"Those Left Behind!"

Chapter 4

I don't own the characters from "In the Heat of the Night" but I do own the character of Shawna Williams Skinner. I know some people might not like Shawna and how she acts or is treated, but she is my character. Please, if you can't say something without being hurtful, then don't say anything. I'm sorry to sound so harsh, but I've struggled with one rude comment and haven't touched this story in quite a while. This is written after reading "Blood Guilt" written by Wrestlefan4. Thank you.

It had been over an hour since Shawna was taken into surgery and Bubba was getting worried. "What's taking them so long? It's a bullet in the shoulder for Pete's sake."

"Relax Bubba. They have to make sure there is no other damage, you know that," Dee told him as she took his hand and gently squeezed. The door opened and a nurse walked into the room with Shawna's personal belongings.

"Here are Shawna's things. Her gun was taken by the officers at the scene but here are her badge, wedding ring and other items," she said as she handed the bag to Bubba.

"Thank you."

"She fought us about taking the ring off her finger but we told her it was policy." It was another 30 minutes and then Dr. Frank Robb came in to see Bubba as he was sitting there with the wedding ring just looking at it and remembering the day he slipped it on her finger. Finally, he slipped the gold band on his right pinky finger.

"How is she, Doc?" Bubba asked as the older man walked into the room.

"Shawna's going to be just fine. The bullet didn't do any damage but we just had to make sure everything was ok. They are taking her up to recovery and then we'll put her in a private room for the night. If she does fine through the night, she should be able to go home tomorrow." Even though Dr. Robb is the county coroner, he is also a capable surgeon.

"When can I see her?"

"Why don't you come with me and we'll see if they have her in recovery." The two gentlemen turned and started to walk out of the room when Bubba stopped.

"Listen everyone, thanks for being here and showing your support for Shawna."

"We weren't just here for Shawna we were also here for you Bubba," Bill said as he laid a hand on the man's shoulder. "We are all here anytime you need someone to talk to about anything." Bubba looked at Bill and then at the others as they nodded yes.

"Thanks again." He then turned and walked out the door with Dr. Robb. They took the elevator up two floors and walked to the recovery area in silence. Dr. Robb had known Bubba and Shawna were having problems since Parker Williams death but he didn't want to add to the man's feeling of guilt.

"I'll go in and see if they have her ready and then you can see her."

"Thanks, Doc."

"You're welcome." The older man walked through a set of double doors and two minutes later he came back out and took Bubba in to see Shawna.

"Oh, Shawna," Bubba whispered when he saw how pale she looked.

"Bubba, she's going to be fine. She lost a lot of blood before she got here and that's why she looks pale. I'll give you some time with her." The doctor turned and walked out of the room. Bubba sat down beside Shawna and gently took her left hand in his.

"You never once took off your wedding band even though I've put you through hell," he spoke softly as he slid the gold band back on her finger and began to rub his thumb back and forth over her hand. He started replaying the night of the shooting over in his mind. Parker kept insisting he would never find a woman to marry because he was...he was gay. "Oh Parker, how could you think you were that way?" he whispered softly as he continued to hold her hand. Suddenly she started to move as she was coming out of the anesthesia.

"Bubba?" she asked as she opened her eyes and saw him sitting there next to her.

"I'm here Shawna."

"Why?" she asked groggily.

"What?"

"Why are you here?"

"I'm here because you've been shot. I'm going to go get the doctor so he can check you out."

"OK," she said as she shut her eyes again. Bubba walked out of the room and he felt like he had just taken a bullet to his heart when his wife of two years asked why he was at the hospital, but then he should have known she would ask him that question.

"Dr. Robb, Shawna is starting to wake up."

"OK, Bubba. I'll go in and check on her." Bubba waited outside with Bill who had been talking to Dr. Robb.

"See Bubba, we told you she was going to be ok," Bill told the man but he could also see something was troubling him. "What's wrong?"

"She asked me why I was here."

"Oh. Well, people do that when they are coming around from the anesthesia."

"No, this was different. I think she was surprised I was here with all the Hell I've put her through these past few months." Meanwhile, Dr. Robb had gone in to check on Shawna.

"Hello there," he said giving her a smile. "You had a lot of people worried and one of them is standing outside the door."

"Dr. Robb I know this isn't your place to do this but I don't want to see Bubba."

"Why not?" he asked with a concerned look on his face.

"I don't want Bubba here because he thinks he has to be here because of other people. I want him here because he wants to be here."

"Shawna, he is here because he wants to be here. He still loves you."

"No, he is here because he thinks the others will talk if he wasn't here. I don't want him here because of pressure."

