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Wednesday! She would be back on Wednesday!

Will stared at the message on his Blackberry that Mac had just sent and then closed his eyes, feeling a wave of relief rushing through him. Relief and gratitude.

Mac would not leave the show, she had decided to continue working with him, at least this he knew now, thank God!

But did that also mean that she was willing to give him another chance?

If so, that would make it even more urgent for him to figure out what the hell was wrong with him. Not that he didn't know, but he really needed to find a way to solve his problems; he needed to get over it. And soon.

He sighed. Luckily Habib would be back the following week, he would make an appointment to see him as soon as possible.

::::::::::::::::::::::::::

When Mac woke up the following day she stayed in bed and looked at the ceiling.

She had been rather relaxed when she had turned in for the night but hadn't slept well. As sure as she had been about her decision to stay at ACN last night, her mind now kept asking her as insistently if that really was the right thing to do.

Will did say he loved her. That should be enough for her to wait for him to finally get to a place where he could freely admit to it, to want to move foreward. But she was only human and she wasn't sure how much longer she could keep on doing this. Being his ever-available door mat whenever he felt the need to punish her, and then again being everything he wanted when his love for her prevailed.

Suddenly she was glad that she had a few more days to herself to try to figure everything out, because despite yesterday's decision, right now she had no idea what she should do.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::

Jacob Habib was back in town and Will had successfully asked for an additional session on Monday.

The whole weekend he had been agitated and couldn't concentrate on anything. Instead he had continuously tried to dissect the events of the previous Sunday.

As glad as he was that Mac had texted him that she would be back in the middle of the week, he didn't have a clue as to what to expect from her then. Would she still be angry with him? Would she act normal or ignore him or...?

In the end he wasn't able to think straight anymore and he had gotten to a stage where on Monday morning he was directing his anger at himself at anybody crossing his way.

Maggie had already been a target for not immediately bringing a file he had asked for and he had been a complete ass during the pitch meeting, discarding every suggestion any of the staff made until no one dared to say anything anymore.

So it was really time for him to talk to someone and when he entered Habib's office at lunch time he could barely contain his anxiety, which the doctor sensed immediately.

„What can I do for you, Will?"

„Never go on vacation again! Isn't there a law that forbids psychiatrists to leave town in case a patient needs them?"

„Not that I'm aware of." Habib replied with a barely hidden smile. „And I wasn't on vacation but in San Francisco for a seminar on Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. But why did you need to see me so urgently?"

Will was too riled up to sit down and paced up and down. „I've been beating myself up all of last week... Something... happened..."

Habib leaned back in his chair and put his fingers together in a triangle, waiting for Will to continue, so with a sigh he reluctantly started to talk and summarized the events of the last week, looking out of the window most of the time.

When he was finished Habib remained quiet for a moment, but finally he spoke. „Well, I didn't expect that, to be honest. When did this happen?"

„A week ago yesterday."

„So you've had some time alone with your thoughts. What did you come up with?"

Will stopped his pacing again and this time looked at the young doctor. „I... Yeah, I did a lot of thinking, and I realized that...even if on a different level, I... I betrayed Mac just as she has betrayed me... I mean, she trusted me, and I..."

When Will didn't go on Habib followed up on what he had said. „Does that realization mean you have forgiven her?"

„No!" But as soon as the word left his mouth Will sighed and he faltered a little. „I don't know... I think if nothing else it made me understand that this can just happen, even if you don't intend to hurt the other person..."

„So you are finally ready to admit that I could have been right when I told you during one of our first sessions that what MacKenzie did wasn't about you but about getting un-rejected by her ex?"

As most of the time Will was only reluctantly admitting that Habib may have a point. „I guess that is a possibility..."

Knowing his client by now Habib took this answer as a concession. „Why do you think you feel so bad about hurting McKenzie?"

„Because I love her!" Will could barely hold back on calling the young man an idiot. It felt strange saying it to someone that wasn't Mac though, especially saying to to someone who knew about their past. He had expected to feel embarrassed and appear weak because he still wanted a woman that had betrayed him so immensely in the past, but instead he didn't really feel bad about it, rather... content and at ease with himself. Admitting this to himself he finally settled in the chair he usually occupied during his sessions.

Do you regret what happened?" Habib didn't let up.

„Of course! Listen, whatever you may think of me, I'm not a complete dick... I would never have slept with her if I hadn't..." His voice was trailing off and he couldn't finish the sentence.

„I know you are not, Will. But I want you to be honest: Do you regret everything that has happened that evening?"

Will stayed quiet for a moment and leaned his head back to look at the ceiling. After a long silence he sighed. „I don't regret leaving the message for her..."

Habib smiled. „That is great, Will. That means you are ready for her to know that you love her." He raised his hand when Will wanted to say something. „I know that you have told her the day after, but then you have been freshly caught up in everything that had happened before, you were kind of in a state of emergency. Now you have had a week to think about it and you are still ready to admit that you are in love with Mackenzie. What are you going to do next?"

„I don't have any idea... At least she is coming back to work on Wednesday; she texted me from wherever she is."

