Chapter 4

After the last bell rang, I found myself outside of Dr. Cullen's office. My stomach dipped nervously and I wrapped my arms around myself. I wondered what he would say to me.

I knocked on the door, uncertain about whether to enter on my own or not. I was pretty sure I went to the right door; I chose the door that he had pointed out earlier that day, the one I didn't crash through.

I heard a muffled "Come in," from the other side and I pushed the heavy door open.

A man wearing an expensive-looking suit sat on the couch that I had seen earlier. Two chairs had been brought in and were placed behind the giant desk. I made my way inside, not sure if I was supposed to have a seat or stay standing.

The man in the suit stood and stretched, raising his arms above his head and yawning. He was attractive, but being in the same room as Dr. Cullen, he didn't stand out as much.

"Hello," He stuck his hand out to me, striding across the room to shake my hand. He had a firm grip, a glittering wedding band, and a radiant smile. His short, greying hair made me question his age, but it was obvious that he was young, because his face held no wrinkles. "The new substitute, I suppose? I've heard word that you're rather talented with the children."

"How so?" I asked, feeling warmth spread across my cheeks. "I've only followed the lesson plans."

"That's more than the previous teacher ever did," The man barked out a laugh. He turned to Dr. Cullen, still chucking. "I'll see you at the next board meeting, then, Edward."

"Of course," Dr. Cullen nodded, his hands sliding into the pockets of his grey suit. He slid into the same posture he had held earlier with me, looking relaxed and at ease, though he did not smile. "I'll see you around, Jenks. Say hello to Michelle for me,"

"Will do," The man called Jenks said, slipping his hands into the handle of his briefcase. He left the office with a parting wave and a smirk in my direction.

After the door closed with a sounding shut, Dr. Cullen gestured to one of the arm chairs across from his desk. "Have a seat, Ms. Swan,"

I took the seat to the left of his desk, sinking into the comfortable memory foam. The chair seemed to eat me up, and though it was made of an expensive-looking red leather, it wasn't rough or hard, but cool and smooth. I settled easily and tried to ignore the uncomfortable dip in my stomach. I was nervous, but I couldn't figure out what I had to be nervous about, other than not having an explanation for this meeting with Dr. Cullen.

"So, Isabella, is it?" He said, walking around his giant desk to lean on the expansive desktop. He looked at me curiously.

I could've snorted at him. Obviously the man knew what my name was already. Why was he starting with small talk? I played along, though, eager to get to the point. My nerves were already shot over this little meeting. "I prefer to go by 'Bella'," I shrugged, "The students call me Ms. Swan."

"As I'd expect them to," He replied playfully. I felt a spark of interest flare. He was being playful? "Anyways, your file said 'Isabella,' but I have heard you referred to as many other names."

"I have a file?" I blurted. I felt my face heat up again. I could've slapped my hands over my mouth; what was it about Dr. Cullen that made me speak exactly what was coming to my mind? Luckily I hadn't said anything inappropriate, but it might have come off as rude to him to blurt out. I wasn't so sure. Besides, Alice had the same effect on me, too. I wasn't sure what it was about these two people that made me want to say exactly what was on my mind.

"Of course you have a file," Dr. Cullen said with a hint of humor in his voice. He reached over his desk, twisting his midsection, and picking up a thin manilla folder with his long

fingertips. He licked his thumb, his brow furrowing, and opened it up. Inside was what looked like one simple sheet of paper. "It's not very big, but it is still here. That's what I wanted to meet with you about today."

I nodded, but he wasn't looking at me. He was scanning over the sheet, his eyes flicking from side to side. I shuffled in my seat, still watching the part between his lips that his tongue had flicked out of to lick his thumb.

Finally he looked up from my single sheet in my thin file, his green eyes making my face grow warm yet again. "I need more paperwork on you, obviously, but so far we've only got your address and your simple information."

He leaned over and passed the sheet of paper to me. It looked like my mother had given the school her address in place of mine, my number of the cell phone I had yet to start carrying around again- it was still tangled in my bedsheets in the guest room, my social security number, and my driver's license number. Other than that, there was nothing else on the page.

"What kind of information do you need?" I asked, "I don't have any proof of address on me or anything right now-,"

He shook his head, reaching his hand back behind him again. He snagged another sheet of paper and handed it to me. "I need you to fill out this payment form so I can pay you for the days you have worked for me,"

"Oh," I leaned forward again and took the extra page. It was clouded with black ink, loaded down with questions about bank accounts and things of that sort.

"I've heard that you have a degree in Elementary Education," Dr. Cullen said after a few moments of me reading over the page. He noticed I didn't have a pen and handed me one from an organizer on his desk. I started to sign the form and fill out my information while Dr. Cullen continued. "Bella, I hope you don't mind, but I've looked into you."

I didn't say anything back. He had used my first name instead of calling me Ms. Swan. I looked at him questioningly. He had looked into me? What did he mean? Obviously he had to ask around if he knew that I had a degree in Elementary Education. I wondered what else he knew about me.

