Attached Strings~
You never know, if you never try.
So forget your past
and simply be mine -One and only, Adele
"Now, take your foot off the accelerator" Kanda's deep voice ordered.
Izzie obediently let go of the pedal little by little. The Audi continued moving forward, although the velocity noticeably decreased. From the corner of her eye, she could see Kanda looking attentively to the front from the passenger seat.
"Brake" Kanda commanded. They were approximating at a slow but yet dangerous speed to a red truck that had stopped.
Izzie intended to stop. Of course she intended to stop the car and halt their advance, but her brain cells got suddenly confused. She stepped, as a result, the wrong pedal and realized her mistake when the car abruptly sped forward.
"Oi, goblin, break!" Kanda yelled, a note of hysterics printed in his usually baritone voice. He supported himself on the dashboard, his eyes widened with something similar to fear.
Similar, of course, because Kanda was never scared.
"That's what I'm doing!" the driver shrieked, tightening her grip on the steering wheel.
The red truck grew inexorably closer and closer. Izzie's throat closed and she suddenly found it hard to breath. She felt as if her heart was about to jump out of her mouth. Her feet tried to remember which pedal was the break and which the accelerator. Unfortunately, her senses were all confused by the tons of adrenaline and terror flowing through her veins.
"BREAK, IZZOBEL, BREAK!" The bassist shouted; his face completely pale.
"DON'T YELL AT ME!"
California 3419
That was what the truck's plates said. The information was clear and it impacted Izzie in a way she couldn't explain, attracting her to the degree that the letters and numbers were everything that her mind processed for briefs seconds.
"IZZOBEL!"
Maybe it was the way Kanda called her. Maybe it was that the numbers cleared her numb mind. Out of nowhere, without thinking and reacting in less than a second, Izzie opportunely stepped on the break. At the same time, Kanda pulled the handbreak up, so the car bounced violently forward with a screech before stopping a few centimeters behind the truck's back.
Izzie panted, her hands still holding tightly the wheel. At her side, Kanda stared blankly for some seconds at the nothingness, the fact that they had been about to die slowly downing on them.
Izzie felt her arms tremble with energy and fear. Her feet were equally quivering, and she felt unable to keep on driving after escaping death for few centimeters. Her breathe was racing as if she had run a marathon and her heart pounded fiercely inside her ribcage.
She sent Kanda a sideways glance. The bassist seemed to be more controlled than her –as always-, still, his countenance was paler than usual.
It crossed Izzie's mind that she had been about to kill him. With increasing horror, she realized that if she hadn't break just in time, they would have crashed with few probabilities of survival, since the velocity at which she was driving was dangerously high. Kanda could have died, or ended up in intensive therapy at the hospital at least. And it'd have been all her fault.
She could have killed Kanda. The realization of this arose a sudden wave of hatred against herself. If she had killed Kanda, even if she herself died, that would have been a crime that neither the world nor herself could ever forgive.
Izzie looked at him, her guilt written all over her face, "I-I am sorry" she murmured.
Kanda didn't answer. His navy eyes were fixated on the truck, vehicle that was now driving away. From their back, a series of horns and complains could be heard, but the couple didn't mind them. Soon, dozens of cars zoomed past the Audi, their conductors wearing angry expressions and some even gesturing obscenely at the Audi's driver.
Izzie tried to excuse herself, looking pleadingly at the bassist "I-I am really sorry! I don't know what…I panicked and I-"
Kanda briefly glimpsed at her. Afterwards, without a word, he set the car into parking mode and opened the door.
"Kan-Kanda?" Izzie helplessly whispered. She silently watched the musician as he walked in front of the vehicle to stop right next to the driver's door. He then opened it and, avoiding Izzie's gaze, and said, "Move"
Izzie got the message instantly. She released the seatbelt and carefully jumped to the passenger seat. Her limbs were still trembling, so she accidentally hit the dashboard with her knee. A wave of pain ran down her leg, but she stood it without saying anything. After all, it was her fault that Kanda kicked her out of the driver's position.
Soon, the car was again moving swiftly around the city, with Kanda driving it safely to the headquarters. Izzie couldn't even manage to look at him. Every time she did, a wave of guiltiness washed over her. Just the idea of him dying or agonizing because of her stupidity had her trembling from head to toes. She remembered the time he received a shot; the fear, the panic, the terrible emptiness and sense of loss… in that moment, more than a year ago now, she had been afraid of losing him, because she liked him a lot. Now, now that he had become a vital part of her life and the principal motor of it, losing him would be like losing her life as well.