„Does that make you happy?"

„Of course it does! And I... I don't want to hurt her anymore..."

That's good, Will. That's really good, you don't want to punish her anymore. So now just answer this question: Do you also want to be with her?

„Yes..." Will's answer was so quiet that Habib could barely understand him.

„So? Why aren't you?" The young doctor was goading him now and Will knew it, but still he looked at Habib as if he had just suggested he should grow a second head.

„Because I can't!"

„Why can't you?"

„How should I know? I wouldn't be here if I did!"

„Will..." Habib leaned forward, his eyes concentrating on the man in front of him. „You still think that you need to forgive her. But you have been with her the night you were high. You were able to confess your feelings because the drugs had lowered all inhibitions and you could speak freely from your heart... Is it possible that you may have subconsciously forgiven MacKenzie some time ago already? But that on a rational level you are not willing to forget what she did, because you are afraid to get hurt again, and so you can't be with her?"

Will closed his eyes, trying to process everything Habib had just put out there.
Could he be right? He had been scared the morning he found Mac in his apartment, although all he had wanted to do was to tell her how he really felt. If Habib was right it would mean that what he had always thought would be the hardest part, forgiving MacKenzie, wasn't an issue anymore, and he only had to get over his angst.
„So what should I do?"

„Listen to your heart ,Will. It doesn't lie and it will tell you what you really want."

Again Will was quiet for a while, trying to ascertain the consequences of Habib's suggestion. Sighing he finally admitted „I don't now if I'm able to do that..."

„Well... Are you ready to lose MacKenzie?"

Staring at him Will slowly shook his head. „No..."

„I thought so. Then now you have to earn her trust. And her forgiveness. And that is only possible through honesty and patience."

::::::::::::::::::::::::.

„What's up? Why aren't you at work?"

It was Tuesday night. Mac had returned from Maine in the afternoon and had asked her friend Molly to meet her at a small bar close to the FBI building after her shift.
When she had slid into the booth in the back of the bar Molly had immediately sensed that this wasn't a casual date to catch up which had triggered her question.

„Let's get a drink first, what would you like?"
Molly nodded and opted for a Screwball while Mac decided to take a Hennessy Alexander. When the drinks were placed in front of them they clinked glasses and drank, but then Molly put hers down and repeated. „What's up, Mac?"

„Something... happened..." Mac sighed and looked down at her fingers before going on. „On the night of the Bin Laden broadcast..."

„That was fantastic, by the way." Molly interrupted her. „I wanted to call you afterwards, but everything was so busy..."

Mac shortly raised her head to smile at her. „Thanks... Well, after the show was over Will called me. I was in the shower so he left a voice message and... in it he said... that he never stopped loving me..."

„Shut the front door! Mac, that is wonderful!" Molly reached for her hand and squeezed it. She knew everything that had happened between the two and also how her friend still felt about Will. „So you are back together?"

Shaking her head Mac tried to bite back her tears. „No... I went over to his place after I had listened to his message. He told me again that he loved me and we spent the most amazing night together. And then... the next morning..." Mac swallowed hard but forced herself to continue. „...he didn't remember anything because he had been high the night before..."

Molly drew in a sharp breath. „Oh Mac, that is terrible, I am so sorry! That bastard, I'm going to..."

„Don't Molly... It was as much my fault as it was his. I knew that he had been high during the show and I just assumed that he was sober again at that point." Mac reflected on that for a moment. „Well, actually I asked him and he said he was, so..." Not being able to prevent a tear from running down her cheek Mac paused and gave Molly a pitiful smile.

„I'm sorry to dump this on you, but I can't talk to anybody else, especially no one from the office. We are a team and have to work together, so I can't risk ruining their relationship with Will. Especially as he didn't mean to...

„Mac, listen to you! You're making the same excuses as you did when you were with Brian. He didn't mean to hurt me, he didn't realize I could overhear him, he wasn't..."

„That was different!" Mac insisted with determination in his voice. „Brian didn't care about anything he did to me nor about my feelings. Will didn't do it on purpose, you should have seen his face when he realized what had happened..."

„Oh Mac... You really still got it bad, mmh?" Molly leaned forward and covered Mc's hand with hers again. „Are you sure he didn't just want to get you in the sack to 'celebrate' after the show?"

Mac could almost hear a complete page of quotation marks following that question and shook her head. „No, he loves me. He even repeated it the day after when he really was sober... He just isn't able to forgive me and to get over what I did. And that is my fault...

„Bullshit!" Molly snorted. „How often does it happen that somebody cheats on his partner and still is forgiven? And you didn't even do it because you were bored with Will or wanted revenge. You were still invested... no, rather trapped in your relationship with Brian, and you needed to figure it out..." Not wanting to be interrupted by her friend she raised her hand and continued.

„Could you have talked to Will about it? Sure, but that wouldn't have helped you to see if you still wanted Brian, you needed the comparison..." She could see that Mac didn't believe a word she was saying, so she changed tactics. „Okay, let's assume it's true that it's on you: Wouldn't that make you even now?"

