Disclaimer: I will win the lottery and make them mine, all mine (oh, yeah, that's right . . . that's only a dream)
Chapter 4
Maybe, Maybe Not
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
Warrick was sitting on a bench tying his shoes when Catherine breezed into the locker room.
"Am I glad that shift is over," Catherine exclaimed as she headed to her locker. "I don't think I've heard so many different versions of a story from a group of witnesses before. Did you hear that one woman? She changed her story four times!" She opened her locker and rummaged around looking for her makeup case.
"I think Brass was ready to strangle that Candy chic." Warrick chuckled. "Did you see how she was coming on to him at the end? I don't think I've ever seen him that uncomfortable in an interrogation. He's usually a pretty cool cucumber."
"Well, she was all but giving him a lap dance." She touched up her lipstick and ran a brush through her hair.
"Got a hot date?"
"Huh?"
"You're primping. Figured you got a date."
"Nah. Just gotta go finish my Christmas shopping." She slipped on her jacket, grabbed her purse and slung it over her shoulder. "You got anything planned for the day?"
"Nothing special. Just the usual."
"I was thinking that maybe we could all grab some breakfast," she said as she slammed her locker shut and leaned against it. "I know Nick was just wrapping up that B&E of his and said he'd be heading out right after shift."
"Sounds good. It's been a long time since we did that. What about the rest of the gang?"
"Not sure how their case is going. I haven't seen hide nor hair of Grissom or Sara. I saw Greg go into the DNA lab about an hour ago."
Nick and Greg walked into the locker room both heading to their lockers.
"Hey, guys, you taking off now?" Warrick asked. "Catherine's buying breakfast this morning," Warrick said with a hint of laughter in his voice.
"I am not!" exclaimed Catherine. "I merely said that we should go out to breakfast this morning. They don't pay me enough to buy breakfast for everyone."
"I'm in," Nick called out as he rummaged through his locker.
"Me, too," Greg chimed in. "After that scene last night, I need to unwind before heading home. That was some awful stuff."
Catherine was confused. She had been under the impression that it was just a home invasion. Guess she should've known better when Grissom called her a little ways into shift and told her he was pulling Greg off her case and putting him on the scene that he and Sara were working. "I thought it was a simple home invasion. What was so awful about it?" Realizing how her last comment could be misinterpreted, she quickly tacked on, "Not to say, that home invasions aren't bad or anything. But I thought it was something that could be handled by a couple people."
Greg sighed warily and slumped down onto a bench as he recalled the scene. "It turned out to be a domestic violence case but it wasn't just someone beaten up. There was a kid beaten to death with a baseball bat, another kid beaten up bad enough to end up in ICU and the wife stabbed to death. Doc Robbins said she was stabbed forty-seven times. There was blood everywhere in that house. The kids' bedrooms, the halls, the kitchen, the den, just everywhere. The husband confessed to it all in the end. And you wanna know the reason that he beat the kids?"
Looking around, he saw everyone nodding hesitantly. They all knew that the reason was going to be pretty bad. They had heard all kinds of excuses for murder and assault and every other kind of crime. But for Greg to bring it up specifically, it had to be really bad.
"He beat the oldest son, the one that died, because the kid missed making a basket at the end of the game and it cost them the game. He was 12 years old! Twelve years old and his father beat him to death over a stupid basketball game. And the younger kid got beat up because he supposedly got in the way when the father was going after the oldest son. Then when the wife got hysterical, he went after her with a knife and stabbed her."
Nick sat down beside Greg and laid his hand on Greg's shoulder. "Sorry, man. Those are rough cases."
"Tell me about," Greg harrumphed then sat there in silence for a minute or so. He sighed and then lifted his shoulders and sat up straight. "So can we talk about something else?"
"Sure, dude," Warrick replied. He could see that Greg was greatly disturbed by what he had seen and experienced that night. "So, umm…hey, the Christmas party is this weekend!"
"Yeah, man," Nick jumped in as he lightly punched Greg in the arm. Bet you can't wait. All that free booze."
At the mention of the party, Greg perked up. "And all those hot, heat-packing police babes. Don't forget those," he grinned salaciously as he wiggled his eyebrows.
Catherine just rolled her eyes. Was Greg was ever going to grow up? Looking at Nick, she inquired, "You're bringing Denise, right, Nicky?" She was curious to meet Nick's latest girlfriend. From what Warrick had been saying, it sounded pretty serious.
