Author's Note: Anyone out there not asking himself what lies beyond? This glimpse comes from a friend who stayed for three days in a coma after an accident. Sephiroth just happened to end up there as well. My fault at that.

CC spoilers ahead

Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy or its characters, nor do I seek any profit from this fic.

Noone nowhere

Part 4: Dance with the devil

„Stay away from me!"

„No.", said the blond.

„If you knew who I am, then you should have left me there to die. I am not worthy of salvation, now I know."

„Sephiroth, stop it."

Sky-blue eyes pinned him down with a look that bore no sign of horror or resentment. The girl wasn't looking at him at all but nor had she let herself be pushed away and she was still supporting him.

„Someone would have come for you anyway.", the blond said quietly.

„Who would come for a murderer?"

„Those who love you no matter what, of course.", he answered matter-of-factly. Then his eyes met Sephiroth's again and there was so much light inside them, so much acceptance and calmness that stroke him like a lightning.

„Sephiroth, please try to remember. This is important. Think well! I know it's hard, Jenova mixed you up and you don't know anymore what was real and what wasn't, but you have to put the pieces back together to be able to move on. What happened when you left the reactor? What do you see?"

Sephiroth felt almost nauseous.

„I..." he choked. A wave of cold sweat erupted through his pores, his whole body shaking with dizziness.

The blond motioned for the girl.

„We have to move him into the light." he said.

She just nodded and they both began to ease him up, each carrying him by an arm. He peered around with bleary eyes. They were in some sort of an underground cave which looked like an obsolete subway tunnel. Old tracks were even visible here and there through the water – there was a torrent, or maybe more than one, falling from the ceiling and running through the tunnel. The water was crystal clear and shiny, as rays of sun were dancing on its surface in myriads of patterns. There were large holes in the ceiling through which the sun was pouring its light unhindered – and through the holes the blue sky could be seen, pure and deep, without the slightest trace of a cloud.

Sephiroth wouldn't even see where he was stepping, as he couldn't take his eyes off the sky above, completely mesmerized. He let himself be taken to a spot that was right beneath one of the holes, so when they helped him sit down again he was bathed with the light and its warmth, while his feet were caressed by that strange water – so soft, so aerial, that it wouldn't even feel wet on his skin. He didn't pay attention to that though. He was too dazzled by the exquisite feeling of warm shine on his face, on his whole body.

„There." he heard the blond. „Feeling any better now?"

He nodded, grateful.

„Th-thank you."

„I'm happy it helps you. When you feel up to it, try to think of what I've asked you. It is really important to remember – for you, I mean."

Sephiroth tried to focus his regained memory to those dark moments, though reluctantly. It felt easier now, as he could practically feel himself drawing new waves of strength from the light descending over him. The past was rolling towards him in moving pictures, slowly falling in place. Piece by piece.

„I... am outside the reactor." he mumbled in a daze. „I feel myself again. The pressure on my mind is gone for now."

„Go on. You're doing fine."

„I... don't know how I ended up here. I'm somewhere at the reactor's back, alone. The guards that came with me are on the other side; I left them at the foot of the main stairs. That girl... the guide, must be with them."

„That's right. What do you see?"

„It's... uh, I'm..." a tormented sigh escaped his lips. He bit them, anxiously.

„Take your time to sort it out. You have to focus well enough. There, I'll help you." and the blond man took Sephiroth's hand in his.

Suddenly it was as if a dam was broken. The memories flooded him like a tsunami. Like the water that ran through the tunnel, over his feet, a waterfall of sparkling light.

Genesis is there, just a few steps away. He lies on the ground, all worn out and his wing is folded back into his body, leaving just an irregular dark shape on his red coat. I rush to him and lift him up. „You're back." he stammers. I feel relieved that I have found him, but I'm pained by what I did to him. I ask him to forgive me and try to explain that I wasn't myself, I wouldn't have rejected him like that if I had been. He says he knows and it's alright. I ask him where to go and he tells me that we should fly back to the manor while we can. But he's already too exhausted and weakened and he can't do it by himself. I put my left hand around his slender waist. His gaunt face comes to rest on my shoulder; his raspy breath feels hot against my skin and he looks almost... scrawny somehow, while I secure my arm around him.

