When It Is.
4.
In later years, CJ might argue that the turning point for her and Kate hinged on the fact that Josh already had dinner plans and Toby had already left. She might say that all that followed would never have happened if they'd all gone out for drinks together like she'd intended. Deep down, she was not so sure. Even within the the first month of meeting Kate, had CJ's eyes not strayed to consider Kate's lips, or watched her walk away for longer than was probably appropriate? And had she not turned on some occasions to catch Kate's gaze wandering the length of her thigh?
When Kate finally finishes up for the night – a Tuesday, in spring – and she arrives at CJ's office, CJ holds up her hands in mock-horror.
"I screwed up," CJ declares. "I didn't catch Josh or Toby in time, so it's just me – do you still want to grab a drink?"
As though she expects Kate to refuse. As though she honestly doesn't realise just how difficult it is for anyone to say no to her.
Kate says, "Absolutely." She feels a glow of warmth when CJ grins, and her mind ticks over.
"This isn't an elaborate ploy to seduce you," CJ says. A joke, yet she feels an unexpected – unmistakeable – tingle sweep through her body when Kate passes her in the doorway – closer, perhaps, than she needed to – on their way out of her office.
CJ doesn't know how she's supposed to react to that – she doesn't even know if she's supposed to react at all – but she does know a quiet little place that isn't full of college jocks and DC businessmen so she takes Kate there. They talk of travel, Bartlet, and underrated restaurants in the DC area. After one drink, Kate's hand brushes her knee and CJ thinks, for a Navy-trained CIA agent, that can't have been an accident. She thinks – surely Commander Kate Harper would be too good with her hands for that. And then she thinks about just how good those hands might be.
After one drink, Kate is beginning to understand – even before CJ does – what that occasional, uncharacteristic rush of blood to CJ's cheeks means. After two drinks, Kate chances to skim her fingertips over the exposed skin of CJ's inner forearm, as though it were a misjudged movement up to her glass. She sees that flicker of arousal cloud CJ's eyes – just for a moment, just before she catches herself.
It is after three drinks that Kate knows she wants to kiss her tonight – a quiet, but clear, thought that arises in the back of her mind. Maybe it was a thought that had begun to form before they'd even reached the bar. Maybe she had always had it in mind. But it occurs to her now in irrefutable clarity, watching CJ's lips move as she talks of Bartlet, good restaurants, and bad first dates. Kate would like to kiss her.
She can't do it here, though, not in the bar. Instead, she picks up her jacket when CJ notices the time and realises it is late, that she needs sleep. They spill together into the empty street and the total absence of life outside surprises them both. Perhaps they hadn't expected to enjoy each other's company so much so that the night would entirely slip by.
Still, huddled together here on the step, Kate does not kiss her then. Instead, she goes to crane her neck down the silent sidewalk, looking for a taxi. And, as she does so, CJ mutters something about the number of a nearby cab company, and rummages for her cell.
It is this precise timing of movements, the exact proximity of them both, that causes CJ's forehead to collide abruptly with Kate's.
"Ow." A pretty loud bash, enough to stun Kate for a moment.
"Oh, god – " CJ lets her purse fall to the floor when she, like a reflex, moves her hand to touch Kate's forehead. "Jesus, Kate, I'm sorry…"
"It's okay…' Kate says. And it is, but CJ's fingers are still pressed to that point of her forehead, and CJ's expression has shifted from immediate concern, to a softer, deeper gentleness. She brushes away strands of Kate's fringe.
"I'm sorry – I wasn't trying to knock you out," CJ says, a small smile on her lips, and she strokes Kate's forehead – just above her eyebrow – with the tips of her fingers. In an instant, it becomes an intimate gesture, and CJ's hand relaxes to cup her palm against Kate's cheek, as though they'd been this close for years. CJ doesn't know why she does this – maybe because they've had three beers, because Kate's been winding her up with stray touches all night. Maybe because she, too, has thought of kissing her – though, again, CJ does not know why. But Kate doesn't move away, so CJ dips her head closer.
Kate reminds herself to breathe, and she manages to quip: "Not an elaborate ploy to seduce me, huh?"
"Funny…" CJ says, but doesn't say much else. She loses the rest of her words, because this is the moment when Kate kisses her.
Kate's lips are soft, and decisive, and in that brief moment, CJ actually feels giddy. Kate's hands move to rest in the small of her back, and she coaxes CJ in closer. CJ kisses with the grace and confidence of a heroine in a silent movie – this is a thing Kate wants to remember. But, she loses the end of the kiss, because this is the moment when the only cab in a three mile area veers around the block and springs them apart with a sudden flash of headlights, a battered old engine.
One of CJ's hands instinctively reaches out into the air to flag it down, the other pulls her coat tight around her chest and then moves to touch her fingers to her reddened lips.
Kate grasps her arm gently as the cab pulls up, because CJ is turned away and Kate doesn't know if she's just overstepped a boundary. Kate says: "CJ…"
And CJ looks at her, a different and strange expression on her face now. "I don't know what to say," she admits. "I'm not sure what that was."
Kate feels very sober now as CJ gathers up her purse and moves towards the waiting car. "I'm sorry," she says.
"You have nothing to be sorry for," CJ says, but she hesitates before reaching for Kate's hand and squeezing it gently – some ambiguous gesture. And though they share a cab, it is in silence until they reach CJ's place. Even then, it is a brief goodbye, a haphazard peck on the cheek, before the driver takes Kate home.
On this night, CJ sleeps and can vividly feel the sensation of Kate's mouth on her own, Kate's hands against her body. On this night, Kate sleeps and dreams of nothing, but CJ is her first thought when she wakes.