"Yeah."
"Is Tina coming?" Catherine asked as she turned her attention to Warrick.
"Yeah."
"What about you, Greg?"
"Nope. I decided to go stag this year. You know, find some cute babe with a sidearm and seduce her.
"Dream on," Warrick teased.
At the same time, Nick said, "What? This is too weird for words. Greg, the lab's self-proclaimed Romeo, has no date while the two biggest geeks in the lab both have dates. Heck, I don't think I've ever even seen Grissom at one of these Christmas parties."
"He's been to at least one Christmas party," Catherine recalled. "It was a long time ago. It was before Eddie and I got married. Anyhow, I finagled him into being my date. I don't think he's gone since then."
"Still, Sara's got a date, possibly a boyfriend. Grissom not only has a date but, in his own words, a girlfriend. Plus he's going to a party that he usually never attends. It's just too weird."
"If I wouldn't have it heard it with my own ears, I wouldn't have ever believed it," Catherine declared.
Warrick had wondered more than once if maybe Grissom wasn't just teasing Catherine. After all, no one had ever seen any indication of a woman in his life. "Are you sure he wasn't just pulling your leg? You know, he can have a pretty wicked sense of humor when he wants. He probably just said it to get you off his back."
"No, I don't think so," Catherine responded slowly and thoughtfully as she thought back over that conversation she had with him a little over a week ago. He had seemed pretty serious when he mentioned his girlfriend and he had mentioned her more than once – first when they were discussing the reappearance of his beard and then again when she had asked him to be her date to the party. Or was Warrick right and he was just pulling a fast one on her? Great. Now she was even more curious about what was going on with her very private and sometimes mysterious friend.
All of a sudden, Nick started chuckling to himself. They all turned to look at him wondering what he had found so funny.
"Oh, man, I just had a thought. What if, just saying here, what if Grissom's date is Sara and vice versa?"
Greg immediately turned away and started rummaging through his locker while Catherine and Warrick just stared at Nick like he had suddenly grown a second head.
"Come on, think about it. The two have been dancing around each other for years already. Then conveniently they both end up coming with dates the same year? Don't you think it's just a little too coincidental?"
"Nah," Warrick disagreed wholeheartedly. He didn't believe at all in Nick's theory. "We would've picked up on it if they were together."
"Have they or have they not been getting along better lately?"
"Well, yeah, they have," Catherine admitted.
"And look at how many cases they've been working together lately. Practically every case that Grissom works on, Sara works on also. Have any of us worked that much with Grissom lately?"
Warrick rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "Yeah, I hadn't really noticed it, but you're right, Nick."
"Well, then, as Grissom would say, follow the evidence."
"Well, why don't we interrogate the witnesses?" Warrick uttered as he shook his head in Greg's direction.
"That's right, interrogate the witnesses," Nick agreed coyly when he realized what Warrick meant. Standing up, he clapped his hand on Greg's shoulder. "So, Greggo, who is this guy that Sara's seeing?"
Greg laughed nervously. "Why would I know anything about that?" He scrambled to get his stuff together so he could get out of there before things got out of hand.
Just then the door to the locker room slammed open hitting the wall and bouncing back quickly when the door was slammed back open again. Sara marched into the room with anger radiating off her. Not looking at anyone, she stomped over to her locker and yanked her locker door open so hard that it banged into the next locker.
Catherine, Warrick and Nick glanced nervously at each other while Greg thanked the powers that be that he was saved from anymore of Nick's interrogation.
Nick bravely asked, "Sara, is everything OK?"
"Just dandy," she spat with sarcasm dripping like syrup.
A minute or two passed in uncomfortable silence while everyone turned back to their task at hand. No one attempted conversation fearing that they would say the wrong thing and set the angry young woman off again.
Grissom briskly strode into the break room and propped the door open. "Why's this door closed?" he questioned tensely and not to anyone in particular. "It's supposed to remain open."
They guys and Catherine just looked at each other in confusion. What was the big deal about the locker room door being open or closed? And what had gotten into their two favorite geeks?
He just stood in the doorway staring at Sara with tension and anger were radiating off him. His jaw was tense, his lips were pressed tightly together in a thin line and his blue eyes were chips of ice.
Catherine, Nick and Warrick continued glancing at each other nervously before turning back to the drama that was unfolding before them.
