The morning sun burned holes through my back as I sat up in my bed, rubbing the sleep from my eyes. I squinted down at my bare chest and remembered that I had a habit of undressing in my sleep. This time though I was completely naked, apart from my underwear and socks.
I heard footsteps come towards my room and I immediately covered myself up. My mom appeared in the doorway and pinched her eyebrows down at me. "What?" I asked. It came out a little croaky because I had just woken up.
"Is there someone in bed with you?" I wish. I shook my head and was about to tear off the blankets when I realised I was almost naked still. "Well I'll be leaving for work in 15 minutes and thought we could have breakfast together.
"Okay," I murmured, curling further under the sheets. My mom rolled her eyes and closed the door. When I knew she was gone I threw the blankets off me and looked for my bra. I found it and my shirt at the foot of my bed and hoped my mom hadn't seen that. I think if she did she would've accused me of being a hussy and having boys sneak off at early hours of the morning after having a quickie with me. I would've explained the situation but I think if I did she would just think I'm weird.
After I was fully dressed I headed down the stairs and towards the kitchen. My mom was placing some eggs and bacon onto two separate plates and when she saw me walk in she grinned. "How about that!" I think she wanted me to congratulate her on actually making an effort, but I wasn't going to just because of this one time.
We sat at the table and all that you could hear were cars driving passed the house. She then spoke in a really awkward tone, because I'm not really sure she even wanted to ask. "How's school going?"
"Good," I replied shrugging.
"Are you keeping up okay?" I nodded and picked at my eggs. Why wouldn't I be keeping up? I was better. Obviously my mom didn't believe that. Once an addict always an addict. Well, I could say the same about her. Once a cheater, always a cheater. She'd get really angry though if I bring it up. Dad would aswell. He doesn't like being all nostalgic about things, that's why he still let's mom stay here. Even though she's hardly here. I can't help but think about the new guy in her life and if she's doing the same to him she did to my dad. Maybe she isn't. Maybe this new guy has changed her and loved her more than my dad ever could. But I doubt it. My dad worshipped my mom.
Maybe that was the problem. Mom was probably more interested in being ignored so she could try harder to gain dads attention. It would be sort of a challenge to her. But love shouldn't be some challenging game. It shouldn't be considered as nothing, but everything you've ever wanted.
"I hope that Santana isn't giving you trouble," She says firmly, almost like a real mother would.
"She isn't," I lie and finish up my breakfast. I walk over to my mom and kiss her forehead. I believe somewhere inside of her she wishes she could be a better mom to Charlie and I, but I don't she's brave enough to show it. And that's what kills me.
I told Charlie I'd be at Santana's by 6pm. She said she couldn't drive me there and I was fine with that because I wasn't going to Santana's house anyway. When I leave the house I'll head for school because that's where Puck and all of his friends are going to be. Santana won't even be expecting me, even though Charlie already probably called her saying I'd be staying over. Charlie knows I don't like Santana very much. She thinks spending time with her will change that but everytime I see Santana I want to run away. Far away from her and her attitude.
Scott arrived about 30 minutes ago and he's been cooking with Charlie since. It smells like old feet in the kitchen so I've been in my room all day. It's good because I've been able to go through my entire closet to find an outfit to impress Puck. I can already see his jaw drop when I walk into the school wearing this tight yellow dress. I'm wearing my bathing suit underneath, just incase I decide to get in the pool or if some jock decides to throw me in.
I spray my entire body with perfume that smells a lot like strawberries. I put on a large black coat and scarf so Charlie and Scott won't be able to see my dress. When I'm heading downstairs I can hear them chatting in the living room. When I'm near the doorway I can hear their words clearer.
"I want you to touch me now," Charlie pleads in a low whisper.
"She's still here," Scott responds quietly. They're snuggled really close on the couch, not really paying attention to whatever is on television.
"I'll be quiet."
Gross. I shuffle quietly across to the front door and open it. "I'm going!" I yell and giggle when I can hear them shift from each other and gasp. I shut the door and head down the street towards the bus stop. I don't have to wait long for the bus to arrive and after finding a seat in the back, I'm finally able to think about the possibilities tonight can bring.