He cleared his throat and continued, "You're great with the kids. I peeked in your classroom a few times today, and you were perfect with them. The kids pay attention to you, and I'd even go as far as to say that some even see you as a role model. Taylor Weber, the classroom Helper I assigned to that first grade classroom, speaks very highly of you. I've asked a couple of other children in your classroom how they felt about having you as a substitute teacher, and they're very excited to have you."

"I don't understand," I shook my head, "I only followed the lesson plans that were left on my desk."

Which wasn't a lie at all. I did follow the lesson plans… I just added in a few fun things of my own to do. I found it easier to hold the attention of children if I let them play games with their spelling words, and when I smiled and talked to them like they were "big kids" they were more successful and more eager to succeed. Kids liked to do things on their own, and when I allowed them to read their textbooks out loud together, instead of reading to them, they understood it better. It was simple developmental child psychology; their autonomy was a huge deal at their age right now. Every child wanted to be a "big kid;" they wanted to be treated like they could do things on their own, and that's what I had done.

"But you made the lessons come to life," Dr. Cullen shrugged. His green eyes were soft while he looked at me, and he wasn't holding his usual pursed lipped-frown. Dr. Edward Cullen was smiling, and he looked pleased with me. "Bella, I'd really like you to apply for the job."

I felt my stomach drop like I had just taken a deep dip in a roller coaster. My face was flaming hot, and my arms wrapped around my abdomen uncomfortably. "I-I don't know," I said uncertainly. "I thought I was just substituting."

Dr. Cullen's brows furrowed even more. He frowned, his smile melting away. He lifted a hand out of its resting place in his grey suit pant's pocket and rubbed his smooth jaw. He rubbed from his jaw to the back of his neck, eyeing me quietly, like he was thinking.

God, he was beautiful.

He was hopelessly, impossibly beautiful.

I shifted uneasily in my seat again. I felt so small when he looked at me, like I was a tiny animal and he was the larger, scarier prey. I wasn't exactly frightened by him, but the intimidation was real. I was sure that I liked him, because I mean, who couldn't? He was gorgeous. He was smart.

But that was all I knew about him.

Maybe it wasn't that I liked him, but rather I found him incredibly attractive… yeah, that was it…

Probably.

Dr. Cullen's pink tongue flicked out of his mouth and he licked his lips again. I watched him, feeling even warmer than before. I hated myself for blushing so easily.

"Would you be more interested in substituting until we found a replacement?" He finally asked.

"I think so," I nodded, "I mean, yeah, I wouldn't mind doing it."

He was quiet again, looking at me as if he was analyzing me. "May I ask you a personal question?"

I wasn't sure what he would ask, but I nodded anyways. I was sure that I would agree to anything this guy asked. It was a scary thought. I hadn't been this attracted to anybody since…

Well, since I was with James.

I felt my whole body freeze like ice. I had forced James out of my head since that day I had arrived at my mother's house two months ago. I hadn't said his name, I hadn't thought his name… this was the first time I was really allowing myself to think of him.

I had images flashing through my mind like one of those cliche movies; his wide smile, his fingers wrapped around his ever-present camera, his long legs, and his long, lanky torso. I could almost feel his legs tangled with mine, and if I thought about it hard enough, I could remember what it felt like to have his hand wrapped around mine, tugging me into the unknown landscapes that he loved to photograph so well…

"Bella?" Dr. Cullen's voice drew me away from my vision of my ex boyfriend. I shuddered and looked down at my arms.

Of course they were wrapped around my abdomen. It was becoming an impulse.

"I'm sorry," I said, reaching to the floor and picking up the papers that had apparently slid out of my hands. "Yes, you may ask me anything you'd like."

"Is there a reason why you don't want to commit to teaching?" Dr. Cullen asked. His eyes were soft, but they didn't necessarily look worried. He looked more disappointed, like he had expected me to accept his job offer.

The old me would have loved this school.

The old me would have accepted his offer in a heart beat.

The old me would have never denied such a great opportunity to teach…

But the old me also would've still had James.

I simply shrugged at Edward. How would I be able to explain to him that I wasn't going to agree to a contract of teaching at this school when I was still waiting for my ex-boyfriend to realize that he still loved me, and would be coming for me? I couldn't tell Dr. Cullen that, no matter how attracted to him I was.

I mean, sure, a large part of my heart knew that James wouldn't be back. He had made it very clear to me that he wouldn't be back… yet the smallest part of my heart still held out hope that he would come for me.

"I'm not sure what I want to do in the future." I finally replied to him. "Dr. Cullen, why did you want to be a headmaster?"

He looked thoughtful for only a few seconds. He seemed surprised that I had turned the tables on him and questioned him instead of elaborating on my answer. "I've always liked children. I've always liked education, too, but I never wanted to teach at a university. I guess I liked the idea of forming a school where kids can get the best education offered to them, and the only way of forming that school would be to be in charge of it. It took me years to get this school where I wanted it to be, you know."

