Chapter o4 : Mac 'n Cheese

It's diamonds in your pockets one week, macaroni and cheese the next.

- "Jolene Blalock"

So my morning the next day followed just as much as the day before. Go figure right? Not really. Not when you have a happy bubbly blonde making you a cup of joe to send you off to the hell hole of a place you call 'work'. Oh man, gotta love that cup of joe.

Anyway so my day went by about the same. Only some of my co-workers actually noted that I seemed in a happier mood. Something about that wrinkle between my brows not being there. Wrinkles? What am I? An old man or something?

Well, I guess or less anyway. I mean, since Roxas moved in and started cooking and making me coffee before I left in the mornings, I feel like some weight's lifted off my shoulder's. Who knew a few days could already have this much of an effect? Well I didn't so fuck you guys if you did.

The apartment's brighter. I've actually eaten decently for a few days and there's someone to talk to. Which is more than I've had in a long time. Yeah... a really long time.

So walking home actually brought home the depression that was slowly seeping away. Don't you hate flash backs and memories that just need to get the fuck out of your brain or at least find something better to do? Yeah, I know I do.

I didn't use to be so depressing. In high school I was actually well known for being the bright happy student that was pretty popular. With both the student body and the teachers. I got good grades, talked to a lot of people, helped others out. I was you over all, all around nice guy that everyone knew and loved.

And well... after high school though, I didn't have any where to go anymore. I was always stuck at home. With him. Something I'd rather forget about.

If I could forget about it that is. Dammit mind, quit trying to work against me.

"Are you alright?" Roxas asked me when I made my way through the door and sat down on the couch, sighing deeply to myself.

I closed my eyes and for the first time in my life made a vow; that I would never lie to this kid. In a world of cruel things he was some shining gem that happened to have fallen on my door step. And I dared not to break any trust that I would build with him in a friendship. Cause I wanted one more than anything.

So I was honest and said, "No, not really. Got to thinking about stuff on the way home."

He sat down next to me, taking a wash cloth again and wiping at the muck on my cheeks. I noticed him take note to the tattoos I had under my eyes. His fingers slowing wiping the grim from them.

"Do you mind telling me what kinds of things?"

So I told him. About the difference between how bright and happy I was in high school. Compared to how dull and mellow I am now. He didn't say anything though. Just listened. Something I didn't realize I had wanted in a long time. Just... someone to listen.

I know what you're thinking. Oh dear no, Axel's getting all emotional and sappy. Yeah well I'm pretty sure you get those moment once in a while so can it pea brains.

But yeah. I just told him how happy and opened with people I was in high school. Then I just pointed out the fact that now? Not so much, if anything, I dislike most people. All of them are normally the same and I tend to just... keep to myself.

"Well I hope you open up to me at least." Roxas smiled at me, going into the laundry room and grabbing the basket, "As sad as it may sound... you're the only person I can talk to anymore."

I blinked at his statement as he shooed me into the bathroom, telling me to take a shower and clean up and he'd make dinner. But before I closed the door I looked at him since he hadn't moved.

Simply asked, "Why only me?"

"Cause everyone else died."

I guess you can say that the answer I received to my simple question ended up making everything very, very awkward. Talk about a mood killer. Though I would just assume that my coming home in a depressed mood would have just added to the problem... or did it start the problem? Um... just fuck it.

Anyway so I ended up just going into my room after a 'Mmmm' to his reply and shower. I went through some drawers and just snooped around my stuff. I wasn't really looking for anything. I guess I was just trying to do something so that I was doing something. I'm sure you've done something similar at some point.

I know Roxas asked me if I wanted anything for dinner but I just shook my head and said I'd get something myself.

And I did.

And it sucked.

I've never been good at cooking and mostly I just get stuff I can put in the microwave but I went with the old, boil a pot of water and dump some mac n cheese in it. Yeah...

"I could have made something for you y'know." Roxas said as I sat down at the couch and started eating away at it. I just blinked at him and shook my head again.

"Nah, it's cool okay? I mean if you keep cooking me food then I'm going to become dependent on you and that wouldn't be good for anyone."

"You left me the other half in the pot didn't you?" He blinked at me and I just sulked into the couch.

"Yeah I did. If you want it that is, just grab a bowl and what not." I shrugged. He smiled brightly at me and skipped into the kitchen. Well... not actually skipped but y'know... trotted or something... Whatever. You get the point.

And so he did, the two of us sat together and ate the gooey boxy mac 'n cheese. Not that it was bad or anything. A spoon full of butter and some actual cheese melted into it and it was pretty good for my standards. What ever my standards were.

"I'm sorry by the way." Roxas said while we were watching some comedy cartoon. I kinda choked on my cheese and blinked at him, raising an eyebrow, "I mean for earlier. I think I was a bit too blunt. Y'know, about why you're the only person I can talk to."

"Oh, no- no it's okay. I mean... it was kinda of blunt. And I kinda felt the need to go and do something I didn't really need to do." I slightly chuckled at that, "But no really... um... you don't have to answer, but- what did you mean by... what you said."

"Pretty much what I said. I told you before, that deep down I was just as sad as you were. Cause well..." and we went quiet for a moment. I placed my empty bowl on the table next to his and moved over closer to him and wrapped my arm around his shoulder.

Don't even ask me what I was thinking by doing that. I don't know really. But I felt the heat in my face, the moody turn of my frown and my eyes were looking towards the tellie.

"Don't worry about it. You don't have to talk about it until you want to okay?"

He smiled at me and leaned into my chest. His blond spikes brushing along my chin and I couldn't help but noticed the smell of cherry shampoo and how relax I became. I leaned more into him and tighten my grip on his shoulder.

"Thanks Axel. I hope you don't mind this." He said as he pretty much snuggled up to me. I ended up just smiling, and leaning back into the couch, getting more comfortable with the blond in my arms.

"Don't worry. It's... nice actually."

He actually ended up giggling a bit and snuggling more with me.

"Hey Axel?"

"Yeah?"

"You don't have work tomorrow right?"

"Yeah, that's right." I said leaning my head over his.

"Let's stay up watching the tellie for awhile okay?"

And we did. And I never felt more strange in my life than I did at that night. Call me a sap. I wouldn't blame you. But I mean... when you've been as lonely as I've been something about... someone wanting to do stuff with you... and just... I don't know. I'm so confused at the moment I just don't know...

So I'm just going to watch the tellie with Roxas and drink some coffee and not think about it. Besides, what's there to think about?

Right? Am I right?

... Yeah I'm right...