When I was young I thought that falling in love would be the best feeling in the world. Although I'm yet to experience that heavy emotion for another person, I can still imagine what it would be like. Sometimes, in freshman year, I would have to hide my nervousness when I was alone with a guy. I wasn't nervous for what I was about to do, I was nervous for the simple fact that this could be the moment I fall in love with someone. Of course at that point in my life I was far too naive to believe Charlie when she would say you have to get to know a person inside and out before you fall in love with them.
I thought that you could fall in love with someone with one single touch. Like if the palm of their hand grazed your cheek. You'd think it was the nicest feeling in the world. I became nervous because I was afraid of love. Especially because I was doped up on drugs most of the time and not ready. I wanted to wait and find someone that would make me want to feel. I wanted to make them feel untouchable.
I notice a familiar gate and press the button to stop the bus. After thanking the driver I walked towards the side of the school.
Puck is standing by the gate, helping people climb over. I don't approach him until everyone is heading towards the gym. He sees me and smirks, waving at me to come over to him.
"Give me your coat," He says, extending his hand out. I shrug off my coat and hand it to him, along with my scarf. His eyes scan over my outfit and I instantly feel nervous and excited all at once. He hums in appreciation and takes my hand so I can climb the gate. Once I'm over I expect him to give me my coat and scarf back, but he keeps them and tells me to follow him.
We're inside the gym, sitting on the white chairs by the pool. Everyone has either brought alcohol or are stealing someone elses. People are jumping into the pool with their clothes on, making out under the water and most likely getting it on in the locker room.
"Do you want to go in?" Puck asks, leaning into my side.
I shake my head and stare at him. "Not yet." His smirk is gone and he looks a little bored. I don't want him to tell everyone that I'm a prude so I cup my hand over his crotch. His eyes snap down to where my hand is and he shrugs it off.
"I don't know where you've been Pierce," He spits with a small smirk. I frown and push off the chair to my feet. I'm barely a meter from Puck when I feel a body collide with mine. We both fall into the water and it takes me four seconds to resurface. So many people are laughing and just staring at me with grins on their faces. They're loving this. They're loving seeing crazy Pierce being made a little bitch out of.
"Give me your hand Brittany." What the hell is she doing here? I scowl at Santana because I know she'll probably let go as soon as I grab her hand. I walk to the stairs and step out of the pool. Puck wraps my coat around me and leads me out into the hall. I don't look back toward Santana because she'll just try and convince me not to go with Puck with those damn big stupid eyes of hers.
"What are you doing?" I ask when Puck presses me against the lockers.
"Making you feel good," He responds, leaning down to kiss my neck. I push him off and scrunch my eyebrows.
"I thought you didn't know where I've been," I spit. He laughs obnoxiously and presses his hand against the locker beside my shoulder.
"I don't want you touching me, but I'll touch you." He winks and leans down again. I turn my head just in time because his lips look really broken and really uninviting.
"That's not fucking fair," I growl and push him off again before walking back towards the gym. He catches up with me when we're outside the choir room and I'm too annoyed to shrug him off this time. I just want something to happen, I want to feel. His grip on my arm isn't strong, but I allow him to push me up against the lockers again.
"I won't hurt you Pierce, stop being a fucking prude." I want to be angry at his words, but I feel completely powerless. I allow him to slide his hand up my dress and rub his calloused fingers along my underwear. His chapped lips lazily press against my throat. I won't let him kiss me though and if he tries I'll scream. He's grinding his pelvis against mine but I'm not paying attention. I can see movement in the choir room and I try and push his head to the side so I can see who it is.
When I do, I squeal.
"Yeah that's right," Puck murmurs into my neck thinking that my noise was out of pleasure.
Santana is sitting on a chair in the choir room, legs spread and head thrown back. Some cheerleader's head is bopping between her legs. Santana's fingers grip on the cheerleaders head while her chest rises really quickly. Seeing this makes me grip Puck's shirt. I pull him into me and shut my eyes. He slides his hand down my underwear and I'm so ready to push him away, but I can't.
When I open my eyes they lock onto Santana's. She's staring back at me, no smirk on her face. Her lips are parted and her eyes are hooded. I wish I was at home, in my bed, out of reach of people that can hurt me. But Puck's fingers are already sliding up and down my lips and I let out a harsh growl. He moans into my ear and I swat his head away.