"I'll tell him but I think you're wrong."

"Time will tell, doc. Time will tell." Shawna turned away from him as she felt a tear fall down her cheek.

Dr. Robb couldn't believe what Shawna told him, she didn't want to see Bubba. How was he going to tell a worried husband that his wife didn't want to see him? Hopefully Bill would still be out in the hall with Bubba.

"How is she?" Bubba asked.

"She's resting right now. The shoulder looks good and she should be able to go home tomorrow."

"I want to go back and wait for her to wake up."

"Bubba, we need to talk about that." Dr. Robb stopped the man before he could walk back into the room.

"Talk about what?"

"About you being here with Shawna. Bubba I don't know how to tell you this but to come right out and tell you."

"Tell me what, doc?"

"Shawna doesn't want you here because you feel pressured into being here."

"She thinks I feel pressured?"

"Yes, she does. Bubba after everything you two have been through, I can see how she thinks this." Dr. Robb told the man noticing anger starting to flash in his eyes.

"Bubba, I have to agree with Dr. Robb," Bill said as he noticed Bubba clenching his jaw.

"What?" he almost shouted but remembered where he was at.

"You two have been having problems since the night Parker died."

"Shawna blames me for Parker's death because I was there at the station the night he shot himself. I knew he was upset but I had no idea he was going to do something like kill himself and hurt the ones who cared about him."

"Bubba, I thought she told you she didn't blame you for Parker's death," Hampton said.

"She says that but I can see it in her eyes."

"Bubba, I think you're wrong. If Shawna says she doesn't blame you then she doesn't. You're not helping matters any though by drinking and fighting with her all the time." Shawna heard the voices outside her door and she knew her decision had made Bubba mad. She knew he was going to be a whole lot madder when she left to go back to Los Angeles. She felt the tears start to flow and cried herself to sleep.

The clock on the wall read 3 a.m. when Shawna woke up. She let her eyes focus on the room and when she realized she was alone, she slowly began pulling the IV tube out of her arm, found her uniform, slipped it on, then slipped out of the room and out of the hospital unnoticed. She managed to get a ride to her house. She opened the front door and as she stepped inside, she heard a soft snoring coming from the sofa. She stepped softly into the room and found Bubba lying on the sofa asleep. Her heart melted at the sight of him asleep and she remembered the many nights they had curled up on the sofa in front of the fire.

Shawna shook her head slightly not wanting to think of those nights with her husband which she would probably never have again. She went upstairs, changed clothes, wrote Bubba a note, and quietly left the house heading to the airport in Jackson and then to Los Angeles. It was almost 5:30 a.m. when she boarded the plane for Los Angeles. Her shoulder was hurting, her head was aching, and her heart was breaking. It was also about that time, the staff at the hospital noticed she was missing and began calling the police and Bubba.

"Hello," Bubba said as he answered the phone groggily.

"Hello, Capt. Skinner, this is Sara from Newton General Hospital."

"Is Shawna ok?"

"Well, that's why I'm calling. She is missing."

"Missing? What do you mean missing?"

"I mean she's not here at the hospital. I was wondering if she was at home," Sara asked.

"Let me check upstairs. Hold on a minute," Bubba said as he laid the phone down and ran up the stairs calling for Shawna. He checked every room and when he came back downstairs he noticed the note on the kitchen table. "She's not here Sara. Have you called the station?"

"Yes we have and they have an APB out on her."

"OK, keep me posted if you find her."

"We will Captain Skinner." Bubba hung up the phone and picked up the note from Shawna. As he read the note his hand began to tremble:

My Dearest Bubba,

By the time you read this, I will be on my way out of Sparta and back out of your life. I know you think I blame you for Parker's death, but you're wrong. Parker did something unthinkable and why he thought couldn't go on living is anyone's guess. I knew something was going on with Parker when his attitude changed, but he refused to talk to me. I should've pushed him harder for an answer but I didn't. If anyone is to blame for his death, it's me.

I have never blamed you for Parker's death and I never will. You were a rock for me but somehow you began to feel guilty and started blaming yourself. You never saw anger in my eyes, what you saw was pity. I have loved you since I was 16 and followed you and Parker around school. You always treated me like a kid sister and then when I came back to Sparta you treated me like a woman. A woman who you fell in love with and a woman who knows this letter will break your heart.

Bubba, this is the hardest thing I've ever done to you. I know you need help but I can't continue fighting with you to get the help you need. I will keep in touch with you and I hope and pray you seek some professional help. Please do not try to find me right now.

