Kurt stormed into the apartment, closely followed by a weary looking Blaine, and headed straight for the kitchen, slamming cupboards as he went about making dinner. Blaine stood in the doorway, watching.
"Kurt, what's wrong?"
No reply. Simply the slamming down of some tinned tomatoes on the counter.
"Seriously, Kurt, talk to me."
He received nothing more than a frustrated sigh as Kurt kept pulling out various ingredients.
"Please, baby, I-"
"Are you cheating on me?" Kurt asked bluntly, turning to face Blaine with an emotionless expression.
"Kurt, I – what?!"
"Are. You. Cheating on me." Kurt repeated, eyebrow raised in his signature bitchglare.
"No, god no! Kurt why would you even think that?"
"Oh come on Blaine, I'm not stupid! Next time you choose to wink at the obviously gay, obviously flirting with you receptionist, it'd probably be a good idea to do it when I'm not standing right there!"
"Wait, this is about SEBASTIAN?" Blaine blinked, confused as to why Kurt was overreacting so much.
"Yes, Blaine, of course." Kurt rolled his eyes "I am questioning our years of happy, loving marriage because some asshole flirted with you."
"Then what is it?!" Blaine shouted in exasperation, throwing his hands in the air "Help me out here, Kurt, because I really have NO clue why you suddenly think I would want to sleep with anyone else!"
"Oh, I don't know" Kurt spat out "Maybe it's the fact that we haven't had sex in almost two months? The fact that whenever I try to be the LEAST bit affectionate with you, you just snap at me and tell me you're busy and stressed, yet when a cute gay man who you are NOT married to flirts, suddenly you're in the mood to flirt back! Is this why you never care about being close to me anymore? You get all the 'closeness' you need from the school receptionist then you don't have to bother with your husband?"
Kurt was obviously trying to hold back his tears by now, and Blaine was staring at Kurt in disbelief. Kurt knew that he genuinely was busy with exams for almost all his classes, as well as applying for the head of department post, and Kurt has said he understood what this would mean! Then again, he was a bit shocked to hear how long it had been since they had been intimate; he hadn't realised it had been almost TWO months!
When Blaine hadn't answered him, Kurt ran a hand through his hair, laughing bitterly.
"Well, thank you for those comforting words, Blaine. Good to know you're willing to fight for our marriage." And with this Kurt pushed past Blaine, pulling his jacket back on as he headed for the door.
"Where are you going?" Blaine sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose, his eyes screwed up in frustration.
"Well you obviously need some space to think about whether or not I am actually what you want" Kurt snapped, voice shaky as he opened the door "Just…just let me know when you decide if we're worth it or not, okay? Otherwise don't wait up for me, I'll crash on the couch."
With that, Kurt walked out, slamming the door behind him. Blaine wanted to call out after him, tell him to please just stay so they could talk this out, but his voice caught in his throat. It was the first time in their whole 5 years together that one of them had actually walked out on a situation, and it was all his fault.
Snapping out of his thoughts, Blaine realised he was still stood in the doorway to the kitchen and the longer he waited, the further away Kurt got. Forgetting his jacket, Blaine ran out of the apartment, locking the door hastily and practically sprinting down the stairs and out onto the street, looking for any sign of Kurt. He swore loudly when he saw none, kicking a bin in frustration. He sat on the steps to their building, head in his hands, trying to think where Kurt would go, and then it came to him. It was the place Blaine had first said 'I love you', it was where he had gone when his father had got ill again, where they spent every anniversary, and where Kurt went when he just needed to think.
Working on autopilot, Blaine made his way to the nearby park and garden, wishing he hadn't left his jacket at home. On arriving he saw Kurt immediately, partly because there was no-one else in sight but also because in the dark, Kurt's pale skin shone out like moonlight.
Blaine approached, ready to get on his knees and beg for Kurt to come home, when Kurt let out a shaky breath and began to sing.
I need some sleep
You can't go on like this
I tried counting sheep
But there's one I always miss
Everyone says I'm getting down too low
Everyone says you just gotta let it go
You just gotta let it go
You just gotta let it go
He was leaning against an old tree, the same spot they had spent many summer afternoons and midnight picnics and somber moments of comfort. Next to where Kurt's cheek rested against the bark was a shoddily carved heart with 'K+B' inside it.
I need some sleep
It's time to put the old horse down
I'm in too deep
And the wheels keep spinning round
Everyone says I'm getting down too low
Everyone says you just gotta let it go
You just gotta let it go
You just gotta let it go
Kurt's resolve broke and he allowed the tears to stream silently down his face as he reached up, tracing the carving lightly. Blaine had carved that minutes before he told Kurt he was in love with him.
You just gotta let it go
Blaine had looked at him with those beautiful eyes and told him he wanted everyone for years to come to know that Kurt Hummel was loved. And now, Kurt was scared he may have lost it all.
You just gotta let it go
He slid his wedding ring off, turning it over in his hands as he thought. If Blaine had been cheating on him…what did any of it mean anymore? All the soft touches and silent promises and hushed "I love you"s, did they even mean anything anymore? Did they even mean anything in the first place? If they did then surely Kurt wouldn't have ended up here, feeling like he was about to break from the pain of it all.
