I'm back, my loving darlings! *blows kisses and waves* Did you miss me? *sees crowd of angry readers pitchforks and torchs* W..wait...I know I haven't updated in a while but...wait...I brought cookies! *runs away, screaming*

Skids: Well, since she seems preoccupied I'll answer the reviews. *flips through them* Okay

Marr Mo: *glances at five broken walls* Yeah, that's becoming a problem. The construction company is beginning to questioning us. Thank you for the review.

Puppythewarriorcatsfan: Gummy bears? Yes, they are quite delicious, I eat them everyday (don't tell Ratchet). Thank you for the review.

Okay, I think that's all-no wait. I forgot one.

Kitcat-writer-of-Skies: Thank you for your review. Beta isn't a...what?! WHAT?! NO! NO! THIS CAN'T BE TRUE! NO! *collapses into state of depression*

Wheeliefan101: Oh. What happened to him? *sees mob* NYAH! DON'T OWN TRANSFORMERS OF INTEND FOR OFFENSE! *runs* I'M SOOOOOOORRY!

"I need a slagging map," I muttered, passing the same potted plant for the fifth time. What had once been a mission to get some energon had now turned in a desperate attempt to just get back to my room. If I didn't get there soon, Prowl would probably call out a search party for me and when he did find me, it would somehow be all my fault.

Oh, there was that potted plant again. I sat down, exhausted from all my aimless wandering. Gosh I felt like I was sweating buckets here, but I was in robot mode (I swear they would all step on me if given the chance). Sure could use some water. Or energon. Or just any liquid right now. Felt like the saliva was sucked dry from my mouth.

Wow, I was sure talking about water a lot, but for some reason it makes me feel antsy. Deep inside me almost as if...

As if I needed to...

Oh no.

Jumping up, I broke out into a run, a new sense of urgency propelling me forward. Unfortunately, this did nothing to increase my sense of direction. If anything, it made me more distracted. I was about to give up on the bathroom and just use that potted plant when I hit a wall of cold, hard logic.

None other than my beloved Prowl. And by "beloved" I mean, "hates my guts."

"No running the in the halls," was the first thing that came out of his mouth.

"Yes, yes, I know," I said, trying not to dance in place, "but it's kind of urgent."

"I wasn't aware you had any monitor duty at this hour."

"No, no, it's not..."

"I'll have to speak with Jazz about informing me more about this."

"It has nothing to do with-"

"If he expects to resume his position he should inform his superior more."

"Wait, it's not-"

"He may get by with Optimus but nothing gets past me. Did he really think I'd let this go? I should go right now and inform him-"

"Prowl!"

He finally looked over at me. My knees were bent in and I was hunched over with the face of a man (femme) who was being denied something that should never be denied. Using all his deduction skills and logic he said, "What in Primus' name are you doing?"

That's our second in command right there.

"I have to use the bathroom. Do you know where it is?" I asked.

His optics held all the understanding and sympathy of a black hole. "The what?"

"Restroom! Toilet! John! Lavatory! You've had humans here before, is any of this ringing a bell?"

"Do you mean the laboratory?"

I resisted the urge to smash my head into a wall. "No. The. Bathroom. Where humans do their...y'know…"

"I do not know what you're speaking of."

"...their...business…"

"Like an office?"

"...no...other business…" He got a suspicious look and I could see his mind already deciding this was brig worthy so I blurted out. "Where we get our waste disposed of! The stuff we don't have a use for any more!"

And I was going to name what this process. I swear I was. But then all the stress, anxiety and awkwardness got inside my head, pried a few wires loose and led me to scream, "People!"

Prowl was already backing away by the time I realized I hadn't said the word I had set out to say. I tried running after him, but he was faster than me. Still, I chased him for a good five minutes, screaming, "It was autocorrect, autocorrect!"

After it became obvious to me that there was no way to convince him I laid waste to any people that got in my way, I quietly whispered, "We don't have autocorrect do we?" and awkwardly walked away to find that potted plant.

You know you're in trouble when Optimus sends Wheeljack to tell you. Well, I don't know this for a fact since I've been here for only a few days, but I'm pretty sure. Kinda. Sort of. Close enough.

Anyway, I was sitting in my room, writing the newest set of rules when I heard a knock. "Come in! Unless you're Sideswipe, then go die in a hole!"

"Do you really hate him that much?" Wheeljack asked, poking his head in.

