Authors Note: I'll keep this short: I evacuated my apartment due to a neighbour's drug use (Never Ever use drugs!), I felt in danger living there, so now I'm "hiding" at my parent's, until she's evicted or till my summerjob starts. And obviously I forgot to pack my muse, she's been absent ever since I left my apartment :(… so sorry this is so late... and short.
A huge thanks to Gavri for the jokes, I just wish I could do them more justice. .gaah.
Disclaimer in first chapter.

Nobody Expects The Spanish Inquisition

Chapter 4: Dirty Jokes I

4. Everybody enjoys a good laugh and it's not Your problem if your co-workers don't like your dirty jokes, right? Maybe you'll even be accused of sexual harassment one of these days.

This was more Lester's area than mine, I thought and settled back into my chair. I wasn't exactly fond of dirty jokes either. Okay, some of them might be fun but Lester's were more of the sort that falls in the category of 'eeewww', and I wasn't so fond of the 'eeewww' category. I had a sudden flashback from when Lula and I were hunting a skip and he had mooned in front of the window, pressing his big hairy butt against the glass and moving from side to side. I made a face at the memory. That had been an 'eeewww' moment. Later on when we got into his house to apprehend him we discovered he was naked and covered in Vaseline from head to toe. That had also been an 'eeewww' moment, but as always, I got my skip.
I decided to search some dirty jokes from the net, when I suddenly found a site with jokes more in my style. I read through a couple of them and then headed for the kitchen to try them out. The kitchen was empty as I entered, but I wasn't worried, it would be lunchtime soon. I settled for a tuna-salad and sat down facing the door. After five minutes Tank showed up and went straight to the fridge and poked his head into it.

"Why did the donut go to the dentist?" I asked and looked seriously at Tank. He turned from the refrigerator to stare at me then he looked around the room, probably to see if there were any hiding doughnuts there. Finally he shook his head.

"I don't know."

"To get a chocolate filling."Tank almost looked like he thought of smiling but didn't. He got his sandwich and made his way out of the kitchen. Darn! I ate the tuna-salad and was about to leave when Bobby came. He glanced towards me cautiously. I guess he didn't want to overhear me on the phone again.
"What do you get when you cross a cheetah and a hamburger?" I asked and he turned around in surprise. He pondered the question for a minute.

"A… safari… meal?"

"Fast food. You're better than Tank." That got a big smile from him and he sat down at the table with tuna-salad and a bottle of water.

"I heard you and Lester are up to something." He took a bite of the salad. "You got more of them riddles? I like them." He smiled at me and I smiled back.

"What is a pie's favourite sport?"

He chewed and looked at me. Hal walked past the kitchen door and Bobby barked at him.
"Oy, Hal!" Hal turned around and poked his head into the kitchen. "What's a pie's favourite sport?"

Hal considered it for a moment then shook his shoulders and ambled over to the fridge and extracted a water bottle.

"I don't know. A pie's favourite sport…" He looked at me and smiled. "I guess it's you who're asking." I nodded and he sat down. "Okay, Brown, let's think. Favourite sport. Pie… It's got to be something sweet… maybe pie-rasailing?"

"Pie-rasailing?" Bobby echoed. "Is that even a sport?" At this Hal shrugged.

"Okay I give up, what's a pie's favourite sport?"

"Pie Kwan Do" I grinned, this was my favourite joke, along with the chocolatefilling.

Hal snorted on the water and coughed. His face went red, his eyes watered and he dodged down under the table. Bobby leaned over and hit Hal between his shoulderblades several times. After a while Hal stopped coughing and he showed up above table again.

"Jeesh, sorry." I said.

"Don't worry, we've gotten used to this. You're not as bad as Lester." Bobby said then turned red and added. "Except from that in the toilet…"

Hal coughed once and looked at me, then back at Bobby.

"That in the toilet?" He turned to me again and his eyebrows contracted slightly. "The guys says you and Lester's got something going on. Says Tank found the two of you coming out from the same toilet." I shifted uncomfortably. There were rumours about me and Lester?

"Jeesh, Bomber." Hal slowly shook his head. "I don't think Lester's your type of man…"

"Then what is 'my type of man'?" I couldn't believe what I was saying. Hal was insinuating I had something more private going on with Lester and I didn't object. What a dork I am! What about Morelli? What about Ranger? Oh, forget Ranger, he's a trouble of his own. What about Morelli? Well, like he would ever know what was going on behind the walls of the RangeMan company.

"Your type's more… kind of… " Hal looked at Bobby for assistance but he looked in vain. Bobby shook his head and wolfed down some salad.

"You're on deep water, Hal."

"You're more like… uh…" He scratched his head. "The Ranger kind of girl."

"The Ranger kind of girl?" I echoed. What the heck does that mean? "So I would suit a Ranger better, would I?" Was he saying he thought Ranger and I would make a good couple? Or was this something more in the line of we-keep-Ranger's-back-and-don't-get-fired? Did the guys really want to see me and Ranger as a couple? Hmmm. I saw Bobby give Hal an almost indiscernible shake of his head and I gazed at Hal with my best Burg eye.

"Umm, yeah I mean… uh… you and Ranger's got some sort of… relationship… right? And… well… I don't think you and Lester…" Hal's voice tailed away when he saw the look on my face. He cleared his throat. "I didn't… I mean…" He looked again at Bobby for backing and this time Bobby came to his help.

"What Hal's trying to tell you is: be careful with Lester, he's more of the playful type, and he's left many a girl's heart broken and we don't want to see your heart broken."

"No, we don't" Hal nodded vigorously.

"Aww, that's nice of you guys, but Lester and I are only friends." I smiled reassuringly. Hal and Bobby glanced at each other.

"That's what I'm afraid of." Hal sighed and got up. "You coming Brown? We still got the report of the nine-eighty-two to finish before the two o'clock meeting."

"The gov's a fucking pain in the ass." Bobby addressed to me and got up. "Never sign a contract for the government, they'll hold you by the balls and never let go of you."

"I wish Ranger had thought twice before he signed that damn contract." Hal shook his head. With a nod and a smile at me they made their way to the door.

"Guys!" I said before they disappeared and they stopped in their track and turned around. "What cloth does a house wear?" They shook their head simultaneously. "Address."

With a wide smile they disappeared to save the day. Or in this case, make the Government happy. Someone at the Government had obviously made a bad calculation and now the whole RangeMan Company was paying for it and nobody was happy. Except me. Well, I wasn't exactly happy, but my unhappiness wasn't because of the Government. My reason to unhappiness just walked past the kitchen, talking to his cell. I got up and put the dish in the sink and was about to leave when the reason walked into the kitchen, took a bottle of water from the fridge, and with a glance at me disappeared again. Maybe they weren't up for practical jokes. Maybe I should give him and his men a rest. Or maybe not. Back in my cubicle I started some searches for Rodriguez again. Boy, that man, without doubt, wasn't on the lazy side. While the search was running I decided to send some cheer up mails to the RangeMan employees. They certainly would need to know how to loose fat, and the 'how to get fab abs in two weeks' programme, I wish I had 'fab abs'. Suddenly a thought hit me and I couldn't stop myself from smiling. I reached for the phone and the short-number list and started dialling.

It's like squeezing a carrot, writing. I can't get anything out right now. But I wanted to update with a short chapter just to let you know I'm not dead, and I haven't given up on this story, inspiration is just not coming to me right now. But as soon as my muse is back (can happen tomorrow, next week or next month) I promise I'll update.

So until she's back – Have a lovely week!