Meanwhile, Greg shifted his locker door so that he could hide behind it more effectively. The lab ride had been tense as he could sense something was going on between Grissom and Sara but it had obviously escalated since he had left them a couple hours ago to work on his share of the evidence.
"Sara, my office, now," barked Grissom.
"No," she replied with a thread of steel running through her voice as she continued to stare into her locker. She couldn't believe that Gil was pulling this on her. Maybe she had been a little too affected, a little too involved, but so had he. He has always taken cases involving children a little too much to heart.
"Sara, now!"
"Save it. I already know what you're going to say."
"You want to do this here? Fine. Then let's do it here," he bit out bluntly. "You're off the case."
"What?!" she exclaimed as she spun around to finally face him.
"You heard me. You're off the case. We can't afford to lose a conviction because you harass a suspect."
"Suspect?! He confessed. He abused his wife and children. He beat them up and left them to die. He's not a suspect! He's an abuser and a murderer!"
"That doesn't change the fact that you almost physically assaulted him and an officer had to hold you back." He continued as Sara turned away from him and went back to staring into her locker. "If you would've made physical contact then he could've sued the police department and quite frankly, I don't know if I could've saved your job then. At the very least, you would've been on suspension again. You've already had two suspensions. You can't risk another one."
Peaking around his locker door, Greg interrupted. "Yeah, Sara, trust me. They put you through hell if you do something and the PD gets sued." He should know. He was still dealing with the nightmare of the James case.
"Shut up, Greg," she spat out.
Catherine gasped in shock while Nick's and Warrick's jaws dropped in surprise. Greg, hurt and devastated by Sara's verbal attack, ducked behind his locker door once again.
Grissom could not believe that Sara had just done that to Greg. He knew that she had a soft spot for the young CSI. She must really be hurting to do that. He wished he could just go up to her and wrap her in his arms. He knew that the scene reminded Sara too much of her childhood. When he had handed out assignments at the beginning of shift, they only information he had on their case was that a woman and her two children had been attacked in their home in what appeared to be a home invasion. There hadn't even been any mention of any dead bodies. If he had known that it was a domestic abuse case or that there was a stabbing, he never would've assigned Sara to the case with him. He had to remember to talk to the PD that they have more accurate information sent to the CSIs. But right now they were at work and he had to act like her supervisor, not her boyfriend. And as her supervisor, he knew that she had to learn how to control her emotions and not have any more of those outbursts like she just had in the interrogation room. He knew he couldn't always protect her or her job.
Sara slammed her locker shut and started walking towards the door carefully avoiding looking at him.
"Sara, you are bucking for a suspension!" he declared just as she came up about even with him. Inwardly, he groaned. What the heck was he doing? He had never threatened to suspend any of his team before. He knew he was being irrational and letting his emotions get the better of him but he couldn't seem to stop himself. That was definitely something he was not proud of. He was making it personal.
She stopped and stood there for a few seconds. Then slowly and stiffly, she turned her head to look him straight in the eye.
Grissom didn't think he had ever seen her eyes so cold, so bitter, or so hard.
"Go. To. Hell." She spoke each venom-laced word slowly and succinctly.
A collective gasp could be heard going up around the room.
As soon as she realized what she had said, her eyes widened in shock and self-loathing as all color drained from her face. But it was too late. The damage had been done. She had just made it personal.
Grissom's stranglehold on the files in his hands tightened and the papers crumpled. His face, if possible, became even tighter and his whole body tensed. It felt as if a knife had pierced his heart as the love of his life damned him. Then one thing they had vowed not to do had just been done. The line between their professional relationship and their personal relationship had just been crossed. Not because she had spoke those words. But rather because of how those words affected him. He knew she was fighting instinctively. And he was reacting personally. He wasn't going to suspend or fire her for talking back. Instead, he could feel himself closing off emotionally. He didn't know how else to react. It was the only way he knew to react. If anyone else would've said such things to him, he might've been hurt initially but would soon realize that it was just spoken in the heat of the moment. But this was Sara.
They just stared into each other's eyes, each seeing the hurt in the other's eyes but not knowing what to do. After several long, tense moments, Sara left the room and Grissom just stood there, a muscle in his jaw ticking.
Finally, Grissom seemed to realize that this had all taken place in front of the entire team. "Get back to work!" he growled.
"It's actually end of shift," Greg spoke up timidly.
