Chapter 4 Notes: This picks up right after the last chapter with Jess, Mallory and Jeremy hanging out at the apartment. Thank you for all the comments I received for the last chapter. I really appreciate all the feedback I get and the chance to hear what you guys are thinking about the story.
Disclaimer: I own nothing except my own obsession with Gilmore Girls
"How are things going up there, nephew? You having a good time?" Jeremy stood by the counter, facing Luke, the pizza box warm in his hands, the salad in a large plastic container balanced on top.
Jeremy nodded. "Yeah. It's fine." He could tell from Luke's concerned expression that he hadn't sounded very convincing, and he felt annoyed with himself for not being able to muster more enthusiasm.
"She seemed nice when they passed through the diner. Jess introduced me. Or, well, I introduced myself, I guess." Luke chuckled at himself and smiled at Jeremy.
"Yeah. She is nice, uh, really nice. Things are going well." Jeremy forced a smile to prove how well things were going.
"Good. I'm glad to hear it." The diner was bustling around them, but Luke's attention was all on Jeremy as they stood on opposite ends of the counter at the far end of the room, in a pocket of quiet, his smile warm and contagious. "And, I know you know this, Jeremy. I'm sure Jess tells you all the time. I'm sure you're a smart enough kid to figure it on your own. But, he loves you so much. And, nothing will ever change that. No matter who he dates, or even marries, no matter what. You know that, right, nephew?"
Jeremy smiled back. "Yeah, I know." He did know it logically, but the knowledge hadn't done much to assuage the start of loneliness he had felt around Jess and Mallory. But, he loved Luke for trying to make him feel better. He thought about how lucky he was to have someone like Luke, knowing he could hang out in the diner or go over to Luke's house if he ever needed someone to talk to or to get out of the apartment. He not only had one forever person, he also had a backup. He thought this must be what having a second parent would feel like. Taking stock of his support system helped him feel better, safer. "I'm not a little kid who's worried about his dad replacing him." Jeremy spoke playfully, with no heat to his words. "I do know he's capable of loving both of us at the same time."
"Good." Luke smiled sheepishly. "I figured you did. You are a pretty smart kid. I just wanted to make sure, just in case you were thinking anything else."
Jeremy smiled. "I appreciate that." He was in no rush to head back up but he knew he should.
"All right." Luke said. "I don't want to keep you. If you make Jess wait too long for his dinner, he'll start digging into his secret junk food stash."
"He still actually thinks it's a secret. He's so ridiculous." They shared a laugh at Jess's expense. "I should go back up. Have a good rest of your night, Uncle Luke."
"You too, Jeremy. Have fun."
Jeremy walked behind the counter toward the stairs, then turned back at the last minute. "Oh, I put the book out earlier. I'm hoping Mallory finds it and questions what she sees in him." They exchanged a smile and Jeremy could hear Luke's chuckling fading beneath him as he climbed the stairs, feeling lighter and better than he had when he'd gone down them just moments before.
00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000
"All right. Let's see what we've got here." Jess had taken the food from Jeremy and set it on the table, where he had laid out plates and silverware and glasses of water, with the Scrabble board set up in the middle. He had had so much time to set the table that he had been starting to worry that Jeremy had bolted when the boy had walked back in with the food, looking significantly more relaxed than when he'd left. Jess took the lid off the salad and passed it to Mallory who had taken a seat at the table. He opened the pizza box and paused. Shit. "It looks like they gave us the wrong order." Mallory was looking at him curiously and Jeremy was washing his hands at the kitchen sink, his back to the table.
"Really? What did they send?" Mallory asked.
"Sausage and bacon." Jess stood looking down at the pizza with a frown.
"Ah." Mallory's tone was playful. "I can see why you're confused, since you probably would have ordered something healthy like kale, or asked for the crust to be made out of cauliflower. But, you did leave the ordering up to me and Jeremy and we agreed that pizza done right involves lots of processed meats. And, really if you aren't going to do it right, why do it at all?" She grinned. "Right, Jeremy?"
Jeremy had walked back over to the table and was standing hesitantly next to it, no longer looking relaxed. "Uh, yep."
Jess leveled a serious look at his son, part concern and part reprimand. He didn't like this, Jeremy feeling like he couldn't be himself in his own home just because Mallory was there. It felt too much like when Jeremy had first come to live with him in Philly, and the boy had never offered an opinion or asked for anything, not wanting to be a bother, constantly apologizing for his own existence.