I tried to remember what the appeal of teaching had been for me. I remember wanting to be a teacher because my mother was a teacher. It was a natural choice; I wanted to do what my mother had done her whole life. I wanted to work in a school building. I remember as a girl setting all my dolls and toys up for "school" while I passed out papers to them, "teaching" them in "class." When I had grown older, though, something else had stood out to me about kids.

I just couldn't remember what it was that I liked so much about educating them. I had lost the appeal of being in a classroom every day.

"I haven't taught in a classroom in two years," I told Dr. Cullen. "I took a break to travel abroad, and never really got back into it."

"Why not?"

"That's weird, I was just wondering about that myself. I can't remember why I wanted to teach so badly. The idea of having my own classroom doesn't appeal to me as much as it used to."

Dr. Cullen frowned at me. "Yet, here you are, substituting for one of my classrooms that I worked so hard to build academically."

I realized that I had offended him. "I'm really sorry. I don't think I explained myself correctly… I just don't think teaching is for me anymore."

"But you're so good at it," Dr. Cullen said, "You know how the kids' minds work! It's like you can read their minds or something."

"Well, I'm no mind reader, that's for sure," I grumbled. If I could read minds, I'd be able to understand exactly what he was thinking when he looked at me all quizzical. "I just don't think I'm ready for it."

"Alright, then," He sighed, "Can I at least count on you until the holidays? That's only… about three weeks."

I didn't have any plans for the next three weeks, that wasn't the problem. I wasn't even sure what I would be doing after Christmas. I knew I had to do something, though.

Maybe I would get a job in a coffee shop or something and be a barista.

I knew I didn't want to stay working around children. I didn't want to get too attached to them if I didn't plan on sticking around. It wasn't fair to me or to the kids.

"I can stay for three weeks," I nodded. It was more than I had ever agreed on with myself. I felt like I was doing something rebellious.

As a teenager I would have to go over my weekend plans with my mother. I'd have to tell her what I planned on doing, and if I strayed from what i had planned and what I had told her, she would get upset with me. I felt like I was screwing up the plan I had created with myself. It felt weird to not have to call anybody and let them know the change of plans.

Because after I had moved out of my mom's house, I had moved into James', and he was the one I had checked in with on everything.

Now I only had myself to answer to.

"Thank you," Dr. Cullen said. He still looked sort of disappointed, but his expression was hard to read. He was still looking right at me. I stared back at him, wondering how his eyes were so dang green. Were they his mother's, or his father's? "On your paperwork, you'll find questions that may be a little difficult to answer. I heard that you taught in Jackson, so you know how most of the paperwork goes for payment and things like that."

I looked down at the paperwork. I had finished most of it. "Can I bring this back next week?"

"I was going to complete the payroll this afternoon," Dr. Cullen frowned, "But if you'd rather wait, you can do that. I usually have everybody paid by today…"

"I don't have my purse with me here," I said, "I'll need my bank card and the routing numbers. What if I bring it back to the school before you leave?"

"I have a board meeting this afternoon, so you should be able to leave it on my desk. Just make sure you're in and out before 5- there's a home football game, and you don't want to get caught up in traffic… unless you're going to the game, of course?"

I shook my head no and stood up, gathering the two pieces of paper into my manilla envelope. "I don't think so."

"Have a good afternoon, Bella." Dr. Cullen said.

"You too, Dr. Cullen,"

~oOo~

It didn't take me long to finish my paperwork that afternoon. My mother had driven us home, but she took a nap as soon as we made it home. I wondered if she would let me use her car to return the paperwork to the school for Dr. Cullen.

My mom's house was small. It wasn't as small as the last house I lived in with James, but it was nice and decorated very nicely. My favorite room was the kitchen. It had warm brown tiles and low lighting, and the fridge was absolutely huge. I liked the different appliances and all the cool, up-to-date buttons on the microwave. It was a very neat place, and I couldn't wait to cook in it.

The old house was really simple, with one bedroom, a studio for James, and a living area. The kitchen was small and packed with food, but there was hardly any room to move around. It was crowded and it felt like home, but only because I had spent six years living in it. It was the same house that James had been renting when we met, me as a freshman and him as a junior in college. I found myself not missing the tiny house, and liking my mother's a whole lot more.

I picked up mom's car keys from the counter and took her car back to The Academy.

The school was pretty much deserted, besides the five or six cars in the parking lot. They were very nice cars, and among them was a shiny, silver Porsche. I guessed that these prestigious cars belonged to the board members.

The hallways were even more empty than the parking lot. My footsteps echoed when I walked, even more soundly than normal. The main office was the only light on in the whole school.

Dr. Cullen's door was closed, but since he had told me to come in anytime before five, I entered without knocking. It was only four, anyway.

He wasn't in there, like I expected. I made my way behind his desk to put my folder right in the middle, where he would see it.

The room seemed to have a totally different point of view from behind the desk. The furniture was the same, of course, and nothing was different physically. I had the feeling that I was in charge or something, though. Nothing was on the desk besides an organizer holding smart-looking pens and pencils, an oddly shaped statue engraved "Dr. Edward Cullen" on the stone front. A small golden football was being used as a paperweight on top of a stack of Post-It notes, and a desk calendar was placed in the middle of the desk to my left. The entire desk was shaped like three desks put together to make a large U.