„This might prove to be a bumpy ride, if that... thing reaches me again. Genesis, hold on to me the best you can, you hear me?" I instruct him.

He nods tiredly and locks his arms around my neck, holding as tightly as he can – and next thing we're up in the sky. I still haven't figured out why he uses that wretched wing for this. We could always fly well enough without such an unnatural appendage. I feel him slowly going slack against me and I try to keep him conscious by talking to him.

„Why do you use that thing to fly?" I ask him. If that's a reminiscence of the monster he's talking about, then I wouldn't use it in a million years.

His voice is stifled and he hardly whispers that the Goddess told him the wing has nothing to do with Jenova. It's supposed to be something belonging only to ourselves. He says I surely have a wing as well and it will show up at some point. And that we've always used them for flying without even knowing we had them in the first place. I still don't understand how you can fly with just one wing. But I've always trusted him – and I trust him now, so I take his word for it.

I make sure noone sees us as we descend from above and land at the manor, where he directs me to an entrance in the back. He knows the place, it's here he has been staying for the last few days, knowing I was to come to Nibelheim as well. I ask him how he knew and he dazedly mumbles something about a vision from the Goddess. He directs me to the library in the basement where he has spent hours on end searching through the records left by Hojo, as it seems. In a small adjacent room there's a narrow bed and a small desk, filled with books and files. I put him on the bed and proceed to remove his cloak, the military gear and boots.

The sight of his torn and emaciated body makes me cringe on the inside. As I take off his coat, he starts to shiver with coolness. He's much more sensitive to it now. I take a blanket and wrap it around him as tight as I can to warm him up.

He's the only family I've got right now and I don't want to lose him too. Angeal's gone and I can't stand to think of this, not even now, after all this time; I miss him so badly that it's like a constant pain in the back of my mind. And now Genesis is ill. I try rubbing his back and arms to warm him up some more, but he's still trembling feverishly, so eventually I cast a spell. The whole room is suddenly filled with the dazzling light of a powerful magic discharge and the air heats up with a hissing sound. Finally I feel him starting to relax – and I relax myself a bit.

„Gen, you said you know this place. I need medical equipment for blood transfusion. Do you know where I can find such things in here? Are there any?"

How ironic! It's the monster's cells that keep him going – now I know – and I've always had them. This is what helped him in the past when he got injured that day in our spar, which now seems like years ago, and this is the one thing that should help him now as well. We have to fight this monster, but at the same time it seems we can't live without it. If I had known this back then, if we had known it, what would we have done? Was there something we could have done?... I watch him worried. His eyes are glazed and ringed, his skin looks ashen; even his hair falls limply on the pillow on which his head is resting now.

„Oh, and you need to eat something to gain some strength. Is there any food left in this place?"

He nods weakly and explains to me in a low mumble how to get to the underground labs and where the food supplies are stored. I don't want to leave him alone too long, so I move as fast as I am able to. This place is gloomy. The mansion hasn't been inhabited for years, but it's not that. It's gloomy in itself, yet it also gives me this spooky feeling that it's not the first time I see it, I don't know why. When I get to the labs the feeling is even more present and I almost feel a chill running up my spine. But I don't have time for this. Genesis needs me and I have to find that medical stuff I want. I search the place, gathering the needed items and trying to ignore the creeps this kind of places always give to me, due to my childhood. I was there myself, in a cage. I didn't even think of me as being human at the time. I was just ‚specimen alfa'. Genesis and Angeal seemed to have been luckier with their childhood, but on the long run we're the same, all three of us. We're just test tube creations for some mindless demigods to play with. Just some ‚products' of a scientific experiment. Three perfect toys.

Oh well, not perfect.

Had we been perfect, Genesis wouldn't have been rotting away alive upstairs right now. Angeal wouldn't be dead. And I would not be standing here thinking of all these, because if we had been perfect, we wouldn't have had feelings. We weren't supposed to have them in the first place. Yet we do, unfortunately as it seems, so now I'm turning this wretched place upside down trying to find the few things I need in order to keep Genesis going with my own blood. I'd give it all to him if that would really make a difference. I'd die for him. He is my brother.