"It's fine, Jess. I'm fine with this." Jeremy said as he pulled his chair away from the table and sat down. Jess could see a familiar blush rising on the boy's cheeks as he focused his gaze down on the empty plate in front of him and he decided to let it go, to talk to his son later and not make things more awkward in the moment. But, it was too late.
Mallory looked back and forth between them. "Um, am I missing something here?" She stopped on Jess. "C'mon, I know you like to eat healthy, but you're not really upset about this, are you?" She smiled, her voice taking on a wheedling tone. "It's one measly little unhealthy meal. It won't kill you."
"Jeremy's a vegetarian." He had said it because he didn't want Mallory to think he was a controlling asshole, but speaking for Jeremy and watching the pink color on the boy's face increase in intensity made Jess feel like one anyway.
"It's not a big deal, Jess." Jeremy spoke to his plate. "It's fine." Jeremy shot him a pointed look, a clear request for Jess to let it go.
"Oh!" Mallory registered surprise. "I didn't know that. We could have gotten something else-"
"It's fine." Jeremy cut her off.
"Jeremy." Jess tried to infuse a slight warning into his voice, even as he felt wary about making things worse.
Mallory was looking at Jeremy earnestly, as the boy stared at the Scrabble board in front of him, looking like he wanted to be anywhere else. "I'm sorry, Jeremy. I should have asked what you wanted. I didn't mean to force this on you." Jess knew it wasn't likely that Mallory had forced anything on his son. She wasn't like that. It seemed more likely to him that Jeremy had been asked and had told Mallory he was good with whatever she wanted. He had thought they were well past this sort of behavior and the realization that they weren't left Jess feeling deflated, and a little sad for his son.
"This is fine." Jeremy's voice was low and flat, and Jess knew he shouldn't have said anything. He knew he had embarrassed Jeremy for no good reason. The pizza was ordered. It was here as it was, meat and all. He should have kept his damn mouth shut and dealt with it later, just him and Jeremy. "It's not a big deal. Really."
Mallory ploughed on undeterred, a warm smile on her face. "Well, next time, we'll have to get half meat and half veggie." Jess felt something in his heart warm at her mention of a next time. He shot her a grateful look for her positive outlook. He just had to keep thinking positively like she did. This would all work out.
"All right, then." Jess said brightly as he sat down, trying to salvage what was left of the mood before they veered irrevocably off course. "Let's eat and play some Scrabble!" His voice sounded fake and annoying even to his own ears. He felt as though he had regressed back to the overly cheerful image he had often projected in the early days of Jeremy living with him, when he had never really been sure of what to do, and most of what he said had been driven by the fear of messing up. He grabbed the crusted edges of the two pieces of pizza closest to him and started to pull them apart. "Hold out your plate, Mal." He watched Jeremy thank Mallory and accept the salad she handed him, the boy giving her a small apologetic smile when their eyes met. Mallory turned to Jess, offering him her plate and an encouraging smile. Jess took a calming breath as he served her. This night wasn't turning out as he'd hoped, but it was still early. And, he loved both these people. So much. And he was willing to put in the effort and do whatever was needed to make this work. He tried to remind himself that relationships, like all good things, took time to develop. This would be ok. Everything would work out. Jess reached for another slice of pizza. "Ok, Jeremy. You're next." Jeremy obediently raised his plate toward Jess.
0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000
Jess was playing a pretty poor game of Scrabble. He couldn't concentrate on the game. He was too busy focusing on the flow of conversation, deciding when he should fill an awkward pause or when to leave it, paying attention to Mallory and Jeremy and trying to read their comfort levels and make sure they were doing ok. Mallory definitely seemed ok. Jeremy was harder to read.
Jess had come to a place where he was very comfortable around Mallory, but it felt different tonight. Mallory had heard him talk about Jeremy before, sure, but she had never actually observed him in the role of parent, interacting with his son like this. The idea of Mallory possibly judging him as a parent was bringing back some of the early relationship anxiety of wanting to present himself in the best possible light. He found himself holding back a couple of not so nice comments about their English composition teacher when Jeremy was responding to Mallory's questions about the class they shared. He knew Mallory would have found his criticisms funny, would probably have thought Mason was a tool, too, if she had him for a teacher, but he wasn't sure where Mallory would stand on him running down a teacher in front of his son. He didn't want her to see him as being unnecessarily negative, or a bad example, in front of his kid.