No, she couldn't lose him. Whether it was death or something else the one to take him away, Izzie realized that moment that the pain Kanda's loss would cause her had to be unbearable. It was not like one year ago. The feelings of back then were light and quite not too attaching. Now, instead, after living with him, getting to know him and, basically, learning to love him, her feelings were exactly that, love. And losing someone you love… Unthinkable.
During the rest of her trip, neither Kanda nor Izzie opened their mouths. Izzie thought he was angry. Well, of course he was angry, she had been about to crash his car the first day of her driving lessons!
Izzie was surprised when, after almost two days of begging and pleading, Kanda finally acceded to teach her how to drive. Therefore, that same afternoon, while they were walking in the school's parking lot, he tossed Izzie the keys of the Audi –less expensive than the Aston Martin- and ordered her to drive to the headquarters. She was doubtful at first, but when Kanda started explaining how the car functioned, she felt surer. Kanda had parked the Audi backwards, so its front was facing the open gate of the parking lot, and, thus, it was really easy for Izzie to drive the car out of the lot. However, she drove around the carpark for a while, getting used to the movements of the steering wheel, and when Kanda indicated it, she ventured into the roads. The traffic was scarce since they spent about an hour circling the parking lot and the rush hour had already passed. With little traffic and easy obstacles to overcome, soon Izzie gained confidence. Headquarters weren't far away from the school, therefore, the distance she had to cover was rather insignificant.
And, still, long enough to risk Kanda's life.
Kanda arrived to the subterranean parking lot of Black Order and left the Audi there, this time, in the normal position. Nonetheless, he didn't show any intentions of getting off the vehicle, and Izzie was too submerged in her own world to think about leaving the car.
When the situation became awkward and she realized something was not right, she turned around to face the bassist.
Kanda was staring silently at her. He was expressionless, as always, but from the expression in his eyes Izzie could tell something troubled him. She couldn't decipher it, though, and the more she looked into his eyes, the more she kind of forgot what she was supposed to think about. The blue depths of his irises slowly swallowed the girl, sweeping all her thoughts away and leaving only a colorless void.
Swiftly, unexpectedly, he reached out and, cupping her face, fused his lips with hers. Izzie needed a few seconds to react, and by the time she did, Kanda had already deepened the kiss. In his touch, Izzie detected hints of desperation, as if he had been yearning for the contact for a lot of time. There was also anger at certain degree, but, above all, there was necessity in the way he moved his mouth against hers. It was as if he wanted to get deeper, closer, nearer, with the desperation of the thirsty and the passion only he could summon. In some way, it reminded Izzie of another time, the only time he kissed her with so many emotions flowing from her mouth to hers…
When the air started to become thin and scarce inside their lungs, Kanda let go of the contact. His hands released her face to grab her shoulders instead as he leaned his brow onto Izzie's.
"Never do that again" he heavily breathed. His voice was tense and hoarse.
"I'm sorry" Izzie apologized again with a sigh. Kanda's grip loosened and, before she could say anything else, he got off the Audi.
"Let's go" he ordered, shutting the door close and walking to the elevators.
Izzie closed her eyes and deeply inhaled and exhaled, paying attention to the movement her chest did with the action. She opened the door before the locks of the car activated and followed Kanda to the lifters.
"Oh my God! I really can't believe it is you!" Lenalee exclaimed excitedly, looking at Angel with a glint of genuine happiness in her eyes. "I…oh my God, Angel!" For the umpteenth time since Lenalee knocked 'Nana's' door and Angel opened it, the Chinese embraced the poor singer in a tight hug.
"Indeed, this is surprising" Allen consented with a broad smile. He sank in one of Innocence's sofas leisurely, "And you even brought a friend along" he added, sending Matt a welcoming sideways glance.
"Yes, Matt helped me a lot in the past months" Angel humbly said. She looked timidly at her friend once, and felt reassured when he smiled warmly at her. Matt…always so cheerful and supportive. Angel didn't know what she would have done if Matt hadn't been there the whole time.
A few moments before, Angel and Matt were surprised by a knock while they unpacked their stuff in their brand new section Black Order assigned for them. When Angel opened the door, there was a brief moment of stunned silence, followed by a loud scream of excitement, exclamations of surprise and tears of joy. Lenalee Lee, Innocence's singer and guitarist, jumped towards Angel to embrace her with her slim arms. Allen, who had come along with her, just gawked like a fish out of the water, and then happily grinned. After that surprising revelation and some unanswered questions, Lenalee took Angel and Matt to the Innocence's rooms without even asking.
"I can imagine" Lenalee replied thoughtfully, eyeing Matt, and then exclaimed "Oh I still can't believe you are Nana!"
"Well, I'm Nana" Angel bashfully smiled.
"She is Nana" Matt grinned, "And I am her loyal escort" he said, placing himself besides said girl, making a militar greeting.
