"Tony?"

He felt her hand on his arm rousing him gently. Groaning quietly, he opened his eyes.

"How long was I asleep for?"

"Not sure. Maybe a half hour?"

"Hmm."

He pushed himself up to a sitting position on the bed, and noticed her standing over him slightly. He spied their squirmy infant in her arms.

"I was thinking you could wind him Tony."

Startled at her offer, he found himself fully alert.

"Uh, if you're sure."

She smiled, placed a muslin cloth on his shoulder and gently passed James to him.

"Rest him over your shoulder, and use that arm to support his bottom," she instructed watching them both carefully.

She noticed he was shaking a little. Smoothing her hand in his, she looked at him directly and said "You can do this."

The touch of her reassurance sent a wave of calm rushing through his body and he immediately relaxed.

Following her instructions, Tony brought his boy to his shoulder, supported his bottom and then began to pat his back rhythmically.

"He sounds like an empty box", he chuckled.

"Well, he is a tiny soul," she murmured softly, and patted his leg.

Yawning, she turned her attention to the blind on the window currently keeping out the daylight. She couldn't decide whether to open it or not.

Part of her wanted to keep the blind down, to keep the outside world out too. The moments she was having here with Tony and her son were precious. And she wanted to savour them. Letting the world in was something she wasn't quite sure she was ready for.

Opening the blind meant starting the day. However late in the day it actually is.

"Michelle?" Tony interrupted her thoughts.

She turned back his worried voice.

"Should he be doing that?"

And an anguished wail filled her ears. James was wriggling and clearly uncomfortable.

"It's trapped wind Tony," she informed him, reaching for James and picking him up gently.

"Sssh, ssh, it's okay James," she soothed.

Another wail was unleashed deafening Michelle's ears.

She sat down on the bed and laid him on his front over her thigh and began to pat with a bit more pressure.

Seeing his son's pinky red scrunched up and clearly in pain face shook Tony. This was unfamiliar territory to him. He felt helpless just sitting there and watching.

"Michelle...?"

She didn't answer him. James started to splutter.

"C'mon baby, let it out," she patted him harder.

"Pass me the cloth Tony, he might be sick."

Just as Tony held the cloth under his small one's chin, James hiccupped and a trail of milk spilled out from his mouth and dribbled down his chin.

Undoubtedly startled from his breathless experience, James began to cry.

Wiping away the milk from his chin, Michelle scooped up her baby and held him tightly in a cuddle, kissing him on the top of his head and gently swayed her body to calm him.

As fast as the terror appeared, it disappeared. Tony was dumbfounded.

"Michelle... what was that?" he asked.

"Reflux. It sometimes happens when he takes in too much air or my milk comes out too fast when he feeds."

"Oh. Has it happened before?"

"Just a couple of times."

She began to move about the room as James' cries subdued.

Tony sighed.

"Wow. I mean, you were so calm."

She turned to face him.

"It scares the hell out of me. I just can't let him know that it does. He's sensitive to my emotions, he will probably be to yours too."

Tony nodded understanding.

"I mean... if you still want to be here."

She avoided his eye as she sat back down on the bed next to him.

"Whaddya mean Michelle?"

He tried to hide the hurt in his voice.

She stalled for time by making herself more comfortable on the bed.

"Michelle."

She sighed.

"I mean, back at CTU it was just me. I sprung your little boy on you. I don't want you feel obliged to stay with me for him -"

"Where is this coming from?" he interrupted her.

"I saw your face when James was struggling to breathe. I know how much it terrified you and how much you already love him..." She wasn't really sure what she was saying or why she was saying it.

Taking her hand in his, gripping tight he asked her to look at him.

"Sweetheart, I want you. James is a happy surprise. I want you and him. The both of you. I just hope you both want me."

A tear fell from her eye.

"More than anything. I'm just scared."

He leant his forehead against hers to look directly into her gorgeous brown eyes, but it took her a few seconds to look into his.

"I know you are, but baby, I'm not going anywhere. I promise you. It's not going to be easy, but you are my life. You and James are my life and I won't be without of either of you."

She smiled with relief, her pulse racing at him calling her 'baby'. It was something he rarely called her, but when he did, it had always sent her heart surging.

"I believe you. I'm just going to find it hard to share him."

Tony laughed quietly.

"That, I can deal with."

And he kissed her, willing her to feel his reassurance.

Something other people never understood about them as a couple, was their ability to communicate without saying a word. They read each other like a book. From a look, a touch or a kiss, they knew what the other was saying. The moment he first saw her at CTU, he knew he loved her. But the first time she kissed him, he fell deeply in love. The roots of his heart, were irreversibly tangled with hers.

"What was your pregnancy like?" he asked, speaking more to her hair as it was inches from his lips.

When they broke the kiss, Michelle - still holding James, tucked herself into Tony's side and they lay together in peaceful silence.

With his arm around her shoulders, he ran his hand up and down her arm.

She tilted her head back to see his face before answering.

"It was good. I had terrible morning sickness until week 12 and after that, it was a breeze."

She paused.

"Well, apart from you not being here and going into labour at 36 weeks of course."

"Hmm?" He waited for her to explain.

"Ideally, 37-40 weeks is when a baby should be born. 36 weeks is fine, but there is always a risk the lungs wouldn't be developed properly. Though every mother and baby is different."

"Ah, I see."

Leaning more into her hair he quietly whispered "I'm sorry I wasn't there for you."

But she heard him.

A few moments passed before he was ready to his next question. He was excited for the answer.

"When did you find out you were having a boy?"

She could feel the excitement buzzing from him.