Just gotta let it go
As Kurt finished the song Blaine couldn't take it anymore. The look of just pure sadness on Kurt's face was the single most heartbreaking thing he had ever seen. He moved closer to where Kurt was sat crying.
"It really isn't fair, you know."
Kurt jumped at the sound of Blaine's voice, half wondering why Blaine had bothered following him. He didn't bother looking towards Blaine, speaking coldly.
"What isn't?"
"No-one should still look beautiful when they cry" Blaine said sadly, moving to kneel in front of Kurt "then again, no-one so beautiful should ever be made to cry. I'm sorry."
"Sorry for what, Blaine?" Kurt asked bitterly. There was still those butterflies he got whenever Blaine told him he was beautiful, but right now it was shadowed by anger and hurt. "Sorry that I'm not enough for you anymore?"
"What? Kurt I told you I didn't cheat on you and I wasn't lying. I need you to hear me out, but I also need you to believe me when I say I have never once lied to you and I am not lying now. I know back at the apartment I must have seemed guilty, but that's because I felt guilty. Not for what you thought, but for something so much worse…I felt guilty because I realised that I had completely failed you as a husband and best friend, which is something I promised us both I would never do. I am so, so sorry."
Kurt looked into Blaine's eyes. After years of being together Kurt could read Blaine like a book, and right now everything about Blaine read sincerity and shame. Kurt drew a deep breath, wiping some of the tears from his cheeks, but when he spoke again his voice was still laced with hurt and mistrust.
"What about Sebastian?"
"What about him?"
"You flirted with him. You winked at him. I believe you, I do, but you need to help me understand this."
Blaine sighed, running a hand through his hair. He had hoped Kurt would never have to see him around Sebastian since it was not something he was very proud of…
"Sebastian is…he's this complete asshole. He'll flirt with just about anything that moves and when he first started I completely ignored him and rejected him. Turns out he didn't like that, and suddenly I was being scheduled for cafeteria duty and detention duty and in just about any free period I had, I was put down as supply staff. It only stopped when I started responding to him. I'm not proud of it, but you have to believe me when I say there is nothing there."
Blaine looked into Kurt's eyes imploringly, taking his hands in his own and placing soft kisses on each of his knuckles. Kurt's expression was just…there weren't even words to describe it. It was a sign of when Kurt's self-esteem was at his all time low, and Blaine just knew that while Kurt believed him, the fact weighing on Kurt's mind was that there was a young, confident, hot gay guy interested in Blaine.
"Okay, Kurt, give me your ring."
Kurt held out the wedding ring, not meeting Blaine's eye. Blaine held the ring up in front of Kurt's face.
"Do you remember what I said in my vows the day I gave you this?"
"Of course" Kurt mumbled, smiling slightly at the memory.
"Tell me."
"You said…" Kurt blushed as he said it out loud "You said I was the most exquisite being you had ever seen, that there is not one person who will ever come close to me because I have a beauty that dulls angels in comparison."
"Exactly. When I said that to you I meant it, and it is just as true now as it was then. I still wake up every morning and look at you and think you are the most breathtaking thing I have ever seen. Sebastian is just this moderately attractive guy made ugly by his personality, but you? You are everything beautiful in the world, and I haven't shown you enough recently but I wouldn't trade you off for anything else in the universe."
Blaine closed his point by leaning forwards and kissing Kurt, sliding the ring back onto his finger before moving to cup Kurt's face. It was the first time they had really kissed like this in months, and as Kurt's hands fisted into Blaine's shirt, pulling him closer, Blaine began to wonder how the hell he survived this long without it.
"I'm still mad at you," Kurt mumbled against Blaine's lips as he allowed Blaine to push him back onto the grass "but right now I love you way too much to care."
Blaine pulled back once they were lain down, propping himself up on his side next to Kurt, stroking his cheek softly and unable to stop the tears streaming as he whispered broken "I'm so sorry"s and "I love you"s, peppering Kurt's tear-stained face with soft kisses. They stayed like that for longer than either cared to keep track of, until Kurt pointed out that it was really fucking late and they both had work the next day. Half-heartedly, Blaine pushed himself up then held a hand out to Kurt saying "Mr Hummel, if I may?" in the same faux-pompous voice he had used to break the ice on their first date, and had been using for years since then.
"Why thank you, Mr Hummel." Kurt replied, smiling at the familiarity of the joke. He took Blaine's hand, and Blaine pulled him up then with a sharp tug pulled their bodies flush together, kissing him deeply.
"I need you to promise me something." Blaine said as he pulled away, looking at Kurt very seriously. Kurt nodded, whispering "Anything."
"You never, and I mean never, let me neglect you like that again. I need you to promise me this, and in return I promise you that from now on, no matter how busy or stressed either of us get, I will make sure I worship your amazing body and show you just how much I will always love and want you at least, at the very least, once a week, okay?"
"No, Blaine, you don-"
"Yes, I do have to, Kurt." Blaine cut him off, eyes shining with emotion "Because not one day goes by when I regret letting myself fall, but if I let you slip away now then I will regret it every day till the day I die."
Kurt pulled Blaine back into a deep, passionate kiss before breaking away, saying forcefully "I love you so much."
"I love you too" Blaine whispered fondly, doubting he would ever get tired of saying or hearing those words. With one last soft kiss on the cheek, the two men walked off into the night with their eyes red-rimmed, hands entwined and hearts starting to feel whole again.