Allen chuckled amusingly upon seeing them, and changed position on his seat. Lenalee sent Matt a suspicious gaze, but said nothing and instead she let herself fall onto a chair near their table.
Angel rolled her eyes, "Yes, at least until he gets a contract of his own"
"Hey, I already told you I'm fine like this! I don't want a contract. Besides, I'm applying for college on August. My sabbatical year is gone" Matt explained with a sigh. He slumped beside Allen in the loveseat while Angel stood awkwardly next to the door.
"Where are you planning to go?" Allen conversationally inquired. He shifted so he could be facing Matt more comfortably.
"I can't decide" Matt responded, rubbing his chin thoughtfully. A faint shadow of beard could be seen covering his sharp jaw line, "I'm between Texas and Colorado"
"Texas?" Lenalee inquired, half curious, half indifferent.
Matt nodded, "My family lives there, but I'm not that keen on going back. I think I prefer it here. The weather is better"
Angel's gaze flickered continuously between Matt, Allen, Lenalee and the door. She shifted her feet, uncomfortable, aware that in any moment, Lavi could cross the door and find her there. Even though she had already decided that his reaction of the other day was a product of his surprise and astonishment, the remembrance hurt her like anything did before. It was like a pincer smashing her heart mercilessly. The expression upon his face, the ice in his eyes…she never saw him like that, not even when he faced the Noah.
She was decided to get him back. Still, the nervousness it caused her contrasted terribly with her determination. She didn't know how he'd react upon meeting again, and she realized that what scared her the most was this same unpredictability. Not being able to foresee what was going to happen made her feel anxious and uneasy.
What if Lavi entered and shouted at her? What if he asked her to leave? What if he… no, she couldn't think like that. She was not a pessimist, and she reminded herself that pessimistic thought brought negative results. What she needed was to remain positive and strong.
Lavi missed her. Lavi said he loved her, and when someone loves another person, that feeling doesn't fade away just in a year. It never fades. She clung to that hope, she needed to cling to it because, if not, then all her plans were destined to failure.
However, she still couldn't shake her uneasiness away. She looked at Lenalee as if pleading for some encouraging words, but all she found was the singer's inquiring gaze. She looked at Matt, but the boy was chatting amiably with Allen, apparently oblivious to her distress.
"Don't you want to sit, Angel?" Lenalee questioned, pointing towards a couch nearby.
Angel shook her head. Then, changing her opinion, she sat down just to stand up again when she remembered Lavi used to like that seat a lot. She paced back and forth, fidgeting with her fingers, unable to stay still.
The Chinese singer, noticing her behavior, approached the girl and softly murmured, "Lavi won't be arriving any time soon, if that's why you are so nervous"
Angel's shoulders relaxed immediately upon hearing those words, and she inquired, "How do you know?"
"Because," here, Lenalee made a pause and twisted her mouth, as if thinking on something disgusting, "he usually goes for a drink before coming here"
"A drink? You mean, like alcohol?" Angel alarmed, wide-eyed. She stared at Lenalee's serious countenance, waiting for an answer.
The Chinese nodded, "He has been….kind of lost. Broken, I shall say. He is not right"
Angel felt awed. She had no idea how bad the news could be, but judging for Lenalee's dreadful expression, the situation couldn't be less than that: dreadful. At first, she didn't want to believe it. Lavi was never an alcoholic. He drank, yes, but seldom, not every day.
"How bad is it? Since when has he been doing it?" Angel asked worriedly, staring at Lenalee like an abandoned puppy searching desperately for answers.
The Chinese girl gazed cryptically at Angel for the longest seconds, measuring her words and pondering the impact the answers Angel begged for could have. Finally, with a sigh, Lenalee responded, "It's been a while. He…" she paused for a moment and looked at Angel. Suddenly, the strangest look invaded her face; a look of longing and hope at the same time. Seizing Angel's hands and squeezing them between hers, Lenalee exclaimed, "You can help him! You need to get him back!"
"Me?" Angel gave a step backwards, startled by Lenalee's intense look, "Why…why do you think…"
"Because you are the one who can get him back!" The Chinese blurted. Her eyes were starting to get glossy with fresh tears and the pain Angel could see in them, the kind of pain that only watching a friend in trouble can produce, was genuinely deep.
Angel didn't know what to say. She barely knew what was going on, since the only time she saw Lavi was that day at the lobby. Other than that, their encounters were nonexistent. She went to his grandfather's house, just to realize each time that no one was there. His grandfather was a busy person, she knew, always collecting and decoding ancient runes, so it wouldn't surprise her if, in the two occasions she went in search of Lavi, the old man deliberatively ignored the knock.
