks she's in over her head.
"you got the order of operations wrong."
she startles violently at the voice cutting through her silent reflections - so much so that the book falls right off of her lap and onto the grass beneath the picnic table, her notebook and pencil case along with it. how had she been so preoccupied to not even notice him approach? and how does he have this uncanny way of startling her so completely?
"can you please stop doing that?"
there's a tremor in her voice, and beth still hasn't looked at him despite now very pointedly feeling his presence beside her. it's almost comical that she would have missed it before, he takes up a space like a shadow - looming up and over everything as though his presence is bigger than him. it is, she thinks, suddenly feeling as though she's surrounded by it.
he laughs, walking around the table so he's standing in front of her, and bends over to retrieve the spilled items, shaking his head all the while.
"you always so jumpy?" when he straightens, he looks her over slowly, and beth is reminded of the way ruby had described it - like he wants to eat her alive. immediately, she's blushing again, and really wishes she could find a way to turn that off in his presence - he probably thinks she's ridiculous.
"only when people sneak up on me," she fires back, taking the books and case from his outstretched hands, and ignoring the way their fingers brush in the process. it takes her a while to find her page again, and he interrupts her search by laughing again.
"nah, i'm just walkin' normally, you so focused someone could probably steal your whole pack and be off before you notice." the thought makes her head snap up, scanning the playground for annie. she feels more than sees him shake his head again before he reaches out and takes her jaw between his thumb and forefinger, turning her head toward the swings. "relax, sweetheart, she's right there." beth glances up at him with wide eyes, before feeling suddenly incensed, and shakes free of his grip.
"stop calling me that, i'm not your sweetheart."
perhaps unsurprisingly, he laughs again. "what you think i should call you, then? miss uptight? girl-who-hangs-out-behind-schools? jumpy mcgee?" his amusement grows as fast as her annoyance, and beth shuts her algebra book again - harder than necessary. "you already know my name - i don't know how, by the way - so why don't you start with beth ?"
he reaches for the books, pulling them from her grasp so as to set them on the table beside her, and it's all beth can do to keep breathing when he steps into her space so that he's standing between her legs. he's just far enough back that they don't touch, and she feels somehow frozen in the spot - watching him with wide eyes as if any movement on her part might encourage him ( or worse - scare him away ).
"i know your name, 'cause i asked around about you." his voice is low and rough when he speaks, and the sound of it does something to her that she can't explain, but she continues just staring at him, unsure how to respond - or even how to feel about him seeking out information about her. it seems to cost him nothing to admit something like that - that he'd gone out of his way to learn her name after one encounter outside - while she can barely make eye contact with him.
it takes her a while to realize she's breathing heavily, and that he's not going to offer anything else.
"what should i call you ?" when beth finally responds, her own voice comes out high and squeaky and she immediately feels the embarrassment flooding color through her cheeks. thankfully, he doesn't laugh again, but he does reach a finger up to tuck a lock of hair behind her ear in the same way he did outside the school. "rio," he says quietly, and she repeats it in a whisper. there's a smile curling at the side of his mouth, but his eyes are trained hard on her lips - as though he can't tear them away.
"didn't see you all week - i was startin' to worry." it's only when she blinks up at him in confusion that beth realizes he'd stopped focusing on her mouth and now that their eyes meet, he seems to be searching for something in hers.
"worry? about me?" he laughs again, and it's not the same as before - he's not laughing at her - it's almost self-deprecating, and the line between her brows etches deeper as she tries to make sense of it all. "nah - i bet you can take care of yourself, elizabeth. was worryin' that i imagined this thing here." he gestures in the small space between them, first to her, then back to himself, and - impossibly - beth's eyes widen even further.
"i – i have a boyfriend," she stammers, and he doesn't seem fazed by the revelation, merely tilts his head to the side as if he's studying a particularly difficult problem. for her part, words continue to pour unbidden from beth's lips. "that's why i haven't been outside, and i mean - you know - why there's nothing here." she mimics his motions, gesturing between the two of them, and looks off to the side. he reaches up to fit a knuckle under her chin, lifting it so that she practically has to look up at him again.
"nah, there's somethin'." he leans, and she feels herself leaning closer at the same time, tells herself he's pulling her with that finger beneath her chin ( knows it's a lie ). for a moment, beth is absolutely sure he's going to kiss her, and she thinks she's never wanted anything so much in her life.
as if the only purpose had been to prove a point, his hand drops and he steps back, expression suddenly closed off as if he'd pulled a shutter down over his face to hide the open honesty that had been there moments before. she exhales a breath that had gotten caught in her throat while he was touching her, and she's still trying to tell her heart to stop pounding so loudly when he looks like he's about to turn and leave. she wants to throw an arm out and stop him, tell him to wait - but then what? as seems to be his talent, he can apparently read this conflict all over her face, and he - rio, she reminds herself - shakes his head.
"nah, i'm not playing games here, elizabeth. come see me when you done lyin' to yourself."
he's gone before she can ask him how she can come see him when she doesn't know where he is except when he's right beside her.
it's not until she's walking annie back home later that beth realizes she probably should have reiterated the whole boyfriend thing, rather than worrying about how to see him again.
"you saw him again."
it's not a question, but a statement, and beth tries to feign innocence when she looks up from her notes to see ruby staring at her. knowing her just about as well as anyone, her best friend is already shaking her head.
"nope, no way, don't even start with me, beth. annie told me he showed up at the park." ruby sinks into the chair next to beth and lowers her voice after the librarian shoots a glare in their direction. they have a big test coming up in history, and beth had thought a study session during their one mutual free period would be helpful for both of them - now she's regretting it.
"i mean, he just sort of… showed up." a shrug, because he had, and she looks back at the book she's been taking notes from, dragging the tip of her index finger over the page as she pretends to read silently.
"uh huh, and when he showed up and started touching your face – " beth looks up again, already making plans to murder annie when she gets home. " - i'm assuming you told him about your boyfriend who's a senior and on the football team?" she had told him about dean, but what ruby's implying makes her laugh. dean is bigger than rio - taller, more muscular - but somehow beth is absolutely sure if it came down to a fight, dean wouldn't be the winner.
"i did tell him," she shrugs, but ruby's shaking her head again. "look, i know you and dean have been having a rough week, but i mean that boy is head over heels in love with you, b. - it's written all over his face - and you've only been dating for like a month." she settles a hand over beth's shoulder and beth frowns at it. "i'm just saying. don't throw it away for some guy you don't even know."
she doesn't say the words, but ruby knows beth's situation, knows that while other kids can't wait to finish high school and move onto bigger and better things, beth has to worry about supporting her kid sister - and she has no clue where to start.
so while ruby doesn't say them, beth can almost hear them ringing in her own ears.
you can't afford to lose him.