"Then what are you still doing here? You're off the clock." With that he spun on his heel and marched out of the room.
A collective sigh of relief could be felt as the tension eased in the room.
Eventually Warrick turned to Nick. "Well, Nick, still think those two are an item?"
Catherine, also looking at Nick, just cocked an eyebrow and crossed her arms over her chest.
Nick cleared his throat being a little embarrassed at his previous speculation. Rubbing his thumb along his chin, he grinned sheepishly and said, "Well, uh, if the evidence changes, so must the theory."
"Spoken like a true Grissom prodigy," Catherine chortled. "Well, I think those two probably aren't interested in breakfast. Are you all still up for it?"
Nick and Warrick indicated that they were but Greg was concerned for Sara. He knew she would be hurting and could probably use a good friend about now, especially one that knew about her relationship with their boss. He had to check on her. It was the least he could do for her after all she had done for him after his attack. "I'm just going to check up on Sara," he muttered as he scurried out of the room. "Don't wait on me."
"Well, guys, looks like it's just us. Let's get going. I've still got a ton of Christmas shopping to do and I'd like to get it done this morning."
The trio finished gathering their stuff and walked out of the lab getting into their vehicles and heading over to their usual diner.
After Grissom left the locker room, he went to the men's room, tossed his papers on the shelf mounted below the mirror and splashed some water on his face. Bracing himself on the sink with his arms, he let his head and shoulders drop in despair. He didn't know if he hurt more for himself or if he hurt more for Sara. Her words had hurt him but he knew she was hurting worse than he could ever imagine. He didn't know what it was like to live in fear every single day. To feel helpless as the very people who are supposed to love and protect you hurt you. To see your own mother stab your father to death. He shuddered at all that she must've endured. He raised his head and stared at himself in the smudged mirror hanging above the sink. He felt like he aged ten years in the last few minutes and the image reflected back at him seemed to confirm that. Sighing deeply, he pushed himself away from the sink. Hiding out in the bathroom wasn't going to accomplish anything and there was still work to be done. Grabbing the mutilated files, he headed back out into the lab keeping an eye out for Sara.
He stopped by the DNA and trace labs to check for any results from their case. Seeing as there were none, he headed to his office. He was torn between wanting to run after Sara to comfort her and staying in the office and doing paperwork in order to avoid her and lick his wounds. He still couldn't believe she had said that to him. In all the years they had known each other, she had never crossed that line with him, either professionally or personally. He knew he shouldn't be taking it so personally. She was just lashing out like a wounded animal. She wasn't lashing out at him. She would've reacted that way to anyone who pushed the issue. But there was a niggling little doubt that wouldn't remain silent. What if she had meant it just for him?
Stepping into his semi-dark office, he tossed the files onto his desk for the first time realizing that he had mangled them. He was walking around to behind his desk when he felt a presence hiding between the shelves that were loaded with his experiments.
Sara noticed when Grissom halted. Like she, he had probably felt her presence even before his physical senses confirmed it. Even when they were fighting, they still had that connection. That awareness they always felt when in each other's presence even if their minds and bodies didn't know it yet. As she stepped forward hesitantly with her arms folded in front of her and hands squeezing and rubbing her upper arms, Gil slowly turned to face her. Their eyes connected and more was said in that look than could be said in a hundred years of conversation. The hurt, the apologies, and the love all were there. But both knew that wasn't enough. They each knew that without taking the risk of openly expressing themselves, the hurt and the doubts would linger.
Sara dropped her gaze to study the toes of her boots.
When she finally lifted her eyes to meet his again, he saw the glimmer of tears and his heart constricted. He never wanted to be the reason that she cried, at least not tears of sadness. He wanted those tears to be tears of joy and happiness.
"I'm sorry," she whispered, her tone laced with guilt and regret.
Her breath lodged in her throat as she waited anxiously until he imperceptibly nodded an acknowledgement of her apology.
Slowly he raised his hand and brushed back the strand of hair lying across her cheek and tucked it behind her ear. She laid a hand over the top of his hand and rubbed her cheek into his palm.