Thus, from Lavi she had seen nothing else but that last, frosty expression. Nobody told her anything, since she didn't bother contacting the rest of the crew; not that she knew how. Once she visited Kanda's flat, just to find it occupied by unknown inhabitants. So, up to that day, she had zero knowledge of her old friends' and ex-boyfriend's life.
Knowing the truth now didn't satisfy her, however. There was something in Lenalee's words and pleading look that tormented her. It was like being right in the eye of a horror movie that was just about to start, and which principal victim seemed to be Lavi.
She felt terrible upon hearing those notifications from Lenalee's mouth. She knew the Chinese girl couldn't lie, and when she sent Allen a sideways glance, his serious countenance confirmed everything Lenalee said.
Heaving a sigh, Angel briefly smiled and bowed, "I'll do whatever is in my hands. After all, I came back for Lavi and for you" she affirmed.
Lenalee's anguished expression softened a bit, "Thank you. It's not that bad, we think. I think Lavi just needs something or someone to set him free of his own demons. The problem is that he is reluctant to accept help"
"Lavi was never reluctant to accept help" Angel murmured, memories of their past together flashing through her mind.
"He is not the same you met, Angel" Allen stated.
"He cannot have changed that much…" Even though she wanted to sound sure, there was a tone of doubtfulness in her words.
"I'm afraid you can be surprised" Lenalee wearily said. She walked into their small kitchen, if they could call it so, and opened the fridge. "Want something to drink?"
Angel declined the offer, while Matt accepted a can of Coke.
The younger singer sat down on one of the desk's chairs. She stared at her feet, thinking about Lavi and the things she had just heard. How much could he have changed? She didn't think a person could completely transform within a year the way Allen and Lenalee made it appear. And Lavi…not, Lavi could not be that kind of person to get drunk and hurt his friends. Perhaps he was going through one of those rebellious stages of life. Perhaps he just wanted to experiment. Why he suddenly decided to do so, she couldn't tell, but she was determined to discover it. If anything, Lenalee's petition to help Lavi only helped Angel convince herself that she made the right decision by coming back.
They chatted about informal stuff. Lenalee insisted that Angel saved her narration of how she became a singer for when Izzie and Kanda arrived. Angel wasn't quite sure if that was a wise decision, but she didn't complain. She thought that, by then, Izzie may have realized that it was ridiculous to accuse her for the failed kidnapping and the series of events that followed after they attended Innocence's concert in Atlanta.
How wrong she was.
Not too much time passed until the door of the room opened. In strode Kanda, with a rare expressionless countenance –usually, he was angry or annoyed-. Behind him, Izzie walked in, slightly pale and serious, although being serious was a characteristic she recently started to share with Kanda.
They both stopped at the door, looking at the two newcomers speechlessly.
Izzie was radically different from what Angel recalled. Her hair was short now, with a side longer than the other. As for her outfit, it was classy, as always, conformed by a red dress with black straps running down the sides, black tights and boots. Beside her, Kanda looked the same as ever, with his black shirt and denim trousers.
Angel had to admit it: they looked good together. Angel wondered if they were still dating, and with the same rapidity with which the question came to her mind, the answer equally appeared. Of course they were together. If not, why would they arrive together?
She didn't realized how the room's temperature had lowered until Kanda clicked his tongue. That same sound seemed to bring Izzie back from her thoughts, for the girl blinked rapidly and averted her eyes from Angel.
"I'll go with Miranda" she muttered between clenched teeth. Accommodating her purse on her shoulder, she turned around to leave.
"But, see who's here!" Lenalee so naively said, "Is Angel! And Matt, her-"
"I don't care" Izzie harshly interrupted in a way that made Angel think of Kanda. Without dedicating Angel a second glance, Izzie walked out of the room and slammed the door close.
Alright, maybe Izzie didn't change her mind, Angel thought disappointedly. Jumping off the seat, not thinking too much of what she was doing, Angel ran towards the door and swung it open before precipitating to the corridor beyond. There, she saw Izzie walking stoically away.
"Wait! Izzie!" Angel called, but her friend utterly ignored her. Growling under her breathe, Angel sprinted towards Izzie and stopped right in front of her, blocking her way, "Would you mind waiting?" Angel gasped.
"I don't have time" Izzie tried to walk past the girl, but Angel stubbornly blocked her way.
"I'm sure you have five seconds" the female singer insisted.
Izzie frowned. Sending Angel a withering look she now seemed to master, the girl cruelly deadpanned, "I have no time for traitors, Angel"
Angel gave a step back, hit by the unexpected blow, "So you still believe it"
Izzie raised her eyebrow, "Give me a reason not to do so"
"That I am your friend! I'd never do something like that to you!"
