Collin pushed the chime to enter the quarters at 1800 hours. Sulu had showed up at 1630, thirty minutes before his designated time. She hadn't been too busy. She had only been working on her padd when he walked into her office. Normally she would have met her patient in a nondescript place. It would be easier for the patient that way. It had always worked. Up until now.
She had looked up when Sulu walked in. The man just plopped down in one of the chairs in front of her desk. He was quiet as she finished her work. When she looked up, she barely had time to warn him about her extra senses as he jumped into his whole story.
As she had been paid to do before she fully committed to Starfleet, she listened to him, even going so far as to write some of it down. She listened to him with both her ears and her mind. She picked out some of the emotions she had sensed in Uhura and in McCoy even though she hadn't talked to the doctor yet.
Sadness was the first and most prominent emotion she felt from him, as well as the rest of them. It was obvious she had found the source of the tension in the crew. They were all scared of losing any one of their friends, especially their captain. It was like a ticking time bomb that was about to explode. If someone else got hurt, they were liable to come apart.
She had spent the next hour trying to keep him calm enough so they could talk through his emotions. Sulu projected a man of confidence and he was, but he was also one of the most sensitive men on the ship. He was fourth behind three others she had talked to recently. When he was finally calm, she sent him to the Mess Hall to get something to drink.
After writing a quick note to herself to write about all of this in her logs, she changed clothes and went to see the Vulcan. She had a feeling he was going to be a little bit annoyed that she was slightly late but it didn't matter. She said she'd be there when her time with Sulu was over.
The door slid open and she was greeted with a blast of dry air. Contrary to popular belief, Vulcans ran a lower body temperature because of the hot, dry temperature of Vulcan. It was obvious that he would keep the temperature to his room higher than everyone else.
She walked in and looked around. It was slightly dark in the room but it was seven o'clock. Vulcans didn't need much sleep so there was no way the man was getting ready for bed. His quarters were much bigger than a lower ranked crewman. He had his own room for starters and an en suite bathroom. If she remembered correctly, she had asked for a bathroom with a normal shower as well as a sonic shower. Sometimes a girl just had to indulge.
"You are late," she heard from her left.
Her mind felt a stirring against it, as if Spock was trying to reach out but couldn't. She turned and saw him sitting at her desk doing something. Then she realized he was working on some of the work he was supposed to do for the week.
"Yeah, I know I'm late. Sulu's session ran late," she said. She noticed a replicator in the corner by the door. "Do you mind if I make something to drink?"
"Go right ahead."
"Would you like something, Spock?"
He turned his head to look at her and blinked. Obviously someone had never asked him if he wanted anything. She brought her hand up to her mouth to hide her laughter.
"Tea would be nice. Thank you," he said after a few seconds.
She nodded and walked over to the replicator. She made a cup of hot Chai tea for herself. Thinking carefully of what the Vulcan might like, she opted for Earl Grey. He had moved from his desk when she turned around. He was now in one of the chairs in front of a chess set. Smiling, she crossed to him, set the cup down in front of him, and moved one of the pieces on the board. His eyebrow went up then he reciprocated the move.
They played and the time passed. Finally there were only a few pieces left on the board. Spock looked dumbfounded as he studied the board. Apparently no one had proven to be a match for him in a long time. Collin was even cheating as everyone usually accused her of doing. Her telepathy didn't work that way anyone. It was mainly geared towards emotions and sometime the odd thought.
Spock finally moved his queen. Collin kept a straight face all the way through the move. Then she moved her king and flicked over the queen.
"Checkmate," she said.
The Vulcan leaned back in his seat and stared at the board. Collin took a sip of her tea and watched him. He was trying to figure out how she had beaten him, but he wasn't going to find out. Collin had spent many nights learning how to completely stomp the competition in chess. The only person who had beaten her had been a commander back in the academy.
"I am worried about the captain," he said.
She looked up from the board and straight into his eyes. They were dark, almost as dark as chocolate but they were filled with emotion. Only an idiot wouldn't be able to tell that. She watched as one of his fingers thrummed a rhythm on the porcelain.
"He used to be able to talk to Dr. McCoy or me. He used to talk to us whether we liked it or not. He would sit where you are right now and drink contraband whiskey. We were off duty so there was nothing I could do. I could have turned him in, but it was his vice to deal with, not mine. He would get drunk and say everything that was on his mind," he said.
"Jim has a loose mouth when he's angry or scared. He's got an even looser mouth when he's drunk. Sometimes you just have to ignore him," she replied.
"I did most of the time. He would just ramble about his days in the academy and how much he hated his life in Iowa. He always mentioned someone named Collin, but I never knew the gender of the person. He had great affection for you when he spoke."
She didn't say a word as the Vulcan put his cup on the table and walked towards the porthole. He was very much lost in thought. She leaned back and closed her eyes as he began to pace from the chair to the porthole.
