"Hey dad, we heard you had a visitor and we saw Alex's name on the…" Alexis said. She trailed off at the sight of her old mentor sitting at her father's bedside. "Lanie… Hi, what are you..."

"We were just talking…" Lanie said. If Castle had one word to describe the grin on Lanie's face, it would be mischievous. "About your mother." Castle held his breath, fearing what Lanie might say next, but she knew better. As devious as she may be, this wasn't something to be played around with. This was serious and it was time for Castle to clean up his mess, no matter the consequences. "But I think it's about time I left."

"No. Please stay. It's been so long since I last saw you and I would love to catch up." Alexis urged.

"Maybe some other time." Lanie said. She placed a comforting hand on Alexis' arm and smiled. Then as she was about to leave, she spoke, "And Castle… Don't worry, they're tough, they can handle it." She looked back at them. "They get it from their mother." Cheap shot he thought. But he knew it was her way of saying everything will be fine. That was Lanie.

"She hasn't changed." Johanna said. She sat down beside her sister almost uncomfortable. The atmosphere was different from most visits. Not because the blue curtain had been drawn, which was unusual, but their father was paying attention to them. His face was clear, his hair greying, but most importantly, he held their gaze.

Johanna was right. Lanie really hasn't changed he thought. She was still the voice of reason. Even his nagging conscious spoke like her. It's probably been that way since Kate's 'death'. After the accident, the two had grown closer, being the last of the remaining 12th precinct family. He began to remember that night where they had become each other's support system.

"Alexis is worried about you." Lanie said. She walked into his study, shutting the door behind her.

"I'm fine." Castle said. He wheeled himself around the desk to grab a stack of papers off the coffee table.

"What are you doing?" Lanie said. She took a seat, sipping at her glass of wine. After, she set it down on the coffee table Castle had just cleared.

"Following some leads." Castle said.

"I thought you caught the guy who killed Kate." Lanie said. Castle paused as if she had struck a chord. He swallowed hard and returned to his files.

"They didn't find a body." Castle said.

She was in disbelief. "Rick, don't tell me you're looking for her." Lanie said. He didn't answer her. "Is that what you've been doing in here?" Still nothing. "Your kids think that you've had a hard time coping, but this… you've gone too far."

"She's out there. I have to find her." Castle replied.

"She's dead Rick. Do you really think if she was alive, she wouldn't have tried to call by now?" Lanie fought.

"Maybe she's in a hospital. I don't know." Castle battled back. He finally looked up at her.

"For three years?" Lanie said. They stayed silent, letting the mood linger between them. "Castle, if you keep going with this you'll lose everything."

"I've already lost everything. That's why I need to find her." Castle said.

"Castle… There's nothing to find. She's gone and nothing you can do can bring her back." Lanie said. She could see it in his eyes, the same pain that she woke up with every morning. The denial, the anger, the agony, all of it was there.

"So you're just going to give up?" Castle muttered. He was disappointed in her. He was blinded with the same determination Kate was, back when she was searching for her mother's killer.

"No, I'm just trying to face reality. You have to…"Lanie said.

"I can't… she was my wife!" Castle interrupted.

"And she was my best friend!" Lanie responded. Her voice was shaky as she tried to contain the rumbling emotion building up inside her. "I know how you feel. You wake up every morning to this unbearable pain that never goes away. Everything you own brings back memories of her and it hurts. The pictures in your living room that used to make you smile are now just a constant reminder that she's not here and you just want to burn it all, but you can't. Because you still love her. Because you will always love her and… it's mortifying to know that you have to live without her." She stopped. Not because she wanted to but because her tears wouldn't allow her to. Castle was the same, finding Lanie through his clouded vision and pulling her onto his chair. He held onto her, knowing this is how she felt when she lost Javi. None of it was easy. The world stayed silent as if taking a moment for their loss. Lanie caught her breath. "You have to let her go Castle."

"I don't know how I…" Castle said.

"You have to." Lanie interrupted. "For your kids. They need you to be half the man you are and raise them." He chuckled a little. Wheelchair joke he thought. All of a sudden she got serious and looked at him. "Does it hurt?"

"Not as much as losing her." Castle said, taking on the same demeanor. "What about you? I see you still wear the ring."

She wiped her tears so she could clearly see the diamond on her finger sparkle. She looked into it deeply as if she could somehow see him in it. "As far as I'm concerned, I'm still engaged. I said 'yes'. I have an obligation." She smiled. "Now that I think about it, he kept his promise. He said 'we'll have the perfect wedding' and we will. In heaven or wherever the hell they are." They both shared a chuckle. Not because it was funny, but because it was hopeful. Because it would get them through the day.

"Dad?" Johanna said, snapping him back.

"I love you two so much." Castle uttered.

After the initial shock, they both smiled, and replied, "We love you too." He just wanted to hear it one last time.

Enjoy.

Please Review.

Tell me what you thought.

I'm just making up this story as I go along so your criticism is really taken into account.

(Also just a side note. I was actually going to kill Lanie in the first chapter, but... I'm glad I didn't.)

All rights belong to their rightful owners.