Chapter 4

Gloomy Skies, Faint Silver

Another morning greet me once again, but instead the usual golden glare of the sun, I was awaked by the startling sound of the raging thunder. The Amazon rain is always fierce, it is called the "Rainforest" for a reason.

I lost track on how long I was slept, mainly because sun was the only thing birds used as a time track. And with the gray angry clouds shrouding the sky, it was impossible to know what time that was.

The sky was never really reflecting my mood. And by that mean I was happy. Happy I could finally have some friends, not to mention it was Bia I was talking about.

Speaking of happiness, I never really got a chance to ask you before. It's been on my mind since I began my teenhood. A question that seems impossible to be answered.

"What is happiness?" my mind once asked me.

"Happiness itself isn't really hard to describe" I answered. "It is as simple as having your favorite food"

"If it's really that simple. Then how come you never happy?" He countered.

I was taken aback by that question, moment when I realize I didn't have any clue what is happiness. I always thought happiness was having what you want, if you get what you want you will happy right?. Like a chick when she got her first multi-colored pebbles as her toys, stunned by enchanted colors. But it didn't last, as soon as she grow up a little, the spark of joy that once lived in her heart when she have that stones will slowly fade away. That kind of happiness is easy to find, but having only brief happiness isn't really what we looking for. If we are looking for happiness, we sure want it to last… but for how long?

How long we can be certain that our happiness will last? How long the joy will remain in our soul?

It is what I am asking. What is happiness? Can we get it? How long it would last?

Memories

Memories, the link that keep us connected with the past. The virtue of our soul treasured within the one who treasure it. You probably wondering what are memories have to do with happiness. Have you remembered your first birthday party? Or your first vacation? I asked you now, what do you remember? A happy moment? Or a miserable and shameful memories? Most of you I believe will probably have a happy moment. I don't want to get all sappy once more from my chickhood memories, but that how it works for me. I don't have any good memories to keep me happy.

Family

Family, a sweet little place where affection is radiated, where care and laugh is shared, and memories being made. We've been talking about my family for a while now. And I pretty sure you already know the state of my family.

I don't exactly know why my mom was like that, ignoring me as I was never exists. I do love mom, but I can't help to doubt what I was talking by 'love'. Our relationship was pretty much distanced, barely talk to each other day by day. The bottling emotion I got when I was a chick that I wanted her attention just for a day. We could play something, singing, having dinner together. But it never truly exists, except within my fantasy.

As my teenhood approaching, I began to think that I'm just a burden for her, that she never wants me. That she even wished I never existed.

The result was pretty much what I felt, never had the joy a family supposed to have. For some birds, family is the place where comfort is always easy to find, but not for me.

Friends

Another place where happiness can be found is within friends. With friends like this, well who need enemies? they said. But with my klutzy, awkward, and "Annoying" attitude, who wants me to be his friends?

Pursuing happiness (at least for me) is like competing in a flight contest, with exception happiness has already taken a few head start and we are flying at the same speed. That's just impossible

Meeting Bia that seems really oblivious with my action was a whole new level of understatement I needed to develop.

Her friendship she was offering probably just a tiny fragments of what is happiness, the question still persisting though, will it last?

The only obvious answer I had back then was "I don't know." Mainly because it was just a tip of the iceberg. There's more were coming, and with obvious uncertainty.

But after all this time, I still missed something. After all the possibilities I got from my whole life experience, something still felt out of the place. There's a void within my thought and I couldn't put my talons on it. Do you know what that is…?

Another crackle of thunder roared in the distance, as if the sky was releasing its wrath against the earth. I was startled by the occasion. Breaking my train of thought and pulled me back to the real world. My stomach finally begged me to give it some nourishment. I walked out of my room to the main hollow's entrance. At some occasion, when the rain wasn't too heavy, I used to fly in the rain. Feeling those tiny freezing drops from the sky within my wing and body, as weird as it might sound, it felt good and refreshing. But the rain today was not the case. It was a very heavy rain, a faint of mighty thunderous boom could be heard in the distance. Sighing, I began walked slowly to the storage room.

My mom usually stored us some food for us in case of this kind situation, when the rain was too heavy for us to get the food ourselves. I gingerly walked past her room, avoid waking her. She hasn't yet waked up? That means I woke really early today. I went into the storage room, located the deepest in my tree's hollow. The chilling yet dry condition makes it prefect for storing food. Some even lasted for a few days. Mom usually replenishes the food every five days, depending on how fast the supplied depleted.

The room was filled with a few assorted fruits and nuts. Mom hasn't yet replenished the food. I decided to take the nut as the fruits have started to smell. Brazil nuts are a very amazing food. They can last very long, some even say they ever eat a Brazil Nuts that have been stored for almost a full moon.

Cracking the Brazil nut with my beak slowly, afraid the sound would somehow woke my mom. the nut's shell gave up without any extra efforts. I began to eat it. This nut wasn't the best nut you could find, but well… it's better than nothing.

After filled my belly with two of the said nuts, I once again walked into the entrance of the hollow. Watching the rain attacked the earth. The quiet and calm atmosphere finally gets its grasp on me, drifting me into another trance, jumping into the ocean of thought. I spotted a blooming orchid near the hollow's entrance, its fragile body was bombarded by the fat droplets of the rain. But somehow, it stood still and kept blooming. As it was taunting the rain to give more punishment.