"He hasn't been the same since the Narada incident. He's impulsive, vulgar, and doesn't listen to reason. His belief in no-win scenarios is unfounded. He thinks it's his way or no way. We try to advise him and he blows us off," he stated.
"He's always done that. Don't take it too personally."
He stopped and looked at her. "He's the captain of a starship. There are over eight hundred people on this ship that he is sworn to protect. How can he do that when he's gallivanting across the universe misusing his position." He frowned at her when he noticed her small smile. "What is it you are smiling at?"
"You have named some of the worst things Jim has ever done, but below that all, he is very concerned with his crew." She stood and pulled something from her pocket. "To understand Jim, you must understand everywhere he's been, everything he's seen, and everyone he knows. Only then will you understand Jim."
Spock didn't seem convinced with that response. "In your professional opinion, why does he not talk about what he's feeling?"
"You know I cannot talk about patients due to confidentiality agreements, but I can talk to you as his friend. He compartmentalizes everything. Even when we were kids, he would go through something one day and the next be seemingly fine. There were only two people who knew the difference. I was one. The other was Sam, his brother. When Sam walked out on him, he closed himself off from everyone. But I was nosy enough to get under the kid's skin. That's how we became friends. You can't let him stay quiet because it will eat him alive. He's a genius but when it comes to his emotions, he's handicapped."
There was a moment of tense silence. It lasted until the door to Spock's room opened. They both turned to watch Uhura walk through. She had pulled a double shift and must have just come from it. When Collin had seen her, she had been in the Mess Hall. The communications officer had been let off for a few minutes so she could eat.
She looked up when she noticed their silence. Then she looked between the two of them.
"Did I interrupt something?" she asked.
Collin shook her head. "No, we were just talking. If you'll excuse me, I will be going now. Spock, I will see you tomorrow immediately after your shift."
She was gone before she could hear his response.
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She was enjoying a good sleep when she heard banging on her door. Frowning she turned over and contributed it to her intense dream. There had been knocking in it, except it had been a wooden door.
She had been just about to sleep into REM once again when the door slid open. She heard the quick footsteps then her bed dipped. Her covers were thrown from her body and something warm slid in beside her. She felt another's emotions stirring against her mind.
"Jim, go back to your room," she said as she rolled over.
There wasn't an answer so she sat up and shoved at him. He didn't budge, only buried his head in the pillow. She laid a hand on his shoulder and noticed he was shivering. Something must have scared him enough that he came all the way from his quarters to hers. She knew his dreams could be debilitating to the point that he couldn't sleep for several hours. Most of the time he ended up staying awake all night, and that worked against his command.
Arguing with him was going to keep her up the rest of the night so she shifted over towards the wall. Jim was the hardest person to budge when he was upset so she left him alone.
"You know, you should really talk to someone about this," she said.
"No one's going to know," he replied. He turned over and stared at the ceiling. "Sulu told me you're helping him sort through some things. I think it will help him."
"It would help you as well."
"Don't start that."
"You know you will have to talk to me if you want to resume command of this ship. I cannot under good conscience tell you that you can continue your command when your mind is focused on the death of Admiral Pike."
His angry blue gaze pinned her to the wall but she didn't back down. His stares didn't bother her as much as it did everyone else. That was because she knew him and knew how his mind worked. He was going to be the hardest one to crack but when she did, he was going to be a blubbering mess. That was all right. She had enough tissues.
"You know nothing on the death of Pike."
"I've seen the news and I read the report you and Spock put in. I know everything that happened. You can't sit here and tell me I don't know anything about this. And if you even think about telling me I don't know what you're feeling, you better think twice about that. I know exactly what you're feeling."
He swung his legs off the bed and started for the door. Annoyed that he had woken her up, she got up and went after him. She caught him by the arm and swung him around.
"Jim, you can't run from this. The more you do, the more you'll only hurt yourself. And while you're on this pity party, think of your crew. Imagine what they're going through. Admiral Pike was special to them all. Think of Chekov, fresh out the academy and the first captain he works under is Pike. And what about Sulu? He forgot to retract inertial dampeners and had to have Spock call him out on it. Pike never said a word. And Uhura? She was in the belly of the ship when he asked her if she knew Romulan. He gave her the spot she's at now. He was Spock's friend, even though the Vulcan wouldn't admit it. And he allowed Scotty to stay on the ship even when he was brought back. Then there's Bones, the man who saved his life the first time. The doctor could have said there was nothing he could do but he saved the man's life. But more importantly, there's you. He gave you this ship because he believed in you and you're tarnishing his name by being stupid."
Jim stared at her in shock. She hadn't spoken to him like this ever. Usually he was the one reminding her of how good she was. She dropped her hand and turned away from him.
"I can't stop you from having a pity party, but I can stop you from commanding this ship. It's your choice, Jim, but I won't have you harming anyone else because you can't see past your own grief."
Collin walked back to her bed and climbed in. She heard her door open and close as she pulled the blanket up over her legs. She stared at it for the longest before deciding it was a good idea to sleep again. She would deal with Jim in the morning.