Love,

Shawna

Bubba couldn't believe what he was reading. Shawna had written it in black and white to him, she didn't blame him for Parker's death and she still loved him. He'd lost a great friend, he was about to lose his job if he wasn't careful, and his wife had checked herself out of the hospital and left to go who knows where. Bubba looked around the empty living room and began to realize he'd brought all of this on himself. He had Shawna's note in his hand telling him she had never blamed him for Parker's death and he never believed her. He then noticed all of the beer bottles sitting on the coffee table and he picked one up and threw it against the wall yelling, "WHY?"

"Why did you do what you did Parker?" he asked as he looked upwards hoping he'd get an answer. "You know you had lots of people here who loved you, cared about you and respected you. I know you said you thought you were gay but you weren't. You were just confused, Hell we're all confused at some point in our lives. You and I hurt Shawna more than any bullet could ever hurt her." He walked over to the fireplace mantle and picked up their wedding picture. "Shawna, why did you leave the hospital? You needed to stay there and make sure everything is ok with your shoulder. Where did you go?" Bubba sat there in front of the fireplace with the picture in his hand wondering where Shawna had gone and trying to figure out how he was going to win her back.

Meanwhile, Shawna was 30,000 feet in the air and had drifted off to sleep. She loved Bubba with all her heart but she couldn't stand by and watch him destroy himself. Shawna had told the airport personnel they were not to tell Bubba what flight plans she had filed. They didn't like the idea of not telling a police officer about flight plans but they agreed. Shawna felt someone gently tap her shoulder and call out her name. She jerked awake when she was shaken.

"Yes, Brad?"

"We are about 30 minutes out of Los Angeles," the co-pilot said.

"Thank you. What time is it?"

"It's almost 8:00."

"Ok, thank you."

"You're welcome. Shawna, are you ok?"

"I'm fine Brad. My shoulder hurts that's all."

"I don't believe that for a minute lady." Shawna was looking into dark green eyes that showed worry for a friend. She was looking into eyes which had known her for over 10 years and respected her. "Shawna, I've known you for a long time and I can tell when you're lying to me. Now what's going on with you?"

"You're right, Brad, we've known each other for a long time. I walked out on my marriage tonight. I walked out on a man who blames himself for my brother committing suicide last year. It took him two weeks to ask me out when I moved back to Mississippi and then it took him another week to get up the nerve to kiss me," she said with a smile as she remembered the night he kissed her.

"Shawna, I'm sorry. Honey I didn't know you were going through all of this. Why didn't you call me? You know I'm available to talk to you anytime."

"Thanks Brad, but I just didn't want to get anyone else involved and I was talking to a local therapist."

"And how's that working out?"

"He's a big help but I can't get my husband to go see him. He thinks I blame him for Parker's death and I don't. He was at the station but had no idea what Parker was thinking."

"Shawna I'm so sorry you're going through this hell. You know you can call me if you need someone to talk to while you're here in Los Angeles," he told her as he gently squeezed her hand.

"Thanks but I'm going to throw myself into my career and see what happens with my husband."

"Just promise me you'll take care of yourself."

"I will." They landed a few minutes later and Shawna was on her way back home and back to her life in Los Angeles.

Meanwhile back in Sparta, the sun had risen over the sleepy little town and Bubba had taken the letter Shawna had left him and went to the station to talk to Chief Forbes. He also called Sheriff Gillespie and asked him to meet them at the station. Twenty minutes later, Bubba walked into the station to talk to the two men he considered more than his boss and former boss, but his friends.

"Chief Forbes, Sheriff Gillespie, I'd like to thank both of you for meeting with me this morning," Bubba said as he shook each man's hand.

"Anytime," they both said in unison.

"Now what can we do for you, Bubba?" Chief Forbes asked as they all took a seat.

"Well," he said as he pulled the letter out of his pocket, "Shawna has walked out on our marriage."

"Bubba, are you sure about that?" Bill asked.

"Yes sir I am. It's all right here in this letter," he replied as he handed him the letter. Bill took the letter and hesitated a minute about reading it. "It's ok, Bill, you can read it."

"Bubba, maybe she just left to give you some time to get the help she knows you've needed since Parker's death." Hampton said as Bill handed him the letter to read.

"She said that in the letter, she also said she would keep in touch with me later. I need to make sure she's OK but she won't take my calls."

"What can we do to help you out, Bubba?" Bill asked.

"I would like a chance to get myself back in shape for my job before I lose it. I would also like to see a psychiatrist like Shawna asked me to do. And then finally, if one of you would call Los Angeles to see if she's working there. She might take a call from one of you before she would me." Both men shook their heads in agreement and told Bubba they would help him in any way possible.