000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000
Jeremy finished laying out his tiles. "Oh, good one!" Mallory told him, her smile bright. "Thirty-four points!"
"Thanks." Jeremy reached into the pouch for his replacement tiles.
"Yeah, good job, Jeremy. You're having a really good game tonight." Jess recorded the score on the notepad in front of him, then contemplated his own tiles as he listened to Jeremy pick up where he had left off with Mallory before his turn.
"So, other than the class I'm in with Jess, I'm taking Human Biology, Calculus, U.S. History Post World War Two and American Sign Language One."
"That sounds like a solid course load." Mallory said. "You're focusing on the general education requirements that you can transfer to a four year college in a couple of years, right?"
Jess remembered that Mallory actually knew about this stuff, that she knew much more about navigating a kid's path through college, or even about kids in Jeremy's adolescent demographic in general, than he did or likely ever would, due to her job.
"Yeah. Definitely. I want to make sure I can get credit at a four year school for everything I'm taking now and that I'll be ready to focus on my major for my last two years of college."
"And, do you know what you want that to be, your major?" She asked.
As Jess laid out his tiles to form a word, he watched Jeremy shrug out of the corner of his eye. "No. Not really." Jeremy frowned. "Do you think it's bad that I'm already in college and I still don't know what I want to do?"
"I don't. Not even a little bit." Mallory smiled at the boy.
Jess added up his own score and watched Mallory glance down at her own tiles, her attention still clearly focused on what Jeremy was saying. "It's just like, sometimes I worry that if I don't know what I want to do by now, I might never know. Like, I've thought about social work, but I think that's maybe just because I was exposed to social workers all my life, the way lots of kids consider being a teacher at some point during their childhood because it's what they've seen the most of."
Mallory looked at Jeremy as she spoke. "I know it's easier said than done, but I don't think you should put pressure on yourself. You have plenty of time to figure out what you want to do. That's what the next couple of years are for. I think you'd make a great social worker if that's what you choose to do, but you certainly don't have to decide that now. You might take a new class or have a new experience and find yourself interested in something you haven't even thought of yet."
"I guess." Jess could tell Jeremy was agreeing to be respectable, but remained unconvinced.
"That's what happened to me. I didn't know what I wanted to do when I started college."
"Really?" Jeremy asked. Jess watched Mallory play her tiles, forming a four letter word for twelve points.
Jess frowned at Mallory before recording her score. He gestured toward the board with the end of his pencil. "I'd tell you good job, too, Mal, but it really wasn't." Mallory huffed out a laugh in response. Jess liked the idea that she was too distracted bonding with his son to care about the game. Things had started out awkward but Mallory had drawn Jeremy out, asking questions about his summer, his camping trip with Luke, his college classes, and now Jess felt like what he was watching was probably close to the counselor-student dynamic Mallory had shared with his son when she had been the kid's guidance counselor, the rapport that had made Jeremy comfortable enough to open up to her about his childhood and his adoption. The evening had gone from Jess feeling like he needed to steer the conversation to feeling a little like a third wheel.
"Really. I'd always thought I'd go to medical school and become a doctor, like both my parents. They didn't necessarily push me toward it, but I knew they liked the idea. All through high school, I volunteered as a candy striper at my mom's hospital and helped out at my dad's clinic. He's a vet, so that one was way more fun. And, I really like people and I really like animals, but I think deep down I always knew that medicine wasn't for me. But, I started out college in the pre-med program anyway. I think I was more attached to the identity of being the girl who was going to become a doctor, than I was to the idea of actually practicing medicine oneday."
"So, what happened?" Jeremy hadn't looked at his tiles yet as he listened to Mallory. "How did you decide to switch to counseling?" Normally, Jess did not tolerate lollygagging in Scrabble, and would make some sort of tick tock comment or threaten to pull out the small plastic hourglass they kept in the box and time Jeremy's turn. But, Jess liked to think he'd learned a thing or two about when to keep his damn mouth shut, even if he had briefly forgotten that lesson earlier in the evening.