"Like to play rough Pierce?" I can feel him smirk as he dips he fingers lower, towards the hole. I watch Santana the entire time. She thrusts her hips upwards and licks her lips really slowly.
"No!" I scream and push Puck away as hard as I can. He'll tell everyone I'm a fucking prude now, but I don't care. I speed out of the school, climb over the fence and run. I can't go back home because Charlie will ask me why I've been crying and why I'm dressed up. She'll be so mad. But I have no other choice.
I don't know what I want. I know I'm better, but I have no idea what to do from here. What does a normal person do? Focus on myself? Focus on school? I'm trying, so hard. Everyone's making my time back at school so hard. Especially Santana. Why does she have to be Scott's sister? Fuck, it's cold out here. I can hardly see. But what's there to see in all of this darkness anyway?
I walk down the street to the grocery store and I buy a chocolate bar and sprite. The guy at the counter has a creepy ass grin on his face as his eyes blatantly stare at my cleavage.
"Fuck off," I spit and take the chocolate bar and drink without paying. I sprint towards the bus stop and sit on the grass. I'm not sure how long it's been since I've been out this late in the fresh air. I was never allowed out before.
I run my fingers through the grass for a while, gathering dirt in my hands which sticks between the gaps between my fingers. My dress is still wet and the dirt under my butt will probably stick and collect there. Charlie is going to be so mad.
I can see the headlights of the bus and I stand up, brushing off any dirt that will come off. I take a long gulp of my soda before throwing it in the trash. I step on the bus and get a sympathetic look from the bus driver. My shoes make a squishy sound as I walk to the back of the bus. I take a seat and sigh. Then I hear a yell come from behind the bus.
"Hold it!" The girl says. She steps on the bus and I can't recognise her with her hair messed up and a large coat covering her front.
"Hey," She says as she steps closer to me. Santana.
"Is that mine?" I hiss, standing up and reaching for the coat. She hands it to me, along with my scarf.
"You left it in the hall when you were fucking Puck."
My eyes snap towards hers. I clench my jaw. "I wasn't fucking Puck."
"Well then he was fucking you," She responds with a slight shrug. My eyebrows squint into a frown and I shuffle away from her towards the window.
She sits in front of me, with her legs laying across the seat. I run my hands along my face and keep them covering it for a while.
"Did you like watching me get eaten out?" My hands still cover my face when I hear her words. My eyes shoot open though and I can only see slight cracks of light where my fingers part.
I bite my top lip so hard that I can taste the crimson leaking from it. I remove my hands from my face and wipe my lips. Santana's not facing me but she's smirking.
"What is your problem Santana?" I have no idea where I'm going with this. "Do you want to fuck me? Is that it? Are you jealous of Puck?" I raise my eyebrows and watch her eyes flicker towards me without moving her head. "Do you want me to get on my knees like that whore cheerleader and fuck you with my tongue? Because none of that will never happen." I pull the string to stop the bus. "I will never let you touch me like I let Puck touch me. So stop trying to get to know me so that I'll fall to my knees and kiss your ass."
The bus stops and I begin to walk to the front, clutching on my coat and trembling. "Brittany," Santana calls. "You're bleeding."
I touch my lip and feel nothing. I stop and look down at my dress. Beyond it I can see a trickle of blood fall down my thigh. How Santana saw it I don't know, but I don't let her see the tears trickle down my cheeks.
I thank the driver and step off. I glance through the window once more and notice Santana scrunch up a piece of paper. I don't care what's written on it or what's not written on it. I keep walking until I'm at my front door. I slip out of my shoes and wrap my coat around me. As quietly as possible I open the door and scurry upstairs to my room. The lights are all off, Charlie and Scott are probably in bed.
Once I enter my room I strip down to my underwear, throw my dress in the bathtub in my bathroom and wipe the dried blood off my thigh. I sink under the covers of my bed and the image of Santana's chest ascending and descending plays in my mind for a few minutes. I can't help it, so I allow the visual of her getting fucked to evolve.
Puck's fingers hadn't done anything to satisfy me, most likely because I hadn't let him enter me. I had hardly been paying attention. I reach down into my underwear and freeze. So why did I cum?
It's Monday morning. I had to wake up earlier than everyone else yesterday so they didn't see what state I was in. I sat out in the backyard for about an hour until I knew Charlie and Scott were awake. When I saw movement in the kitchen, I walked around the house and towards the front door. I pretended I just came from Santana's house, because Charlie would have killed me if she knew what I really got up too.