Curiously, I took a seat in the desk chair. It was large and the back of it was tall. It was made of a dark, handsome leather. When I sank into it, I felt like I was sitting taller, and I felt important.

I also felt kind of silly.

I kicked off of the ground, making the chair roll. I slowly rolled back and forth, swaying in the giant chair. It was really easy to spin in. I spun around once, and it glided easily. I spun around again, feeling weightless. I spun faster, feeling my hair fly behind me.

I giggled, feeling like a little girl. It was fun, and it was a relief from all the stress I had been feeling lately.

Just then, though, the chair spun too fast and hit the corner of the enormous desk, toppling over something on one of the edges with a loud crash. I jumped up, feeling dizzy, but more embarrassed than anything. My face was flaming, and I quickly hurried around the desk to pick up whatever it was that fell.

To my horror, it was the stone statue, and it was cracked down the middle.

And, to make things worse, the door burst open.

I felt like one of those movies again. I should've known that something like this would happen. Of course when I broke something the person who owned the actual "something" burst into the room.

"Bella, you scared me," He breathed, kneeling down to help me pick up pieces of the statue I had broken. "What did you do?"

"I'm so sorry," I said, scooping up shards into my hand, panicking. Would he be mad? Obviously the statue thing meant a lot to him, because he kept it on his desk. Oh, God, he was going to be upset with me… "I thought you were in your meeting and I knocked it over on accident-,"

"Hey, it's okay," Dr. Cullen said quickly, carefully taking my hands and brushing the shards into his own palm. My face was practically on fire, like usual, and my eyes were prickling with tears. My nose felt like it was being squeezed to death. I knew what was coming- I was going to cry.

Over a stupid freaking statue.

"No, Bella, don't cry, really-,"

"I-I didn't mean to break it," I said, sitting back on my heels and using my fingers kind of as a broom to sweep the smallest shards into my palm. Dr. Cullen looked alarmed at me as the tears overflew and poured down my face. "Oh, God, I promise I will r-replace it… um, well, I mean I g-guess I can't r-replace it if it's b-broken and it was s-special to you b-because it had y-your name on it… was it a trophy or s-something? Oh, God, I'm a m-monster, I'm so sorry!"

I was blubbering like an idiot.

And, of course, he was still gorgeous.

"Bella, hold on, wait," He said, trying really hard to pull my hand away from the shards I was piling into my hand. Dr. Cullen gave up and stood up, pulling me up with him. "Here, dump those in the trash can. I promise, it's okay, you didn't mean to."

I sniffled and poured the shards into the trashcan beside his desk. It was empty.

"I can't believe I broke your thingy," I said, gesturing to the larger pieces of the broken statue, "God, I suck. I feel like I can't do anything right."

It was way over-dramatic to say, and I knew it, but that didn't stop me from saying it. Dr. Cullen sighed and sat on the edge of the desk while I busied myself with pushing my hair back from my face and wiping at my tears.

"Why do you feel like you can't do anything right?" He asked quietly.

I laughed, though there wasn't really anything funny about what he asked at all. "Because I screwed up really bad, and ever since then I do almost everything wrong, you know? Half of the teachers here don't like me because I've offended them in some way, I've gotten on my mother's nerves to the point where she forced me to come work here because she was tired of having me in her house all day, I break everything I touch, my ex-boyfriend hates my guts… I can't do anything right."

I wasn't really sure why I was saying the things that I was saying. All I knew was that it was all coming out. I couldn't stop myself from blubbering about how I had messed everything up in my present life, and Dr. Cullen looked absolutely horrified. He didn't seem to know what to say back to me. He just sat there, alarmed, with his mouth open and his eyes wide in shock.

"And you're sitting there staring at me like I'm the first person ever to cry in front of you, which is probably true because you're absolutely gorgeous and what woman would ever want to have a freaking mental breakdown in front of you?" I blabbered, furiously swiping at my eyes. They were red and puffy, and my breathing was heavy, and I was still leaking tears. "And why the hell am I still crying?!"

"Whoa, whoa, slow down," Dr. Cullen seemed to finally realize he was just sitting there staring at me, because he leapt forward and wrapped his arms around me.

It was the weirdest thing ever.

I was sitting here bawling and he just reached forward and grabbed me. He was comforting me.

And I, instead of pulling away like every instinct told me to, latched onto him and sobbed even harder.

I don't know if it was the lack of physical touch in two months, or if it was because the teensy crush I had on him was overpowering me, or what, but there I stood, crying on his expensive suit jacket and blubbering about how he shouldn't even want to touch me because I was useless and I screwed everything up.

Cute, Bella, really cute. He's definitely going to think you're perfectly normal now.

"Bella, what is going on? I don't understand. What staff members have you offended, because the ones I have talked to adore you."

I tried to stop my sobs, pushing away from Dr. Cullen and wiping at my eyes again.