"Friendship is a subjective term. Now, if you excuse me-"
"No" Angel stepped again in Izzie's way. She fixated her eyes on her old friend, and realized a little too late that she actually had nothing to say. Of course she wanted to deny everything Leverrier said that night, but the words never attended Angel's mouth. She just stood there, looking at her friend right in the eye, hoping that in that way she could see the sincerity of her feelings.
Unfortunately, Izzie wasn't that lenient. She looked frostily at her ex-best friend, blaming her in silence for the misfortunes of the past.
"Izzie, I don't know why you believe it. I don't know what makes you believe it, but I swear to you, I'd never do something that can hurt you. Never!"
"Do you think I still can believe in words?" Izzie dryly hissed, "I saw what happened. I lived it. I told you I didn't want to go to that concert, yet, you insisted in dragging me-"
"I just wanted to go with you! Is there something wrong with wanting to share a concert with a friend?"
"Yes, if that implies dragging me to the mouth of the wolf!"
"I never intended to do that! I didn't know anything about their plans, Izzie!"
"Oh, so don't tell me now that you swallowed the fact that your father-"
"He is not my father"
"-miraculously let you go as long as you dragged me along?" Izzie blurted. In her eyes, Angel could see the fire of anger and disappointment; of the terrible hatred product of an unexpected –and, in this case, nonexistent- betrayal. Angel perceived she was not listening. Izzie was not listening to a single thing she said! Would she believe her even if she brought a mountain of evidence that proved her innocence?
"Yes, I swallowed it" Angel admitted, clenching her hands into fists. How stupid she had been for believing all the things Leverrier said. How stupid she had been for trusting him. But she was not making the same mistake again, not that she could do now that she was free and out of his reach. "But when I knew the truth…I ran away" she confessed.
She could feel Izzie's eyes fixing on her, but didn't find the courage to lift her gaze and meet the girl's one. She was afraid that the pain contained behind her dark eyes could ooze. Instead, she looked past Izzie's shoulders and waited patiently for her response, hoping that this confession would soften her friend's heart.
Sadly, the world doesn't function with such simplicity.
"Yeah, just after you had accomplished your mission" Izzie mumbled. Pushing Angel apart with a brusque movement of her shoulder, Izzie walked away with long, proud strides.
Angel watched her stray in stunned silence. How could she…how could Izzie be that cold-hearted? Since when was she that pigheaded? That closed?
It hurt her to know she didn't believe her. All that time, she had hoped that Izzie might have opened her eyes to the reality, and now she just realized that she became even more blinded, and the worst part was that it was willingly. Deep inside, Angel knew, since the moment she stepped in front of her, that Izzie was not listening. Her sixth sense, a lot more developed now than before, warned her, but she decided to give it a try.
Now, instead of giving a step forward, Angel felt as if she had given two backwards. Izzie didn't believe her and probably now she hated her more for coming back. Would it have been better if she had never appeared around?
No, of course not. This was just their first encounter and the first encounter, as she had proved, was always the hardest one. Now that she was past those first strikes, things might go downhill and flow naturally.
Yes. Maybe there'll be some obstacles, but she was pretty confident she'd be able to overcome them.
She walked back to Innocence's rooms, where Matt and the others were still waiting. Perhaps if she talked to Kanda and convinced him to side with her, they could both make Izzie listen reasons.
"I don't give a fuck about her, Lenalee"
Angel froze at the door, her hand a few inches away from the doorknob.
The voice that said those harsh words…it sounded like him…but it couldn't be him, could it?
No, of course not. Then, if that was not him, why couldn't she open the door?
"But she- she is here! Don't tell me you didn't miss her" a female voice, Lenalee, of course, replied.
"There's nothing to miss in that bitch"
"HEY! Don't talk about her like that!" Matt. That was him for sure. There was a dry 'thump', a pant and the squeak of a chair being dragged across the white linoleum.
"See?" the male who couldn't be Lavi said, "She's already got a boyfriend to defend her"
Something within her moved Angel without letting her think properly. The girl opened the door just enough for her to enter the room and mindlessly spoke, "He is not my boyfriend"
The scene would have made her pale if she hadn't been already colorless. Lavi was standing near the table, leaning on a chair. In front of him, Matt threatened the redheaded with a fist held high. Allen, Kanda and Lenalee were all surrounding the pair of contenders, ready to stop the brewing fight.
For a moment, Lavi was thunderstruck. However, soon his dumbfounded expression changed for a scowl. He averted his gaze from Angel, as if she was something unpleasant to see, and strode into the tiny, economic kitchen that only consisted of a fridge, counters and a microwave.
Angel sighed and, trembling but determined, followed Lavi into the kitchen. She stood by the threshold and looked at him.