Finally I have all I need, so I go back upstairs to him to put my medical knowledge to use. But before doing so I look for the kitchen and whatever food is there. We'll both need it. Then I search the place again to find anything else to lie down on and I come back with a cot and set it next to Genesis'. Shortly after that we both lie on our beds and my blood travels to his veins. I'd almost smile at him if I weren't so worried and lost myself: a few White Banoras are in a bowl between us. He had a whole box of them in the pantry.

Now he has dozed off at some point and I just stay here and watch him sleeping. And in my mind lingers, I don't know why, the image of a large container I'd seen earlier down in an annex of the labs, roughly shaped like a coffin. Maybe Genesis knows what's with that. Although I don't see why I'd care right now.

Days come and go and we are both buried in the basement, searching through the countless records from the library. After one more transfusion Genesis is better now and walks around with me to help me with everything he knows already. I won't let him move the heavy files, but he can guide me through all these stacks of papers and show me which is where. Sometimes I fall asleep still reading at the desk, but I make sure this doesn't happen to him. I'm stronger, I can do this and I have to. He should just rest for now.

One of these days Zack showed up as well. He didn't stay too long I guess. I was too wrapped up in all this huge enterprise to pay him much attention. We still hoped to find something relevant that we could have overlooked, but it seemed Hojo had taken care of sorting the papers and removing some of them before us having any chance to find them. Fortunately Genesis was sleeping in his room at that moment and he and Zack didn't bump into each other. Less trouble, I guess.

Genesis knows the truth from Hollander and from his own research for some time already, but now we need proof if we want to end this and find a way to bring the truth about the monster in the reactor to public knowledge. This will lead to one thing that can't be helped: ShinRa's downfall. One way or another. But I don't care one bit.

Then comes the night when I wake up in pain, my head throbbing much harder than my heart, while knives seem to slice through my brain. The venomous hisses are back and malevolent words thrust into my mind like ice splinters.

„Traitorsss! Unworthy creaturess! Kill them all!"

The pain in my brain is searing, rising and descending like a tide, only much faster, faster. I clutch my head with both hands and it seems like any moment now it will explode. A sharp gasp leaves my lips – and for a moment I wonder whose it is. The pain is incredible; my endurance to any kind of suffering is many times over that of an average human being and yet I can't stand this, I feel like breaking into shards already. Endless fountains of pain burst out in blinding fireworks. I have to stop this, I have to stop it, this is maddening!! Ice surrounds me everywhere, the coldness is slowly creeping inside my body, towards my heart, bit by bit, to take a hold of it and freeze its beats. I try to cast a warming spell but there's no use, my hands are numb and stiff, yet I fight it, I need to warm myself and shove the excruciating pain away before I lose it. I'll shatter the ice and make the greatest fire of them all to get the heat I need; I'm doing it right now!

„Kill the traitors! Kill the worthless worms!"

There's the voice again, I don't know whose it is, but oh well, if someone's trying to stop me now from getting my fire indeed I'll kill them, all of them...

My arm shots up and I will Masamune out – and the very next moment it's in my hand already, materializing with a sharp swooshing sound, green wisps of energy still swirling around the pristine blade. While I... while I move ahead... to burn... To kill.

Then I'm rocking with the shakes – I don't know what happens, I hardly see anything around – and there's this other voice calling to me, shouting at me through the fierce shakes.

„Sephiroth wake up!! Wake up already! Fight it, Seph! Don't listen to the monster! Stay with me! Fight it NOW!"

I wave my arms trying to break free from the firm grip. Somebody stop this, please, before I break! Let go of me! I'm feeling sick as hell. And my hands are not where they're supposed to be, to stop my brains from bursting. I try to grab my temples hurriedly, but it's too late. Eventually my head explodes...

...I come around to find myself down on the cold floor, on my hands and knees, in the mansion's main hall. I'm weak and dizzy, bathed in my own sweat and trembling and I don't remember how I got here. My left hand twitches spasmodically on Masamune's hilt. And Genesis is next to me, his arms around my body to keep me from collapsing completely onto the floor. He has his red coat on, thrown hastily over his shoulders and his runesword's close to him, but he's barefoot on the cold tiles.