"Well, I was pretty high stress in college. And, the classes were hard and everything, but looking back now it's pretty obvious to me that a lot of that stress came from forcing myself to do something that didn't really make me happy. My sophomore year, my anxiety got so bad that it was hard to focus when I studied. I couldn't sleep. I lost weight. I started having panic attacks. After a particularly rough one, I went to see one of the school therapists. She was great. She really helped me deal with my anxiety like no one else in my life would have been able to. It made a big impression on me. I realized that I wanted to be able to help people like that, too. I finished out the science classes I was already enrolled in and then started taking psychology classes the next semester."
"That's really cool. You can tell you really like what you do." Jeremy nodded earnestly. "I always thought that when I saw you at school. Like, you seemed happy to be doing what you were doing."
Mallory smiled. "Thank you, Jeremy. I appreciate that."
"I hope I find something that fits me that well."
"You will. I know sometimes when you're young, it can feel like you need to have your whole future figured out. But, you don't. You don't even have to when you get older. Things change all the time. What you think you want to do at eighteen might not be what you want to do at twenty-five, or thirty, or even forty. People change careers and go back to school all the time. Look at Mr. Forrester. He didn't figure out what he wanted to do until he was in his late twenties, but he went back to school and now he really enjoys teaching." Jess reflected on Mallory using Dean as her example instead of him. He supposed it made sense. He was making a big change by going back to school in his thirties, but he didn't really have a clear idea of what he was working toward, or how he wanted to use his own college degree once he earned it. He hadn't really thought past the hope of feeling safer, economically, if he had one. It hit him that Mallory, with an education and an established career that she enjoyed, was capable of giving Jeremy certain life advice that he wasn't. "I think most people end up where they belong if they keep an open mind and keep following what interests them and doing what they love."
Jess watched Jeremy nod solemnly as he took in her sage advice. "Yeah. That makes sense." Jess smiled at how sweet and adorable his kid was. How kind and generous his girlfriend was. And, how good his life was and how lucky he felt. He thought about the wisdom Mallory was laying on his son, and how the philosophy she was prescribing had worked for him on a personal level, if not a professional one. He thought about the people he'd loved in his life. How Luke had made him feel worthy of being loved to begin with, which had made his relationship with Charisse possible. How Charisse had pointed him down the long, twisting road toward fostering, which had led to Jeremy. And how being Jeremy's dad had led him back to Stars Hollow, back to his family, but also in a new direction toward Mallory. He felt good, very good, content, even.
When the conversation didn't resume, Jess spoke up, his voice teasing. "Hey Jeremy, don't make me go get the timer."
Jeremy turned to him in surprise, then grinned and looked down at his tiles. "All right. I'm going."
0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000
"-so, yeah." Jeremy said. "It was kind of cool to run into him. Like, I wasn't sure if I was going to say anything to him or not. He was sitting across the room from me, but he came up to me after class, so…..Sometimes it's nice to see a familiar face, even if it's not someone you were actually friends with, you know?"
The Scrabble game was long over and they were sitting in the living room eating the rum balls Mallory had brought and drinking tea. Jess and Mallory were on the couch, purposely not touching, not wanting to make Jeremy feel uncomfortable, and Jeremy sitting in the armchair, his legs pulled up on the chair, knees out to the sides, ankles crossed in front of him, looking like a little kid, Winston curled up on the floor next to him.
"Yeah. Absolutely. A familiar face can be nice." Mallory agreed. "Now that you're telling me this, I remember that Marty was going to WCC, too. I think he has a brother a couple years older that went there too, if I remember correctly. Sean, I think."
"Yeah." Jeremy said. "He mentioned that. He said his brother graduated last year."
"Did Marty say whether Sean went on to a four year school after WCC?" Mallory asked.
"I don't think he said. He just said his brother lives with a bunch of roommates in an apartment near campus."
"Marty Knox?" Jess raised an eyebrow at his son. "Why haven't I heard this kid's name before? Why didn't you tell me you ran into someone you knew from high school?"
Jeremy shrugged. "I don't know. I guess it didn't come up with you. Ms. Howard, or Mallory." Jeremy blushed slightly at using her first name. "Was asking me."
