AN: I didn't expect this to be done so fast. Needless to say, I was surprised. And hopefully, so will you.
I'm always good at hiding it. I can tell, because no one seems to notice. But there are times when I find myself so uncomfortable just being around Roger. And no, it's not because of anything he did. It's because of something I did. Something I can never tell him. If I do, I know he'll hate me forever. Yet, every time we're together, if everyone else wasn't there to distract me from him, I might end up blabbing about it.
It happened a long time ago, before he was diagnosed with HIV. Roger had gone back to Scarsdale with Mark for the week when Mark's cousin's son was having his bar mitzvah, to help Mark survive a week with his relatives. This left just me and April alone in the Loft.
In no time flat, we'd turned the boyfriend-free week into a seven-day 'Girl Party', with window shopping everyday, sneaking into random clubs after nightfall, and staying up all night experimenting with new hairstyles and makeup combinations. At one point, we even got our hands on Mark's camera, which he conveniently forgot, and shot random videos of each other just being completely ridiculous. In fact, it was during that eventful week that the two of us got our identical star tattoos. It was like freshman year at high school all over again, except this time, there were no mothers around to ground us.
But then we reached that last night before the boys were due back. In honor of our last night of 'freedom', we went out to this place on 11th street, called Webster Hall. We spent the whole night there, drinking jello shots and jumping and dancing to the blaring music. Unfortunately, neither of us thought about keeping track of how much we drank that night. It was a mistake we would always regret.
When morning came, I woke up with what had to be the mother-load of hangovers. It was so bad, it felt like there was an entire construction team trying to drill their way out of my head. I just lied there for the longest time, trying to get enough strength to push the pain aside long enough to fish out some aspirin from the medicine cabinets. But painkillers, and the pain from my killer hangover, completely vanished from my mind the moment I heard the sudden cry next to me. I immediately sat up in bed, the falling sheets exposing everything on my naked body from the navel up, and immediately froze at the sight of April, holding the blankets up to cover herself, with the most shocked look I'd ever seen on her face. It was very clear that she wasn't wearing anything either.
When Mark and Roger came back home, the two of us pretended it didn't happen. After all, it wasn't something we planned on. We were completely out of it at the time. And so, the two of us made an unspoken agreement to never mention that incident ever again.
But then, a year later, Mark took me aside to tell me the terrible news that he'd just learned from Roger. April had tested positive for HIV. The moment I found out, I secretly made an appointment of my own. Even after my results came back negative, the secret April and I had kept threatened to bubble to the surface. But every time I came close to admitting what had happened when Mark and Roger had been away, I always lost my courage, out of fear of how they'd react.
Finally, after about two months after we learned about the HIV, I decided to just buck up and tell them. On the morning of July nineteenth, I woke up with the intention that I wouldn't let this day pass without revealing what had happened with me and April. But I never got the chance. That very day, Roger found her in the bathtub.
In the aftermath of that terrible day, when her funeral was held, I made a promise, to myself and to April. A promise that no one, especially not Roger, would ever find out about that night. Her death was hard enough on him as it was. There was no way I could ever pour salt onto his wounds like that. Besides, there was no telling what he'd do if he found out now. And I definitely can't tell him now, even thought he's moved on from her and has a life with Mimi. Because now, it's not just my friendship with Roger on the line, but my relationship with Joanne. If she found out, how could she ever find it in her heart to forgive me for it?
April had taken our secret to her grave. How could I do anything less?
AN: The next secret up will be Joanne's.