And I know too well what's happening. The alien has taken hold of me again. It tries to make me burn everything down. And to kill everyone around.

„It will try again, Seph. It tried with me before but it's too weak in me. I don't have its cells, I only have the genes. You have to fight it."

I feel sick.

„Gen, you're in danger too." I stutter through clattering teeth. „I gave you the cells together with my blood."

Oh Gaia, I'm sick as hell! What have I done to my own brother? Did I save him, or doomed him all the more?...

„It's alright, they're not a part of me and not many enough. But you have to fight it, Seph. You have to fight it with all you've got. It's much stronger in you."

I open my mouth to say something – and my head explodes again. Blinding light... The ice... the pain...

I grab the Masamune, shove Genesis away and jump for the main door at lightning speed, everything in just one move, but then my mind flickers and I stop abruptly in the doorstep, almost doubling over from the inertia and trembling with the shock. I grab the doorframe with both hands and cling to it.

„Genesis, knock me down!" I shout at him. „I can't fight this much longer. Knock me unconscious and tie me up before I come around! Do it NOW!!"

He doesn't stop to question it. In just one leap he's over me and his clenched fist connects with my solar plexus. Ooh, he's still strong... Good...

Air leaves my lungs and darkness sweeps over me.

...I wake up again to find myself restrained mob-style. This is some trick he got from Reno. One rope connecting feet, wrists tied at the back and neck. If I try to get free, I'll strangle myself.

It's usually quite a torturous position, but otherwise, with Jenova's unwelcome help, I could break the ties if I strained my muscles enough. I'm back in my bed though and he laid me on one side, as comfortable as he could, stuffing a blanket under my arm and shoulder to prevent it from spraining. He's on his bed too and looks rather tired. He had to carry me back here.

„Good punch, big bro. But you should have left me there.", I grumble hoarsely.

He only gives me one weak grin: „Yeah, right."

„What now?"

„Dunno. We wait. That alien scum will give up in the end. It always does when it sees that the trick doesn't work. But I'm afraid it may try something different instead."

„Great!", I choke, with a lock of hair stuck in my mouth. He stretches his hand and brushes it behind my ear. „Thanks... Why do you keep saying ‚it'?"

He throws me a dry look, then rolls his eyes.

„Why wouldn't I? Seph, they may have called it Jenova, but it's not your friggin' mother. It's just some bloody alien with shifting abilities. It's not even a ‚she'; I don't think it really has a distinct genre. It may have fooled everyone around and still be doing it, but it's a monster nonetheless."

„Yes." I sigh defeatedly. „And so are we."

Genesis' lips tighten as he frowns. But he looks more like sad than angry.

„Seph," he says, „what do you think there is that keeps me going? Huh?"

I just remain silent. I don't really know what to say.

„Look at me, Seph."

I slowly raise my eyes to him, regretfully, but I still can't find any words.

„Just look at me, dammit! I am half dead. I smell like dead, I look like dead and I'm rotting on the inside, day by day. My limbs are trembling, sometimes I can't even hold my sword and I can hardly fly these days. I might just fall, and if I fall and get hurt, my wounds will not heal anymore. Why do you think I don't give up?

„Please tell me." I almost whisper.

Mako light is pouring from his eyesas he watches me, pain written on his face.

„Because we're here to fight. Years ago, when we entered SOLDIER, we didn't do it just to serve that old crook Shinra, isn't it? We did it because we wanted to protect the people, each and every one of them. They may give up on us and they will do it, time and time again, cause that's how things go with the people, but we can't give up on them in turn. And right now there's this monster threatening our very human nature. And we're the most powerful men on this planet for now, so it's in our hands. Alright, Angeal is gone, and now I'm just a walking dead. But I have to try anything I can to cure myself or at least keep my strength, what's left of it, because this war is far from being over and I, so help me Goddess, as long as I'm still breathing, I'm fighting all my battles."