"And, I never ask you about school? I don't ask you about your day every night?" Jess kept his voice playful, even though it did irk him a little that Jeremy was freely sharing a detail of his life with Mallory that he hadn't told Jess about. "Way to make me look like a shitty dad in front of my girlfriend. Thanks for that." He turned toward Mallory, jerking a thumb over his shoulder toward Jeremy. "Don't listen to anything this kid says about me. Between him and my uncle, one of them's always trying to make me look bad." Mallory smiled and sipped her tea.
Jeremy laughed. "It wasn't a big deal, and it's not like you would have known who he was. Me running into Marty would have been less of a significant detail to tell you."
Jess frowned with comic exaggeration at his son. "Hey, any detail of your life is significant to me. I like hearing all your details. I'm your dad. No detail is too small for me. I care about everything that happens to you." "So, you just have the one class with this kid?"
"Yep, just the biology class. But, that class ends right before lunch on Monday, Wednesday and Friday, and we ate lunch together on Wednesday and Friday this week, so that was cool."
"That's definitely cool." Jess agreed, happy to learn that Jeremy had someone to hang out with at school.
"Like, I'm not sure if we're going to be actual friends or anything. I'm not sure how much we really have in common, but it's nice to have someone to sit with in the cafeteria." Jeremy paused. "Oh, he was on the baseball team. You would have seen him at the games. He played left field."
"Yeah, that doesn't help me. All the kids who weren't you kind of all looked the same to me and blended into the background." Jess said.
Jeremy laughed. "We were talking about looking for an intramural team to play on in the spring…..so that could be fun."
"That's something in common right there. That's great, Jeremy." Jess didn't want to over do it with enthusiasm, but it made him happy to think of Jeremy making a friend this early into his college career. And, a regular friend, not a girlfriend. Jess hadn't really had many male friends in his life before Chris and Matthew and once he met them, he'd wished he'd started cultivating real friendships earlier. They were important, and often longer lasting than romantic relationships, especially when you were young. He knew that now, and he wanted Jeremy to have that in his life.
"Yeah." Jeremy said. "We'll see." Jeremy yawned, covering his mouth with one hand. "Is it ok if I take Winston out and then get ready for bed?"
Jess turned to Mallory again, his tone light. "So, not only do I not ask my son about his day, but I beat him if he goes to bed without my permission. I hope you're getting all this. I'm clearly the worst dad ever."
Jeremy laughed, but Mallory lifted the hand not holding her tea, palm out. "Whoa! Mandated reporter here. Child abuse jokes so not cool!"
"Yeah, Jess. So not cool." Jeremy added with a smirk.
Jess scoffed. "Huh. You two are already teaming up against me. Can't say I really enjoy that very much….."
Mallory smirked. "Then I guess you should learn not to piss us off."
"I'll work on that." Jess turned to Jeremy. "Of course, you can go to bed, Jeremy. If you want, you can leave Winston out here and I'll take him outside when I walk Mallory out and then let him into your room."
"Ok. Thanks." Jeremy got to his feet, yawning again and stretching his arms out to the sides. "Good night. Thanks for letting me hang out with you guys tonight. I had fun."
"So, did I." Mallory smiled warmly at Jeremy. "I had a really good time."
Jeremy started to head toward the bathroom. "Seriously?" Jess said.
Jeremy turned. "What?"
"I seriously don't get a goodnight hug because Mallory's here? What the hell is that?" Jess extended one arm in Jeremy's direction, moving his fingers back and forth in a come here gesture.
Jeremy huffed out a laugh. "You're so ridiculous."
"Yeah, well, this ridiculous guy wants a hug from his son, so get over here."
Jeremy's smile was goofy and young. The boy gently rolled his eyes as he took the few steps toward the couch and bent down to give Jess some sort of half hug. Jess wrapped one arm around Jeremy's shoulders and pulled him down further, dropping a kiss on his head before releasing him. "That's more like it."
Jess watched a light shade of pink creep up on Jeremy's cheeks, but he didn't feel bad about it. Some things he wasn't willing to give up. There would come a time when Jeremy wouldn't be living with him, within easy reach for hugging. Until then, Jess was going to take full advantage. He smiled an overly bright smile at his son. "Goodnight, Jeremy."
000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000
Jess held Mallory's hand and Winston's leash as they walked to her car. "It's feel good to finally get to touch you. Not touching you sucks."
Mallory laughed. "We can ease into that. I didn't want to make him uncomfortable."
"I know. And, you were right. It still sucked being around you and not having my hands on you."
