As she rode silently in the passenger seat of Lee's car on their way to Reston, Amanda reflected back on the conversation with Billy the night before and what had led her to writing that letter in the first place.

December 11, 1985

After the fifth unanswered phone call, Amanda haphazardly dropped the phone receiver in its cradle. Seeing her mother staring at her, she silently trudged up the stairs toward her bedroom before the tears that were threatening could fall.

Dotty shook her head, took a second to right the phone and hurriedly followed behind her daughter arriving just before Amanda could close the door. "Not so fast, Missy," she scolded with a hand on the door to keep her from shutting her out.

"Mother, please." Amanda blinked back the tears, determined not to let them fall as she sank wearily onto her bed.

Dotty moved into the room, sat beside her daughter and reached for her hand. "Amanda, Darling, is there the slightest chance that if I asked you what was wrong, you'd actually tell me the truth for a change?"

"The truth? What truth? I don't know what it is you think I should be telling you."

"Uh-huh. That's what I thought," Dotty replied scathingly. "Okay, then let me tell you the truth as I see it. For two days now, you've been trying desperately to get in touch with this man you work with...that Mr...Mr...Simpson..."

"Stetson," Amanda corrected. There was no longer any point in lying to her mother about him under the circumstances.

"Simpson...Stetson...whatever. I could swear he also once called himself Steadman too, but that's not the point. The point is that you've called everyone but the president trying to track him down and that all started right after you got a call from Dr. Goodwin's office yesterday morning."

"I don't get what you're driving at, Mother," her daughter replied evasively as her hands unconsciously drifted to her middle.

"Sure, you don't." She rolled her eyes. "So, why don't we add in the fact that you've been more tired lately, that you turned up your nose at your morning coffee at breakfast..." She nodded to Amanda's hand placement and went on, "Or that."

Amanda abruptly moved her hands to her sides and stammered, "I-I-I...you know, I...uh...I just haven't been feeling well."

"I know you haven't and it's not terribly difficult to figure out why OR why you're so desperate to get Mr. Simpson...Steadman...Stetson...whatever his name is...on the phone.

"Mother, just call him Lee. It will make things so much simpler."

"Fine, Lee it is, but you're still missing my point. It's quite apparent to me that you're trying to get in touch with him to let him know that he's going to be a father."

Instead of denying it, Amanda hung her head and admitted softly, "Yes." She swallowed hard as she felt the sting of unshed tears in her eyes again, "But it doesn't matter. He's gone and he's not returning my phone calls. I don't even know where he is or if he's checking his messages. I even left messages at work and he always checks those when he's on these overnight trips...every two hours like clockwork, but it's been two days now and I still haven't heard back from him."

"Aren't you usually on these overnight 'work' trips with him?"

"Mother, why do have to say 'work' like that as if these trips aren't really for work?"

"Well, clearly at least one of them wasn't if he got you pregnant," Dotty replied knowingly.

Amanda chuckled dryly. "Actually, that one was too. Remember when I was out all night last month and never called and we had that argument about it when I got back?"

"Which time?" her mother quipped.

Amanda rolled her eyes. "The one when you said it looked like I'd been crawling through a swamp all night." When her mother nodded. "The truth is, I really was tromping through a swamp all night...or most of the night anyway. We stopped for awhile so we could get some rest and that's when we-" She broke off and let out another sigh. "But now I have to wonder if he'll even call me again with the way things have been going."

"Perhaps he's not in a position to call you back either," Dotty suggested. "Like that night you were in the swamp or when you and I were held captive with Dr. Zernov by those fake policemen."

"What has that got to do with anything?"

"Amanda, I'm not stupid. I knew who Mr. Melrose was the moment I met him. I've talked to him on the phone, remember? That man has a very distinctive voice. That's not even mentioning all those maneuvers you pulled that night trying to get us out of there. You didn't learn that in any of your self-defense classes." Off her daughter's concerned look, "Oh, don't look so worried, Darling. Mr. Melrose made it quite clear just how important it is that you all operate in secret, but I must say, it does make your life over the past couple of years make a lot more sense. Like that time you were talking about that nuclear bomb about to go off and told me you were a spy...you were telling me the truth for a change then, weren't you?"

"Yes, Mother, I was."

"And that explains all those times that you're not able to get home when you're expected to."

"Yeah, that too."

"So, maybe this is the same thing. Maybe he just can't get to a phone to check his messages."

"Maybe." She knew her mother was trying to cheer her up, but truthfully, she'd only made it worse. Now, she was worried for his safety too, not just that he was ignoring her. But still, if he were in any real danger, she felt sure that Billy would have told her so. He cared that much for his agents' well-being. As she thought back to Lee's 'two people seeking a little warmth,' comment, she couldn't help thinking that maybe there was more truth to his reputation around the office than she had wanted to believe. Maybe now that they'd had sex, he was no longer interested. But then why did he ask you out even after that? another voice argued in her head. If he's still interested, why hadn't he made a real move since then? a contradicting thought struck her. "You know, Mother, you've given me a lot to think about." She rose from her bed and dug through her nightstand for the stationery she kept there. "I think I know just what I need to do, but if you don't mind, I could use a little quiet time to do it."

"Of course," her mother answered and left the room.

Thirty minutes later, Amanda trotted down the stairs, letter in hand. "Mother, I'm heading out for a bit, but I'll be back soon, probably before the boys get home from school."