God, I was a mess.

Dr. Cullen slid a desk drawer open and handed me a couple of tissues. I blew my nose, probably really unattractively, and took a deep breath. "You asked people about me?"

"Well, yeah. I told you that I looked into you."

"Dr. Cullen, I am so sorry for breaking down on you like this." I said. I was so embarrassed.

"I think it's only fair for you to call me Edward," Dr. Cullen said, leaning back on his desk onto the palms of his hands. "We aren't in school hours anymore, anyways, and this seems far too personal for you to go about calling me by my formal name."

I nodded, "Thanks… Edward," I said, trying out the name. It seemed to fit perfectly. I wanted to say it again, but I didn't want to weird him out.

Which, if I was being honest, I probably already had done.

"Now, please, tell me which staff member you feel like there are problems with."

I grimaced, "I kind of, pretty much told Alice Brandon that she looked like a high school kid."

Edward grimaced, too. "You wouldn't be the first to make that mistake. Besides, she didn't seem too upset about it when I asked her how you were doing with the kids."

I was surprised, "You asked Alice about me?"

"Well, of course. She's one of the best teachers I have in this school, and I trust her a great deal."

"I'm really hoping you talked to her after we made up, then." I watched Edward's face carefully, trying to read his expression. Like always, though, he was closed off and hard to read, his features calm and stoic.

"Actually, I asked Alice about you a little after you busted through my office doors looking for a bathroom."

My face was in flames. "Yeah, about that… I really do feel bad for barging in like that."

"Well, fortunately, I didn't think you were crazy or anything," Edward said playfully. "I asked around about that, too. You seem to have a number of admirers, Bella. Mr. Jasper Whitlock spoke very highly of you, and Mrs. Angela Weber had a lot of nice things to say. Apparently you are very soft-spoken and easy to get along with."

"Jasper said nice things about me? I was afraid that I had offended him in some way, too."

"How so?"

I bit my lip nervously, thinking about the woman that had been fired for sexual assault. I didn't want to get Jasper in trouble, especially if he was saying such nice things about me to the headmaster. "I kind of thought he may have been flirting with me… but, sir, I don't want to get Jasper in any trouble. He didn't do anything inappropriate. He was really friendly."

Edward looked at me thoughtfully, the only expression I was starting to recognize on his features. He seemed calm, but something in his eyes flickered. "Bella, do you know why the previous teacher in your position- ah, I mean, in the previous position you are substituting in- was fired for?"

I nodded, "I hate to admit it, but I heard a rumor that she was fired for sexually assaulting you, sir." I watched him closely, wondering how this would affect him. Any word coming near "sex" in range of Edward Cullen was intimidating on its own, but it didn't stop my curiosity of the subject. Like always, Edward remained stoic, but pursed his lips. It was impossible to read him.

"My point is, I don't want you to find yourself caught up in a situation like that. I'm working with my lawyer to create a new rule to add in our New Year guidelines that makes it almost impossible to have relationships in the workplace." Edward said, not answering my statement that had been phrased as a question at all. I wondered why he didn't answer. Maybe he was like Alice Brandon, and didn't want to add fuel to the flaming rumors? "We don't want to break up any serious relationships going on, though, because family is a key idea in our foundation, so there would have to be some sort of rule set up…"

"I don't think it would be a problem like that," I shook my head, "I think the worst that would happen would be rejection, and then I'd lose a kind friend I had just met."

"Jasper Whitlock is a great guy," Edward nodded, "But if you don't want to date him, you should tell him. It avoids any conflict, and frankly, as I am the boss of both of you, I'll have to ask you to keep it clean. I don't want any mess among staff members."

"I'm sorry," I said, feeling like I was going to suffocate under all the heat I was radiating. My cheeks were flaming, my neck was warm, and my ears were blazing. "I didn't mean for it to sound like I was interested in a relationship with him. I was just saying that maybe there was some flirting going on…"

"I'm also curious about something you aid earlier," Edward cleared his throat, "You mentioned feeling upset because your ex-boyfriend hates your guts? If you don't want to talk about it, I wouldn't ask you to, but I was just curious-,"

"Oh, that," I muttered, hoping in the back of my mind that he had written it off as a part of 'Bella's Crazy Speech'.

Obviously he had not.

"Yeah, that. I'm curious."

"Why, Dr. Cullen, that isn't exactly work place material to talk about," I raised an eyebrow at him, hoping my face wasn't reflecting the panic I was feeling.

He wanted to talk about my ex!

"Well, I'd say that this isn't exactly work-place hours," Edward shrugged, "And you seem troubled by it, and I'd even go as far as to say that as your boss it's my duty to make sure everything is okay in my employee's lives."

"Everything regarding their relationship status?" I could feel my heart beating frantically. A large part of me wanted to have this conversation with him, because I sort of felt like maybe he could be interested in me. I mean, I was plenty interested in him. Of course, I wouldn't know what to do with that, anyways- Edward Cullen was far out of my league, and I'm sure we didn't have anything at all in common, seeing that he was a freaking Greek god remodel and I was a simplistic girl with loads of problems- but it would be nice to think about.