"What's wrong with you?" she bluntly asked. Although simply formulated, the question guarded more complexity. What was wrong with him? Why was he so rude? Why couldn't he receive her with a smile, like before? Why was he taking a beer out of the fridge when he had just drunk? What was going on inside his head? In what was he thinking? What was it that made him change his behavior so dramatically?
Lavi opened the can of beer and sipped it. "I don't have to answer your questions"
Angel looked at her feet, "Well, you don't have to, but it'd be nice if you did" she innocently said.
The redhead didn't respond. He leaned on the counter and emptied his beer in three, long gulps. He then threw it into the trash bin nonchalantly. "Why should I be nice towards you?"
"Because that's what Lavi would do" Angel folded her arms and sent Lavi a saddened gaze. The male singer stood it for a pair of seconds, seconds in which they both looked into each other's eyes trying to see, to understand, to comprehend what was happening; seconds in which Angel felt pity for Lavi because in his eyes there was absolutely nothing. There was no love, and that hurt, but neither there was resentment nor hatred, like in Izzie's case. Looking into his eye, green like the summer's grass, was like looking into the nothingness, and that was even scarier than looking into the purest hatred.
Or maybe it was that she didn't recognize him. Maybe the reason that she couldn't see anything was because she didn't know what she was looking at. In all aspects, even though she had just treated him a couple of times, Lavi had changed radically into this strange human being.
"I'm not that Lavi, Angel" he deadpanned.
"I can see" the girl dryly said, "But, why?"
No answer. For a whole minute, the room was submerged in complete silence. Angel even wondered if the rest of Innocence's crew and Matt were still there. She didn't turn around to see, since her eyes were permanently fixated on Lavi.
"Because I don't want to be that Lavi" the singer admitted after a while. His expression returned to the hard one, and Angel realized a little too late that he had stopped frowning for a while. "Now, leave"
Angel obeyed, not knowing what else she was supposed to do. But before she stepped out of the kitchen, she wearily sighed, "You and Izzie are really…different, aren't you?"
"We are your creations" Lavi walked towards Angel and rudely pushed her aside in his way out. "Don't be so surprised"
That left Angel wordless and frozen. That…that…was he blaming her for the actual turn of things?
"Yes, if that implies dragging me to the mouth of the wolf!"
"We are your creations"
"Lavi! How can you say such things?" there was a female voice complaining. Angel didn't bother identifying it, enclosing herself in her own train of thoughts and emotions.
Why did she believe it? She knew that none of the things that happened a year ago were her fault, then, what was this feeling of guilt? What was this sensation of asphyxia?
"Just saying the truth" Lavi said.
"THAT'S NOT TRUE! ANGEL ISN'T RESPONSIBLE OF YOUR STUPID PROBLEMS!" Matt yelled. Ah, Matt, always standing up for her… Perhaps because she hadn't still carried him problems…
"Boy, you are kind of bothersome, why don't you take your petty girlfriend and leave us alone? We are busy right now" Lavi contemptuously retorted.
"He is not my boyfriend" Angel mumbled. Lifting her eyes with the self-confidence she didn't possess, Angel looked at Lavi and steadily said, "How can you think I can start a new relationship when I never got over you?"
Her face felt suddenly wet, and she realized she was crying. It had been a while since she last cried. Was she becoming weak? Holding herself together, determined that this wouldn't bring her down, she took a deep breath and said, "I'll be leaving now. What about tea at six, Lenalee?" she proposed, smiling towards the Chinese singer, pretending it didn't hurt; pretending she wasn't guilty...
Lenalee looked at her for a second, slightly confused, but then nodded and smiled back, "I'll see you at the cafeteria. Upstairs, you remember, right?"
Angel nodded too, "Yes, of course I remember"
"Take it from here to the house" Kanda said, turning the engine off. The sun was setting at their backs, its orange beams lightening the walls of the suburb's first houses. There was no traffic, and just a few kids played on the sidewalks in front of their parents' homes. Kanda and Izzie's house was just a few blocks away.
"Really?" Izzie looked inquiringly at Kanda.
"Che, stop asking stupid questions and do it" the bassist snarled before getting off the car. Izzie observed him as he approached the passenger's seat, and jumped to Kanda's former place. She accommodated the seat to get nearer the pedals and moved the mirrors to a more comfortable position the way Kanda taught her hours before.
She took a deep breath and waited for Kanda to fasten his seatbelt up.
"Start the engine" the Japanese growled. Ignoring the usual harshness in his tone, Izzie turned the key in its hole and waited for the car's quiet roam.
"Drive" Kanda ordered, this time a bit gentler.
Izzie moved the lever next to the letter 'D' and softly, very softly, stepped on the accelerator.