"It wasn't ideal for me either, but it was for the greater good."
"Thanks for coming over and doing this, Mal. I think it went really well."
Mallory squeezed Jess's hand. "I do, too. I knew it would. Jeremy's a great kid."
Jess smiled at her. "Yeah, he is. You're pretty great yourself."
They stopped in front of her car. Mallory looked a little uncomfortable. She glanced over her shoulder in each direction. It was after midnight and there was no one around. "I want you to know that I'm saying this as your girlfriend, not in my official capacity as high school guidance counselor."
"Um…..ok…" Jess was caught off guard by her sudden change in demeanor.
Mallory lowered her voice. "Marty got in a lot of trouble in high school. His brother Sean got in even more. From what I understand, they both spent a lot of time drinking and vaping marijuana in high school, sometimes even on campus, during free periods or after school. Marty was one of the kids who got kicked out of the prom for getting high. You remember the boys you saw using the vape pen in the bathroom?" Jess nodded slowly. "His brother was accused of sexual assault at a party during his senior year. It wasn't a school matter, so I'm not really clear on the specifics. I just know the kids at school were saying that he got really drunk a lot at parties and stuff. The charges ended up being dropped, but none of the teachers were shocked by the allegations."
"Ok." Jess nodded seriously. "Thanks for the info, but I'm not sure what I can do about this. Jeremy's old enough to choose his own friends. I mean, you're not saying I should tell him that he can't hang out with this kid, are you?"
Mallory shook her head. "No, of course, I'm not saying that. I just wanted you to know, so that you can…...I don't know, keep an eye on things, I guess. I'd hate to see that little asshole rub off on Jeremy."
Jess huffed out a soft laugh. "Are guidance counselors allowed to call teenagers little assholes?"
Mallory waved a hand in front of her face and down to her chest. "This is girlfriend capacity right here. I'm pretty sure I made that clear."
"Ok. Well, thanks for the heads up. I appreciate it." Jess smirked. "And, trust me, I don't want any little assholes being rubbed on Jeremy either." He snickered like a little kid. "I'll keep an eye on him. I promise." Jess leaned in for goodnight kiss, trying to put the focus back on them. He raised an eyebrow when Mallory ended the kiss rather quickly. "That's it?"
Mallory smirked. "I don't want to make Winston uncomfortable, either."
"Hey, don't let how short Winston is fool you. He's a grown up. He can take it."
Mallory laughed and returned her lips to Jess's, resting one hand on the side of his head as they kissed.
000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000
Jeremy was lying in bed wide awake, the sleepiness he had felt coming on in the living room having disappeared when he brushed his teeth and washed his face. He felt awake and alert, and his mind was churning in that familiar unproductive way it always seemed to at bedtime. Tonight's thoughts were good and bad. The evening had gone much better than he had expected, and he chided himself for having spent so much time worrying about it all week. The night had started out awkward and he knew it was mostly his fault. He felt a new wave of shame when he thought about how he hadn't told Mallory that he didn't eat meat. He didn't know why he did things like that. Why he refused to speak up for himself or admit to something in the moment that was only going to come out later and be even more embarrassing then. Mallory hadn't acted like he was a freak, though. That was something. Although, Jeremy figured that she wasn't the kind of person, either because of her empathetic nature or the training from her job, that would let someone know she thought they were a freak even if she did. But, their conversations afterward had been good. She had seemed interested in his life and college and in getting to know him in a capacity beyond that of her former student. He hoped he had asked her enough questions, too, so that he looked polite and interested in her stuff. Now that she wasn't his counselor any more, their conversations shouldn't be all about him. He hoped he hadn't said anything too stupid. He had been interested in what she was telling him about going to therapy when she was in college, especially how her therapist helped her deal with her anxiety. He wondered if she would be willing to talk to him more about that, maybe even meet up just the two of them to discuss it. He wondered if that was an appropriate thing to ask even though he no longer went to her school.
There was a soft knock at his door. He loved that Jess always knocked. Not every foster parent or group home worker had. Sometimes it was the smallest things that could set Jeremy off contemplating how grateful he was for his life as Jess's son. "Come in." He called out, knowing Jess would stand out in the hall until he did.
Jess opened the door slowly, Winston trotting in as soon as the opening was wide enough to fit his little barrel shaped body through, his nails tapping excitedly on the floor as he approached the bed to greet Jeremy. Jeremy held one arm down and rubbed the dog's head.