A smaller part of me didn't want anything to do with this conversation at all. I didn't want to get into details of relationship statuses, and I didn't want to get involved in another relationship. Not when I was still hoping James would come back.

But, the tempting thought of Edward…

Not that it would ever happen for you, Bella. Look at him! He's beyond perfection!

"I didn't mean it like that," Edward shook his head. For once, I could kind of tell something from his expression.

He sort of looked nervous.

"I just wanted you to know that I'm here for you if you want to talk about it."

"I don't know…" I said uncertainly. I looked at Edward, not really sure where this was going. "I kind of don't want to talk about it, but I haven't ever really talked about it with anybody before."

"Can I ask you a question?" Edward asked, scooting down the desk edge so that he was right across from me.

"You just did," I said, feeling my lips turn up in a smile. "But, yeah, you can ask me a real question."

"Does your ex-boyfriend have anything to do with you not wanting to teach here?"

I stared at Edward, not really sure how he knew this. It was like he had read my mind. He knew exactly why I didn't want to commit to teaching… how?

"Who told you that?"

Edward looked uncomfortable. He shifted uncomfortably and avoided my eyes, living his hands up and down his legs. He still wore the grey suit, but his blue tie was slightly loosened.

"I talked to your mom a little bit."

But before he could finish explaining, I was interrupting him fiercely, horrified at my mother. "What did she tell you?!"

"Wait, hold on," He reached out a hand, but he didn't touch me. I wasn't sure what he was doing. I didn't really give him a chance, though; I was backing away, horrified.

"I can't believe she said something. She doesn't even really know details, or- or, well, what really happened-,"

"Bella, calm down," Edward stood up, his face morphing back into the alarmed expression he had held earlier. "She didn't say much, she just said that you were having… difficulties… coming back to school because you were under the impression that a man you were involved with was coming to get you."

I squared my shoulders and took a deep breath. This is definitely not where I thought this was going, at all. "Yeah, well my mother had no right to say that."

"Look, it's my fault. I asked her about you."

"Well, it's none of your business either," I snapped at him, crossing my arms over my abdomen. "You shouldn't have asked."

I realized it was a mistake as soon as I said it. His face went white, and his expression went from alarmed to his jaw clenching and his forehead furrowed.

Shit.

Of course, he had every right to ask me anything he wanted. He was my freaking boss!

"I'm sorry-," I hurried to explain myself, feeling horrified. He opened his mouth to speak, but I hastily kept blabbering. I stepped forward and shook my head, closing up a bit more space between us. "I didn't mean that. I let my emotions override what I was thinking, and I just kind of let it spill-,"

"I shouldn't have said anything," Edward shook his head, apologizing, but his face still looked really mad. I covered my mouth with my hands. "I let my curiosity override, and I should have controlled it better."

"Your curiosity?" I slowly lowered my hands. He was curious? About me?

Well, probably. You do sound like a maniac, you know.

"After Renee told me that you had experienced some hurt and probably wouldn't come back to teach, ever, I couldn't imagine such a scenario." He confessed, his green eyes blazing. I watched him, trying hard to not admire everything about him all over again. Even when I was trying to be pissed at him, at the situation, I couldn't help but marvel at his eyes. "I didn't know you then, of course, but after you came tumbling into my office… I couldn't imagine what could have happened to somebody like you."

"What do you mean?" I asked, feeling the anger dissipate slowly. I shakily moved closer to him and took a seat on the edge of the desk beside him, kicking my feet out in front of me on the ground to balance myself.

"You're probably one of the nicest people I've ever met," Edward shrugged, "I mean, the way you treat the kids is amazing. You take into consideration how it will affect their development. I've seen it before, but with you, you're always considering that factor."

"That's the only thing that makes me nice?" I asked, tracing circles on my knee instead of looking at him. I was still wearing the dress I had pulled out of my closet this morning.

"I'm not done," Edward sighed, "Bella, your face goes blood red at almost anything anybody says to you. You're naive enough to bust through my office thinking it was a freaking bathroom. You cry because you think you're hurting people's feelings by just being yourself. Hell, you were crying because you thought you hurt somebody's feelings because you didn't want to date him. I guess I just let my curiosity get the best of me, and in the way of my job when I shouldn't have."

"Edward," I said softly, finally looking up at him. He had called it right, of course. My face was burning just like he described. "That was really… observant."

He watched me, his brows furrowing again. "So, what happened?"

I sighed deeply, loving the way Edward's face remained calm. It made it easy for me to want to talk to him.

I mean, of course, I didn't want to tell him everything, but I didn't not want to tell him everything, either. Something about him made me think that I could tell him things about myself, which was weird because I barely knew him.