"Oi, I didn't tell you to move!"
"Sshh" Izzie annoyingly hissed. She started to turn the wheel in direction to the street's middle line.
"There's a car coming. Break"
Izzie looked through the rearview mirror to confirm Kanda's words. Effectively, a Volkswagen was approaching in their direction, but it was still too far away. Izzie continued accelerating.
"I can do this before he-"
"Oi, goblin, stop!"
"Don't distract me! And don't call me by that stupid nickname" The girl annoyingly muttered. Stubbornly, she pulled off onto the road and the screech of tires was heard. Looking through the mirror again, she realized that the Volkswagen had to make an abrupt stop so it didn't crash against the Audi.
"I told you to wait!"
"Shut up, Kanda, I'm driving!"
Kanda scoffed. Izzie didn't respond this time, focused as she was on the difficult task of driving without killing anyone. She looked at the speedometer's needle and to the road again.
"Lower the velocity"
"I'm at 30 per hour" Izzie growled. After the incident, or semi-incident, that day, driving tensed her up. She tried to keep an eye on everything: the mirrors, the wheel, the pedals, the road, the houses… she was nervous and anxious, but tried to hold herself together so they could arrive home safely. There were no pedestrians or cars, and, yet, danger seemed to be right in front of them.
"Turn signal to the left" Kanda said, "And lower the velocity"
With a grunt, Izzie obeyed. However, she got a hard time looking for the stupid turn signal without ungluing her eyes from the windscreen. She lost command of the wheel for a second, and the car diverted to the left.
Opportunely, Kanda grabbed the steering wheel and straightened the direction of the car. By the time Izzie programmed the signal, they were already past the corner.
"Oi, we live over there, goblin! Are you retarded or what?" Kanda complained.
"Aish, I know where we live, BaKanda!" Izzie angrily snapped. Really, couldn't he be kinder? She was all stressed out and Kanda didn't help without all his shouting and insults.
"How did you call me?" Kanda muttered menacingly. However, Izzie didn't get intimidated by the darkness oozing through his voice.
"How did you call me?" she poorly mimicked "Can't you just shut up? I'm trying to…Oh my God, I missed another block!"
"They were three fucking blocks. Useless woman"
"Don't talk to me like that! Oh, now, the turn signal was…"Izzie looked again for the small lever and this time she found it without losing control of the car. Nonetheless, the arrow pointed to the right instead of the left.
"It is wrong" Kanda pointed out.
"I don't care, I'm turning now" Izzie focused on the next corner, and let go of the accelerator to slowly turn.
"Are you fucking retarded or what? You can cause an accident by-"
"Shut up, BaKanda! I'm driving!"
Izzie drove in straight line to the end of the block, and then gave another sharp turn to the left. The velocity was relatively high, since she forgot to release the accelerator, and the tires screeched unpleasantly.
"OI, GOBLIN, I TOLD YOU TO LOWER FUCKING THE VELOCITY!"
"DON'T YELL AT ME!"
"THEN DO IT RIGHT!"
Izzie felt like strangling Kanda with her own two hands. Seriously, why did he have to be so freaking annoying? Why couldn't he just shut up? Her grip on the steering wheel tightened and she missed their house for some meters. Just when Kanda was opening his mouth to bitch about it, Izzie changed for the reverse and stepped on the accelerator.
The car bounced backwards with a vertiginous velocity.
"GOBLIN!"
"AH, STUPID CAR!" This time, Izzie stepped on the break and stopped the car another meters away from their house. She changed to drive and carefully pulled off into their principal entrance. Kanda pressed the button above their heads that activated the automatic doors of the garage and told Izzie to park over there. Afterwards, he got off the car and opened the driver's door.
"Move" he dryly spat.
"What? Don't you think I'm capable of getting the car inside there?" Izzie retaliated, unmoving.
"I know you aren't capable" Kanda said snappishly, "Now, move"
"You don't trust me"
"Izzobel…"
"FINE!" Izzie jumped off the car and slammed the door closed, "I'll go inside"
"Meanwhile, prepare dinner" the Japanese voiced out, so Izzie could hear him across their frontal yard.
Really? I mean, REALLY! After shouting at her like that?
Izzie sent him a withering look and opened their door, "Prepare dinner by yourself, Mr. I-can-do-everything-better!" she yelled and hurried into the house, purposely locking the door. Alright, Kanda had a key too, but at least she needed to make it clear that he and his stupid, short-tempered personality weren't welcome.
That was the first cold night of the year.
