Ambitious Love - Part 4
The first thing Kumiko noticed when she stepped into the apartment was the sheer austerity, the Spartan nature of the entire unit. It was a minimalist design, screaming high class, immaculate, and unlived in. There were almost no personal items like family photos in sight, giving the apartment a sterile feeling.
"It's…not what I expected."
Kumiko said as she took a few steps into the living room. There were a few albums and records that were framed and it looked like they were going to be hung on the wall, but they sat in a pile, the walls still bare. She couldn't feel Reina in this space. It was odd to even think that anyone lived here.
Reina knew what the brunette was thinking.
"It wasn't my idea. Noboru…he used to live in an upscale condo in New York and he wanted to replicate it. It's taken months for the renovations." Reina chose her words carefully as she moved into the kitchen.
"Ah, I see." The young doctor didn't know what else to say. She had flinched when Reina said his name, his first name with such familiarity, without the honorifics. It was a strange notion to entertain, to think that Reina shared this space with that man, to think that Reina shared his bed.
"Do you want a drink? Red or white wine?" Reina rummaged through the cupboards, pulling out two glasses.
"I'm alright. Water's fine." The brunette replied as she delved deeper into the couple's life, watching as Reina fetched a bottle of pinot. The open concept apartment left the two rooms linked together. Browsing through the bookshelves filled with music history books, music scores, and various old albums, Kumiko was fascinated by the collection, briefly returning to a simpler time where she tried to play those arrangements by ear. Suddenly, the woman paused, coming to a photo frame that sat on a mid-level shelf. It was knocked over, the picture face down.
Taking a deep breath, Kumiko gingerly picked up the photo frame, flipping it over. There was a pang of tightness that struck Kumiko in the chest as she lay eyes on Reina. It reminded her of how Reina had used to smile at her, but the person she had her arm around was a dark haired man, much older than she remembered, but he still wore those same glasses.
Swallowing the sudden emotion, Kumiko turned away, heading into the kitchen.
As Kumiko entered the other room, she made her way over to Reina at the breakfast counter, pouring herself a generous amount of red wine, while a glass of ice water sat waiting for the brunette.
"Reina, it's not even noon."
Reina could hear the accusation in Kumiko's voice, but ignored her, taking a swig of the burgundy liquid. "I assure you that my day drinking is not cause for concern, doctor."
Kumiko cringed at the way the other woman addressed her. In retrospect, she didn't mean to come off so judgemental, but she wasn't in the best of moods. The seasoned physician resisted the urge to ask Reina about her alcohol habits. It was an occupational hazard and she bit her tongue to avoid prying. It wasn't her concern anyway.
There was a strange silence between them, the two women avoiding eye contact. Reina continued to drain the contents of her glass to fill the awkward inaction.
"About that night-"
"Kumiko, I-"
They both stopped mid-sentence to avoid speaking over the other, the awkwardness seeping back in.
Putting down her now empty wine glass, Reina closed the distance between them, standing at arm's length from the brunette. She gestured for Kumiko to continue.
With some hesitation, the brunette took a breath before she started again.
"Why did you come to my house this morning?" Kumiko's words came out colder than she had planned, but she couldn't contain her contempt.
Reina almost flinched at the hostility, but outwardly, kept her composure. "I just wanted to apologize…for everything. And I wanted to tell you that you saved me that night in the hospital."
"It was my job." Kumiko answered automatically, trying to distance herself from her emotions. She reached for the glass of water, taking a sip to preoccupy her hands. In retrospect, the doctor regretted her decision, wishing that she had something stronger to ease her through this conversation.
"That's not what I meant. You saved my life, but I want you to understand that seeing you…" Reina gazed into Kumiko's honey gold eyes, pleading for a reprieve. "Seeing you made me want to keep on living. I needed to tell you how sorry I am."
"Is that all you want to say to me? Sorry? I don't think a simple sorry can make everything better." Kumiko felt uncomfortable at the close proximity, backing up instinctively.
"I know it won't, but I'm begging you to give me a second chance." Desperation dripped from Reina's voice, surprising the brunette.
"I already did. I gave you so many chances, but you kept throwing them back in my face. After all, the only one you care about is yourself, right?" Kumiko scoffed, turning away as she tried to hide the pained expression on her face. She clutched the glass of water close to her chest, her knuckles turning white from the grip she had on the cup.
Reina tried to approach Kumiko again, backing the woman up against the wall. There was nowhere for the doctor to run. She was cornered.
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I was young and stupid and I thought he was going to give me everything I'd ever wanted. I thought I had a chance to be somebody. I followed him around the world and I-I thought I was going to be happy." Reina reached out, placing a hand on Kumiko's shoulder, but the brunette flinched at the sudden contact.
"I'm not your backup, Reina! I can't just take you back because your fairy tale didn't turn out like it was supposed to." Kumiko stifled the tears in her eyes, gritting her teeth and willing them not to fall. She couldn't show weakness, not now. She put on airs for the other woman, but her efforts were lacklustre.