"Well, I guess it really started my sophomore year of college. I was an Elementary Ed major, just like you already know, and I met my boy- I mean, I met James. He was a junior, but we met one day on campus. We went to Mississippi College, and it was a small campus, so it wasn't hard to know everybody… anyways, we met at this stupid campus activities board event, and soon after that we started dating. I guess it was at the end of my sophomore year that I moved in with him. I wanted to do some summer internships instead of moving back home for the summer break, and he was renting a little house with some friends, so it was an easy solution… I mean, after all, we were in love and it was exciting to live with my boyfriend without the dumb college rules and curfews." I paused my story and took another deep breath. It wasn't as hard as I thought it would be to talk about James. I hadn't made it to the hard part yet, though, so I guess I was being optimistic, but so far it wasn't hard to talk about how I met James, especially when Edward was listening to closely and so quietly.

He looked at me expectantly, so I continued. "So we lived together. After that summer, everything changed. I was so head-over-heels for James. He was a photography and journalism major, and he probably belonged at some Arts college or something, but i was sure that it was fate that I met him at this small Mississippi college. He seemed to love me, too, because he begged me not to move back into the dorms after that. I stayed with him, even after he graduated. Our little house wasn't being shared with two other smelly boys after they all graduated; it was just James and me. We converted one of the rooms into a studio for his photos and things, and he stayed shut up in there for his job- he was hired at this company kind of like National Geographic, and they asked him to edit a lot of pictures. He hated not being behind the camera, but understood that it would take some time to work his way up the career ladder.

"I graduated a little bit after that. I was twenty-two and fresh out of college, eager to plug myself into the nearest school and teach. It wasn't hard to find my first job; it seems like there's always a Jackson school hiring teachers. I was beginning my dream career, and James had finally worked his way up to being a local photographer for that magazine. Of course, they only wanted city pictures, and James' true passion was landscapes and travel, but he was willing to climb the career ladder a bit more to get the position he wanted the most. We had been together for two years, and we were really comfortable with each other. He was a great guy, easy to get along with, and always wanted to help with laundry." I told Edward.

Edward nodded, his eyebrows knitted in confusion. "I'm not really sure why you two broke up… it sounds like everything was alright?"

"Yeah, well, I'm not done," I said, watching Edward carefully again. I was wondering how he would react when I started telling him about when things went bad.

"Things started getting stressful for James later on in our relationship. I was around twenty-four when he had finally gotten the promotion he wanted. He was suddenly traveling everywhere- Ireland, the Netherlands, Iceland… beautiful, beautiful places. Of course, I always wanted to go with him, because who wouldn't want to travel the world with a man they're in love with while he photographed the world's wonders, but I didn't have an opportunity because I was staying at home teaching. It didn't take long for this to irritate James.

"I think he loved me still, but maybe he wasn't as in love with me as he was in love with his job. After he went on his first adventure, he came back a little different. He was happy, and eager to go back, and to tell about everything he saw… but James started to act different as well. He would be offended when I said things like 'I wish I could have gone,' or 'maybe next time I can go,' because he knew I couldn't. When we got into arguments nothing was ever his fault, and he never admitted to being wrong. It was a real strain, and James wasn't the same guy anymore."

"But you loved him, right?" Edward's voice was small, kind of distant. He was looking at his feet, but I could see from the side of his face that his brows were still furrowed in thought. "What happened?"

"Yeah, I loved him a lot. He kept going back on his adventures, and to really beautiful places, too. I guess I expected him to come back with a ring one day, I don't know. He wasn't as unpleasant as I described him as, but then again, I didn't really see it until now." I could feel my heart beating faster. Now I was starting to get to the part that was uncomfortable to talk about. "I haven't really told anybody this stuff before. My mom knows, but only because I didn't have anywhere else to go…"

Edward looked at me, his eyebrows raised. I sighed and continued. "Anyways, he would leave me while he travelled. I stayed in the house by myself a lot, because he was gone for weeks at a time, usually two times a month. When he was back home, he stayed in his studio editing his pictures. He was becoming pretty famous for his photos, and the actual National Geographic magazine bought a few of his pictures. He was bringing home a lot of money, and our relationship was getting a little better. I quit teaching so I could travel with James, because with the money he was making, I could go a couple of years without working while he did. We were having sex a lot more, and we were generally happy for a little while."

I took a deep breath and wrapped my hands around my stomach tightly. I could feel my eyes pricking with tears. Edward heard my shaky breath and patted my hand awkwardly. "I thought he was going to propose to me. I thought we were going to get married, and I was going to be his wife. What I got, though, wasn't a ring… I got pregnant."

Edward obviously didn't expect this at all. He didn't make any noise, though, as if he didn't want to interrupt me. He watched me, his jaw clenched and his green eyes sad. The rest of his face was stoic and expressionless. I continued on, knowing I had to finish the story then. My hands were wrapped so tightly around my abdomen that I could feel my arms going stiff and starting to ache.

"I got pregnant, and though I was really surprised, I was also really scared. I had always planned to be married to James before we started a family, but that wasn't exactly what happened. We lived together and we were pretty much already married, but I didn't wear a ring. I didn't carry his last name. It was sad, but I knew I was going to keep it. James would never ask me to get an abortion, and even though we didn't plan on having a baby, he would still be happy about it. We had talked about having a family before, and he had always wanted kids, so I thought he'd be okay with the idea when I told him about it."