Dotty turned to face her, "Oh, good, you decided to write him a letter," she gushed. "You know, sometimes that's the best way to really get all your feelings out in the open."

"No, Mother, this isn't for him. This is for Mr. Melrose. It's my letter of resignation."

"Amanda, no! You can't quit your job over this, especially when you're going to have another mouth to feed. That's not to mention that you're going to have medical expenses with your pregnancy."

"I'll find something else. I'm sure Mr. Melrose will write me a letter of recommendation for something else...something safer."

"Do you mean safer because of the nature of the job or safer because of Lee?"

"Oh, Mother," Amanda sighed.

"I never thought I'd ever see the day that you just gave up on something that you wanted and it's quite obvious that you want this man."

"I do. I really do, but it does no good if he doesn't want me in return."

"How do you know he doesn't? I mean, he obviously wanted you enough at one time if you're expecting his child. Perhaps, if you told him, that would just make his feelings for you more apparent."

"No. I don't want him to want me that way," she argued. "You saw how well that worked out with Joe."

"But that was very different. You and Joe were just out of college then, you didn't have a lot of money because he was still in law school so the two of you started out struggling. You and Lee are much older and more settled. I think he just might surprise you."

"Mother, you've never even met him so you can't possibly know that."

"Whose fault is that for never bringing him around to meet me?" Dotty replied pointedly. "Do you have any idea how it makes me feel that Joe, a man you're no longer married to, has met your new gentleman friend and I haven't?"

"Mother, that couldn't be helped. Joe was in trouble and Lee was assigned to his case. He could hardly investigate to clear Joe's name without meeting him, now could he?"

"Be that as it may, if you've been serious enough about this man to have sex with him, don't you think he should have met your family by now?"

"Alright, look, I understand why you'd be hurt that I never introduced you to him, but you said upstairs that you understood from Mr. Melrose why we have to keep what we do for a living a secret. Keeping him a secret from you was all part of that and I never imagined in a million years that it would come to this. But either way, it doesn't matter anymore since I'm leaving the Agency and I won't have to keep those kind of secrets from you anymore."

"No, just from him apparently," Dotty snorted. "I know that I don't know him, but I don't have to.. I know you and I know that you'd never sleep with a man that you didn't trust with your life, so why shouldn't you trust him with this?"

"I trusted Joe too," she reminded her mother.

"Well, either way, he still has a right to know. After all, it's his baby too. Don't you think you owe him the opportunity to at least respond to the situation? And to yourself to find out how he feels about the idea of becoming a father?"

"After him ignoring my calls for two days, I just don't know how I can possibly face him, let alone drop this kind of bombshell on him."

"Hey," Lee said loudly to get her attention. "You okay, over there?"

"Uh...yeah. I was just...just thinking," Amanda replied absently.

"Anything you care to share?" he probed.

"Just this whole situation, you, me, the baby, the boys, my mother, our job, Billy knowing everything. It's a lot."

"Tell me about it," he uttered tersely.

"You can't tell me you haven't been thinking about it too."

"Of course I have, Amanda, but keep in mind that I haven't had as much time to process this as you have. You've got a two-day head start on me."

"Not for lack of trying," she complained. "I wanted to tell you the second I found out so we could talk about it."

"Amanda, I said I was sorry for being out of touch and not returning your calls right away. What would you have me do, just ignore a friend's request like that? A friend, who I might add, is in a coma right now because of all of this."

"You never told me that."

"You never asked. Not once did you ask me if things were okay, or for that matter if I was okay. The first thing you did was yell at me for not calling and I'm really, truly sorry that I didn't. As my partner, I should have let you know where I was going and how long I'd be gone."

"Your partner? Is that all I am to you?"

He let out a sigh. "Amanda, you know damn well that you're much more than that to me, but I meant just strictly in a work sense, you are my partner."

"Funny, because I seem to recall that it took you two years to really acknowledge me as your partner and even then, it was only after I threatened to quit. Is that what it takes for me to really get your attention? Do I have to resign every time I need something from you?"

"Well, I'd say that's a moot point since you promised Billy you'd never do that to him again." He gave her a pointed look. "Why are you jumping on every word I say now anyway? It's like you're trying to start a fight."

"No, I don't want to fight. I'm just...tense." She took a deep breath to calm her addled nerves wondering how things were going to go between them with this cover assignment. They hadn't been on an overnighter together since they'd made love and she couldn't help thinking about being in close quarters with him and what it might lead to, but she wasn't sure how to broach the subject with him. "So, tell me what you know about this case."

By the time they arrived at their motel, Amanda was all caught up on what it was they were investigating and she'd finally thought of a way to introduce the idea of them sharing living space. As they unloaded their luggage, she began babbling about the bathroom and how she liked to sleep with a window cracked until he stunned her by informing her they were in separate rooms and registered as brother and sister.

Lee looked equally stunned moments later upon checking in with her very obvious comment of "Married once, cured forever."

Wow, he thought. She really doesn't want to get married again. He wondered if it was because Joe had hurt her so badly or if it was just that she didn't want to marry him. But then, he supposed it could be nothing more than she already told him, that she didn't want to get married just out of necessity. As they made their way to their rooms, he tried to comfort himself with that thought and that maybe with the right bit of coaxing, combined with a little romancing, he could get her to change her mind. He just hoped it was before their baby was born. He'd lost so much in his life, he didn't want to lose her too all because of one night of reckless passion.