I stopped typing. "Well, yes, actually but the reason I say that is because we got a yelling match which ended in a bet for who would die first."

He chuckled. "Sounds like him. What are you typing?"

The lid snapped shut on my laptop and I sat up straighter. "Nothing."

"Oh. Well Optimus needs you."

"Really? Why?"

My lights flicked off and Wheeljack illuminated his face with a flashlight. "I don't know but you sound like you're in deep trouble. Mwhaha!" He tried doing the creepy, wiggling fingers but only dropped his flashlight. Because he had used the same hand.

"Um...not to pry anything…" I got up and walked over, helping him pick up the flashlight. "But don't you have two hands?"

A sparking, nub of a hand waved, the arm charred black. "Not at the moment."

I cringed, making my way to Optimus' office. "Ouch. Looks like it hurts. Try not to lose the other one!"

"I'll try but no promises!"

I smiled all the way to the Rec room (one of the quickest routes to Optimus' office) but once inside, my mouth crumpled like a dead rose. Practically every 'bot I knew (which was about seven) and their brother was watching TV, blocking my pathway. This meant I had to walk in front of the TV, which always caused unnecessary drama. Still, if Megatron was anything to go by, you don't make leaders wait.

Sucking in my gut, I projected as much masculinity as I could and stormed on.

Shouts, protests and even a few swears were thrown my way, but I expected that. What I didn't expect, however, was the screen to suddenly scream, "TOUCH DOWN!" or a sudden shot to be fired. At me. On purpose. Just for going in front of the TV!

One quick glance over to the couch quickly answered this. Sideswipe and Sunstreaker dominated all four seats, sprawling themselves in such a manner that prevented anyone else from sitting there. Their optics were set in aggressive Decepticon-style slits, and smoke curled from his blaster. "Move, femme, or the next time I won't miss."

Before my brain could come up with a stupid comeback that would most likely get me an even more health-endangering threat, I ran to the only one who would actually care if Sunstreaker shot me in cold-blood.

"RATCHET!" (Yes, he'd probably only care because he'd have to clean up the mess and getting blood/energon out of the couch was such a pain, but I had to accept help where I could.) I ran into the med-bay arms flailing and tongue wagging.

Ratchet looked up from giving Wheeljack a new hand, as cheerful as always. And by cheerful I mean he looks like someone deprived him from caffeinated coffee for life. "What now?"

"͐?!##S& **()() HYGI DSGHRD YF^FUF IHU% # $H!"

"What the slag are you saying?"

"Sunstreakerandhewaslookingreallymadandgunsandasdfghjkl-"

WHACK!

I reached for my throbbing helm. "Ow…"

"For Primus' sake, slow down!" he said, already brandishing another wrench.

I took a deep breath. "Okay. Optimus called me to his office and while I was making my way there, Sunstreaker shot at me and-"

"WHAT?!" Insert flying wrench here. "THAT GLITCH, HE'S GOING TO END UP KILLING SOMEONE, STAY HERE!" He stormed off, wrench in hand.

Afraid to encounter his wrath, I stayed put, praying Optimus was more forgiving about waiting than and I had a very interesting conversation involving the best explosives (purposeful explosions vs. accidental explosions) when I noticed something odd.

We had been talking for over an hour.

And Ratchet wasn't back yet.

Usually he just did a hit and run (he hits, you run). He couldn't possibly be lecturing the twins that long, could he? I took a peek into the Rec room. He was there. Watching with them. And they had no dents on their helms.

"Ratchet!" I gasped, before quickly ducking.

"Bother me when it's half time," he growled.

I fell back, shocked. What witchcraft did this show use? Bewitching Ratchet! I thought no force in the universe had such power. Appalled, I ran to Optimus' office, bursting in, completely forgetting that I was supposed to be there in the first place. "This is an outrage! An abomination! I cannot stand for this horrible tragedy!"

"Good," he said. "The nearest plant store is five miles away. You should reach their easily."

And now I know, don't wait to go.

Kudos to you if you got that last reference XD I'll try to be better about updating! Please don't kill me, love all around! Read, review, save the world and home in time for dinner. EAT YOUR VEGETABLES AND DON'T WAIT TO GO! YEAH! STAY IN SCHOOL! DON'T THROW MARSHMALLOWS! YOU GET THE PICTURE! I'LL Just stop...now...