"At my 20 weeks scan. From the moment I woke that day, I couldn't decide whether to find out or not. In the end I found myself impulsively asking and they told me."

That sounds just like you Michelle. Indecisive and impulsive, he thought to himself.

"I cried with happiness. We always said we would like a boy first didn't we?" She tilted her head back again to look at him.

"So he would take care of his younger siblings. Hopefully a sister or two."

She repeated the exact same line Tony had said all those years ago when they discussed having children.

He snatched a kiss from her lips.

Feeling pins and needles in her arm, and slightly warm, Michelle shifted to sit up.

"I need to take a shower. I've worn these clothes for way longer than I should."

From Tony's body warmth, her blouse now stuck to her torso which made her feel icky.

"Will you watch him while I jump in?"

Tony, although disappointed his roll of questions had been halted, was delighted at being asked, although nervous.

"Of course. You've no need to ask Michelle."

"Good."

She started to peel James off.

"I know you're nervous, but you're a natural."

Tony couldn't hide his smile at that. Although he hadn't spend a great deal with James, it still meant a lot to hear that. And he knew she was being honest with him.

"Being a parent is something you learn to be every day. It's not easy, but it's worth it."

She gazed longingly at her son, absorbing his Tony-like delicate features as she did every day before planting a noisy kiss on his cheek and giving him to Tony.

"Hey little guy," Tony said to his son as Michelle left the room and a pair of eyelids fluttered open.

"You wanna hang out with daddy?"

As soon as the words left his mouth he was grinning. It was still slightly unfamiliar to him but made his heart skip a beat.

He brought his son to sit on his lap, using his left arm to prop him up so he could chat to him.

Standing underneath the shower, Michelle allowed the hot water to beat down onto her back and she moaned softly with relief. Her hair had returned to it's natural wild curly state and she felt more like herself again.

She had it straightened as a favour to her friend who was training to be a hairstylist, and while she liked how it looked, she preferred her curls, no matter how crazy they drove her.

Feeling more relaxed than she had in a long while, she leaned back against the cubicle wall, took a deep breath to clear her mind and allowed her eyes to close.

But within seconds the car bomb flashed into her mind knocking the wind out of her. Gasping loudly, she opened her eyes and uncontrollably started to sob.

Quickly covering her mouth to stifle her anguish, she turned to face the wall, using a hand to hold herself up and hoped the shower would drown out her noise.

Knowing Tony was in the car almost finished her, Bill had stopped her from falling to her knees. And that thought played over and over in her mind.

He was gone. He was blown up in front of her very eyes.

The raw pain stabbed at her heart over and over.

Not realising her cries had got louder, she noticed the cubicle door sliding back.

He had heard her. He didn't need to strain to hear. Over the time they were together, he had got used to finding her in different dark corners crying quietly. She rarely cried when she was in pain when they were together, so he understood that these tears were for the past 18 hours or so.

When she had come walking around the corner at CTU the previous day, he saw pain in her eyes. Pain that he caused.

Carefully placing James in his bassinette, he carried him to the bathroom placing him down just inside the door.

Walking slightly unsteadily, he approached the shower cubicle and slid the door back.

The look on her face - every emotion possible etched onto it, broke his heart.

He reached in, pushed the shower off and put his hand around the back of her neck motioning for her to come to him. She fell into his chest sobbing loudly, gripping his t-shirt so tight she was almost pinching his skin.

He held her against him with one arm, while his free hand stroked her soaking hair. He didn't need to say anything. He just needed to keep her standing.

"I'm naked", she finally uttered, with her tears slowing down.

Tony chuckled. "I wasn't aware of that sweetheart."

With Michelle not ready to release her grip of him, he leaned over the best he could and grabbed the towel sitting on the handrail with his fingertips and spread it across her back.

"Baby, you're cold, I can feel you shivering. Dry yourself."

She stayed silent.

"Michelle," he said firmly.

And ever so slowly, she released her grip on him. As she moved back, he quickly pulled the towel in front of her so he wouldn't see anything.

Not that he hadn't seen it all before - he knew every inch of her body with his eyes closed, but he wanted to be respectful of her. They weren't quite ready for nakedness just yet.

Holding the towel around her body, and straightening up, Michelle became soberly aware of Tony's soaked clothes.

"I'm sorry," she whispered.

"You don't need to apologise Michelle. But I need to go and get some clothes, unfortunately I'm not James' size."

He was trying to distract her, but it didn't work.

"Jen's." The name barely escaped her lips.

Tony gave a slight nod and looked at the floor.

"I'll go now and I'll be back before you know it."

And he turned to leave, stopping to crouch down to give his son a kiss.

She could only watch as he walked away.

He couldn't stay and see her the hurt on her face. He wanted to stop hurting her. And this was the last thing he had to do before he was truly free.

He got halfway down the second flight of stairs before he stopped. His heart was beating so hard against his chest he was sure the sound echoed in the stairwell.

He couldn't do it.

Michelle threw on an old grey sports sweater with matching grey pants not caring about her hair. She had brought James into the front room and secured him in his blue baby bouncer to keep him occupied while she tidied up.

She felt numb. She wasn't sure if Tony would be coming back.

She quietly scolded herself for losing it in front of him as she picked up some magazines she left lying on the floor; believing she scared him away.

James cooed happily just as there was a knock on the door.

Sighing at the disturbance, she yanked the door open and was shocked to see Tony standing in front of her.

"What...?"

He cut her off with a kiss.

"I couldn't leave you, I couldn't go back there," he stumbled out.

She looked at him for half a second before kissing him again, her hands resting on either side of his face.

With those words, she felt ultimately comforted. She trusted him.

"Who needs clothes, right?" He murmured when they came up for air.