Hi! Okay so to clarify a little bit the story I decided to write Kyles' point of view for this chapter. I will go on on the story the next chapter! Review?

Chap 4: Grey sky mornings

Kyle's POV

When Bebe cheated on me and that we broke up, I was... Empty. It was like something had just disappeared, something that was making things beautiful, something giving a meaning to my life. I wasn't able to smile or laugh anymore. Grey sky mornings were my only company. I acted like a zombie: I was there at school, but it seemed to me I was always miles away. Nothing mattered anymore. No one mattered anymore. I was like a doll, a puppet, which threads's moves were dictated by life; forcing me to move on. I ran away and hid my pain, isolating myself from the rest of the world . A month passed, without me noticing anything. I wasn't aware of the time passing by. She stole my world, She brought me down. She broke my heart and soul. Finally all this pain became hate, anger, that helped me to release and forget all this mess. I wanted revenge. I wanted to see her crying and suffering as much as I did; screaming my name in desper. Today I know that I don't need her back. It's over. Cartman was right. Cartman is always right. She's just a bitch. Even if she was the best thing I ever had...

I was so submerged in pain those last days that I didn't notice Cartman's feeling for me. Of course in good times, I would have noticed it right away. I don't pretend to be as attentive as Kenny to remark something, but I'm rather good at it. First, I thought that he was joking: how this nazi could be in love with a jew? It's against nature! It's like... I don't know. Like if a dog was in love with a cat? I can't find an acceptable example. But then I looked in his eyes, and I saw a gaze that Cartman never had before. I can't said what kind of look... I didn't think to it a long time, because and idea pop up in my head. Perhaps it was my prayers that gave echoes to the angels, and they send me something to revange. Imagine: she still love me, and found out that I am in love with someone else. What's more: it was A BOY! And worse: it was ERIC CARTMAN. That was so machiavelian that I laughed! Gosh I'm becoming as evil as Dark Vador..!

And as if angels decided that this day will be my rebirth, Bebe had heard Cartman saying that he loved me. So prefect... But I will wait, and act at the last moment, to break her as much as possible... So I saved Cartman from the bitchy blond.

« Look, Bebe. I know that you're really angry, and in a mood to kill, but he said that because I told him to. I was suffered as you said, and I wanted to test you, to know if you really still love me... »

That was right. I said that to see if she still loved me. And that was right... She kissed me and I knew that my plan will work... Perfectly.

I spend the evening to Bebe's house, saying all she wanted to hear. I'm such a smoothie when I want... And when I come back "home" (I think it's the word as I live there with Cartman now...), I didn't expect that Cartman will be still awake. I was seized by doubt. Why did I want to revenge? Why not just stop the story now and forget? Perhaps Cartman was really in love...

… No.

No! He MUST be joking, he just wanted to bring me as down as he ever did before! Well if you want to play this game, I will play too! Two birds with one stone.

I sat next to him and acted like if I was lured by him. I'm such a good actor, you know? As much as I am a smoothie I think...

« …. I'm confused with my true feelings right now, but... »

I make my voice trembling while I approached the fat boy and whispered near his ear:

« …. I just... Wanna know... How it feels. »

… Before kissing him. And there, all felt overboard. He responded to the kiss, and I wasn't able to think as he posed his head against my chest. It's not like if I was in love with him. I just... Loved the contact between us. It awoke my injury, the void in my chest that hurt me for so long... I remembered all the moments with Bebe, our first date, our first kiss, our first "time". Why? Why it's so fucking hard... Why did it hurt so much...? Cartman and I are mouth to mouth and still I can't suffocate! I just can't relate! Then I remembered all the pain that I endured. All thoses days, spending my time waiting for something that would never come. Something that could bring hope back. Something to bring me to life again! I was so angry that my cheeks became red. Oh whatever. It will pass like if I was blushing. I let Cartman take control of my body. I emptied my head of all the thoughts I could have. And I let it go. I can't believe that I... I... With Eric... AH! I said ERIC! And not Cartman! God what's the... Ok ok, calm down Kyle. It's just the revenge that took control of your body. Yes it has to be that... But go so far... AW FUCK! DOUBLE ENTENDRE SENTENCE! Anyway, that was... Good. 'Til the garage's door opened, and Cartman's mother entered and saw us naked in the car. We stared silent for a moment. And then Cartman talked.

-... Mom, I'm gay and I'm dating Kahl.

-Oh. Alright kitty! But Mom needs the car right now... She has to go to Denver see a certain man...

Cartman whispered. We both knew that she was going to Denver just to fuck and go back here. Poor guy... I gave him a sympathetic look. He took my hand and bring me to his room, where we felt quickly asleep, exhausted by our recent... Activity; while the roar of the car's engine rang on the first floor...

You would said " You haven't any pride to let him use your body like this?". And I will answer: you're right. I've lost everything. The only thing left is the bitterness of a loved one. I've nothing to lose. NO-THING.

When I woke up today and I saw his face... I knew there was something wrong. HE was the one who hasn't any feeling or pity for anyone. HE was the one who doesn't care about what people can feel. But I was the one who will make him suffer... Because I quickly realized that I needed him by my side. I needed his kisses. His eyes always looking for any danger that could hurt me. His words whispered on my ear... All the things he does since 2 weeks now. Our "relation" was still secret. We didn't want anyone to annoy us.

I was aware that I was everything for him. He truly was in love with me, believe it or not. I was all that he ever wanted. He always says the right things at exactly the right time. But he means nothing to me. I was very confused. A part of me was guilty, ashamed. How could I do this? I had no right to make him suffer. He has been so gentle with me lately, like a friend would be. He was here when Bebe broke me. It wasn't fair. But the other part (highest) was cold, emotionless. He fucked up my life so many times by the past! He HATED me! He wanted my death!Who cares about him? NO ONE! He's just a fucking asshole! A pawn in the checkerboard of my plan. And pawnes have to be used to do a checkmate.

Why have I become this heartless guy...? Pretty simple. There's nothing left inside for me to break. I'm already broken.

That's all! Thanks to the band Vertical Horizon; their music inspired me. Hope you liked the chapter!