Life as I know was very fast, like the orchid. It felt just yesterday I was just learning how to fly. Now I have reached the point when I'll be soon considered as adults.

Responsibility, the prospect was terrifying. It's not the task or the lost of freedom I was talking. I was afraid I would fail. That I would end up disappoint everyone.

I would say that my worst nightmare wasn't spiders, even though I really hate them. But they were less terrifying than failure.

And the way I looked myself, I know I wasn't going anywhere. When I was a chick, I remembered getting bullied because of my klutziness. I remembered the kind of berry they throw at me, it was sticky and smells really bad, just like embarrassment they gave me. I admit I was crying that day, mom seems having no interest to help me, a perfect shameful memories to be treasured. Ever since that day they keep telling me I was weak, pathetic, a failure.

I remembered the aching sadness I felt that time, and their tease began its manifestation within my personality. I was not confident with everything I got anymore. All I see now was a weak bird, aimless about his future.

I was swimming in the ocean of my life, there were no landmarks and clue where I should swim. I lost in the ocean of life, slowly drifting away where the wave yield me to go. One of the most down point in my life, being aimless and hollow inside.

It was then when Bia stepped up in my life.

When she suddenly appeared in my life, I began to see the signs, gave me a destination. Her friendship has painted me a faint image in my search. And hopefully, it would help me find out who I am.

She wasn't just any macaw. Aside from her beauty, I saw something. The beautiful soul that resides within her body, a gentle kind soul.

I could never forget her warm smiles, her pretty hazel eyes that never failed to mesmerize me and her soft spoken voice she has? it was unearthly.

But then, what the odds of birds like me to be with her? To become her love interest?

The feeling I got for her was really confusing. I was happy, angry, nervous and sad at the same time. It was weird, and I never felt it with other macaw before.

Her brief presence already giving me a faint hope, faint silver in the gloomy skies of my life. You may argue it's too soon for me to say such things. But the truth is, I can feel it, deep within my heart.

The vivid image of my imagination began to fade away as my mom's voice started to get its grasp on my hearing senses, returning me into the real world. The rain has already got lighter, leaving behind tiny little drop that still fell from the sky.

"Morning, or should I say… afternoon." She then stifles a yawn. "You wake up earlier than usual"

"The thunder took care of that" I said.

"Thunder huh? I never heard it" She replied, walking through the storage room.

She didn't even bother to ask me for breakfast…

The hollow filled with silence once again, save for the noise that came from the rain and my mom's activity. I was starring at the sky, where the clouds were slowly fading. And the sun's golden ray finally pierced into the earth.

In the distance I could see something, a multi colored arch bow, a rainbow.

In the metaphor of life, the sky was reflecting the confusing storm of uncertainty, that it will certainly hit us. Thereby dragging us into the calamity in the eye of storm. Hurt and sadness are inevitable. But it was the phase, a reminder for us that every situation will always have a beautiful resolution in the end, aside from how it ends, happy or sad. Like the rainbow after the rain.

It also another reminder of hope, no matter how small and faint the chances seems, you should never give up, you should never lost faith in hope.

The rain finally stop after a while, I remembered my appointment with Bia to meet her at the waterfall. Swiftly, I began preparing myself. Stretching my stiff body from prolonged sitting as I waited the rain to cease. Walking outside, I could smell the earthy soil in the air, the rain was to blame. Flapping my wing, I soared to the sky, headed straight to the waterfall.

I hope she hasn't already there.

My hope was answered as she wasn't there. I began descend to a nearby stone adjacent to the waterfall. The view was fantastic and the air was pleasant, it was quite chilling thanks for the rain but still bearable. The air was ruffling my feathers. Enchanted by the heavenly atmosphere, I closed my eyes and enjoyed the ambient environment seeping into my soul.

Bia then arrived a few moment later, carrying two things in her talon. One of them was her notebook. And the other one was… I assumed my gonna-be notebook.

"Morning" She chirped "You don't wait too long, right?"

"No Bia, it's okay. What a beautiful morning." I said. Just like you.

She gave me her beautiful smile before lifting her talon and revealing the object "This is for you, a notebook. So you don't need to rewrite all of them." She then added. "And oh if you need a pencil I have loads of them"

I grabbed the notebook. "Thanks."

"You're welcome." She said. "What are we going to do today?"

At the mention of "we" my heart took a leap of joy.

"uh… I don't know…maybe we can… oh right!" an idea suddenly came into my mind. "How about you showed me some of your books? I want to know about what you were talking yesterday."

She shot me her familiar confused looks "What do you mean?"

Oh this is great. Now she might think I didn't pay attention to her story yesterday.

"Some of the words you said yesterday were alien to me. Like years, seconds, point. You know something like that…" I replied hastily, awkward smile manifest in my face. Trying to avoid misunderstatement.

"Oh" She nodded her head. "Okay. Let's head to my home" She said, spreading her wings.

I was stoked by her beauty for a few seconds. Before regained my composure and followed her.

I hope we are more than just friends one day. Because of you, I began to see the faint rainbow within the raging storm.

That day I realized I felt something more for her, more than just physical attractiveness. Something that involved heart, the instrument of Love.