Confession

After he had shown me just how much of an affect my body had on him, he held me from behind. His arms wrapped around me, holding me tight against his chest, as we curled up on our sides.

I suddenly couldn't help but be reminded of another time when I laid in a man's naked embrace this way. I tried to banish the memory. I don't know if it was because I was tired or all the overwhelming emotions of the night but I felt little control over them now. Tears started to swell in my eyes. I wished that other night had never happened, that I didn't have that in my past. I felt guilty that Ian didn't know and how could I tell him now. But how could I not tell him? I tried desperately not to sniffle as my nose began to run. I didn't want this moment to be ruined with my past. The tears betrayed me as they fell from my eyes onto Ian's arm.

"Hey, what's the matter?" He asked gently and turned me to face him. "Did I hurt you?"

"No," I finally sniffed now that my emotions were exposed. "I love you so much, Ian."

"I love you too." He brushed away the tears on my cheek. "Why are you sad?"

"I have to tell you something but I don't want to tell you. I don't want to be dishonest with you." I took a breath to help calm my shaking voice. "That wasn't the first time I ever did that."

He nodded, thinking. "It wasn't my first time either." The corner of his mouth turned up in a way to try to reassure me.

I had not expected him to take that argument. "But, I didn't think it was. And you might be under the misconception that it was my first time. I mean, it is the first time for this body obviously but there was one other time."

"You don't owe me an explanation. We all come with a past." He wrapped me into his arms. "Ours is more unusual than most."

"I just wish this had been my first time. This was amazing...and beautiful... and special. That other time was nothing like this. It was...very sad."

"Was it," he took a breath, "after you came here?"

I noted he couldn't say Jared's name although it was understood. I couldn't see his expression as my face was buried in his chest but I nodded my confession. "At the time, I wished there had been any way that I wasn't there."

His hands clenched against my back. "Was it against your will?" His voice was strained.

I felt the sudden need to argue their case. "No, no. It wasn't like that. That's not what I meant." I felt his hands loosen and he took a deep breath. "They are a family, Mel and Jared. I had wished I hadn't been there because I was keeping that family apart. They were both miserably sad and alone because of my presence. Everyone was trying to figure out the best way to go on under the circumstances. I tried to give them back to each other. I tried not to be present. He wasn't with me that night. He was talking to her. I was just the one... in the way, unfortunately."

He began running his hands through my hair but didn't say anything.

"I remember afterwards wondering where you were at that moment. Mel said we couldn't lie in the arms of one man and want to hold the hand of another. She said we couldn't have you both. It wasn't fair to either one of you. She wouldn't want me to admit this but, in her way, she cared for you too. She didn't want to hurt you either. I know you think she was constantly opposing you but that wasn't always the case. Maybe your soccer strategy had worked."

He laughed once but it didn't sound very happy. It was still a relief to hear. I had been too much of a coward to see the pain I suspected was in his expression.

I didn't tell him that Melanie actually worried how my growing affection towards Ian could eventually affect her. She tried not to let even me know the gnawing fear that, the way her emotions had changed me, mine could possibly one day and to a lesser extent change her.

"It was at that moment I wished I could physically let Jared have Melanie while I could sit somewhere else and be in your company. I couldn't give you up or keep them apart. It was the next day that I realized I had to leave Mel."

It was quiet for a while as he continued to rub my head. He leaned down to kiss the top of it.

"I'm sorry." Fresh tears started to form in my eyes. "I'm sorry I have that in my past. I'm sorry for ruining this perfect night."

"Hey," He pulled me back to again wipe my tears gently away. "You did not ruin anything. Thank you for explaining everything to me. I know that wasn't easy. Please don't apologize. The way it sounds to me, I am the first person to make love to you."

That brought on another fresh round of tears. "Yes, that is true."

"And it was amazing, and beautiful, and special." He echoed my words and leaned down to kiss me.

"It definitely was." I sniffed when he pulled his mouth away from mine.

"I think so too. I don't want it to be sad now. The past has brought us here." He held me closer. "There's nowhere else I'd want to be."

He leaned over me and kissed my tears then pulled back to gaze into my eyes. Looking into his tender but brilliant blue eyes caused a small smile to play at the corner of my mouth.

"I will kiss every part of you until you're no longer sad. I will do it. And kissing those parts... How should I phrase this?" He leaned down and kissed my neck and collar bones. "Kissing you all over will make me want to do amazing and special things with you again."

I laughed and wrapped my arms around him to embrace him. While his words sent waves of desire through my stomach, I didn't think my emotions or body could last through a third session. As it was, it felt like I no longer had solid bones in my form.

He kissed me once, satisfied to hear me laugh and then laid down next to me smiling. "Can I ask you something? I'm very curious now."

"Sure."

"You said besides now, there was only the one other time. And you've mentioned before you had never found any one to love. What about when you were a bear or a bat?"

I laughed. "You know, you sometimes remind me of a bear."

"Is that good or bad?"

His look of concern had me laughing again.

"The ways you remind me of them are always good." I leaned over and kissed his chest. "To answer your question, no other planet I've been to uses intercourse for reproduction."

"Really?"

"Really."

"Do any of them have it for non-reproductive purposes? Maybe as entertainment or a cure for boredom?" He teased dismissively. "Or for those that did find someone to love?"

"No, just Earth. For instance, there was only one gender with the bats."

"So you lived thousands of years without sex?" He leaned back to stare at the ceiling trying to fully grasp that concept. "It was probably a good idea we didn't wait any longer."

I laughed as I wrapped myself closer to him. "That it most definitely was."

"Once the secret was out, there was no hope for Earth." He teased again. "How do the bears reproduce? And how are those that love one another intimate?"

After hours more of talking, kissing, laughing, and adoring one another, we eventually fell asleep, lovingly wrapped in each other's arms.