"No, Kumiko, please! That's not how it was!" Reina reached out abruptly, wrapping her hands around Kumiko's wrist. The doctor struggled, but the musician tightened her hold reflexively. She pushed, fighting the other woman for control. It wasn't before long a shatter filled the room, the cup that Kumiko was holding now in pieces on the floor, in a puddle of glass shards and ice. Her wrists were starting to hurt, Reina's vice-like grip had her nails digging into the flesh around her wrists. "I've thought about you every day for the past five years. Ever since that night I saw you at the party, I knew that you were the one I wanted."
"If that's really true, then why? Why did you leave again?" Kumiko sobbed as she said this, losing all resolve to oppose Reina. She thought that the pain of waking up to an empty bed and a hastily scrawled note would fade with time, but it felt like it had happened just yesterday.
"I wanted you, but I also wanted to fulfill my dream of becoming a world class musician. I-I…was offered a contract deal. I had to relocate to New York. I didn't have the heart to tell you." Reina had tears streaming down her cheeks now, feeling the full brunt of the regret that had been festering all these years.
"Well, good for you then, miss all-things-considerate. You did me a huge favor, not telling me. I thought you were just a flake back then, but now I know that you're just a career driven sociopath who uses people as she sees fit." Kumiko laughed humorlessly, her salty tears trailing into her mouth.
"I may have been selfish, but I regret everything I've done. If I could go back in time, I would have stayed with you. I would have-"
Reina's grip loosened for a second.
At this, Kumiko flung Reina's hands off violently. "Enough. Just stop. Don't tell me you brought me here just to say that you wish you could have done things differently, that you wish you cared about me enough to choose our relationship over your ambition. Because I know you wouldn't have." The brunette sighed, shaking her head. She had a bitter smile on her face as she stared at Reina. "We're the same kind of person, Reina. We're both selfish and ambitious, so I know that if you really wanted me more than anything, you would have found a way."
There was a lapse of silence and Kumiko moved towards the door, wiping away her tears with the sleeve of her sweater.
"Wait. Please don't go."
No matter how livid Kumiko was, she turned around, a part of her wanting to seek some kind of closure. Meeting Reina's eyes, the brunette could see only remorse, regret, and sadness. There was no way the usually stoic musician could have faked such a pained expression.
"Why should I stay?"
Reina closed the distance between them in two strides, catching the doctor off guard as she stood up on her tiptoes and pressed her lips to Kumiko's, engaging the woman in a deep kiss. Reina brought Kumiko in close to her, snaking her arms around the taller woman's waist.
At first, the brunette was surprised and stunned, but then she remembered her convictions. She was supposed to be angry, had the right to be angry, and should still be angry. When this reasoning gained control in her mind, Kumiko knew she couldn't give in. She couldn't do this. This was wrong. She struggled half-heartedly against Reina, but the taste and the feel of the woman's lips against her was unbearable to deny.
After a few seconds, Kumiko couldn't resist anymore. She was angry, but she wanted and needed this release. It was a conflict that she didn't know how to resolve. The thought of ravaging Reina had been haunting her mind for long enough.
The two parted briefly, breathless, almost dizzy from the long kiss.
Kumiko's gaze pierced into Reina's fathomless violet eyes, smouldering with the intense urge to make Reina feel how much it hurt when she broke her heart.
With the short silence, Reina felt the regret sinking in, wondering if she had made another mistake.
"Kumiko, I-"
"Shut up." The doctor grabbed Reina by the shoulders roughly, crushing her lips against the woman's. A small whimper escaped Reina's lips as Kumiko kissed her, pouring all her pent up hurt and her anger into her actions. She steered the petite woman backwards, pushing her against the kitchen counter. Reina reciprocated eagerly, tangling her fingers in the doctor's hair, undoing the ponytail it was arranged in as she kissed the brunette back. The sound of fabric tearing filled the air as Kumiko hastily stripped off Reina's sundress. The doctor cringed at her own heavy handedness, feeling instant remorse at ruining the other woman's dress.
Reina felt the slight pause and almost grinned, relieved at the levity that settled in. They closed in for another kiss, but this time, it was gentler, but full of the same fervor that they were both familiar with.
Kumiko paused before she continued, drinking in the sight of Reina, leaning against the counter, breathless. Her alabaster skin was exposed as the woman stood there in her undergarments, clad in black lace panties and a matching bra. The contrast of color was striking, from the lingerie to Reina's pin straight black hair. The musician's long locks were draped over her right shoulder, coming to rest between her breasts.
Swallowing her apprehension, the brunette let her hands run up and down the expanse of the woman's long legs, her fingers hooking into the waistband of Reina's low hanging panties, pulling them down past her thighs.
"Kumiko, I'm only still here because of you." Gasping, Reina bit her lip, the brunette's cold hands sending shivers down her spine as they ran up her inner thigh.
