Don't own them, blah, blah, you know what I mean

Chapter 4: Welcome to your new home Irina

Irina walked into the average sized house of Leslie Maynor and visibly cringed at the interior. The walls were covered from ceiling to floor with family photos. The photos weren't the problem it was the people in the photos. All of them had the whole Brady Bunch look going on. The women were wearing matching pink pastel dresses with ribbons in their hair. They were seated while the men wearing matching green argyle sweaters stood behind them with forced smiles on their faces.

"What have I done?" Irina mumbled.

She sat her bag on the sofa and began to feel nauseated. There draped across the back of the sofa was an unfinished scarf the crochet needles still attached.

"She does needlework, wears ribbons, and takes cheesy family photos. It's like she's stuck in the 50's or something." Irina thought.

Irina walked into the kitchen and saw Leslie's instructions on the table. It read:

Dear Mrs. Bristow,

I find it dandy….

With that Irina ran out of the house screaming. She hotwired the neighbors minivan and drove to the nearest bar. After drinking nearly 3 bottles of Absolut vodka and swindling the local chumps out of two grand she returned to the house slightly tipsy but ready to face anything. When she walked into the room she was greeted by a high pitched squeal. Kayle Maynor came running toward her at full speed. Her reaction was slowed but she stepped out of the way just in time sending the sixteen year old sprawling. She grabbed the girl's arm and caught her before she fell.

"Rule number one never run at me like that." Irina said.

"Ye, Yes mam." Kayle stammered she was afraid of this woman.

"Hello. You must be Irina." Preston said walking toward her.

She extended her hand in greeting but he pulled her into his arms instead. She hugged him back. Then she smelled something familiar. He used the same aftershave as Jack. She nearly sighed she sort of missed him.

"Nice to meet you Preston." she said giving him her most dazzling smile. It had its intended affect he swallowed heavily.

"Um, I see you have met Kayle, sorry she startled you."

"That's ok, don't you have a son."

"Yes. Kevin could you come down here."

Kevin Maynor wasn't what Irina had expected he walked down the steps with a bored look on his face that sort of reminded her of Jack at briefings. "Irina quit thinking about Jack." she thought to herself. She kneeled down so she was eye level with Kevin.

" Hi. I'm Irina. It's nice to meet you."

"You smell like alcohol."

"Kevin. Don't be rude." Preston corrected.

"I'm terribly sorry Mrs. Bristow."

"Please call me Irina."

"Ok. Irina. Kayle will you finish helping Kevin with his homework."

"Okey Dokey Daddy-O" Kayle said skipping up the stairs.

It took all of Irina's will power not to vomit. Once the kids left he turned to her.

"Um, Irina I don't mean to be rude but have you been drinking."

"Yes a little."

"Well, we are kind of a dry household. I'm sure my wife put that in the manual."

"I'm sorry I didn't get a chance to read it." Preston's never changing facial expression was starting to annoy her.

"Well now that that settled I'll show you to the guest room."

With that Preston picked up her bags and walked upstairs. Irina followed him wearily the overwhelming happiness was starting to wear her down.

Preston opened the door and she walked into a room decorated in a hideous yellow. It was like the sun had puked on the walls.

"Leslie usually cooks dinner but I'll let it slide for tonight since you've had a long day."

"Thanks. I'll cook breakfast." Irina said trying to be kind.

"That would be just dandy." He said cheerfully "We'll give you a call when dinner's ready."

"Thank you."

Preston walked out of the room. Irina walked over to her duffle bag and pulled out the titanium case she stored there. From it she pulled out and assembled her nine millimeter. Then she put it in the middle bedside drawer and sat down on the bed. She ran one hand through her hair and stretched out on the bed. She was sound asleep in a matter of seconds.

About thirty minutes later she heard a noise at her door. She reached over opening the middle drawer and disengaged the safety on her gun. She rolled over onto her stomach slipping the gun underneath her pillow. Just as she did the door opened and she could hear footsteps coming towards her. She rolled onto her side quickly and pointed the gun at the noise.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!" Preston screamed dropping the tray he was holding on the floor. He sounded like a little girl.

Irina quickly engaged the safety and put the gun back in the drawer."I'm so sorry, I heard a noise and thought it was someone breaking in."

Preston was still breathing hard and his eyes were enlarged to an abnormally large size.

"It's ok." he finally managed to say.

She cleaned up the mess and escorted him to his room.

"Um, goodnight." she said awkwardly.

"Yeah. Goodnight Irina." he said.

As soon as she left he crawled onto his bed and curled into a ball and began to cry. Little did he know his wife wasn't having much luck either.