She thinks I'm getting better, and I am. Things could be alot worse.
Today they have woken up the same time as me.
Charlie's eyes are droopy and Scott's forehead is pressed against the breakfast table. Dad left for work early. I saw him on my way out but thankfully he didn't notice me. He's been really busy lately and mom has been out most nights with her guy.
"Morning," I say, pulling back one of the chairs to sit on. Scott sits up and has drool stretching from his bottom lip to the table. I cover my mouth to stop from laughing and Charlie winks at me. "Long night?"
"Long weekend," Scott mumbles, then recloses his eyes. I rest my palms under my chin.
"How was your night with Santana?" Charlie suddenly asks, sitting beside me with a really hot cup of tea. I hadn't talked with her on Sunday because her and Scott were doing some couple stuff on the other side of town and left really early.
"Good," I reply a little to bluntly. I try my best to keep a neutral expression so that she doesn't know I'm lying to her face. She isn't the best at reading people's faces anyway so I think I'm in the clear.
"Do you like her now?" I chew on my bottom lip, accidentally biting a little to hard. I make a grossed out face and Charlie sighs. "C'mon Britt, what's with you two?"
"She's very annoying," I reply simply and honestly. "I don't know how I'll ever be able to get used to her."
"I think we should all get together soon and sort this out, because Scott and I," She nudges his shoulder and he nods vaguely. "Really want you two to get along."
The door bell rings and I almost flip the chair back. I race to the door hoping to see mum, but I'm met with someone completely different. Shorter, tanned, bigger eyes.
"Santana!" Charlie says out of nowhere, teetering on her feet beside me. "We were just talking about you."
"Really?" Santana grins, and I almost feel like ripping her big lips off. She's such a fake to Charlie and probably Scott. I'm the only one that sees the real Santana.
She's leaning against the doorframe and my mind is filled with the thoughts of her being licked out at school. I lick my lips and stare down Santana's figure, overwhelmed with the thoughts of her arched back and thighs rubbing against the cheerleaders face.
"I thought since we had a good time on Saturday, Brittany would like it if I gave her a ride to school," She chirps and Charlie basically shoves me out of the door.
"I don't have my books," I say. I still smell pretty bad aswell since I basically stayed in bed all day yesterday.
"You can borrow mine!" Santana grins really big and I want to tell Charlie what a huge fake she's being but then I'll probably end up blurting about last night. Or Santana will open her big mouth and say something. So I keep my mout shut and follow Santana to her car.
I didn't even think Santana had a car. Scott was picking her up all the time. Either that or she caught the bus. Was she just catching the bus to make me mad? But now she's offering to give me a ride and it's a nice gesture but I know she's being fake to Charlie and I know she'll want something in return. I just don't know what.
Santana's voice was a lot like the one telling me to relapse. The one that haunted me every night, except for the past week. I hadn't heard anything. I tried to tune her out in the car. I didn't even know she had her license because she took the bus with me Saturday night. I recall her saying it's her dad's car and he lets her take it out for a spin every once in a while.
I don't want to listen to her speak. But apart of me can't help it. Her voice kind of keeps me sane. Hearing it helps me know that I'm still breathing and that I'm not numb anymore. Charlie's voice doesn't have the same effect though. Maybe it's different with family and ... whatever Santana is to me. If Charlie and Scott get married and have babies then she'd technically be my sister in law. I'd hate to call her that, she's nothing like me. Family are supposed to get along and I can hardly see us being in the same room together, or car for longer than 5 minutes.
Thankfully we've pulled up in the parking lot and I pretend I'm late for class so that I don't have to walk with her. She takes off her aviators and checks herself in the mirror. I only notice that because the strap of my bag gets caught in the door. She calls my name, saying she can walk me to class, but I pretend that I can't hear her.
Every time I go to publish a new chapter, I realise it's been exactly five days since the last one. It's kinda freaky.
I really need to start publishing every two days, because I love hearing what you guys have to say!
Hopefully I will publish chapter 5 sooner than the others because I love your responses! Also it's my last year of high school so it's been hectic.
Thank you for reading :)
This is my tumblr again if you guys want to ask anything at all, cr0wznest . tumblr . com (without spaces)