"Was he?" Edward interrupted. I was crying by then, and tears were silently falling down my face, but they weren't falling hard enough to make me sniffle or sob. They were just droplets that I batted away annoyingly.

"I told him as soon as I found out. I was twenty-five, five weeks pregnant, and nervous about what he'd say. However, I had no reason to be scared. He was ecstatic. We flew from Rome back to our little, rented house and we stayed there instead of planning another trip. James was really excited to be a dad, and the topic of marriage came up a lot more than it did before. Everything was perfect."

"Perfect," Edward muttered, his eyes flicking to my face. I batted away tears and rubbed at my burning eyes.

"Yes, perfect, until I lost the baby." I deadpanned. Edward bit his lip and sucked in his breath. I closed my eyes, letting the tears fall. I was crying now, so hard I couldn't see. When I spoke, my voice shook and I tried my best not to stumble over my words. "James was so upset when I told him. I don't really know why or how I lost the baby, just that I did. It was only five weeks, and it wasn't even a week after I found out that I had it when I found out I lost it. I was devastated. I had been having dreams about a little girl with my mother's eyes, or a little boy with James' nose. I was truly excited to have a baby, because I loved kids. James found me in the bathroom… it was awful, Edward. We cried together. You know, you'd think that things like this, things like a family going through a loss, would bring two people closer together. That's not what happened, though.

"James and I comforted each other the best that we could, but a few weeks later it got hard. James needed to go back to work, and I stayed in bed. He came home one day, kissed my forehead, and told me he was leaving. He was going to Canada, and I wasn't invited. He wanted me to stay home and get better, and it was really weird… he asked me to go back to work. He hadn't ever really done that before. When I was working and I couldn't travel with James, we fought over my job being so… constricting. Then, after we lost the baby, he wanted me to go back. I couldn't even think about going back to a school! A school full of children, children that would most certainly remind me of a child I would never be able to raise. I remember not replying, just laying there in bed, confused. He left that afternoon after packing, and I didn't hear from him again.

"I mean, of course, I heard from him. He didn't call like he usually did, but he sent me an email. It was so, so awful. He told me he wasn't going to pay the next month's rent, and that he wasn't coming back for a little while. James told me he didn't want me to follow him, either. He left me, Edward. After losing our baby, he left me…" My body shook and I could no longer move fast enough to wipe away all the tears that were falling. I cried and Edward looked alarmed- like always- and tried to comfort me by putting his arms around me again. I let him, leaning on his shoulder and trying to take deep gulps of air to breathe.

"I didn't really have anywhere to go. I had spent six whole years with James. I called my mom and told her everything, and she paid for a taxi to bring me to her house. She let me lay around for a couple of months, but then she started suggesting that I come here, to substitute. One day she just let me have it! She gave me a bit of tough love, and then, I don't know, somehow I ended up here."

"Six years is a long time to be with somebody." Edward said after a few moments of silence.

"It's not so bad," I shrugged, "I loved him. I just don't think he loved me as much as I thought he did."

Edward stared at me thoughtfully again. I stared back, wondering what he would say. I just told him a whole lot of personal stuff when I barely knew him.

He made it so easy, though. He was a good listener, and it was easy to keep going with my story once I had started telling it.

And honestly, it wasn't as hard as I thought to talk about it.

I thought that I would have a harder time talking about it, but it was easy to state the facts.

"I'm sorry that happened," Edward said, "I can understand that you don't really know who you are anymore- at least, I think that's what you're trying to tell me. You don't know who you are or why you even chose Elementary Education in the first place. I can understand that after six years of living as one half of a "we," you're now just a "me," so that can be complicated. I think you should really try to find out why you fell in love with education in the first place, because you're really good at it."

I hadn't really thought of it like that before. It was true that I wasn't sure what was going on with myself after this situation. I had lost a baby, a piece of me. I spent six years of my life following James around the country, and living and loving him, and now I was alone without him. I expected to marry him, and to have his children… now that neither were happening, I don't really know where I stand.

"I don't have a desire to teach or be around children," I said, "Which makes my whole education a waste."

Which was true. I was back at square one- living at home with my mother at the age of twenty-six and without the man I loved for six years.

"I think you're struggling to find out who you are without James, and if you ask me, you're not really sure why you ever loved him… or teaching… in the first place." Edward said, "And I don't think that you're being fully honest, either. Maybe for a couple of months you felt like you didn't have a desire to be around children, but Bella, you're doing it now. You agreed to help me out for three more weeks. If you truly didn't have a desire to be around kids or to teach, you would've said hell no and ran."

I sat there for a moment, digesting what he was saying. He was 100% correct. I was letting my past overrun me, and I was letting myself believe that I didn't want to teach because James had convinced me to follow him around the world. Then, after I lost my baby and he left me, it was just another excuse not to go back to what I loved.

"Bella, you have to quit punishing yourself. Do what you love. You deserve it."