Kumiko felt her breath hitch in her throat, forgoing a reply because she knew she would be too emotional to be coherent. In the back of her mind, she agreed with Reina. It was a mutual feeling, that sense of longing that had kept her looking forward to the next day for as long as she knew. Kumiko silenced her inner dialogue, leaning in and capturing Reina's lips with hers.
It was a few hours later that Kumiko half stumbled out of Reina's apartment, her sweater hanging askew off her left shoulder. She had barely gotten her shoes on before she was out the door and nearly bolting down the corridor.
"Kumiko, wait!"
Turning around, the brunette's heart sank as she watched Reina run out in her slippers, clad in a loose fitting T-shirt and shorts. She had thrown them on in a hurry, rushing after Kumiko. It was so inelegant, so uncharacteristic of the always concert ready Reina. The sight made Kumiko hesitate. The doctor was already at the elevators, pressing the down button.
It was a mistake.
Her whole afternoon had been a mistake. She shouldn't have embraced her old skeletons so impulsively. Now, she didn't know if she would be able to stop thinking about Reina.
Reina, her first love.
Reina, the woman who had broken her heart.
Reina, a married woman.
Kumiko kept pushing the down button repeatedly, muttering under her breath. "C'mon...hurry up..."
"Kumiko, stop this! I mean, after what happened-" Reina had almost caught up, only a few metres away from the brunette.
'Ding'
The metal doors of the elevator opened and Kumiko rushed inside, pressing the buttons to close the doors. Before the doors slid shut, Reina's slipper clad foot appeared in the gap and the sensors opened up the elevator again. Reina took this chance to barge into the small space, the doors closing behind her.
Without giving the musician a chance to ask her questions, Kumiko let the words spill out of her mouth. The thoughts had been running through her mind the entire afternoon, the guilt mounting.
"Reina, I can't do this. You're married and I-I just don't think-I...This…was a mistake." The brunette took a step away from Reina, feeling disgusted with herself for being so simple and so stupid, not thinking of the consequences, but of her own fleeting desires.
"Kumiko, please. Please believe me. I only want to be with you." Reina clutched fistfuls of Kumiko's shirt, begging for the woman's understanding. "I need you. I would never leave you again."
"Stop it, Reina. What we did…it's not right. It can't happen again." The young doctor swallowed what she really wanted to say, trying to do what she thought was best for both of them in the long run. She wasn't one to be a stickler for moral choices, but it was clear that between a flourishing music career and a high school sweetheart, Reina was going to follow her ambitions. After all, past behaviour was always an indicator of future behaviour. Admittedly, Kumiko learned this the hard way.
"I don't love him, Kumiko." Reina pleaded, trying to make her point.
Seeing the pained look in the doctor's eyes, Reina could sense that they both wanted the same thing. She knew that it would take time to build up trust again, but no matter how long it took, the musician was willing to give up everything, especially her tortuous ambition.
Kumiko looked away, refusing to entertain the thought that Reina would ever leave her husband for her. That kind of news would damage the trumpeter's reputation, especially if the reason for the divorce was an illicit sexual relationship with another woman. If Reina was the person Kumiko knew she was, the musician would never risk that.
"Just…" Reina let out a heavy sigh, knowing her argument was weak. "Please, just think about it. What I said before wasn't a lie. I'm still in love with you, Kumiko. I always have been." The black haired woman resigned, feeling foolish for being so desperate. It wasn't her, but after these past few weeks, she wasn't sure who Kousaka Reina really was.
There was a brief pause in Reina's inner monologue and she caught herself, smiling bitterly.
She was Taki Reina now, wasn't she?
The chime of the elevator sounded and the doors opened as the two women arrived on the ground floor. The lobby was empty, the concierge on the phone behind his desk. There was silence in the small space, Reina still frozen in place, clutching Kumiko's shirt. It took her a few seconds before the musician realized that she was still holding on. She released her grip, pulling away. Trying to regain her dignity, Reina faced away from the brunette, unable to look her in the eyes. She waited for the doctor to exit the elevator, to leave, but they both stood there in silence.
The seconds ticked past and the elevator doors closed again.
Wordlessly, Kumiko went over to the elevator panel, lighting up the button for the 25th floor.
Reina looked up with shock and then relief registering on her face in a split second. Everything happened so quickly, the whole situation just seeming so surreal. "Kumiko-"
"Reina…don't…say anything that will make me change my mind. We're just going to talk about it. We have a lot of things to talk about." Sighing, Kumiko massaged the bridge of her nose, feeling a massive headache coming on.
"Yes, alright. I would like that." Reina held her tongue, but failed to stifle the smile that had worked its way onto her lips. It was the first time in years that she had felt like something was going right in her life.
"Thank you. You don't know what this means to me."
A/N: Argh. Trying to move this story along, but I guess I'm in a bit of a writer's rut.
Depending on my workload for this semester, this could end very abruptly or I'll just drag it out (which I am known to do).
Please review if you liked it!