Kanda closed his windows and took a blanket out of the wardrobe. The wind whistled against the four walls like an ancient lullaby. Accompanied with the high-pitched sound, there was a soft sob. Kanda looked at the alarm clock. Its red numbers prayed 12 a.m. Izzie had been crying for an hour or so. He slept hearing it, and by the time the wind woke him up he thought she had fallen asleep too. Evidently, she hadn't.
It was not his fault, he knew. Of course it was not, why was he even considering it? They'd fought a lot of times before, and none of them made Izzie cry. Then, why was he feeling so…anxious this time?
Bullshit. The girl could weep everything she wanted. He had heard her a couple of times before, surely it had something to do with her parents or something like that.
Stupid, weak goblin. She needed to learn how to be stronger.
The next thing that woke him up was a dry thump. He opened his eyes and turned in the door's direction, from which the knock came.
"Err…Kanda?" a female voice called from the door as this quietly opened. The white light of the hallway leaked into his room, blinding Kanda for a couple of seconds.
"What?" he drowsily asked, sitting on the bed to look at her.
Izzie stood by the doorframe awkwardly. She was wearing pink pants and a loose, long sleeved shirt. Her hair was shaggy and her voice, broken. Kanda couldn't see her face, but he guessed that her eyes were probably puffy and her cheeks, humid.
"Can I…can I sleep here?" Izzie bashfully mumbled, "I…I can't sleep over there. You know, memories and…nightmares" she weakly explained.
Kanda looked at her. Certainly, this was an unusual request on her behalf. The girl was rather reserved when it came to invading each other's personal spaces. During the year they had been living together, she never asked for something like this. She must be feeling really bad…
Kanda growled an affirmation and submerged underneath the blankets again, giving his back to the girl. There was a sigh of relief and the darkness embraced the room once Izzie closed the door.
He felt the mattress sink under her weight, followed by the sound of fabric shifting.
Then, something warm pressed against his back. Kanda stayed still, realizing what Izzie was doing. She folded an arm around his shoulder and one of her legs tangled with his. Her warm breathe brushed his nape gently.
They were like that for a whole, silent minute. For some stupid, cheesy and dumb reason, Kanda's heart hit his ribs violently, and warmness spread from his stomach to the rest of his body.
After a while, Izzie was the one to talk, "I'm sorry" she whispered next to Kanda's ear, "For losing my temper and…not making dinner. I'm…"
"'s okay" Kanda murmured back. His eyelids felt heavier as he grew more comfortable. The air didn't seem so cold now, and the atmosphere was rather cozy. He didn't even feel the need to give harsh retorts.
"I love you"
Now, that really seemed to tear his heart out of his ribcage. Kanda didn't answer, as always, preferring instead to shake her limbs off him and turn around. He searched underneath the sheets for her waist and pulled her closer. Her head was placed right under his chin and the scent of wood soon filled his nose.
"I know" He whispered, half asleep. The last thing he felt before sinking into oblivion was Izzie's relaxed breathing and her hands finding a comfortable position upon his chest.
Now, November wasn't that cold. Who cared if they fought now and then? Who cared if Izzie got upset because Angel appeared, bringing back old, forgotten ghosts? As long as they were together, the world wasn't such a shitty place.
A/N: Sorry for the long wait! I went through this HUGE writer's block, but I finally overcame it and...here it is! Hope you enjoyed it. I apologize for any grammar, spelling, or other kind of mistakes. I still haven't asked my beta-reader if I can abuse of her kindness and ask her to proof-read this fanfic too. hehe...I guess I'll do it...when I respond all my PMs :D
Tomorrow Valentine's day! I don't believe in it, yet, I gotta say I do enjoy all the amount of chocolate this date brings. ;)
Well, what about giving me a Valentine's gift and leave a review? eh eh eh? :D
ooh some points to explain:
1. Lavi is afraid of his own feelings, closed and stubborn.
2. Angel is waaaay stronger and more determined than before. Her story will be revealed in some further chapter, not yet ;) Hey, she also changed during that year!
3. Izzie goes to sleep with Kanda because Angel's sudden appearance brought some of her ghosts back. She remembered clearer than before all the happenings related to her father and the elections. Kanda is her support, her principal column and pile, and, thus, the first person to whom she runs when she feels down and sad. No, no sex in this chapter ;) Yes, she is taking the pills, but that doesn't mean we have to rush them, right?
4. I made Izzie and Kanda fight because, c'mon, they are not the perfect couple and they can be kind of explosive sometimes, fighting over small and petty things like driving. Okay, I can also get mad while driving, but still. Oh, by the way, I've never driven an automatic car before, I just know how the standard model works, so I'm sorry if the description of the car's functioning wasn't accurate. If not, I apologize sincerely.
I think that's all. I really want to sleep right now. Have a nice day and don't forget to click this button right here...
Atra esterní ono telduin!