"I'm sorry, too," he said quietly. "I shouldn't have pushed you the way I did. I should've talked with you, not yelled at you. I know what these kinds of cases do to you. I should've been more understanding." With his thumb, he brushed away the tears that had slipped from her eye. "I wasn't angry with you. I was angry with the father for doing that to his family and maybe even that mother for not protecting her children." He brought his other hand up to fully cup her face. "And I was angry with your father and your mother for making you live through that kind of nightmare." Then taking a deep breath, he finally confessed what was truly in his heart. "But I think the person I was most angry with was myself. I put you in that situation. I should've been protecting you instead I . . . "
"No, Gil, no," she interrupted softly but with conviction in her voice. "Don't blame yourself. Never blame yourself."
"But if I had known what we were walking into, I could've put you on a different case."
"Gil, stop it! We agreed. Personal stuff doesn't interfere with work. I don't want you to shield me. Would you do that for anyone else on the team?" At the slight shake of his head, she continued. "So don't do that for me."
"I can't help it. I just want to protect you."
"But you can't. Not if you don't want to jeopardize your job or mine. Besides, there was no excuse for saying what I said or doing what I did. I know what cases with children do to you. You were, you are still hurting, too, and all I thought of was myself."
"But yours is so much more personal. You've had to live through it."
Sara gave him a small smile. "You know, we could stand here all day and argue about this."
He smiled slightly in response.
A crash resounded from somewhere within the lab and he suddenly realized they were there in his office with the door open for anyone walking past to see. He reluctantly withdrew his hands from the supple skin of her cheeks. He tried to speak but couldn't. He cleared his throat and tried again. "Why don't you go home and get some sleep? I know this case had to take it out of you."
"What about you? You need some rest, too."
"I'm going to stay and do a little paperwork. I'll be home in an hour or two."
"Alright." She slowly walked to the door. As she was about to step through the doorway, she hesitated and placed her hand on the doorframe. They had apologized to each other and she knew they were on their way to healing but she just needed to hear him say the words. She knew all wasn't quite right yet but she just needed the reassurance that it would be. If she didn't hear it, she knew doubts would plague her. She turned halfway back into his office and looked at him standing beside his chair staring blankly at his desk. "Gil?"
"Hmm?" he murmured as he raised his head to look at her.
"Are we OK?" she asked worriedly.
He smiled sadly at her. He knew she needed the reassurance that they were alright but he couldn't bring himself to lie. They were on their way to healing but they weren't there quite yet. "We will be," he replied quietly.
She gave him a tight, little smile then nodded in acknowledgement. She knew then that everything truly would be alright. If they weren't going to be alright, he would've lied and said that they were already fine. Instead, he was honest admitting that he was still smarting at her words but that they would work through this.
A couple hours later, Grissom slipped quietly into their townhouse. The silence and stillness of the air told him that Sara was probably already in bed. He slipped his shoes off then headed directly to the stairs not even bothering to glance through the mail, eat a snack or even get himself a drink. He followed none of his usual routine. His thoughts instead were on Sara. For the last two hours, all he could think of was coming home and wrapping her in his arms and letting her know that everything was going to be alright.
He climbed the stairs quickly but quietly. He didn't want to disturb her if she was already asleep. He stopped in the doorway of their bedroom and watched her lying there with her back towards him, her shoulders moving slightly with each breath. When he heard a soft sniffle, he knew she wasn't sleeping but rather crying. He quickly stripped down to his boxers and slipped into bed. He spooned up next to her and wrapped his arms around her.
"Shh, honey. It's alright. Everything's going to be OK. Remember, we're in this together, forever."
She twisted within his arms until she was lying on her back and looking up into his beautiful blue eyes. She laid a hand on his cheek. After a few seconds, she raised her head and brushed her lips across his. Pulling back slightly she once again stared into his eyes conveying all her apologies and all her hurt. She kissed him again but with more feeling and more passion until he responded, crushing her lips beneath his. They spoke then with their bodies instead of words and let the healing continue.
Afterwards, silence filled the air. She rested her head on his chest listening to his heartbeat while his fingers slowly ran through her hair. He finally broke the silence with those four little words that he said so rarely but with so much feeling that when he did speak them, her heart would melt.
"I love you, Sara."
Tears sprang to her eyes and her throat constricted with emotion. She turned her head, brushed a feathery kiss across his chest then rested her head right above his heart. "I love you, too, Gil."
And the healing was complete.
A/N: Yes, this got a little bit more angsty than a Christmas story probably should. But I had to throw Catherine, Warrick and Nick off the scent. But don't worry, the party is drawing near and all will be revealed including how exactly Greg did find out.
Thanks for taking the time to read my story. And if you choose to leave a review, know that it's appreciated.