I close my eyes and swallow the lump in my throat, while my face feels like it's burning. I'm shaken and ashamed. I, the healthy and powerful one, the great General of SOLDIER, I let myself be disheartened and resigned, while Genesis, who could rightfully step aside and care only for his own wellness, still fights with all he's got.

He looks at me and seems to read my thoughts as if they were inscribed word by word on my forehead.

„It's ok, Seph. You don't have to be ashamed for feeling down right now. It took me quite a long time too to acknowledge and accept this horror with us and Jenova and all. And I know you are a warrior too and will never give up. I know you are with me in this. We may be monsters by our birth, but we didn't choose that. Yet we can choose to fight that demon – and it's not our birth, but our choices that make us what we are."

He looks frail and worn out, but he's not beaten.

„I'm sorry." I say truthfully. „But you are right. I'm not giving up either. And I haven't ever doubted you."

Genesis shrugs and opens his mouth to say something, but freezes on the spot, wild-eyed. Listening intently.

„Hear that?"

„What? I..."

We're in the basement, but a stifled sound can still be discerned by our mako-enhanced hearing. Like cracking. Or more like... crackling.

„No." he says. „No. Please Goddess, let it not be this!" and tears off the room, his feet thumping up the stairs like thunder.

He's back in a few moments. His face is drained of color and he looks all shaken, as if he'd seen a ghost or something. Blindly, he sits on the edge of the bed, head in his hands. I'm just about to ask him what has happened, when he stands up again and bends over me, starting to untie my restraints. He looks disturbed – and I am puzzled and alarmed.

„What are you doing??"

„It's of no use anymore, Seph. Too late already. Come and see for yourself.", he says sternly and, finishing untying me, he grabs me by the hand and drags me hurriedly with him to the ground floor. There are large windows in the hall – and the village can be easily seen. I stop there, petrified. Everything outside is a roaring blaze. The sinister red glow dances on the houses, on the trees, everywhere around. My knees almost buckle, knocking against each other. I step back.

„But I... I didn't..."

Genesis' disfigured face turns to me, pain written all over it.

„I know, Seph. But... there was this silhouette when I first came to look outside. It moved through the flames with a sword in hand. It... was identical to you." he whispers with a haunted look. „They'll say it was you."

I shake my head in denial.

„No. It can't be. Gen, you said I can't be cloned, don't you remember? In the reactor..."

„So I was wrong. Obviously it can be done."

His jaw hangs open, trembling.

„Seph, the monster from the pod you opened..."

I strain my memory, trying to comprehend what he's talking about.

„The dead one? What's with it?"

„I... don't think it was dead. Did you two lock him back?"

„N-no. I guess we didn't."

„Holy Gaia! That one had more mako and Jenova cells in it than both of us. It could be plenty enough to grant it access to the shifting ability! Jenova must be manipulating its body."

I feel sick again.

„I have to go find it and take it out.", I say.

Genesis grabs me by the arm. Blinding rays of blue escape from his mako eyes.

„Seph, be very careful with this thing. It may have a strength superior even to yours with all the mako he's been given. Don't take unnecessary risks and don't fight it by the book if you even find it. We're in too deep already."

I give him a short nod.

„After that I will head for the mountains. I'm going to wipe that creature out once and for all."

Genesis' eyebrows are creased over his bright eyes.

„I wish I were able to come with you. But... I know I'm just too weak for this now, dammit!!"

He bites his lips while his frown goes even deeper.

„Oh well. Don't just slice it or something, anyway. We know it survives well enough through its scattered cells. You must destroy it completely. Try incinerating it, since it's so fond of fire." he sneers with a menacing look. „That should work."

„I will. Don't worry now, I will be back before you know it. And this whole nightmare – we'll finally put it behind."

I turn to go, Masamune summoned in my hand. Then I stop again. The blade slips from my grasp hitting the floor with a crystalline sound, while I cover the distance between us in one large step and squeeze Genesis in my arms in a tight hug. I just couldn't help it, I don't know why. He hugs me back and we stay there for a moment or so.

Then I take my sword and leave, while he stands still behind me.

Music listened in the making of this:

System of a Down – „Soldier Side"

Linkin Park – „Crawling"