Bravado
They both stood outside of the abandoned building, waiting for Ide, Mogi, and the SPK to arrive. Aizawa glanced at Matsuda, leaning against the cold metal wall, arms crossed protectively over his chest. He looked so different from the man he was used to seeing; this subdued, angry side of Matsuda was one he guessed he'd have to get used to seeing for a while.
"He looked peaceful," Matsuda said quietly. "The way Light looked…stretched out there on the stairs…"
"Stop it," Aizawa broke in roughly.
Matsuda turned and looked at him for the first time. His face was hard, but his eyes were anguished. "But…I killed him. Aizawa…I killed him." His voice sounded raw, like he was hoarse from screaming as he was shooting the man he refused to believe was Kira.
Aizawa's stomach jerked, and he balled his fists, suddenly afraid he'd throw up all over the sidewalk. That wouldn't really do anything for his show of bravado. He couldn't let himself be sick. He had to be hard and strong, if only for Matsuda.
"No." He walked in front of the younger man and grabbed his shoulders. He was taller than Matsuda by a few inches, but he was still able to look him squarely in the eyes. "What you killed…it wasn't a person. It sure as hell wasn't Light Yagami. It was Kira, the mass murder, the crazy whatever-it-was who thought he'd be a god." Matsuda stared at him, and Aizawa got the distinct impression that he was clinging to every word like they were all that would save him. "Light was dead long before now. He died when he picked up that notebook, no, when he killed the first criminal and thought it was okay." Matsuda looked away then, and he tightened his grip on the man's shoulders. He was a little surprised Matsuda wasn't complaining about it.
"You saved everyone's life, you hear? At the very least, you saved Near, the true L."
"But I couldn't save him," he mumbled. "Not the L. Ryuzaki. He died anyway. Maybe if I wasn't so stupid…"
Aizawa just sighed. What else could he say? Everything had already been said.
A dark car pulled up in front of them, followed closely by a second car. Everyone got out of the car. While the SPK headed only for the closed door where Light's body lay, Ide and Mogi walked over to Matsuda and Aizawa.
"So he's here then?" Ide asked quietly, nodding towards the SPK.
Before Aizawa could reply, Matsuda jerked his head up and said, "Yeah. He's here. He's dead."
He'd seen that desperate, haunted look in Matsuda's eyes, and he knew the hardness in his face now was only a cover-up for what he could only imagine he was feeling.
Aizawa sighed and could only hope that the fake show of bravado and anger was temporary. He couldn't stand to lose another person, couldn't stand to watch anyone else fall from the light.
A/N: Used the anime ending for this one, including that scene of Matsu and Aizawa finding Light's body exclusive to one of those "Director Rewrite/2-hour-long" things. Really, think about it: they probably DID think Light was dead because of Matsuda; they didn't know Ryuk had killed him yet.