Jess leaned casually against the door jamb. "The little guy wasn't too happy to see your door closed just now. I think he was worried you'd booted him as your roommate and he was going to have to bunk with me."
"Aw." Jeremy stroked the soft fur of Winston's ear. "I wouldn't do that to you, buddy. You're always welcome in here. I wouldn't make you put up with Jess's horrible snoring like that."
"Wow. You're just ganging up on me with everyone tonight, huh?" Jess said, smile on his face.
Jeremy huffed out a soft laugh and looked up at him. "Sorry. I guess you're just fun to gang up on."
Jess smiled warmly at him, but when he spoke, Jeremy could hear the slight uncertainty in his voice. "So, did you have a good time tonight?"
Jeremy smiled back. "Yeah. I did."
"Mallory's pretty great, isn't she?"
"Um, I'm pretty sure I knew she was great before you even knew who she was."
"True." Jess took a few steps into the room and paused by Jeremy's bed. "You mind if I-"
Jeremy had already sat up against the headboard and scooted his legs over to make room before Jess had finished his question. Jeremy had been expecting a conversation. Jess laughed softly and sat down. "Thanks."
"You want to talk about the pizza, right? That I didn't tell Ms. Howard, uh, Mallory, that I don't eat meat."
Jess nodded. "Why didn't you? Did it slip your mind that you're a vegetarian."
Jeremy rolled his eyes dramatically. "No. Of course not."
"Did you legitimately want to experiment with some of the gateway meats?" Jeremy gave him an annoyed look. "Hey, I'm not judging, just asking."
"No."
"Did you not say anything because you think Mallory's such a bully that she'd pick on you about your life choices?"
Jeremy rolled his eyes again. "I know you think you're being funny, but you're really just being annoying."
"You know how to put us both out of our misery, here, Jeremy."
Jeremy sighed. "I really don't know why I didn't say anything. It was stupid. She asked what I liked and I said I liked anything and that I was good with whatever she wanted. She picked bacon and sausage, I said that sounded fine, and that was it." Jeremy looked down at Winston, who had laid down in his bed next to Jeremy's. He spoke quietly. "I just didn't want to be a hassle, I guess."
"Ah, the truth comes out." Jess said.
Jeremy gave him another look. "You're doing that thing again, where you think you're funny, but you're really annoying."
"It can't be helped. We need to talk about this. You aren't a hassle. No one in my life will ever see you as a hassle. If they do, they won't be in my life for very long. I need you to understand this." Jess's voice was serious now, firm, and Jeremy didn't look away, even as he felt shame welling up at the idea that Jess thought he needed this lecture. "You are my son and you have the right to have your needs met when you're with me, Jeremy. Even if it's something as trivial as ordering pizza. If it's something we're doing together, what you want will always matter to me. It will always matter to Mallory or anyone else I date because I will never date anyone who doesn't understand how important you are to me." Jess leveled a stern look at Jeremy. "Do you understand me?"
Jeremy nodded.
"Can you maybe verbalize that, Jeremy?"
Jeremy sighed. "Yes. I understand."
Just like that, the stern expression was gone and Jeremy found himself on the receiving end of a warm smile. "Good. I love you, and I want you to feel comfortable being yourself around Mallory."
"Ok. I get it."
"Now, on to a more pleasant topic." Jess grinned. "Do you know what Tuesday is?"
Jeremy nodded, feeling slightly uncomfortable as he thought about the English assignment that was due on Tuesday. He knew Jess would probably expect him to write about the adoption, but he had tried a couple of times and kept getting stuck. It felt too personal to share. "It's the day our essays are due in Mason's class."
"What?" Jess feigned shocked disbelief. "Fuck that guy! Tuesday is our one year anniversary. I'm thinking we should go out to dinner or do something that night, just me and you. What do you say?"
0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000
It wasn't until after Jess had gotten ready for bed and was walking to his own bedroom to turn in for the night that he noticed the book, proudly sitting on the bookcase, hard to miss in bright red, white and blue. He picked it up and looked down at Taylor's picture, smiling to himself. He walked back to the kitchen table and set the book down in a prominent spot, so he'd remember to bring it back to Luke the next day. He wondered if Mallory had seen it.