Mac shook her head, sad and defeated. „No, this is different. Will was high whereas I knew exactly what I was doing with Brian back then..."

Molly raised her eyesbrows. „Did you really? You might not have been on drugs as Will, but were you really able to think rationally about what you were doing at that time?"

„I don't know, Molly, I really don't know..."

Both women remained silent for a moment, Mac emptying her glass and waving to the waitress to order another round. Finally Molly started speaking again.

„So how was working with Will these last days?"

Mac shrugged. „I haven't been to work since, I just couldn't."

„But you said you talked to Will the next day?" Molly wondered.

„Yeah... I had called in sick and Will showed up at my place after the show. That's when he said he still loved me... and that he was working on forgiving me..."

„Wow... What did you tell him?"

„That I needed time and would leave the city for a few days."

„Oh, that's why I got a postcard from Maine, I thought you'd just gone for the weekend... Thanks, by the way... Did the time up there help?"

„I've thought a lot about the whole situation... Before I left I had told Will that I wasn't sure if I could continue working with him after that..."

Molly slammed her open hand onto the table. „Good for you! But... Knowing you I assume it is not a question that you'll go back?"

Not being able to hide a little smile Mac sighed. „You know me too well, Molly... Of course I'll stay at ACN; I love the show, I love the staff and I love Will, so in the end that decision was fairly easy, though I did change my mind several times on that... And it definitely doesn't mean that everything is going to be love, peace and harmony..."

Molly snorted. „When was it ever between the two of you? Even when you were happy you could fight like Benedick and Beatrice..."

Mac grinned at this reference to her favourite Shakespeare play. „And make up just like it..."

At this saucy answer Molly burst out laughing and Mac blushed, but then she couldn't help joining in. It felt so good to let go after all this pent-up tension, but finally she dried her eyes with the back of her hand.

„So, help me to figure out how to go about all of this now."

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Will was absolutely agitated. He was so nervous that he couldn't even sit still while his driver was taking him to ACN.

.

Mac was coming back today and he had no idea how the day would develop. Would it be awkward? Or would they settle right back into their normal work behaviour? If he just knew what Mac was thinking!

Then he told himself again, for the probably four hundredth time... She had texted him, right? So didn't that mean that she was okay with coming into the office?
He would just behave as always and everything would be fine.. He hoped... At least for the normal day-to-day interaction. Wouldn't it?

Gosh, why didn't he ask Habib what to say?
Will shook his head. Of course his psychiatrist wouldn't have told him what to say exactly. But he did tell him that he had to gain back Mac's trust and forgiveness, and he had been right. So now he only had to accept that this would probably take some time. There was no way that Mac would be over it already and they could pick up from where they had been before.

Will reflected on this for a moment... before...
Since their break-up their relationship had been divided into a before and an after. Now it still was, except that the before and after were defined differently. This time he was responsible for the cesura, and he was wondering if this meant that with this happening the first 'before and after-period' was history. Would Mac insist they were even now or would her cheating still be an issue for her?

He sighed. He still hadn't figured out what to do, and he could expect Mac to already be in the office when he got there. Seemed like he had to play it by ear.

When he got off the elevator on the 25th floor and entered the bullpen he saw Mac in a conversation with Jim and stopped to observe her for a moment. She looked good, relaxed and recovered, but he was certain that she would tense up the moment she saw him.

Will waited until she finished up with his senior producer and went to her office to follow her. He remained standing in the doorway and Mac startled when she looked up from the papers in front of her. „God, Will, do you have to creep up on me like that?"

„I'm sorry, I didn't mean to..." Will absently waved his hand and entered the room. After a moment's hesitation he closed the door behind him before turning back to her. „You look great, where did you go?"

Mac sighed. „I went up to Maine... Do you really want to do smalltalk now?"

He shook his head. „Sorry... I know, this isn't a good time, but... I just... I need to know if we're okay. At least in a way that we're able to do this show...?" Will raised his eyes from her desk to look at her face, which he had avoided to do while talking, and was secretly disappointed that he didn't see even a hint of the smile he had been hoping for. Instead Mac returned his gaze, biting her lower lip as if she wasn't sure that she should let him know what was on her mind. Finally she simply said „Do you want us to?"

Will inhaled sharply. „God, yes! I thought I had made that clear before you left... I am sorry about what has happened, Mac, I am truly sorry. You know... I'm not sorry about what I said, but I am sorry that I said it."

Seeing Mac's confused and also hurt expression at this remark Will hastened to clarify his words. „At that time, I mean... I'm sorry that I said it that night. It wasn't the right moment. I wasn't ready and it wasn't fair to you..."

Mac weighed his words for a moment and then slowly nodded, not showing any emotions. „Just tell me one thing, Will: The drinks you had that night... Did you have them before or after you left the message for me?

„After, Mac, I swear."

Mac held his eyes until she was satisfied that he had told the truth. Then she got up from behind her desk and walked past him to the door „Time for the pitch meeting, let's go."

Will looked at her surprised. „Wait... What...? Just like that?"

Stopping in front of the door she turned around. „You wanted us to keep on working together, so I guess we should get started?"